Things Grown Men Should NOT Wear

[ 21 ] September 14, 2008 |

There are certain things that people need to do away with when they reach a certain age. I mean, babies gotta give up their pacifiers and diapers sometimes right? Well adults need to also learn that they are old for certain things. This will turn into a series. We shall start with…

Things GROWN men should not wear

** A plush bathrobe and a helmet (*cough* Bad Brains *cough*). Nothing about this is OK, and I don’t care. You’re not different. You’re just a nerdy Trekkie who stole from the nice hotel your promoters put you up at.

**A t-shirt with a plush teddy bear on it. Ain’t NO reason why your grown *ss needs to be wearing a tshirt with Teddy Ruxpon on it. You are GROWN, but you have a child’s toy on ur chest. You’re not ironically cool. Just overgrown and juvenile.

**Boxers with cartoons on it. See above.

**Deep V-Neck t-shirt. It kinda irks me when I see men wearing those deep v-neck shirts without wifebeaters underneath. Men are not supposed to have cleavage.

**Colored skinny jeans. The fact that men wear skinny jeans at all is slightly bothering. But then you add red, yellow and purple on top of that, and you got the LEAST macho thing I’ve ever seen. There are very few things less attractive than seeing a man wearing red skinny jeans (and then has the nerve to sag them). Lil Wayne, summon your people.

**Cornrows. My belief is that no man over the age of 18 should be rocking cornrows. Fine. To be nice, I’ll even say 22. I’ll let you rock them braids until you get out of Undergrad. But what is not the business, is seeing GROWN men with cornrows. I was walking down the street and saw a very dapper man in a nice pinstripe suit with clean Kenneth Cole wingtips. Then I look up and he was rocking those jail braids that go straight back. I got upset. It messed up that outfit so serious!! Grow up. Cut em off.

Sidenote: Cornrows do not refer to locs. I actually think those are sexy. As long as they aren’t all natty and dirty-looking. If your locs look like a microcosm of the Amazon Rainforest, then you may need some landscaping)

**Hair beads. As if cornrows are not bad enough. Rocking hair beads with them is just ridiculous, and makes men look like the Williams Sisters pre-fabulousity or *insert southern rapper name here*. You look a fool. STOP IT.

And I NEVER thought I would have to say this, but grown men (or any XX chromosome-having homosapien) should NEVER EVER rock PEEP-TOE LOAFERS. Thanks to theybf.com for this picture. Andre Leon Talley is TRULY zesty for these. He looks REAL normal (minus the pleather black purse. That’s not even a murse. It’s a FULL on PURSE) until you look at his feet. Velvet peep toe loafers. In REAL life, Andre??? You’re just gonna put on some Air Aladdins like that and think it’s ok? I just won’t. On a positive note, at least he was not wearing a turban or a gold cape.

Some of these rules do not apply to certain people. These include:

  • Rock stars (EVERYTHING they wear is foolish so it is best to just not include them.)
  • Prince (He seems to be held by no one’s rules. What other man can openly say he shops in the women’s section, wears stilettos and flare leg pants, and STILL make women swoon at the sound of his Falsetto Vibrato? Not me though. I can’t be with a guy that is prettier than me and whose makeup game is FIERCER than I can ever get mine.)
  • European and African Men (They seem to make their own fashion rules. Doesn’t mean they don’t look a mess while doing it but we just shake our heads and excuse them.)

Have I forgotten anything? What other things should grown men stay away from at all times??

Edit: People added things to my “Things Grown men should not wear” post, and I agree with every one of them.

  • Doo-rags (thanks Monk!), loud logos on shirts (Monk), full blow outs (Sweetest), grills (Lucky), Man capris aka manpris, tall tees, long tube socks w/ jeans tucked in (Undeniably Deep)
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Category: Fashion

Comments (21)

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  1. Monk says:

    I must add that grown men shouldn’t wear du-rags out in public. Even if it’s under a fitted cap, that shyt’s just young.

    Loudly printed logos on your clothes is also a mishap in my opinion as well as gawdy jewlery.

  2. Miss Tiff says:

    A plush bathrobe and a helmet? That definitely is something you don’t want to see a man wearing. Plus, it’s screaming crazy!

    Loved this blog. Hope some guys see this and take you’re advice. :)

    Oh, and I agree with what Monk said about the du-rags.

  3. Invisible Woman says:

    Funny!

    Check on the du-rags a loud logos…

    Also check re: A.L.T. finally not wearing a turban or a cape…lol!

  4. [F]oxymoron says:

    The Peep-Toe loafers… a step down from Crocs.

  5. Matt says:

    The skinny jeans shit kills me…

  6. suga says:

    Luvvie, who in the hell is walking around with a bathrobe and a helmet on? lmao
    You are crazy!

    Cornrows are the enemy. I cant stand a grown ass man walking around with his hair braided. Stop it!! I do love me some locs though, but braids or any other hair do that requires long hair on a man, is a deal breaker.

  7. im_da_sweetest says:

    LOVES IT!!

    You are right about the lock down cornrolls! Any man over 22 who isnt signed to a proball contract or a record label should QUIT IT! And pro ball players and “Wackers” (rappers) only get a 4 year extension.

    I also don’t believe in men having full blow outs…. poor REAL.

    No purses, no plain white tee’s during the week (ninja get a JOB, put on a button up)no mandles with the toes out either.

  8. Luvvie (aka Queen IG) says:

    I was gonna include doo-rags but I just… yeah I didn’t. But it is relevant. Men DEF don’t need to be rocking that outside.

    **Thanks Miss Tiff! Love yours too!

    **Foxy, I do agree. Crocs irk me, but folks say its comfortable. So pretty much only doctors and nurses or others who stand on their feet all day need to rock em.

    **Matt, I’m glad you’re with me.

    **Suga, the fool that was rocking the plush robe and helmet was the lead singer of the band “Bad Brains”. I wrote bout them on the post I got called “And Music Wept”. They were foolish.

    **Sweetest – the white tees are RIDICULOUS. especially the ones that come down to the ankle. I just cant discuss it. It riles me up.

  9. Lucky says:

    GRILLS. My Lord, my Jesus, and my God, yuck.

    And guys who wear them are always trying to run their tongues over them like aluminum foil gums are sexy. I can’t and even if I could I wouldn’t.

    Also, neon plaid shorts with a matching bright polo are just country-ass ridiculous.

  10. Eb the Celeb says:

    I like deep v-neck shirts when they are under a shirt that is too classy to have your white tee or wife beated showing around the collar underneath… but not as your shirt…

    I agree with all the rest… especially braids… I wish every man over 22 that has them would just run to a barber shop… especially when it looks like they just started growing them because they barely touch the top of their neck

  11. Undeniably...Deep aka Tina-B says:

    I hate to see grown men wearing those capri pant/short thingys. I dont even know what to call them. But most of the time you'll catch a short guy with them on and they look like high-water jeans or what not. Just plain dumb.

    No long tube socks with the jean bottoms tucked into them. Not cute!

    Or grown men walking around in boots & shorts. Tacky.

    Lastly, whoever thought up Tall tees needs to clarify who can wear them. I see so many short men wearing them like dresses. Stop it!

    PS I'll be stopping by more often. This was my 1st visit and I had a blast. Drop by my spots sometime.

  12. Vera Ezimora says:

    Buhahahaha @ the peep toe!! That’s crazy!!!

  13. Chat Blanc says:

    hahaha! I couldn’t agree more, on all accounts!

  14. Ellie B says:

    Athletic sandals WITH socks. We know a lot of guys have less-than-attractive feet…but doesn’t this defeat the entire purpose of sandals? Hmm.

    And I sat behind an older gentleman (40ish) w/ braids and beads just on Friday on the train. He shall remain a gentleman because he was dressed nicely, but you’re right…the beads were slightly out of place.

    The last thing that “grinds my gears” are older men who attempt to wear “trends” made for younger crowds…just the other week, I saw a man wearing jeans that were MADE to look like they had a double waistband…one at regular level and one made to look like they were sagging. I don’t know who even thought this was a good design idea, but it definitely did not look any better on someone who was 35+. Being grown is sexy, take advantage of it people!!

  15. Jack and Jill says:

    Skinny jeans on men are basically the most horrendous, horrible, disgusting thing ever. I cannot handle them. At all.

  16. JunePearl says:

    Not sure if my comment went through the first time, just in case:

    I aw this video posted on C&D and the first thing that popped in my head was this post. According to the video, I would like to add "A multitude of tattoos that make you look like you have doodoo all over your body" is something that a grown man should stay away from.

    Oh, and stop taking your shirt off if you don't look like LL Cool J, your two peg belly ain't that sexy.

  17. NaijaSweetz says:

    Peep-toe loafers, though?? Smh.

  18. Orlando says:

    Hello. I’m a 50 year old man that wears cornrows on the regular. I travel abroad about every other month. Once I arrive in any country. Be it Australia, Germany, Greece, Japan etc. I always seek out hairbraiders. This is so that I may connect and build a rapport with the African communities of these countries. For example. It’s so nice to chat with a Senegalese braider as he or she works their magical hands across my shoulder length hair. All awhile learning about how our Motherland cousins are being treated abroad, as well as find places to dine and socialize. When I’m not abroad I enjoy getting my hair braided locally. Though I don’t enjoy the mean mugging stares from bald headed women seated throughout braid shops stateside. Women glare with envy for their hair either won’t grow. Or, has broken off from too many damn harsh relaxers, perms, dyes etc. That’s another topic and blog for another day.

    Anyway, I feel quite comfortable being a man of my age wearing cornrows. They are always neatly done, for I get my hair braided every two weeks. I will admit though. If you don’t plan to have them done regularly. Then please don’t “rock” them. If they are done tastefully, look neat, not having a small afro growing underneath them. I say they are appropriate at any age.

    • young lc says:

      Be a leader, not a follower! Make your own style up…i would never cut my braids because of style….a lot of women do not like braids because you look better than them with em! Im 35 with braids down to my back and a woman has never told me I should cut my hair!

  19. I’m enough of a man that I don’t let others dictate to me what I wear and what I don’t. My masculinity comes from within not from without and it certainly does not consist in trying to please random strangers.

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