I’m a thug in so many ways (sharrap all of you!). But I will admit that there are certain things that rattle me a bit. Fine, there are MANY things in life that scare me. These include:
- The threat of a worldwide rice shortage (What will I eat, Lawd?? I’d just fade away)
- The dark (What’s there? I don’t know. EXACTLY!)
- Horror movies (I’m traumatized by being forced to watch Poltergeist when I was little b/c my Sis liked it. I didn’t want to leave the room so I had to sit through it)
- Pleats on pants (don’t ask. They are just creepy and mostly pointless)
- Seeing Joan River’s face first thing in the morn (or at all)
Turtlenecks (Until recently, I stayed away from them b/c I always thought they felt like they were crawling up my neck).Now, I am a fan!
- Seeing the dental bill of a reformed crackhead. (Giving new meaning to the phrase “A MILLI”!)
However, there are certain things that just make me want to do the Wilhelm Scream. Like below.
I’m hellbent on saving up my pennies and hiring one of them to pay a visit to V.E.G.’s crib. It’ll be worth my life savings to see her shriek, piss her pants and pass out from the sight of a little clown (who may or may not be albino). In fact, she may just keel of a heart attack. Her headstone would say: “Here lies V. She came, she saw (a clown), she punked out (ain’t conquer ish).” We’d bury her with her fave Prada Wedges and sing a Bob Marley song.
I’m an asshole, and I’m ok with that. (c) Luvvie 2008