Random

I Hate Winter

I just can’t cope. I’m not sure why it hits me hard every year like its the first time, but I hate cold weather/winter like crackheads love gingivitis!!! I mean really. This ish is ridiculous. Today is like 20 degrees below obscene in Chicago (ok, its 17 degrees, but you get my point). I walked out my house, and the crisp air b*tch slapped me, and I cried (inadvertently. My eyes are sensitive so tears came out). I’m walking down the street with tears pouring down my eyes and folks look concerned, not knowing that they are crying too. We all look a mess.

winterbundled

I hate winter for a plethora of reasons.

Oppressed Afro. I can’t wear my afro in all its glory. I have to rock a thick hat, and a dented afro makes not a cute hairstyle. This week, I’ve been unable to twist my hair like I usually do, so me and my lopsided fro have been looking a bit of a mess. Besides, rocking an afro in this element may have me looking like Grace Jones by April. It will all fall off from crunchiness.

Icicle snot. Having a cold right now is not only unattractive, but dangerous. Folks walking around with icicles for snot. That could cut somebody.

Rudolph’s Twin. My nose STAYS red, and sometimes I’m afraid it does glow. *Sigh* I hope they let me join in reindeer games.

Crocodile Skin. No matter how much I try to moisturize my situation, I’m feeling ashy by midday. Sometimes, I think I just need to bathe in a tub of Vaseline. I gets down with Baby Oil Gel though.

Dry lips. My baby soft lips take a beating in winter time because sometimes when its frigid enough, vaseline is not armor enough for the elements. I call this condition “Crackhead lips”, all white and busted. Looking like I been snacking on powdered donuts. If you see me scratch my neck, don’t be scared. I know crack is wack (besides, show me the receipts! I make too much money for crack).

Shoe game compromised. Winter time automatically cuts my shoe wardrobe in 3/4s. I can’t wear shoes that will expose any skin, so all my pumps and certain flats are out the picture until April. All I can rock are my boots, and even some of those have to be worn on days that there is no snow, since they are suede. My 75 shoes (yes. I am aware of the fact that I have a problem) are now down to about 15-20. Woe is me indeed.

Short days. Leaving work at 5pm, going outside and seeing that it is dark is hella depressing.

Compromised Sexy. I get cold easily so I rock layers, including sweater tights under my jeans. Let’s face it. How is a chick sposed to stay SEGZY when rocking long johns, a thick scark, mittens, and snow boots? *Sigh*

When I grow up, I want to spend winters in a vacay home in Fiji. Then summers, I’ll come back to the Chi. I love this town, but like an addict, I can’t leave it alone despite this horrid weather. Maybe I need a Chicago intervention

13 Comments

  1. The Pretty Brown Girl
    November 21, 2008 at 12:05 pm — Reply

    I feel you on all this, Luvvie. It’s cold in DC too and I can’t stand this crap. Makes my days at work HARD, cuz I can’t take the Marshmallows to hang out in The Park. I just do not look cute in winter clothes. All they do is make me look fat. I am retiring as far down South as I can stand it when the time comes. Winter be on some bullshyt!

  2. NaturallyAlise
    November 21, 2008 at 1:33 pm — Reply

    It will all fall off from crunchiness.

    *dead* I hate the cold like I hate anti-glitter unicorn bashers. Grinds my gears.

  3. Blackberry Molasses/The Rebel Intellectual
    November 21, 2008 at 4:02 pm — Reply

    I feel you on this one. No matter how much chap stick, vaseline, lip gloss I apply, lips just be hurtin.

    Outdoor shoe game is done. I have too many cute pairs that will be DEMOLISHED by the winter weather. However, that doesn’t stop a sista from bringing them to work in her bag.

    AND i woke up this morning to a dusting of SNOW on my car!!!! WTF, man? It ain’t even Thanksgiving yet and we’re getting snow?!

    Oh mild fall weather, why hast thou forsaken us?

    Me and mother nature need to have a sit down. THIS is UNACCEPTABLE.

  4. overit
    November 21, 2008 at 10:44 pm — Reply

    Girl, do not get me started on old man winter. This part made me feel like you have known me since my first winter:

    ” I’m not sure why it hits me hard every year like its the first time”

    Every year, without fail, I am shocked and awed at the audacity of mother nature. WHY. This whole point was basically a journal entry summarizing all my winters, except the snot icicles, ugh. LOL.

    My eyes be watering, nose stays red, I DO NOT speak when I’m outside, I rock back and forth..I’m just not a happy camper. In short, winter makes me sad.

    I’m not even ready for snow, I know its going to happen, but I’m going to be mad just the same.

    ~Cold in the D(Cmetrourrea)

  5. Almost Doc
    November 22, 2008 at 7:19 am — Reply

    i hate hate hate winter! and i work with a bunch of 2520s who are so psyched…nah, its not for me. i hate having to wear a winter coat, i hate how dry my skin and hair get, i hate being cold!

    and folks always wanna toss in that im from boston…yeah, and i went to undergrad in rochester too. that dont make it right! i am a tropical creature, dammit!

  6. Almost Doc
    November 22, 2008 at 7:20 am — Reply

    oh yeah! i forgot to mention, one of my professors spends every winter in puerto rico. he’s everything i want to be!

  7. ~Juanita~
    November 22, 2008 at 1:13 pm — Reply

    I feel you. I hate winter. I’ve been living in the N.E. for over ten years now, and I still can’t cope. I just can’t stand it. You put how I feel into detailed words.

  8. miss t-lee
    November 24, 2008 at 8:59 am — Reply

    Reading this post just made me really appreciate our psuedo-winters down here in Texas.
    Sorry for ya!!! :)

  9. 8thlight
    November 24, 2008 at 1:17 pm — Reply

    WOW! This is my favorite time of year! This is when I can wear all of the sweaters, sweat shirts & hoodies that I love. I can rock my timbs in all of their glory. Plus, it's the Holiday season.

    BTW, I love women in sweaters! You can definitely be sexy in the winter. Showing skin doesn't equal sexy . . . at least not to me. lol

    * For the dry skin buy glycerin and add it to your lotion. I know it works for me. There is already glycerin in lotion but adding more definitely helps keep away the ashy. My skin gets really dry, but not when I add glycerin.

  10. sabrina
    November 24, 2008 at 7:48 pm — Reply

    I just left Chicago and I WILL NOT go back in the winter unless I absolutely have to. That cold is a different cold than the cold in the south…I have never felt anything like that before in my life! Other than that, I had a ball. And the foolish thing was, there were people with skirts and no stockings walking around! I just didn’t understand….

  11. suga
    November 24, 2008 at 9:39 pm — Reply

    I hate the winter. Even though i live in Cali, and the coldest it gets is maybe a little below 50 degrees (MAYBE) and we get rain but nothing else (hasnt rained yet though) I still hate the winter.
    I WANT THE SUN BEAMING DOWN ON ME AT ALL TIMES, DAMMIT!
    Plus, I hate the darkness at 5p. Got me hopping in the bed at 7:30p, thinking its 10o’clock.

  12. Chuck St*r
    November 24, 2008 at 11:04 pm — Reply

    I feel you luvvie, I’ve been in this country for more than 12 years, and i’m still not used to this crap they call winter, “I’m too African for this white stuff”

  13. Luvvie (aka Queen IG)
    December 6, 2008 at 10:00 pm — Reply

    PBG – Yes, I need to find a warm climate pronto. Winter ain’t on shyt!

    Alise – LMAO. Not anti-unicorn bashers. Damn them!!

    BBMo – When you have this chat with Mother Nature, please let her know I am appalled at her behavior

    Overit – Winter is mad depressing. Like for real. I just wanna stay in bed under a mountain of blankets. Hold Me.

    Almost Doc – Winter coats hide my fashion sense and that is half my swagger. Boo that ass. And your professor is officially my hero.

    Juanita – Glad I could verbalize your emotions about Old Man Winter

    8thlight – I don’t know how you can like winter. I must side-eye you now. But, I am a fan of sweaters (especially V Necks) and that is the ONE pro of winter. I agree, they can be sexy.

    Sabrina – You are one smart chick. The rest of us must learn from you.

    Suga – I’m really hating that you are in Cali right now.

    Chuck St*r – I know right??? My genetics prefer tropical weather.

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