***TRUSTING THAT THE MEN ARE STILL GONE***
Ladies, the ish we gotta go through just makes me say “Damn” at times. There are certain things we cannot avoid in life. These include wrinkles, taxes and death. As women though, we must add *shivers* pap exam to that list. We can’t avoid them. And for those over 18 who do avoid them, I’d hate to know about your crumbling sugar walls.
There are very few things in life that are more awkward than the annual pap exam. It probably ranks up there with walking in on your parents doing the horizontal freestyle (oh the horror!!! *insert Wilhelm scream*)
First of all, you gotta unrobe. And if it’s a guy Gyno, a female nurse must be present. So you are potentially in a room with 2 people, vulnerable as heck because all you got on is your birthday suit, socks and oversized tissue as your robe. Not cool. Then, the cold clammy hands of the doctor do not help you ease the tension. And when the actual exam is going on, it is the worst thing. I call it “Involuntary Coochslaughter” (all credit to my girl, Overit, for this phrase). Aiding and abedding nether region assault. First degree assault with an unfriendly weapon (a giant Q-tip).
It’s just not a good experience. And the minute I’m done, I get giddy cuz it is the farthest time till the next time I need one (if that makes sense). Shoot, I don’t even get dinner or drinks out the experience. In fact, I’ll even settle for some Chocolate Glazed Munchkins from Dunkin Donuts. But alas, no such thing. All I get from it is awkward conversation.
Doc: “So isn’t this weather a kicker?”
Me: *thinking* Let’s not talk and say we didn’t. Thanks – Management
I also get a traumatized treasure chest. A disturbed diamond dam. A leery love lounge. A perplexed pleasure pocket. Garish Golden Gates of Glory. (Hehe, I love alliteration and theatrics. Y’all know that). Oh and I also get that whole clean bill of health thing. But I mainly take the trauma away with me.
WOMP. Chalk it up to another reason why being a woman is hard (although the fabulous shoes we get to buy almost makes up for it.)
We are women. HEAR US PURR.
I kinda miss the men. . They can be back on Monday. This is the end of Girl Talk.