***WARNING ANY XY CHROMOSOMES TO LEAVE NOW***
Ok… I think they’re gone now.
Hey ladies. Now that we alone, I just gotta let you know. It’s about to be a girl fight. If I see Eve on the street, I’m fighting her like she stole my bowl of rice. We going at it, full force. Kickboxing, street fighting, hair pulling… the works. We are duking it out. Me and her. That trick is on my SH*T list for real. Why did she have to eat that forbidden fruit? It better had been a juicy mango or some delicious green grapes or a really red strawberry. SHEESH!!! Because of her reckless act, now us women got to deal with the monthly curse and childbirth.
Anyway, this is all to say cramps are a B*TCH! The following things describe what cramps can feel like:
- You got drop kicked in the uterus
- Your uterus is having a mutiny against your body and it is winning
- Your body is trying to vote out you uterus in an ultimate game of “Survivor”
- There’s an orchestra playing and they are having an encore with a complicated melody
If cramps can elicit folks to want to rock back and forth in a corner in the fetal position while sucking their thumbs, then childbirth may just kill me. When it is that time, in 4-6 years (cold shivers at the thought), I will look into
Rent-A-Womb surrogacy. B/c my pain threshold is somewhere above “cry with a papercut” and “weep at a jammed finger” (which I ALWAYS got the few times I got off the bench when I was on the bball team in high school. They oughta have finger stretches for real)
If men had to go through this, the human race would be extinct. They become little helpless babies when they get the common cold. Imagine if they had to experience our monthly trials and tribulations. Humankind woulda ended when Adam and Eve left that garden.
But yeah, its some BULLSH*T. I got an attitude. A MAJOR one.
I would love to hear what creative ways y’all could describe what cramps feel like.
**This post was inspired by a convo I had on GChat with my girl, 8th Wonder.