Celebration of Glittah (or Gospel)

Kicking off Guest Blogger’s Week is a member of my ePosse, who needs no introductions.

*drops mic* *walks off stage* 5 minutes go by…

HA! I was just playing. She’s the hostest with the mostest (arid hairhat). Y’all have seen her work in Dry Hairhat Battles I & II. She is of the Southern persuasion (Durham, to be exact). Presenting… NATURALLYYY ALISSSEEE!!!

*crickets in crowd* Welp, I did what I could. hehehe.

Celebration of Glittah

Hello cool people (and Luvvie). I go by the name of Naturally Alise, you might know me from the “What’s Going Down” episode of “That’s My Mama” or just from my wildly popular rinky dink blog called Cubicle Crusaders or the amazingly sorta kinda cool Black Woman Lost & Found. Today I am so glad to grace my frenemy Luvvie’s spot with a vanglorious discussion of BET’s Celebration of Gospel that aired Sunday, January 25, 2009. I should feel bad about criticizing a gospel program, but-uh-ruh… if you know me then you would know that I don’t care… Me and BBJ* will deal with my blasphemy later. Judge not and all that jazz… so my roasting began on my crack corner known as Twitter.com, so I will show you the f*ckery that ensued, yeah I said f*ckery in reference to a gospel show, but what is worse?: That I described it as such or the fact that f*ckery is what took place… here we go:

*BBJ=Brown Baby Jesus

First I had to issue a disclaimer to let my folks know the goings-ons taking place:

Then, Teena Marie got her janky SANGING self up on stage and assaulted my eardrum, Eustachian tube, inner ear, outer ear, sensibilities, goals, dreams, and pride with a screeching rendition of “His Eye Is on the Sparrow”, I fear I may never recover. I did curse LOUDLY and with conviction, uh huh, yeah I did…. Pray for me y’all.

Then Twinkle Toes himself, Kirk Franklin did a trio performance that was JANKY personified (janky is the word of the day). He hopped and danced around the stage like a deranged, methamphetamine fiend elf/gnome/fairy hybrid. SAT your Jimmeny Cricketed punk ass down and pray or meditate, and go “Have a little talk with Jesus, tell him all about your troubles….” But since we are talking amongst ourselves about Kirk, am I the only one that thinks him and Ne-Yo need to have a BET special for their coming out of the closet celbration? We’ll call it Celebration of Being Honest Wit’ Yo Raggedy Self, do you think that title is too long? *shrugging shoulders*

So, at this point there was no tearing me away from this hot mess, I was hooked. Which leads me to this question I know all of you are dying to know: Where do sequins, glitter, & hairhats* go to die??? You give up? At the Celebration of Gospel 2009! You may know it by these other names:

• Celebration of Closeted Males
• Celebration of Banquet-Outfits
• Celebration of You Can’t Boo a Gospel Song
• Celebration of Foolywang/TomFoolery/Foolishness
• Celebration of Anti-Style
• Celebration of The Stage Is So Bright I Need Shades

*hairhat=weave, wig, basically a hat made of hair

Below is my honorary collage to Celebration of Hairhats and Sequins 2009. Amen!

Tags: BET, Gospel

Category: Guest Blog, Reviews, TV