Random

Coldest Winter Ever

And no, I’m not referring to the most overrated piece of urban literature (I even use “literature” loosely) known to man. It’s -26 degrees (feels like it anyway) right now in the Chi. That is a screenshot I took of weather.com. Like in REAL life, not virtual. it’s reported that this is the coldest it has been since 1996. I don’t know how I’m supposed to put on for my city under these conditions.

Like, in REAL life, this is what weather.com just told me

For people who don’t know how it feels to be in -30 degree weather. This ish is JARRING. I walked outside with my 100% cashmere scarf covering my face, looking like a Colored Ninja. Yet when I breathed through my nose, it burned like hell. That must be what snorting crack feels like. I walked a block and a half from the train to my job and my toes got frost-bitten, I sweahfoGawd and 3 wise men!! My eyes involuntarily teared up and when it hit my scarf, it had turned to ice. I kid you not.

I need to be somewhere hibernating. And get this, even them hood ass city pigeons that run the streets are nowhere to be found. Maybe they realized that their counterparts that go south for winter are on to something.

I call bullsh*t. I need to start looking for other locales to move to beause this ish right here… this ISH right here… is DEF (not death, but DEF). Either that or I need to rob a bank and go buy a winter home in Fiji.

I rebuke this weather to the pits of Dereon bedazzled hell!

Chicago, I quit you and your aura. I do not put on for my city, and will not until it gets its life together. I just can’t.

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14 Comments

  1. NaturallyAlise
    January 15, 2009 at 10:07 am — Reply

    As I was watching the news before heading off to work this morning, I told The PBG it was “negative hell nawz degrees in Chicago” , lol, I so sawwy Luvvinski….

  2. Christopher B. Thomas
    January 15, 2009 at 10:10 am — Reply

    You’s crazy Luvvie. “That must be what snorting crack feels like” I swear you gone get me fired from work for uncontrolled laughing.

    Continue Yo Ignance!!!!
    CT

    BTW, It’s starting to get cold in the NY too. I HATE WINTER!!!!

  3. and1grad
    January 15, 2009 at 10:11 am — Reply

    Maybe you could watch that movie Heat. Might not warm you up but it could at least show you how to put a crew together should you hit up a savings & loan.

  4. Mr. Smart Guy
    January 15, 2009 at 10:56 am — Reply

    I’m sorry, Luvvie OG Bobby Johnson…

    I actually remember back in ’96 when it was that cold and them bastards still didn’t cancel school. I had to sneeze and I swear it froze before it came out. I knew then I had to escape from that frosty pit of doom known as the Chicago winter.

    Look on the bright side – at least you don’t live in Minnesota. I bet even Prince’s Purple Rain has chilled in grape freeze pops. You don’t want that kind of evil wished upon you. IJS…

  5. B
    January 15, 2009 at 11:50 am — Reply

    Mannnn, I don’t know how yall do it. I guess you’re used to it. Us Floridians complain when it’s 60 degrees outside. Below what? Oh hells nah…

  6. Naturally Sarcastic
    January 15, 2009 at 12:08 pm — Reply

    So I guess after reading this I sound like a spoiled child complaining about it being 29 degrees in Raleigh today and being something like 15 tomorrow?

    But you know what!? I DON’T CARE! ITS COLD OUTSIDE AND I DON’T LIKE IT!!!!

  7. Crown R0yal
    January 15, 2009 at 1:23 pm — Reply

    yes, NC finally got the cold snap i’ve been PRAYING FOR! i love the cold, but i will pray that jesus be a northface and/or a warm front for you!

  8. Ms_Slim
    January 15, 2009 at 2:22 pm — Reply

    Girl, I just wrote on this very bull myself. LOL

    Wintertime Chi kick rocks with no socks and stand outside in this mess while doing so too! Hmmph!

  9. PFLoW
    January 15, 2009 at 3:22 pm — Reply

    yet another reason i don’t heart chicago.

  10. miss t-lee
    January 15, 2009 at 3:22 pm — Reply

    -26?!?!?! I bet not never run across any weather that cold. I’m sooooo sorry for you right now.
    It’s a balmy 49 ’round my part of TX.
    *sigh*

  11. amymay
    January 16, 2009 at 1:09 pm — Reply

    I’m some four hours south in Illinois (go Salukis!), and it’s only +1 hell naws degrees here, but still too damn cold!

  12. The Pretty Brown Girl
    January 16, 2009 at 6:19 pm — Reply

    I promise on everything Holy, I would pack my sh*t and MOVE!

  13. SOLOMONSYDELLE
    January 19, 2009 at 3:28 pm — Reply

    “I walked outside with my 100% cashmere scarf covering my face, looking like a Colored Ninja”

    lol!!!!!!!!

  14. Luvvie (aka Queen IG)
    January 22, 2009 at 2:40 pm — Reply

    Alise – “Negative Hell nawz” indeed. Makes NO sense!!

    CT – I have an invisible disclaimer that says “I am not responsible for any firings that may happen or any destroyed monitors that happen from spit out liquid” Word.

    And1 – Hmm…mayb you’re on to something

    Smartguy – ROTF @ purple rain as grape freeze pops.

    B – Hell naw I aint used to it. Every winter is rough as hell to me. I was made for the tropics. This cold is for the birds

    NatSarcastic – 29 degrees is like a heat wave to us. I appreciate that kinda warmth. Shame right?

    Crown – YES LAWD!! Northface may be seeing MY face pretty soon. $300 on a windproof coat is looking good right about now

    Ms Slim – Not nary a sock or a slipper

    Miss T-Lee – I’m REALLY hating on ur Texan weather

    PFlow – I dont blame you. I cant defend this weather

    Amymay – At least you dont OWE degrees.

    SolomonSydelle – It’s that real in these streets

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