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Dry Hair Battle II

NaturallyAlise claimed victory in the first Dry Hair Battle, knocking me out w/ her Plies/Nas line. I didn’t think it would happen so soon, but here we are with Part II of the Dry Hair Battle betwixt NaturallyAlise and I. We were on Twitter being foolish and it turned into another Mane Event! This one may even be more epic than the last b/c we really went IN. Y’all know what to do. Leave comments on who won…

Red is Luvvie
White is Alise

Alise: I rebuke you in the name of oil sheen.

Luvvie: I rebuke u in the name of Pink Oil Lotion and S-Curl!

Alise: I rebuke your HairKufi.

Luvvie: I rebuke you in the name of an albino clown midget and throw holy water on ur parched mane cap

Alise: I rebuke your Uniggcorn [(C) savvyfatty] Tress-FittedCap in the name of black squirrels & griffins

Luvvie: May ur hairhat be the nest of hood city pigeons (the kind that wear down coats in the winter)

Alise: Ol’ extension cord face (bc you be pluggin’)

Luvvie: Ol’ dusty-follicled hijab face

Alise: Your hair is the phoenix that has not risen yet. ….ashy

Luvvie: Ol’ bounce cling sheets face (b/c all that dry hair shonuff produces static electricity)

Luvvie: Ur hair is like Sirius from Harry Potter. Its moisture fell through a veil and is now a ghost of its former self.

Alise: Your Hair-Visor is a black hole nothing but moisture can escape it

Luvvie: If your hair was a fairytale, it’d be AridLocks and the DryStrands

Alise: If I saw your hait on safari it would be a Parch-apotamus

Luvvie: If your hair was a former child star, it’d be Gary Coleman. WHY WILLIS???

Luvvie: If your hair was a game, it’d be “Taboo”

Luvvie: If your hair was property on Monopoly, it’d be the electric company. All that dryness DOES have its benefits.

Alise: if your hair was crayon it would be the Rose Art ones at the dollar store.

Luvvie: If your hair was a species, it’d be Homo Sapless

Alise: if your hair was a dog it would be a Crackle Spaniel

Luvvie: If your hair was crayon, it’d be chalk! The one that was excluded from the box b/c its dull and lifeless

Alise: if your hair was a city it would be Dry-cago

Alise: You have to oil your scalp with WD-40

Luvvie: If your hair was a dinosaur, it’d be the Dry-annosaurus Rex

Alise: if hair was a radio station yours would be WDRY

Luvvie: The Sahara Desert isn’t really a desert. It’s a real life prototype of ur scalp

Luvvie: If your head was a movie, it’d b called “The Scalp who Burned Me”

Luvvie: In fact, that wasn’t snow the other day. The wind just blew your flakes to the Midwest

Alise: Your follicles are suing your scalp for unsafe working conditions.

Luvvie: Ur hair situation is like the amazon rainforest. Dying not so slowly, dank, and harboring species unknown to man

Alise: Your comb boldly goes where no moisture has gone before.

Luvvie: Ur scalp’s union called. Their natural oils went on strike. Flakes r predicted

Alise: Your brush is in the witness protection program… how your styling implements gon’ be snitching

Luvvie: Ur scalp is harboring weapons of mass dehydration

Alise: If hair was men, mine would be Idris Elba and yours would be a Reh Dog/Eli Porter hybrid

Luvvie: Ur brush dropped by my house last week. It said it quit you and ur army of Parched soldiers. I made it tea to calm it down

Alise: If hair was on the Maury show, then moisture would NOT be the ‘Favva’!

Luvvie: I rebuke ur hair & its’ follicular halitosis in the name of Fatha, son, holy casper, shadrack, meshack & the billy goat. With that being said, I need to go do some work. LOL

Alise: Well fought my friend….. with verbal shootings you live to act ignant another day :) … (((EHUGS)))

Luvvie: Yes, Alise-san. You roast well, oh ignant counterpart. *bows*

Who KILLT???

23 Comments

  1. The Pretty Brown Girl
    January 13, 2009 at 12:59 am — Reply

    Alise wins again…

    The unrisen Phoenix and the WD-40 jawns did it for me! I cackled!!

  2. Anonymous
    January 13, 2009 at 3:17 am — Reply

    I gotta go with Luvvie Gary Coleman and Homo Sapless killed me!
    ShayDLady

  3. RedBeanzNRice
    January 13, 2009 at 7:22 am — Reply

    Ok Luvvie,

    I’m not tryna press you, but damn…are you and Khan ever gonna post again, or did yall break up?

    Gotta say Alise kilt me with that damn witness protection, but I’m gonna call it a draw.

  4. Adwoa
    January 13, 2009 at 7:49 am — Reply

    draw!!!

    I was laughing so hard, my dad came in my room to see if I was okay!

    This is the best way to start my day =)

  5. sabrina
    January 13, 2009 at 8:03 am — Reply

    I have to say a draw as well….From Alise and the WD-40 and Luvvie and the Weapons of Mass Dehydration, I can’t choose!

  6. Luvologist
    January 13, 2009 at 9:13 am — Reply

    I spit out my coffee with:

    Luvvie: If your hair was a species, it’d be Homo Sapless.

    The three hit combo that included a desert, a movie and the weather was unprecedented.

    Because of the three hit combo I have to give this to Luvvie by majority decision.

    BUT – This was another classic battle that both came out battered and bruised.

  7. Naturally Sarcastic
    January 13, 2009 at 9:43 am — Reply

    I gotta give it to Alise!

    “If hair was on the Maury show, then moisture would NOT be the ‘Favva’”

    Was the end of me!!!!

  8. Anonymous
    January 13, 2009 at 9:55 am — Reply

    I’ma call this one Picasso cuz it’s a draw.

    Yall was both pulling hard @ different times. I just want more. Alise Luvvie said empire wouldn’t replace your hair rug, n luvvie Alise said after you come out of the dryer your hair is as hot as thermite. go

    WuDaMan

  9. NaturallyAlise
    January 13, 2009 at 10:00 am — Reply

    My favorite line was:
    Alise: Your comb boldly goes where no moisture has gone before.

    My favorite of Luvvie’s was:
    Luvvie: Ur scalp is harboring weapons of mass dehydration

    That was hot!

  10. im_da_sweetest
    January 13, 2009 at 11:16 am — Reply

    LMAO…. you fools….. I say Luvvie won by the gray of her ashy hair.

    The three hit combo took you out Alise– You fought to come back and Maury almost did it but rebuking your hair in the name of the big popppa, his seed, holy casper two black men and a goat!!!! DEAD……

  11. Anonymous
    January 13, 2009 at 1:52 pm — Reply

    Its BBMo… I can’t log into blogger for some reason…

    Anyway, bothayalls some fools.
    Statistically speaking I gotta call it for Luvvie based on number of shots taken and punches landed.

    But Alise got me with some classic lines… least of all being oiling the scalp with WD-40.

    True Ig.

  12. Intellectual Hedonist
    January 13, 2009 at 2:28 pm — Reply

    y’all made my damn afternoon with this mess.

    PURE COMEDY!
    You had me at’ “Your hair is the phoenix that has not risen yet. ….ashy”

    and Luvvie this “Ur hair situation is like the amazon rainforest. Dying not so slowly, dank, and harboring species unknown to man” was genius.

    **SLOW CLAP**

  13. Shida
    January 13, 2009 at 4:20 pm — Reply

    Okay so Iffers is making me comment and choose a winner. I dunno if I can take reading this again. Here goes…

    “Alise: Your hair is the phoenix that has not risen yet. ….ashy”
    This one KILLED me. This was the first eyes-watering-stomach-aching-can’t-breathe laughter inducing line. From here on it just got O-the freak-C.

    The ones that kept my eyes leaking and made me damn near need an IV and some Gatorade to rehydrate are-
    RoseArt(A), Homo Sapless(I), WD-40(A), WDRY(A), Sahara (I), snowflakes(I), follicles suing (A), bold comb(A), oils on strike (I), brush (A), not the favva(A)

    By my tally:
    Alise: 8 Ife: 4

    Not to mention Alise had the first big bomb. ::sigh:: Eef you made me choose- it’s ya girl again although I’d rather say tie.

  14. SouthernGirl
    January 13, 2009 at 7:32 pm — Reply

    *lawd* i quit both of you.

    but i think luvvie took it.

  15. Christopher B. Thomas
    January 14, 2009 at 12:20 pm — Reply

    I love u luvvie but Alise took this one with “Your hair is the phoenix that has not risen yet. ….ashy.”

    I was dying laughing!!!!

  16. Luvvie (aka Queen IG)
    January 14, 2009 at 4:12 pm — Reply

    So it seems we tied this on this battle. I counted “draws” by giving us both a point.

    The Score is 9-9

  17. K to the...
    January 14, 2009 at 4:36 pm — Reply

    Aw man, the unrisen Phoenix killed me…and Luvvie with the wind blowing Alise’s flakes to the Midwest. LMAO!!!! I gotta go with Luvvie for this round. Ignanter (Yeah, it’s a word) than the first round!

  18. miss t-lee
    January 15, 2009 at 8:42 am — Reply

    I think Alise got you with this one chick…
    “Alise: If hair was men, mine would be Idris Elba and yours would be a Reh Dog/Eli Porter hybrid”

    *tears*

  19. Luvvie (aka Queen IG)
    January 30, 2009 at 11:19 pm — Reply

    LOL K to the and Miss T-Lee’s votes bring the score to 10 – 10

  20. BBG
    February 4, 2009 at 2:19 pm — Reply

    LOL Luvvie won this round hehe

  21. emti
    October 21, 2009 at 10:55 am — Reply

    This line KILLT it!

    Alise: Your hair is the phoenix that has not risen yet. ….ashy

  22. Lexxaye
    March 13, 2010 at 5:14 am — Reply

    iDied @ this post. I will no longer read this blog while my roommate is asleep. I'm convinced I popped a neck vein from trying to laugh silently.

    -falls OUT-: @Luvvie: If your hair was a fairytale, it'd be AridLocks and the DryStrands & @Luvvie: If your hair was a game, it'd be "Taboo"

    & I had to keep from screaming at these: @Alise: Your follicles are suing your scalp for unsafe working conditions & A@lise: if hair was a radio station yours would be WDRY

    It's a draw for me!

  23. December 12, 2011 at 7:27 am — Reply

    Note to self: dont read Luvvies blog at 5 something in the morning. You will wake the neighbors lol

    Draw!

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