Dry Hair Battle II
NaturallyAlise claimed victory in the first Dry Hair Battle, knocking me out w/ her Plies/Nas line. I didn’t think it would happen so soon, but here we are with Part II of the Dry Hair Battle betwixt NaturallyAlise and I. We were on Twitter being foolish and it turned into another Mane Event! This one may even be more epic than the last b/c we really went IN. Y’all know what to do. Leave comments on who won…
Red is Luvvie
White is Alise
Alise: I rebuke you in the name of oil sheen.
Luvvie: I rebuke u in the name of Pink Oil Lotion and S-Curl!
Alise: I rebuke your HairKufi.
Luvvie: I rebuke you in the name of an albino clown midget and throw holy water on ur parched mane cap
Alise: I rebuke your Uniggcorn [(C) savvyfatty] Tress-FittedCap in the name of black squirrels & griffins
Luvvie: May ur hairhat be the nest of hood city pigeons (the kind that wear down coats in the winter)
Alise: Ol’ extension cord face (bc you be pluggin’)
Luvvie: Ol’ dusty-follicled hijab face
Alise: Your hair is the phoenix that has not risen yet. ….ashy
Luvvie: Ol’ bounce cling sheets face (b/c all that dry hair shonuff produces static electricity)
Luvvie: Ur hair is like Sirius from Harry Potter. Its moisture fell through a veil and is now a ghost of its former self.
Alise: Your Hair-Visor is a black hole nothing but moisture can escape it
Luvvie: If your hair was a fairytale, it’d be AridLocks and the DryStrands
Alise: If I saw your hait on safari it would be a Parch-apotamus
Luvvie: If your hair was a former child star, it’d be Gary Coleman. WHY WILLIS???
Luvvie: If your hair was a game, it’d be “Taboo”
Luvvie: If your hair was property on Monopoly, it’d be the electric company. All that dryness DOES have its benefits.
Alise: if your hair was crayon it would be the Rose Art ones at the dollar store.
Luvvie: If your hair was a species, it’d be Homo Sapless
Alise: if your hair was a dog it would be a Crackle Spaniel
Luvvie: If your hair was crayon, it’d be chalk! The one that was excluded from the box b/c its dull and lifeless
Alise: if your hair was a city it would be Dry-cago
Alise: You have to oil your scalp with WD-40
Luvvie: If your hair was a dinosaur, it’d be the Dry-annosaurus Rex
Alise: if hair was a radio station yours would be WDRY
Luvvie: The Sahara Desert isn’t really a desert. It’s a real life prototype of ur scalp
Luvvie: If your head was a movie, it’d b called “The Scalp who Burned Me”
Luvvie: In fact, that wasn’t snow the other day. The wind just blew your flakes to the Midwest
Alise: Your follicles are suing your scalp for unsafe working conditions.
Luvvie: Ur hair situation is like the amazon rainforest. Dying not so slowly, dank, and harboring species unknown to man
Alise: Your comb boldly goes where no moisture has gone before.
Luvvie: Ur scalp’s union called. Their natural oils went on strike. Flakes r predicted
Alise: Your brush is in the witness protection program… how your styling implements gon’ be snitching
Luvvie: Ur scalp is harboring weapons of mass dehydration
Alise: If hair was men, mine would be Idris Elba and yours would be a Reh Dog/Eli Porter hybrid
Luvvie: Ur brush dropped by my house last week. It said it quit you and ur army of Parched soldiers. I made it tea to calm it down
Alise: If hair was on the Maury show, then moisture would NOT be the ‘Favva’!
Luvvie: I rebuke ur hair & its’ follicular halitosis in the name of Fatha, son, holy casper, shadrack, meshack & the billy goat. With that being said, I need to go do some work. LOL
Alise: Well fought my friend….. with verbal shootings you live to act ignant another day 
… (((EHUGS)))
Luvvie: Yes, Alise-san. You roast well, oh ignant counterpart. *bows*
Who KILLT???
Category: Random
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Alise wins again…
The unrisen Phoenix and the WD-40 jawns did it for me! I cackled!!
I gotta go with Luvvie Gary Coleman and Homo Sapless killed me!
ShayDLady
Ok Luvvie,
I’m not tryna press you, but damn…are you and Khan ever gonna post again, or did yall break up?
Gotta say Alise kilt me with that damn witness protection, but I’m gonna call it a draw.
draw!!!
I was laughing so hard, my dad came in my room to see if I was okay!
This is the best way to start my day =)
I have to say a draw as well….From Alise and the WD-40 and Luvvie and the Weapons of Mass Dehydration, I can’t choose!
I spit out my coffee with:
Luvvie: If your hair was a species, it’d be Homo Sapless.
The three hit combo that included a desert, a movie and the weather was unprecedented.
Because of the three hit combo I have to give this to Luvvie by majority decision.
BUT – This was another classic battle that both came out battered and bruised.
I gotta give it to Alise!
“If hair was on the Maury show, then moisture would NOT be the ‘Favva’”
Was the end of me!!!!
I’ma call this one Picasso cuz it’s a draw.
Yall was both pulling hard @ different times. I just want more. Alise Luvvie said empire wouldn’t replace your hair rug, n luvvie Alise said after you come out of the dryer your hair is as hot as thermite. go
WuDaMan
My favorite line was:
Alise: Your comb boldly goes where no moisture has gone before.
My favorite of Luvvie’s was:
Luvvie: Ur scalp is harboring weapons of mass dehydration
That was hot!
LMAO…. you fools….. I say Luvvie won by the gray of her ashy hair.
The three hit combo took you out Alise– You fought to come back and Maury almost did it but rebuking your hair in the name of the big popppa, his seed, holy casper two black men and a goat!!!! DEAD……
Its BBMo… I can’t log into blogger for some reason…
Anyway, bothayalls some fools.
Statistically speaking I gotta call it for Luvvie based on number of shots taken and punches landed.
But Alise got me with some classic lines… least of all being oiling the scalp with WD-40.
True Ig.
y’all made my damn afternoon with this mess.
PURE COMEDY!
You had me at’ “Your hair is the phoenix that has not risen yet. ….ashy”
and Luvvie this “Ur hair situation is like the amazon rainforest. Dying not so slowly, dank, and harboring species unknown to man” was genius.
**SLOW CLAP**
Okay so Iffers is making me comment and choose a winner. I dunno if I can take reading this again. Here goes…
“Alise: Your hair is the phoenix that has not risen yet. ….ashy”
This one KILLED me. This was the first eyes-watering-stomach-aching-can’t-breathe laughter inducing line. From here on it just got O-the freak-C.
The ones that kept my eyes leaking and made me damn near need an IV and some Gatorade to rehydrate are-
RoseArt(A), Homo Sapless(I), WD-40(A), WDRY(A), Sahara (I), snowflakes(I), follicles suing (A), bold comb(A), oils on strike (I), brush (A), not the favva(A)
By my tally:
Alise: 8 Ife: 4
Not to mention Alise had the first big bomb. ::sigh:: Eef you made me choose- it’s ya girl again although I’d rather say tie.
*lawd* i quit both of you.
but i think luvvie took it.
I love u luvvie but Alise took this one with “Your hair is the phoenix that has not risen yet. ….ashy.”
I was dying laughing!!!!
So it seems we tied this on this battle. I counted “draws” by giving us both a point.
The Score is 9-9
Aw man, the unrisen Phoenix killed me…and Luvvie with the wind blowing Alise’s flakes to the Midwest. LMAO!!!! I gotta go with Luvvie for this round. Ignanter (Yeah, it’s a word) than the first round!
I think Alise got you with this one chick…
“Alise: If hair was men, mine would be Idris Elba and yours would be a Reh Dog/Eli Porter hybrid”
*tears*
LOL K to the and Miss T-Lee’s votes bring the score to 10 – 10
LOL Luvvie won this round hehe
This line KILLT it!
Alise: Your hair is the phoenix that has not risen yet. ….ashy
iDied @ this post. I will no longer read this blog while my roommate is asleep. I'm convinced I popped a neck vein from trying to laugh silently.
-falls OUT-: @Luvvie: If your hair was a fairytale, it'd be AridLocks and the DryStrands & @Luvvie: If your hair was a game, it'd be "Taboo"
& I had to keep from screaming at these: @Alise: Your follicles are suing your scalp for unsafe working conditions & A@lise: if hair was a radio station yours would be WDRY
It's a draw for me!
Note to self: dont read Luvvies blog at 5 something in the morning. You will wake the neighbors lol
Draw!