NaturallyAlise claimed victory in the first Dry Hair Battle, knocking me out w/ her Plies/Nas line. I didn’t think it would happen so soon, but here we are with Part II of the Dry Hair Battle betwixt NaturallyAlise and I. We were on Twitter being foolish and it turned into another Mane Event! This one may even be more epic than the last b/c we really went IN. Y’all know what to do. Leave comments on who won…
Red is Luvvie
White is Alise
Alise: I rebuke you in the name of oil sheen.
Luvvie: I rebuke u in the name of Pink Oil Lotion and S-Curl!
Alise: I rebuke your HairKufi.
Luvvie: I rebuke you in the name of an albino clown midget and throw holy water on ur parched mane cap
Alise: I rebuke your Uniggcorn [(C) savvyfatty] Tress-FittedCap in the name of black squirrels & griffins
Luvvie: May ur hairhat be the nest of hood city pigeons (the kind that wear down coats in the winter)
Alise: Ol’ extension cord face (bc you be pluggin’)
Luvvie: Ol’ dusty-follicled hijab face
Alise: Your hair is the phoenix that has not risen yet. ….ashy
Luvvie: Ol’ bounce cling sheets face (b/c all that dry hair shonuff produces static electricity)
Luvvie: Ur hair is like Sirius from Harry Potter. Its moisture fell through a veil and is now a ghost of its former self.
Alise: Your Hair-Visor is a black hole nothing but moisture can escape it
Luvvie: If your hair was a fairytale, it’d be AridLocks and the DryStrands
Alise: If I saw your hait on safari it would be a Parch-apotamus
Luvvie: If your hair was a former child star, it’d be Gary Coleman. WHY WILLIS???
Luvvie: If your hair was a game, it’d be “Taboo”
Luvvie: If your hair was property on Monopoly, it’d be the electric company. All that dryness DOES have its benefits.
Alise: if your hair was crayon it would be the Rose Art ones at the dollar store.
Luvvie: If your hair was a species, it’d be Homo Sapless
Alise: if your hair was a dog it would be a Crackle Spaniel
Luvvie: If your hair was crayon, it’d be chalk! The one that was excluded from the box b/c its dull and lifeless
Alise: if your hair was a city it would be Dry-cago
Alise: You have to oil your scalp with WD-40
Luvvie: If your hair was a dinosaur, it’d be the Dry-annosaurus Rex
Alise: if hair was a radio station yours would be WDRY
Luvvie: The Sahara Desert isn’t really a desert. It’s a real life prototype of ur scalp
Luvvie: If your head was a movie, it’d b called “The Scalp who Burned Me”
Luvvie: In fact, that wasn’t snow the other day. The wind just blew your flakes to the Midwest
Alise: Your follicles are suing your scalp for unsafe working conditions.
Luvvie: Ur hair situation is like the amazon rainforest. Dying not so slowly, dank, and harboring species unknown to man
Alise: Your comb boldly goes where no moisture has gone before.
Luvvie: Ur scalp’s union called. Their natural oils went on strike. Flakes r predicted
Alise: Your brush is in the witness protection program… how your styling implements gon’ be snitching
Luvvie: Ur scalp is harboring weapons of mass dehydration
Alise: If hair was men, mine would be Idris Elba and yours would be a Reh Dog/Eli Porter hybrid
Luvvie: Ur brush dropped by my house last week. It said it quit you and ur army of Parched soldiers. I made it tea to calm it down
Alise: If hair was on the Maury show, then moisture would NOT be the ‘Favva’!
Luvvie: I rebuke ur hair & its’ follicular halitosis in the name of Fatha, son, holy casper, shadrack, meshack & the billy goat. With that being said, I need to go do some work. LOL
Alise: Well fought my friend….. with verbal shootings you live to act ignant another day … (((EHUGS)))
Luvvie: Yes, Alise-san. You roast well, oh ignant counterpart. *bows*