Dry Hair Battle
Me and my eSis NaturallyAlise engage in a heated hair battle on a regular basis. Actually, daily. It started one day when I called her afro crunchy, and it hasn’t ended since. Below is a battle we had on Twitter today (which we are HOOKED on. I’m @LuvvieIg and she is @NaturallyAlise). Cool Kids now e-loiter on Twitter.
Anyway, after reading it, leave a comment on who you think won this epic hair battle. My comments are in red and Alise’s are in black.
Luvvie – I stan for Carol’s Daughter stuff. Have their whole hair line. I also use some oyin handmade stuff. Keeps my fro juicy, unlike Alise’s tumbleweed arid hairhat. Hehe CHALLONJ!
Alise – Don’t trust Luvvie, her fro is rough and torrid. Pine straw abounds on her scalp.
Luvvie – I know you ain’t talking with your cacti-like parched follicles. Ol’ crusty dusty head self. Looffff uuuu!!!
Alise – your tresses are droughty and anhydrous
Luvvie – Your follicles are unemollient and are in a severe moisture famine
Alise – Your hairhat needs electrolytes.
Luvvie – Yourr hairhat is dehydrated. That mug needs an IV
Alise – Your loofah head is Vitamin GM deficient (Glover’s Mane)
Luvvie – Your dried up follicles are not letting your SoulGlo. Ol’ sapless upper regioned face
Alise – If hair was a plum, yours would be a prune…. dry and aesthetically displeasing
Luvvie – If hair was a cucumber, yours would be a pickle. All wrinkled and sour looking. Ur ‘fro is scary me. Ol’ awkward follicles
Alise – Your fro is an abomination and needs to be exorcised.
Luvvie – Your ‘fro needs to be guillotined. Ol’ headless horseman face. Let them eat cake AFTER they moisturize their situation.
Alise – If our hair was a rap battle I would be Nasir Jones circa Illmatic and you would be Plies circa yesterday
Luvvie – If your hair was a symbol of Black history, it’d be T-Pain, aka the Coon of Coloreds Present
Alise – Do you use your hairhat fro as a nail file?
Luvvie – BWAHAHA Ok that made me cackle. Do you use ur dehydrated fro to scrub those stubborn pot stains? Get thee behind me, GREASE!
So… WHO’s SOUL GLO’ed the best? Or are we both so foolish, we both lost? lol