Letter

Dear Baby Bangs Creator

Mkay so I thought I was gonna be done with the baby hairhattery foolishness for real, but apparently not. Yesterday morning, the creator of Baby Bangs left a comment on the blog I wrote about her idiotic product, so y’all know I gotta respond in a letter to her. I typically only write one letter per week but this was necessary. But first, here is the comment she left me.

REBUTTAL to NEGATIVE Feedback Responses to Baby Bangs! .HAIR+band.

Ok, so it seems there are many bloggers, readers, followers etc… out there that are opposed to my creation ‘Baby Bangs! .HAIR+band.’. I just wanted everyone to know and PLEASE be rest asssured that Baby Bangs! were, by NO means, created to harm a baby in any way, shape or form. Baby Bangs! were created as a fun-fashion NOVELTY hair accessory alternative for babies who have little or no hair.

These are not intended to be used or worn ‘all day, every day’, they are just something different than the ordinary hair accessories made for the baldy baby. Baby Bangs! can safely and comfortably be worn for glam pictures, dress up, family outings, weddings, holidays, pageants, etc., and unlike the Baby Toupee, whether they are used for fun or fashion, Baby Bangs! will give the child a realistic appearance of having a true head full of hair.

Baby Bangs! are a fun way to allow mothers of bald baby girls the opportunity of seeing their little one with hair, and also gives them a very unique change from the ordinary. PLUS they make a great conversation piece…(as we see here…) and will certainly be the most talked about baby shower gift of ALL! LOL!

Baby Bangs! are a NEW and UNIQUE HAIR ACCESSORY made FOR BABY GIRLS that is constructed with wispy hair strands hidden secretly inside of an ORDINARY elastic headband that can safely be worn for FUN or FASHION.

Hopefully this post will clear up any misunderstandings.

———–

Dear Creator of Baby Bangs (Lisa Whatsherface),

First, I see you are on top of your Google game and found my blog post. Good job. Market research is of utmost importance. Now that the only nicety I have to say is out the way, let me get to the nitty AND the gritty by responding to the TOME of a comment you left me at 6am in the morning our good Lord has made happen.

1. What is with the exclamation point at the end of Baby Bangs!? Does it mean that we’re supposed to holler the name whenever it is uttered? iRefuse. In fact, I just wanna whisper it whenever I mention it. Besides, doesn’t Yahoo! have that whole exclamation point thing on lock?

b. You say the baby hairhattery wasn’t created to harm babies but I don’t believe you. You need a plethora of people, including that village they say it takes to raise a child. Yes. The entire village. How can you force a lil innocent child to rock something as nonsensical as baby bangs and say you mean no harm? The coercion is harm enough. Lady, don’t piss on me and call it a golden shower from the Zeus.

By the way, a fun fashion accessory for a baby is not hair made of polyurethane, rayon, spandex and viscose. A fun accessory is a cute bow, or a plain headband, with no hair attached.

3a. I see that you listed the various events that baby bangs can come in handy. But would it not suck if in the middle of the family picture with Great Great Granny Bertha, Lil Susie decides that her faux follicles itch, and yanks it off. As the whole family looks on horrified and the photographer snaps the pic. Is that what you want??? A busted moment forever captured in infamy?

IV. Yes, baby bangs make a great conversation starter. But so does “The many uses of SPAM”. I guess any conversation about your product is good one huh? Even if it includes me shouting from the rooftops about how bad of an idea it is.

No, your comment does not clear up any misunderstandings. Your product is still as ridiculous (if not more) than it was when I first tripped and fell upon it. There is no justification for this that could make me nod my head and say “Well, since you put it that way…”. Just… no.

You’re gonna have our poor daughters now feeling some kind of way for not being blessed with visible coif from birth. There are some adorable bald babies out there. I was blessed with an afro from the womb, but even if I had no hair, I woulda been pissed if I found old pics of me rocking some jheri curl wig. Messing up all my Baby Adorabo-ness. Mama woulda had some ‘splaining to do.

Please go sat down somewhere and burn your entire inventory (Wait. Since these are all manmade synthetics, that could be hazardous to all our healths. We may need to just throw them all in a waterproof capsule and throw it in the ocean, never to be mentioned again).

SO sinsurrly,

Luvviekins

Alls I know is, I’m done with all of this. iCant expend anymore energy on foolishness as such. It brings down my property value when I could be out finding new places to buy rice, roasting other horrible ideas saving the world. But noooo I had to lecture a grown woman on the error of her idea. Womp.

P.S. My original Baby Bangs Foolishness post was featured on The Black Snob‘s page yesterday. Watch my feets, watch my feets (virtual feets, of course).

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15 Comments

  1. Happyrunningbunny
    March 27, 2009 at 5:50 am — Reply

    The audacity of her to even try to explain that sham of a product. My favorite part was “And unlike the Baby Toupee” – I didn’t even know there was a such thing as baby toupees.

    Too bad she will most likely continue to peddle this foolishness.

    • Thora
      December 10, 2011 at 8:36 am — Reply

      For heaven sakes! Get a Frosty!
      Baby Bangs sounds like a very nice product and I never had girls. When I see what parents do to “DOLL” their little girls up with, this is nothing. There are far too many parents who don’t spend any time physically caring for their babies enough and you want to slam someone who is just adding a new little twist to the game? Spend your energies on parent who TATOO their babies, yes TATOO their babies. I’m not meaning just for identity purposes either.
      In all, if you don’t like a product, for heaven sakes, turn the page. Let those who enjoy it allow those who provide them sell them!
      You go girl! I’ll be ordering some Baby Bangs for my next “baby girl shower” for the package bow! Sounds like it will be the hit of the party!

  2. The Pretty Brown Girl
    March 27, 2009 at 9:07 am — Reply

    Here’s the letter I wrote Miss Bad Idea of the Decade:

    Ms.Campbell,

    Go sell your ridiculous product somewhere else. I ain’t buying. You come off as haughty and full of nonsense. You are out to make a dollar by preying on the insecurities of first time parents who I know for a FACT will buy just about any piece of garbage marketed as “fun” or “good for development”. You can fool them, but I’ve been a Mama for a combined 20years and caring for young children almost as long.

    Your product is unnecessary, predatory and insulting. It feeds into the spirit of vanity and plants the seeds of low self-esteem in girls who will already have to fight that and other REAL issues as they grow up. Your reasoning is deplorable and you should be ashamed of yourself.

    Newflash: Some babies are SUPPOSED to be bald. If they weren’t, they would be born w/a full head of lustrous locks. Bald babies are perfectly normal and beautiful and for you to suggest otherwise w/these infant wigs is just ridiculous.

    Your get rich quick scheme is sinister and you are doing infant girls and their families a great disservice. I hope you get all you deserve out of this mess.

    Most assuredly disgusted,
    PBG

  3. Anonymous
    March 27, 2009 at 10:12 am — Reply

    Take it easy everyone. Can’t things just be for fun?

    Little kids wearing their mom’s high heels make you upset?

    How about kids costumes for Halloween, those make people mad?

    Do these get everyone worked up too?
    http://www.babytoupee.com?

    I’m pretty sure there are more important things to get in a tizzy about than a hairband with a bunch of little hair strands stuck to them.

  4. Lite Bread
    March 27, 2009 at 1:19 pm — Reply

    Is this “Candace” also?

  5. Ms_Slim
    March 27, 2009 at 4:01 pm — Reply

    Okay LMAO @ Lite Bread….hahahahaha

    iLaughed a bit too hard at this response.

  6. amymay
    March 27, 2009 at 9:21 pm — Reply

    NO SHE DIDN’T!!!

    Luvvie, girl, I got this on my Crackberry today and bout came outta my skin wantin’ to leave a comment. But you know how sick ppl are, needin’ nurses to give ‘em medicine and call doctors and take care of ‘em and whatnot…. So I had to wait ’til I got home from work.

    Lite Bread, very perceptive. Bet it is Candace!

    Anyhoo….

    Ms. Creator of baby hairhats….
    You coulda at least used a natural fiber and not a fire hazard for your monstrosity!! Imagine poor lil’ Suzie blowing out her first lit’ birthday candle… then she IS the birthday candle!! Hrummph. Bad weave is bad weave on a baby or a grown up. And you can be sure, adults with bad hairhats have received equal time in the roast pit!!

    Whooo!!! I feel so much better now!

  7. VerbFashion
    March 30, 2009 at 5:38 pm — Reply

    i.am.dead.
    people really be responding to everything you write Luvvie. Good. maybe she’ll drown this ridiculous idea as you mentioned.

    litebread has said “is this Candace also?”

    it is. it is. lmao. i would just love to “trip and fall upon” her ‘blog’…

    PBG’s letter was dope too.

  8. Lisa Campbell Creator of Baby Bangs! .HAIR+band.
    March 31, 2009 at 8:08 am — Reply

    I appreciate everyones opinions, and Okay, it is completely understandable whenever someone doesn’t like one thing or another, but to go off of the deep end about something as harmless as Baby Bangs!?!
    is rather questionable?
    I question your sanity, My Dear Luvvie!

    And as far as your followers go, can they even understand English?
    I have clearly stated that Baby Bangs! are a new hair ACCESSORY that just happens to be made with hair strands attached.
    No! It’s not a “Weave”, and no one is supposed to actually be fooled by Baby Bangs!
    Plus these have been specifically made to fit infants ONLY, and in my lifetime I have not witnessed an infant that cannot even walk yet go up and down a slide.(Ms Luvvie)so no worries there.

    Oh, and to The Pretty Brown Girl–Thanks for letting me know that…
    “some babies are SUPPOSED to be bald, and if they weren’t, they would be born w/a full head of lustrous locks.”
    Really? Is that an actual fact? WOW!!!!!

    Self esteem issues? babies? I don’t believe babies have any issues with their self esteem.
    Babies have no issues.
    PERIOD.

    Not trying to be rude, but
    You all HERE are the ones with the issues…I’m just saying…

    Oh, I get it! You don’t like my idea Baby Bangs! Right?
    Okay!!!
    …Can we still be friends, tho?

    amymae–Kanekalon hair fiber IS the most natural Man-Made HAIR FIBER on the market today, So what you said makes no sense at all. Matter of fact your use of those 2 words,
    ?Natural and Fiber? creates somewhat of an oxymoron??
    Oh yeah,
    fyi: Kanekalon, it’s non-flammable, meaning Kanekalon doesn’t catch fire!, so don’t worry, Lil’ Suzie will live to see her 2nd birthday.
    Whooo!!! I feel so much better now!

  9. Happyrunningbunny
    March 31, 2009 at 8:12 am — Reply

    Well I guess she told you. LMAO!!!

  10. Luvvie
    March 31, 2009 at 8:56 am — Reply

    My only response to you, Lisa is that yes, we can be friends. All’s fair in love and bangs! :-D

  11. amymay
    April 4, 2009 at 4:51 pm — Reply

    Natural fibers: human hair, cotton, silk, flax, wool, corn silk, hemp….shall I go on?

    And yes, Kankelon does burn, melts actually. I may be white, but (Lord Jesus and Luvvie forgive me) I have had braids in my hair WITH Kankelon woven in…and to keep them from fraying, Ms. Carlette sure did burn the ends with a cigarette lighter….

    I am honestly amazed that you used the word oxymoron relatively in context, considering that you misspelled a name that was clearly visible on your monitor. It’s amymaY not amymaE. Semantics, I know, but it bothers me.

    Finally, dear, you may have missed the point that this is a HUMOR blog. I fully expect no end of hairhat jabs now that I have confessed my dirty little weave secret. (I swear Luvvie, it was just a couple of times, and the devil made me do it!) Poking fun, roasting folks and taking cheap shots is what we do. Don’t worry, there are plenty of other ppl out there with no sense of humor at all who never read a word Luvvie or any of the rest of us write. They won’t know or care what any of us think about your goofy lil product.

    We can always be friends, but dear, get a sense of humor about yourself and your life. You’ll enjoy your lifespace so much more if you do! Afterall, it’s jus’ jokes!!!

  12. verafero
    April 5, 2009 at 9:38 pm — Reply

    mmkay, so when I first read the headline why did I picture grown-a$$ wimmins with the “baby hairs” brushed and slicked down with that brown hair gel? Oh, I know why: because today, April 5, 2009 A.D., I seent a grown-a$$ woman with baby hair pumping, lip gloss – well, she could’ve used some lip chap – up in the sto’ like whoa. I’ve been traveling on this road too long, whoadie.

  13. rainebeaux
    April 24, 2009 at 4:13 pm — Reply

    First-time reader/commenter* here (*stumbled here via fxp; left comment on your BP post). Keep on keeping on, luvvie!

    @verafero, I thought the same blasted thing! *lol*

    Now, Ms. Campbell, I agree it’s just jokes here, but it’s come to my understanding that you’re the party responsible for blasting the gates of hell wide open! Everything I’ve halfway thought of has already been said, so the best I can come up with is that I’m gonna pencil in an extra prayer for you.

    [In short, sham-honkin’-wow.]

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