Dear Angelina And Madonna (and Other African Kid Adopters)
This has been on my mind for a minute but I haven’t written about it. Then I found out that Madonna is going to Malawi to adopt yet another child.
Dear Madonna & Angelina (and other African Kid Adopters),
I would temper this with “No Offense” but I know it would have no point. But I will say it anyway. No offense. Are African children the new black? I mean, are they the newest “IT” item, right next to ruffled tops and
Air Christs Gladiator Sandals? Kids should not be accessories. “Ooooh this African matches my Louboutins.” *side-eye* I mean, yeah, African kids are mad cute (see: me at 3 months).
Yes, some parts of Africa are struggling and you want to help. Yes, African kids increase your chiseled face household quota, with their sky high cheekbones. That shouldn’t make them equivalent to being this season’s Hermes bag. African kids are starting to be trendy and this makes me frown.
Call me critical (hears a chorus of “CRITICAL”) but something about all of this seems disingenuous. At first, it seemed like GREAT Goodwill for people so fortunate to go into a struggling country, and save one of the downtrodden orphans. However, it now screams unpure motives. I understand that you watched that Sally Struthers commercial with the crying little African kid (flies required). But all Sally asked for was for you to sponsor her financially, not to go get her and bring her to Hollywood.
Angelina, you seem to actually care (although I was side-eyeing your United Colors of Benetton clan for a minute. But you seem genuine). You’re a humanitarian and the United Nations made you an ambassador. So you got the benefit of the doubt from me. BUT others just seem to be loving the publicity it brings. Yes, I’m looking at YOU, Madonna. I don’t believe you. You need a plethora of more people (like Angelina’s troop, mayhaps).
First, you adopt a child who is technically not even an orphan. Of ALL the children up for adoption in Malawi, you pick the one with an actual biological parent. Shoot, I’m not even sure he was up for adoption. Methinks you just saw him strolling on the street of Malawi when you saw him and squeaked “AAAWWW he’s so cute. Let me have him!” and when no one was looking, you stole away to Jeebus back to England with the boy. In my head, thats what happened. Thereby, its fact.
Then you decide to go back and get a matching child. Oooo now they’re a set, like a camisole and a lace tank on a soccer mom. Please go sat down. iCant with you, Madonna. Or is it Esther? Iunno, but please get it together.
I can’t seem to dislike you, Angelina. No matter what you do. But, I do have one beef to pick with you. If you’re gonna adopt an African (or any Black) child, the least you could do is find a Black nanny that would be able to do her hair.
Why do you have this ADORABLE little girl in perpetual need of TCB (two combs and a brush)? Her hair is ALWAYS in disarray. I get that babies don’t like their hair touched but at least moisturize it.
I won’t even say what Zahara’s hair makes her look like in this picture (rhymes with panini). It’s terrible. The girl is TOOO cute to be subjected to this. Sheesh! I remember when Brad said “…Carol’s Daughter is a fantastic hair product. We got it for Z. Now her hair has this beautiful luster. And it smells nice, too.” Yeah but what does it LOOK like, Mr. Pitt??? Yeah. A comb is ALL that is needed.
Just get a sis to deal with that Angie. If you need referrals, I know some great ones (like my eSis PBG). Call me. Kthnx.
P.S. It also wouldn’t hurt to adopt an American kid every now and then. I know they are SO 1998 and not as exotic but they need love too.