People Who Wear Shades Indoors

[ 6 ] April 30, 2009 |
***GUEST BLOGGERS WEEK***

Today’s pinch hitter is Dame, of the blog This May Concern You. His blog is awesome because it’s a bunch of sternly-worded letters he writes to people or things he doesn’t always approve of. So, of course, I love it. We’ve done a letter trade, and he posted my Dear Ray J letter on his blog, which got me an eHater. Seriously, Jeebs be some sense of humor for some people. Anyway, one of my BIGGEST pet peeves is people who rock sunglasses inside, especially at night. And Dame beat me to the punch so I don’t have to chastise them for their foolishness. Revel in it. – Luvvie

People Who Wear Shades Indoors

Dear People:

There is a logical reason or two that explains why some celebrities where sunglasses on television. You should be smart enough to figure them out. But we can’t be certain of though, though. I mean, you think it’s cool to wear sunglasses indoors.

So I’ll give you a hint … sing: “No-No-No-NOTORIUS.” And another … sing: “That girl thinks that she’s so fine, that soon she’ll have my mind.”

Then there are celebs who think they’ve earned the right to be so fake that they can wear shades to disguise their true emotions in clubs, on televisions and in any situation they warrant. These people think they are fresh to def. But they are the ones you should be avoiding as though they reeked of a (defecating) smell.

But not only do you not evade them, you actually mimic their ignorance. I don’t say that to be mean. But what good does wearing sunglasses inside do you if you lose 85 percent of your visibility? Do you do it because you think it makes you look less ugly? If that’s the case, it can’t help that much.

I don’t get the fad or you people. It’s not like you’re about to rob a bank or gas station. And if you are, wearing your shades indoors makes sense. But I can think of few other situations where it does.

I’ll admit that I once wore shades everywhere — inside and out — for a week. But I did so because I got some sort of eye infection after leaving my contacts in overnight in the 10th grade. Wearing the sunglasses was the only way I could open my eyes without pain.

But I doubt there’s any of that in your eyes. Heck, we can’t tell because we can’t see them.

There’s one thing that’s evident from your appearance: your blaring insecurity. It bleeds through your shades as though you were Cyclops from X-Men without his. Remember though, he has a condition. If he exposes his eyes he causes irreparable damage like Medusa.

You are neither Cyclops or Medusa. All unveiling your pupils can do is help you make eye contact and potentially meet new people. It might make that man or woman you’ve been eying the entire night notice you. She mightcall you Big Poppa and she could be your Cherie Amour. (No DJ will ever play those two songs back to back)

Then again — since you’ve taken off your shades — you might realize that woman or man isn’t halfway as attractive as you thought he or she was when your visibility was at 10 percent. Think about it. And that doesn’t even account for the beer goggles you’re likely wearing.

See, I’m trying to help you find your true love. Although that is highly unlikely in the club you’re kicking it at this weekend. But that’s a topic for another letter.

Anyway, I just hope you take off your shades to read this. Because that, reading this letter, seems like it would be difficult as beating up Mike Tyson while your hands are tied behind your back. He might eat your ears, shades and eyes. And that might actually appease me (I’m serious…ly joking).

Sincerely,
Damon

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Comments (6)

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  1. Nicki Sunshine says:

    OOOOOH, I am stanning for this letter. I hate the shades on the indoors… it makes you look like that fake 80s ‘cool.’

    Last Sunday at church, I looked across and saw a guy wih his shades on the whole time. Was he serious?

  2. thismayconcernyou.com says:

    Are you freaking serious?

    How do you wear shades in church, through the entire service? SMH.

    Your pastor needs to do a sermon about some verse about being able to see the light next Sunday.

    Totally avoid Hebrews 11:1 around … “Faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen”

    Is that what he’s trying to live by, LITERALLY? Good Lord.

  3. Lite Bread says:

    “Future’s so bright I gotta wear shades”
    Uh, that’s an old 80’s whiteboy song, so guess I’m about the only one with that bit, lol.

    But, I did think about one possible use of shades indoors. Especially at them sometimes dangerous open house parties (depending on the neighborhood). When the thugs show up (‘bout got my lily-white ass shot off once in that situation … another time on THAT story). See, the great old book “Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy” had this bit about the one super-cool dude who wore these special shades that would go about totally dark … when trouble appeared. That way he could still be ultra-cool, ‘cause he didn’t know to panic, just sit here totally hip. Maybe Bro is like that “Got these shades on so when the shootin’ starts I won’t panic so much”.
    Just a thought … kinda … -

  4. Happyrunningbunny says:

    “I wear my sunglasses at night. So I can, so I can wath you weave.” (c)Corey Hart “Sunglasses at Night”

    Creepy..people that wear their sunglasses at night/in the club are weirdos. They are either high, a stalker or have a wonky eye (or all 3). Either way, not someone you want to associate with.

  5. Happyrunningbunny says:

    *that should be watch not wath

  6. Nikki Wadley says:

    I am guilty of putting on very dark sunglasses in certain clubs. But wait…I have an excuse…I can’t stand the strobes that some club have included in the lighting system. Although I damn near grew up in clubs, I can’t stand the strobe lights. They will totally make me freak out and get dizzy. So, if you see a tiny girl in the club with pitch black glasses on, don’t throw your empty champagne bottle at her. It’s probably me waiting for the DJ to stop the strobes…:) I know a few other folks that have a problem with the lights too cuz they are prone to seizures.

    But, for the folks who just wear them to be cool, it’s so retarded. Just stop it!!

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