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Webiquette Grinds my Gears

“You know what grinds my gears? This Lindsay Lohan. Lindsay Lohan with all those little outfits, jumping around there on stage, half-naked with your little outfits. Ya know? You’re a… You’re out there jumping around and I’m just sitting here with my beer. So, what am I supposed to do? What you want? You know, are we gonna go out? Is that what you’re trying to – why why are you leaping around there, throwing those things all up in my, over there in my face? What do you want, Lindsay? Tell me what you want? Well, I’ll tell you what you want, you want nothing. You want nothing. All right? Because we all know that no woman anywhere wants to have sex with anyone, and to titillate us with any thoughts otherwise is – is just bogus.” – Peter Griffin

I’m with Peter. Lindsay Lohan makes me scowl. But that ain’t what grinds my gears right now. Spending as much time as I do online (probnably 14 hours a day), I get bombarded with an infinite amount of things that annoy me. Web etiquette is making us a population of less sociable people, although we are engaging in more social networking (go figure). So there’s some things that grind my gears.

*Forwards. Seriously, if you love me, you will not send me forwards. I’ve sent many a stern letter to my friends for sending me forwards that end with “if you don’t send this to 37 people, your favorite Naughty Monkey Stilettos will lean 69 degrees to the left.” *GASP* How dare you wish such ILL against me? You’re not friend of mine. No SAH!Then there are the guilt-ridden forwards that go “You always forward the funny emails you get, but the ones that are religious, you don’t. So If you don’t pass this on to everyone on your list, you don’t love Jesus.” WHAT?? But… but I don’t have the time to send it to 1500 people. *wall slide*. I LOVE JESUS. AND MY LOVE FOR HIM GROWS STRONGER DAY BY DAY! I start sanging and everything while being torn on whether I wanna risk being questioned about my love of the Lord. I want to let the little light of mine shine, but not like this. Please don’t torment me in this fashion. That is just mean.

If you do have a forward that you just MUST share with me, please delete that last line. YOU have the power to prevent forest fires to break the evil chain!

*eHang ups. I’m guilty of this too, so I will do better. An eHang up is when you are in the middle of a chat conversation, and just leave without telling the person(s) that you’re chatting with that you’ll be gone for a minute. While the other person is telling you how awesome or bad their day is, expecting your eMmhmms and virtual head nods, they get nothing. Then 55 minutes later, you come back like “Yeah that sucks” or a “COOL!”, while the other person forgot what they were even telling you. I am SOOOO guilty of this, and I hate when it’s done to me. It’s the equivalent of pillow talk and your partner falls asleep. You mean, I was just talking to myself? HMPH! *crosses arms* *rolls over* YOU DON’T CARE ABOUT ME!!! *bed slide*

In 2009, I will get it together and make sure to send out a couple of “BRB”s when I’m chatting. And friends (yes, I’m calling y’all out cuz y’all do it too), please don’t eHang up on me. Lest you wanna get a sternly-worded lashing. Consider this a warning. *points lilliputian finger threateningly*

I am a fan of plagiarizing myself so I will say this again.

*P3OPl3 whO wr1T3 LiK3 ThI5. TypoCOP (my superhero English professor alter ego) weeps every time I see this. The blatant disregard for the rules of grammar, syntax and sentence structure is just unacceptable. I am not sure of its purpose but it is hella obnoxious. The tweens started this net speak, but I’ve seen grown people write whole paragraphs (or even emails) that look like this, and nothing grinds my gears more. Someone on my friend’s list on Facebook AlwAy5 wr1t3s h3r stAtu5e5 like that, and I am so tempted to defriend her. I just want her to pack her eSh*t and GO! She is bringing down my Facebook property value and I am thisclose to removing her from my eLife.

And THOSE, are some things that GRINDS MY GEARS! Back to you…

24 Comments

  1. amymay
    April 5, 2009 at 11:44 pm — Reply

    PREACH!! The chain of forwards that it takes ten minutes of life to get to the text….hate that!

  2. JunePearl
    April 6, 2009 at 4:30 am — Reply

    I too *HATE* eHang Ups. I mean, at least have the decency to say “hold up”, or at the beginning of the convo, saysomething like “I’m at work, so I may in and out of the conversation”. Warn a sista! Anywho, we are :here: with that.

  3. B
    April 6, 2009 at 6:56 am — Reply

    Chiiiile, I co-sign on all of the above. Although it’s been ages since I’ve chatted online. I was a chronic e-hanger upper. Fwds make me cringe and do you know if took me 10 years to decipher me$$? Lawd help us.

  4. Craigjc
    April 6, 2009 at 7:08 am — Reply

    Took the words out of my mouth. Great post.
    Check me out sometime.

    http://popwife.blogspot.com/

  5. Adwoa
    April 6, 2009 at 7:32 am — Reply

    I swear!! You never fail to make me fall out my bed laughing!!!!
    “if you don’t send this to 37 people, your favorite Naughty Monkey Stilettos will lean 69 degrees to the left.” *GASP* How dare you wish such ILL against me?

    …maybe I’m just a cornball, but I nearly broke my laptop laughing so hard..

    I am guilty of the eHang up..but some ppl just don’t know when to stop, so I’m forced to do that or go invisible and blame it on my internet connection..

  6. KindredSmile
    April 6, 2009 at 7:57 am — Reply

    Considering the fact that we eHangup on each other about twice a day, I thought it was the norm. Thanks for calling it out though – I’ma hold you to this post.

    As for forwards? You already know about my policy of defriending people after repeat offenses. Tough, tough love.

  7. jeanette nicole*
    April 6, 2009 at 8:21 am — Reply

    My mama just learned how to properly work “the email”, so I get fiddy’leven forwards from her each week. I’ve told her to stop, but she refuses to listen! Ugh!

    I’m super guilty of eHangups daily, haha.

    There is no excuse for anyone on the interwebs to do that l33t sp33k shit though!

  8. ChiChi10
    April 6, 2009 at 9:37 am — Reply

    I want TypoCOP to fuck up ERRbody who types like that on the innanets! *Sigh*

  9. NaturallyAlise
    April 6, 2009 at 10:00 am — Reply

    y dear brillo padded head friend Luvvie, you are the reigning queen of the eHangup, you do it EVERYDAY, I was beginning to wonder if you still loved me, but I know you stan over me and my glistening afro, lol…. but yes you got to do better.

  10. Luvvie
    April 6, 2009 at 10:07 am — Reply

    Amy – GRRRRR to having to scroll through a million things to finally get to the actual email.

    June – Yeah its a bad habit that we all need to break

    B – U’ont chat online?? Chile, thats what I mostly do. Thats ho I keeps in touch the most. I know thats hprrible tho.

    Craigjc – I will def check out ur blog. Thanks!

    Adwoa – I be incogNaija on chat too sometimes when I dont feel like chatting. Oh and hehe. It brings me joy to kno I made ya laugh

    Kindred – Yeah we’re turrble w/ the eHang ups. Let’s do better in the year of the Beloved One

    Jeanette – LMAO @ ur mama getting “the email”. Gurl would it be bad to send her forwards to the “spam” folder? I’m just saying… lol

    ChiChi – For real. TypoCop is gonna start handing out citations to people who are eActing up

    Alise – You know I lubs you AND your un-lustrous coif. I just… I’ll be better

  11. Ms_Slim
    April 6, 2009 at 10:44 am — Reply

    Oh how I hate hate HATE that ridiculous letter/number combo. I mean…why? It takes LONGER to type said message AND it’s annoying to read so…why even do it? To be cool? Fluck outta here.

    I’m guilty of the eHang ups too. LOL. When elashed, I always have that ‘sorry I have a life’ rebuttal lol…but I hate it when it’s done to me. I’m not right, I’m aware lol.

    Forwards? Blah. I hate them in both email and text form…but I’ve sent some that are heartwarming. Rule of thumb though: Remove the “FWD” at the beginning of it. lol As for my email? I dont even read them. The bulk of my unchecked messages on my email are forwards. I just can’t go.

  12. S A V V Y Fatty!
    April 6, 2009 at 11:18 am — Reply

    Jesus loves me!
    This I know!
    For if I forward this email to 6000 of my closest friends, he’ll tell me so!

    Beesh: PLEASE!

    I, too, ABHOR forwards!
    What I hate more than the sappy text is the sugary sweet graphics. Big-eyed, droopy-faced puppies having a staring contest with me. Glittery praying angels. Funny Frogs.
    ICK! Away with it all!
    I’ll live my trife life if it means I don’t have to deal with the diabetic diatribe.

    **lets mic fall to the floor**

  13. LaToya
    April 6, 2009 at 1:10 pm — Reply

    I AGREE!!! Are we supposed to know and understand what your 5ta5u5 means when you aren’t using the highly effective and widely taught and socially acceptable English Language? (gasps.. did she say English?) Yes I did! Ignoring the snickers “English is so 20th Century” NO, not slang. HELL NO not the botched up sliced and diced, botox infused Ebonics (for mental picture see Lil’ Kim circa 96 compaed to DWTS Lil’ eyed Kim of 09) And dare I say not the overly used elanguage.

    English, the language learned and loved will make a formidable comeback soon….

  14. Lite Bread
    April 6, 2009 at 5:39 pm — Reply

    Hey! I might fall asleep, but I don’t drool, OK!

  15. sabrina
    April 6, 2009 at 9:19 pm — Reply

    I’m getting irritated at these thing bleeding over into texts! If s0m30n3 wr1t35 l1k3 th1s in a text, that’s it! No more Sabrina 4 u!

  16. MDUBB
    April 7, 2009 at 4:53 am — Reply

    it’s moving to the text now! Lord help us all

  17. DCtoBC.com
    April 7, 2009 at 12:17 pm — Reply

    yep. anybody WhO TyPeS LyK Dis gets the boot.

  18. Luvologist
    April 7, 2009 at 12:54 pm — Reply

    **raising my hand**

    I’m notorious of the eHang up. I will be better. I promise.

  19. K to the...
    April 7, 2009 at 2:36 pm — Reply

    OMG, I haven’t been reading on the reg like I used to. But dammit, I’m back.

    I love Peter! And I hate the typing with the numbers and letters. My lil sis does that on her myspace page…and mixing upper case with lower case. I told her I hope she doesn’t type her papers for school like that! This fool tells me she does that because it keeps her occupied, or something to that effect. Kiara, go read a book! lol

  20. LibraSong
    April 7, 2009 at 3:33 pm — Reply

    i <3 u.

    that is all.

  21. Ms. Liryc
    April 7, 2009 at 9:44 pm — Reply

    lmfao, I didn’t have a chance to read this when you put it on vsb earlier and I just read it now and I’m over here dying.. LMFAO.. you are so right..

    I am definitely one of those people who ehangs up on people… I don’t do it intentionally I just do it, cause um, I am not supposed to be on and when I see my boss walking around I have to pretend I’m working.. and I forget, but with that said i’ll try harder..

    As for the l3tt3rs l00kin9 lik3 thi5!! This kicks me in my graw!! I hate it when people just don’t take the time out to write like they were taught in school! Sometimes I want to slap my friends and family who write this way. GET IT TOGETHER is what I want to scream..

    I’ll be back to read more, your blog site is funny!

  22. Monk
    April 9, 2009 at 1:52 pm — Reply

    The ALL CAPS irk the hell out of me. That’s the worse.

  23. Luvvie
    April 10, 2009 at 7:36 pm — Reply

    Slim – We must all do better with the eHangups.

    Savvy – LMAO @ ur song. You's a mess!

    LaToya – Let's hope the King's English does make a comback. I'm sicka l33t speak.

    Lite Bread – LOL! You's a mess

    Sabrina – Gurl I dont blame u. It irks my last nerves!

    MDUBB – Yes that speak in text will make me delete your number. iCant

    DC – I approve

    Luvologist – We must ALL be better. Let's help each other get through this

    K – Peter is the bees' knees. And give ur sis a stern lecture on the error of her ways

    Libra – <3 u too!

    Liryc – Yeah eHangups can happen when the man comes behind us but some of us just do it b/c we got ADD and forget we talking to somebody

    Monk – Ooooo I forgot the ALL CAPS. WHY ARE YOU HOLLERING??? iCant.

  24. suga
    May 3, 2009 at 12:06 am — Reply

    I havent chatted/IM’ed in a gabillion ages, but I used to hate when people would walk away during a convo…as Michelle from “Full House” would say: “How rude!”

    There is a guy from my church on my FB friends list who does the uppercase/lower case status messages and it is the most annoying thing ever. That kind of stuff should be outlawed on FB. Not only does he type like that, but his status msgs are 16 sentences long. And people actually read that crap. I’d go cross eyed if I tried. What happened to FB having a character limit for status msgs? HE DEFINITELY NEEDS A LIMIT! lol

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