This week’s letter is directed to one of my favorite stores online, Amazon.com. I’m a dedicated customer and they’ve disappointed me. Womp to them.
Holder of all things awesome. Connoisseur of Cheap. Magnificent merchant of materials. I love you more than Europeans love Kelendria Rowland. I truly does. However, I got a little complaint. You have these shoes that had me drooling for WEEKS on your site. They were red suede pumps with black straps, and were handmade (by a cobbler named Benini, I am convinced. But thats for another day). They spoke to me and said “Luvvie, you and me were meant to be.” They were just made for my FEETS! Besides, I’m increasing my Red Pump Collection so I felt like I had to get them.
They retailed for $430, but since you’re a pocket full of awesome, you had them for $140. Since I’m kinda cheap (and Mint.com had yelled at me to sat my spending ass down), I didn’t wanna drop that dough on those shoes. But they I dreamed ’bout them! I had dreams about me and the shoes running in a field of Violets towards each other, and when we’d meet, the shoe would strap itself to my feet and we’d dance. Oh, did we dance.
I was FORCED to get them. No ways around it. They gave me shoe-gasms everytime I saw them. That $140 caused a text to be sent to me from Mint.com that said “Shopping budget exceeded”. F my life. But that day, when they were delivered to my door, I KNEWED, there was a GAWD. I put ‘em on and them shoes made sweet tender love to my feets AND cuddled with me after. All was well with the world.
Amazon, you would think this meant “Happily Ever After,” but that isn’t so. Today, at the request of a friend, I had to look for a pair of PERFECT shoes she could rock for her wedding (she wanted Cobalt blue peep toes w/ bling on them. I found ‘em too). So I use my sources and land on Amazon. The shoes I found her just happened to be made by the same people as RedStrap (the name I bequeathed my segzy new kicks). So I decided to click on it just to swoon over them with the knowledge that I own them.
Lo and EFFING behold!!! RedStrap was now $93! From $140 to $93??? Holy golden shower, Batman! I’m pissed!
What the heck, Amazon??? I JUST ordered those shoes 1.5 weeks ago and you gon go do something like this? After I sweated before placing the order AND got yelled at by my eFinancial Advisor, Mint? I stalked those shoes for WEEKS and the price didn’t drop. When I finally threw in the towel and got them, you drop the price by 1/3. This is what I call that BULL! Flag on the play!
You know what I could DO with them extra $47? I could buy 6 crepes (with strawberries & caramel) or 15 shirts from Rainbow (if I shopped there and, you know, enjoyed rocking viscose & rayon blend apparel) OR a pair of Chucks (in a size 5). Grrrr…
So I call Amazon to see if they can go on ‘head and gimme some of my money back. When
Apu’s distant cousin customer service picked up, I think I heard a camel in the background. That’s neither here nor there. I explained the situation I’ve found myself and ask for that young partial refund. She ends up telling me that Amazon doesn’t do price adjustments anymore, since September.
Me: “What??? Why? How come no one told me?”
Amazon Cus. Serv.: *silence*
Me: “So do I have to send them back?”
Amazon Cus. Serv.: “It’s up to you.”
Damn skippy I’m sending them puppies back and re-ordering them. I’m just mad I gotta do all ‘at, Amazon. I’m sending you a VERY intense ice-grill at this point in my life. You oughta take a page from Zappo’s book, because they give price adjustments. HMPH.
P.S. I would show y’all a pic of the shoes but they will be unveiled later for something else. Just know that they are DEAD SEGZY. For those who are my Facebook friends, you’ve seen my shoe album. These shoes are so awesome, they will require an album all to themselves. I’m just saying…