In honor of my eSis, Alise‘s day of escape from the wretched womb (c) Stewie (aka her Birthday), I’m posting our Dry Hairhat Battle IV (4, for those not fluent in roman numeral-speak) that happened on Twitter (I’m @LuvvieIG, she’s @naturallyalise).
For those who are new here, I LUBBS Alise like Lil Kim loves her plastic surgeon. And just like Lil Kim’s surgeon, Alise is my frenemy. Being a great friend on one hand and on the other, wishing evil on my nappturality. LOL no but really, this is all love. iRoast because iLove. It keeps our roast games tights. And in case you’ve missed them, check out Dry Hairhat Battles I – III. And out of the 4 we’ve had, this is the weakest because it was at the end of the day and we couldn’t get it in something proper.
Red is Me
White is Alise
Couple of weeks ago
naturallyalise: LMAO! If a comb falls in your fro does it make a sound? (yes it does, it says “ouch”)
LuvvieIg: When a comb sees your hair, does it run? Yes. Like a Kenyan.
naturallyalise: If Carol’s Daughter fell in your lap would you use it? (Looking at your history, probably not)
LuvvieIg: Was your hairhat used as Scarecrow’s wig in “The Wiz”? Yes it was! Perfectly twiggy. Cheapest piece they had in wardrobe.
naturallyalise: Do you ever find robin or crow eggs in your hair, I am sure you have been mistaken for a nest.
LuvvieIg: How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck ur hair?
naturallyalise: you look like you want to fight on your pic…. don’t be mad your curls aren’t as glisteny… #shotsfired
LuvvieIg: HAPPY BIRFDAY, TUMBLE MCWEEDERSON!!!!! *Yes Im hollering* Will leave you a foolish voicemail b4 the day is over!
LuvvieIg: And I ain’t gon roast u today. I will wait till 12:01 before unleashing on ur arid hairhat (aka the Titan of Tar) – Editors note – Clearly this ain’t happen. *shaking head*
naturallyalise: Fallen angel is frying, flaming and flambe-ing @LuvvieIg’s follicles…. *drops mic*
LuvvieIg: A plague on all your follicles. May they turn to twigs and snap off in sad little pieces. May ur edges be truants too!
naturallyalise: *pops gum and rolls eyes* Nuh-uh my baby hurr go to school er’day…
LuvvieIg: Your baby hurr got called to the principal’s office and got suspended for being over-arid & disrespectful
naturallyalise: Your toddler hurr is a beauty-preschool dropout… go get your GED (Girl Ending Dryness)
LuvvieIg: Your teenage hurr is angsty & ranaway b/c it’s livid at ur fo’head for not lettin it date on a school night.
naturallyalise: your senior citizen-hurr broke its hip…..
LuvvieIg: Ur geriatric hair died. At its funegro, we wore Dereon Church Hats w/ glowing lights & matching jumpsuits & chanclatta KSwisses
naturallyalise: You just killed me deader than your split ends, Musiq’s eye, Cassie’s career, or you without rice.
LuvvieIg: ur hair’s moisture is in highest tower @ the beauty supply. The glover’s mane dragon slayed all potential rescuers
naturallyalise: well played Naija Negress…. i saw your afro on the first 48 trying to get off on Moistslaughter with intent to dry.
LuvvieIg: Did u kno there’s a duststorm in the sahara brewing? The people insisted they call it “Alise” in ur honor. Well deserved
LuvvieIg: Let’s call a truce for now. We can use one of ur giant dandruff flakes as the white flag. Hehehehe LOVE U!!!
But yes, HAPPY BIRTHDAY, LISEY! You’s old nah! So yeah, wish my homie a Happy Birthday and vote on who outroasted in Dry Hairhat Battle 4