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BET Awards 09 = Flipping Tables

As you all know the BET Awards was yesterday. This is part 1 of two posts on the most overhyped yet underdelivering event of the year. I decided to split it into 2 posts because it got so long and I hadn’t properly cussed BET out yet. So Part 2 is my letter to BET. Will be coming tomorrow.

First, I decided to watch the Red Carpet pre-show and my pissitivity started with that. The opening act was Hurricane Chris, with the aptly-titled song “Halle Berry”. Him and his Black jacket (yes, in Los Angeles heat) put a bad taste in my mouth off the bat. After his 4 minute “performance”, Terrence and Rocsi (the homewrecker) came out. They both looked decent so I thought “Ok, this may turn out un-coonish afterall.” Then I squinted and looked at Rocsi real hard. Why was she swagger-jacking Tracy Turnblad with that hairhat of hers? It was beehive game PROPER. Fail, Wrecksi. FAIL. Things shorter than Rocsi’s hairhat include: Gary Coleman, DMX’s rap sheet, Ne-Yo’s lipgloss collection, JayZ’s bottom lip, Queen Yawnce’s hairhat collection, Solange’s wardrobe of “different”. WOMP. Rocsi was definiterly the first recipient of the night’s “FOOL SADDOWN” gift basket.

Being the eternal optimist that I am, I still held out hope. My side-eye was only barely there at this point. I tried to keep it at bay, until like 3 acts came on that I either (a) had never heard of or (b) had less talent in their whole body than REAL artists had in their big toe. Jeebs be some musical standards for you, BET.

There were many other things that I saw during the pre-show that garnered my side-eye:

• Amerie’s raccoon makeup

• Sean Paul & his delinquent hairline, which must be emulating Stevie’s. They have ran away together to go wade in all types of waters

• An interview with Arsenio Hall? BET needs more people, including the Board of Relevance Alliance

• Ginuwine’s deacon board special suit. He got rid of the baby hurr just to start looking like sister O’Dell’s 5th husband Ezekiel

• Jeremih’s backup chicks doing calisthenics. Using the word “dance” is an insult to actual, you know, dancers

• Day 26 winning an award I’ont care about and seeing that Brian’s braids still ain’t grown. Lawd, can we rogaine his tips? Just wondering… Brian’s braids have been the same length since before Que signed his endorsement deal with MAC lipglass

Then between all this wackiness, we were decided to inundate us with these ads for Tiny & Toya’s new hoodrat show. I’mo say it if no one else does. Something about Tiny just don’t curl all the way over, like Lil Luffa (R.I.P.). She always looks one sequin short of Dereon and one chromosome (preferably 21) short of normal. iCan’t with her. And this new show of hers? iRefuse.

The actual Awards show began, and opened with a Jackson 5 tribute by New Edition. I found this to be very promising. Then I heard the men of N.E. sing and my big grin dimmed into a slight scowl. I understand it’s been a minute but they sounded like they all needed a throat coating of lemon tea. They got an E for effort though.

The one thing BET did right was getting Jamie Foxx to host. His opening monologue was HILARIOUS, and I could Blame it on the alcohol beause Jamie was toasted! Either way, it worked. The Ghost of Yuckmouth Present (Lil Wayne) won the first award. He even looked like he dipped his big toe in some water. For THIS, I said Kudos. Anyway, Keri Hilson’s performed and I spent the entire time doing this: *Blink* *Blink* *Blank stare*. It was so boring. She is beautiful but everytime she sings, my forehead wrinkles like this: S:-|. I just wished someone would pull her off stage and give her a “FOOL SADDOWN” consolation swag bag. WHERE is the other MJ tribute, BET?

Then came my homie, Ne-Yo. Sweet & tangy Ne-Yo. Ye of the lipgloss game proper. I LOVE him! He SANG his butt off but then in the midst of the song, he took off his fedora and I got distracted. Ne-yo looked like a chocolate condom with that hat off. Weren’t the BET censors concerned? I’m just saying. I couldn’t stop staring at the top of his head which looked perfectly like a prophylactic. Yeah, hat at ALL times Ne-Yo. Go the LL way. Irregardless (*cackles*) he KILLT it. That man can croon! However, they coulda cut Keri and allowed Ne-Yo to REALLY croon as well as jig in a proper tribute to MJ. But nooo.

Then came the part of the night where things REALLY started to go downhill. The REAL injustice that Jesse & Al, the Kings of Perm Present needed to protest is that fact that is Souljah Boy was slated to perform at this awards that was supposed to be a tribute to MJ. No justice and no effing peace! After being subjected to 4 minutes of what was essentially souljah Boy rappping with no enunciation and moaning ”turn my swag onnnnnnn”, my last nerve had arrived and was waiting for BET to plant itself firmly on it. FAIL!

By this time, an hour had gone by the show, and I wasn’t totally pissed yet so this was not a completely bad show. I hadn’t even did a *wall slide*. However, I was kind of wishing a DeLorean would sweep through and take me to 2 hours from then. I may have spoken too soon.
When Jamie Foxx announced Beyonce (Queen Yawnce), I was excited. SURELY, she was gon do Michael justice!!! Bey got up there in a white leotard and a long coat. o_0 *side-eye*. She looked stunning ‘bout the face though. She sang the song that I hear everything an ASPCA commercial comes on “In the arms of the angel”. I was half expecting a dog with 3 legs to hop on stage with her. But it ain’t happen.

Half way through her performance though, couple of people came on stage to change for her and I thought Venus de Milo herself was on my TV screen. She ended up in a veil and some sheer ball tutu contraption. o__0 What recital is Queen Yawnce doing? NO pants in sight. Is she swearing off pants altogether until her boo gets haircut? Iunno but her love of spandex is spreading to everything. Or maybe BET was just too cheap to get Yawnce the pants she wanted. Either way, I just KNOWED Mama Tina designed that costume. It had that “Je ne sais quoi” Dereon touch to it.

Sidenote: My friend LibraSong said everytime Beyonce says “Ave Maria”, an Italian person dies. Talmbout “By the end of the song, 7 Italians have died sand don’t nobody know how.” iHate that iLove him.”

Venus de Creole

Mary Mary performed next and they really made me scowl. Their song was to the beat of “Blame it on the alcohol” and they were bouncing up and down. That’s what we on, BET? We turning gospel artists hood now? Mary (or was it Mary) that had on the leather pants had me frowning. Mary Mary were my next recipients of the “FOOL SADDOWN” gift baskets. It comes with a “WTF are you doing?” body splash. iHate how Gospel artists take a wholly R&B song & add a line bout God & think they’ve done it. No. Go saddown & re-record. FOOLS.

The next performances was Keith Sweat an’ em. I saw that Keith still ain’t got the Claritin I sent him to clear up his nasal passages. He is STILL singing like he needs to blow his nose! THEN, Guy came on stage to perform. Where did BET dig up GUY? From 123 Cardboard Box, Irrelevant-ville USA? iCan’t. But I did approve of when Bell Biv Devoe got up there and performed “poison”. I was doing the Kid n Play all by myself! Then switched to the Running man. A good time, I tell you.

For another MJ “tribute”, Ciara sang. Yes, I know. She was sitting on a stool with a piano behind her, like she’s a vocalist. Whose idea was it for Ciara, Dancing Queen (and nothing else) to sing a song that didn’t require instruments to drown you out? The onliest thang she can do for ME is dance. Madness! Ciara’s vocals are flatter than the Cameron Diaz’s chest. WTF? FAIL! “Heal the World” is my ISH too! At this point, my forehead was livid like this >:-|. Not. Pleased. UGH!

Monica & Keyshia Cole performed. And yes, Monica is still a bucket of sass. That girl can wring her neck 360 degrees. Just sassy. She can still sing anyone under a bed though. Go on gurl! I ain’t gon talk about Keyshia’s capris. No, I ain’t. Also, this is the point when BET was officially on my last nerve. This is also when I realized that there ain’t gon be no *wall-sliding*. We flipping tables. BET is playing bald-headed (no amber rose) GAMES! Where r the damn TRIBUTES??? BOOOOOOOO!!!

Beyonce won some kind of award and walked up there to get it while looking like a human disco ball. What in the bedazzled, embroidered & glittered Dereoned Hades was she wearing? No, Bey. Please say no to Mama Tina sometime. This led to a surprise performance from JayZ. He has become the human Jay (Jack) in a Box. Always popping up randomly to rap. At least he got some TCB now (two combs and a brush). For that, we all say thanks. He did “Death of Autotune” and since all the people he named in the song were there, it rocked.

Don Cornelius came on stage and he sounded like a rusty truck engine. Just tired and husky. You aight, Don? Not only that, he spent what felt like 25 minutes telling some nonsensical old folk story that really has no point. I was wondering when Sandman Sam would come get him up off that stage. He introduced a performance with Tevin Campbell, who looks like life dragged him through the mud then tried to rinse him off with a hose but all the murk ain’t come off. He just looked rough. Then Johnny Gill joined him and looked so geek to have work that he ain’t know what to do with himself. He was skipping around that stage with his bird chest. Eddie would be proud. Tyrese got up there looking as fine as he wanna LOOK! But their performance made me miss Gerald Levert. He’da been rolling around on the floor sweating buckets and hollering. *sigh* The good old days.

Don came back on stage to introduce the O’Jay and gave yet another rambling speech. The O’Jays had to just walk on stage while he was talking to tell him to be quiet. Old folks. Gotta love em. This is also when the funniest moment of the night happened. Eddie was accepting his award and then said “SHIT” before BET’s censors could stop it. This was my EVERYTHING. It gave me life. I love old folk who cuss. They don’t give 2 damns! Anywho, the O’Jays performed their set while breathing hard. It lasted about 10 minutes longer than it should have. Sorry but it was cutting into MJ tribute time. WHERE IS THE DANCING TRIBUTE? My tiny fists were shaking vigorously at this point.

Debra Lee, BET’s President got up and gave some speech about BET staffing working hard. Well not damn enough. This awards show is more of a let down than Curtis Ennis was when he was a Chicago Bear. Just BOOOO, Debra. EFFING BOOO!!! (more to come on her later)

TI won some award and Tiny, his baby mama accepted the award. Tiny STILL aint had no ring put on it even though TI gon need it for conjugal visits. OUCH! Ego = *on the floor*. At this point, Taraji I HATE YOU JODY” Henson & Tyrese did some type of Baby Boy skit, which ended with Ving “Holiday” Rhames scaring the ish outta everyone. I coulda done without this.

Maxwell came to perform and I squealed like tweenager at a Hannah Montana concert. MAXWELL!!! *faints* Then I wrote him a letter that said “Dear Maxwell. I am yours. Lustfully, Luvvie”. *Sigh* He’s HOT! And croonedddd so well. His new CD is THAT business.

Then Drake the candle-faced boy performed with Weezy, the roach-faced man next. I yawned, blinked and watched my nails until they were done. Another performance I could have definitely done without.

The only part of the show that I truly appreciated was when Janet Jackson came to say a few words. I can’t imagine the pain she’s in and to get up in front of the world to speak is so courageous. I’d be somewhere balled up in a fetal position. The pain was so palpable in her eyes. My soul did a *wall slide*. Her appearance was a huge departure from Joe Jackson and his foolish self, who was in the front row for the entire show having a good time. *LETHAL SIDE-EYE*

The show wrapped with a duet with Ne-Yo & Jamie Foxx. They sang “I’ll be there” and it was beautiful. Those balladeers, LAWD!!!

You can’t tell me that Ne-Yo don’t look like a chocolate condom!

There you have it. My rundown of the 2009 BET Awards show, which was an EPIC FAIL. I TRULY wanted to flip a couple of tables and kick paper when it was over.

Save a reminder because tomorrow comes the sternly-worded letter I’m writing BET. It will ROCK! I promist y’all, I’m cussing like a FOOL!!! I’m going OFF about the classless wonder of a show they put on and why iQuit BET and EVERYTHING!

So stay tuned… See you 2moro for the TRUE going IN on BET.

*Kudos to NaturallyAlise for finding me the pics

Edit: Will edit with more pictures before the day is over.

53 Comments

  1. Beez
    June 29, 2009 at 1:38 pm — Reply

    Basically, Debra Lee-vil punk'd our expectations with wrong vocabulary! If they would've said the show was dedicated to MJ (which still would've met nary a side eye), that would've been a tad more acceptable than the whole "we're overhauling the show to make the most phenomenal tribute evahhh!" BS they had been spewing since Friday… After it was all over, I'm thinking "I coulda watched some YouTube videos, or posted one of me sanging for a better tribute!"

    Not to mention, halfway through the show they musta figured they needed to buy more time, since we finally got to see some of the nominees, in addition to cuts to Tyra Banks. Joe looked a lil' too delighted to see Beyonce win, considering the immeasurable grief he SHOULD be in, eh?

    P.S. Fro-yo and Jamie sung "I'll be There" at the end of the show.

  2. Ms. Miranda
    June 29, 2009 at 1:57 pm — Reply

    Excellent observations!!! I know people don't want to hear this, but Chris Brown should've been there. How could you do a Michael Jackon tribute without him? I know it's all politics and BET trying to keep up appearances and what not (*rolls eyes* but they dont worry about appearances when they're handing out shows…tiny….toya..wendy…urgh)…but this was a time he was truly needed and I am not a Chris Brown fan. When he did Thriller on the MTV Awards a little while back…it's was simply marvelous. They didn't have to let him talk…just use him for his dancing and sanging abilities. Beyonce's performace SCARED ME! I was gripping onto the edge of my sofa like please don't let her come through the scream and snatch my soul. We also needed a touch of Jill Scott and a dab of Chrisette Michelle. And Monica should've sang "Just one of them days" or something. I need more Monica in my life and less of these other broads. Keri is adorable, but her performances always leave me so confused!

  3. Shawnta
    June 29, 2009 at 2:23 pm — Reply

    Very accurate review of the show.

    Definitely not BET’s finest hour. Highlights of the show for me…Maxwell, Jay-Z, Monica & Keyshia, Johnny Gill, Ne-Yo, Tyrese (not Jody), Tevin Campbell (LOVED him when I was younger & I still listen to his music), BBD & the O’Jays. I agree with you, it was also a highlight to see that Lil Wayne showered for the occasion. I like him but he always looks so dirty to me. They could have left their performance off though and put something MJ in.

  4. Shawnta
    June 29, 2009 at 2:25 pm — Reply

    @Ms. Miranda – I'm not sure how true this is but I read that Jay-Z had a lot to do w/Chris Brown's Thriller tribute being pulled the night before the show because of the Rihanna situation. Didn't Don Cornelius recently make news for beating his wife? What type of message does that send? Chris can't perform because he beat his then girlfriend but Don can do the honoary award presentation to the O'Jays? So, it's okay to beat a woman as long as she's your wife? I don't get the logic.

  5. true2me
    June 29, 2009 at 2:28 pm — Reply

    I hear beyonce REFUSED to do a Michael Jackson song (probably the one Ciara ended up doing).

    Not only that but how tacky is it to take an alfit from your concert and re-cycle a performance on the awards show..

    She need to take off Bea Arthur's golden girls night gown..RIP golden girls

    I also heard that Jayz wouldn't perform if Chris did (sigh)

    But this WAS the BET awards..what 'd we expect

  6. Dee Dee
    June 29, 2009 at 3:00 pm — Reply

    I love it! You are straight up hilarious Luvvie!!!

  7. amymay117
    June 29, 2009 at 3:27 pm — Reply

    ouch…. you hurted me makin' me laugh like that so early…. taking my broken ass giggle-box to the 'mergency room to get looked at…. hope I don't need surgery. You proud of yourself, Miss Ma'am?

  8. Naturally Alise
    June 29, 2009 at 3:38 pm — Reply

    Don Cornelius gave me the damn itis…. smh

  9. Tan
    June 29, 2009 at 3:39 pm — Reply

    I have to agree about Chris Brown. I spent the whole show waiting on him to come back. I had to go on YouTube to get my Chris Brown "Thriller" fix.

  10. Naturally Alise
    June 29, 2009 at 3:40 pm — Reply

    oh yeah, I hate you for this: "Ciara's vocals are flatter than the Cameron Diaz's chest." That was the bestest…

  11. Tunde
    June 29, 2009 at 3:49 pm — Reply

    Man you are some types of funny. the highlights of your post to me include:

    "Things shorter than Rocsi’s hairhat include: Gary Coleman, DMX’s rap sheet, Ne-Yo’s lipgloss collection, JayZ’s bottom lip, Queen Yawnce’s hairhat collection, Solange’s wardrobe of “different”.

    "Ne-yo looked like a chocolate condom with that hat off."

    i'm dying over here. i pretty much feel the same way you did about the awards as you did. good synopsis.

  12. Luvvie
    June 29, 2009 at 4:14 pm — Reply

    Gurl Debra Lee is on my ish list for real! She is gon GET IT in tomorrow's letter that I write. And please dont get me started on Joe Jackson's evil looking ass. Why his eyebrows are giving me the middle finger is beyond me.

  13. Luvvie
    June 29, 2009 at 4:14 pm — Reply

    I also agree that Chris Brown would have done an MJ tribute justice. They should have let him perform and then the world can continue having its grudge tomorrow. I'm just saying

  14. Luvvie
    June 29, 2009 at 4:15 pm — Reply

    Gurl you got the same highlights as me, although I was bout ready to kick the O'Jay's off that stage myself. Old folks…

    Yes, confetti for that fact that Weezy showered. That alone calls for a toast

  15. Luvvie
    June 29, 2009 at 4:16 pm — Reply

    Gurl you are preaching ALL of that! I also heard jayZ was behind that. They picked Joe Camel over CBreezy.

  16. Luvvie
    June 29, 2009 at 4:17 pm — Reply

    Gurl I blame myself for having any expectations for this awards show. I should just went in expecting it to suck but when they said a lot of the show would be dedicated to MJ, I thought it was suck-proof. Guess not!

  17. Luvvie
    June 29, 2009 at 4:17 pm — Reply

    LOL thanks Dee Dee!!!

  18. Luvvie
    June 29, 2009 at 4:18 pm — Reply

    Umm… Luvvie isnt responsible for any ER visits that come from yall reading her posts.

    Dayum Yall gon make my eInsurance premiums go up with all these claims I gotta make. I wonder if I can save money with eGeico…

  19. Luvvie
    June 29, 2009 at 4:18 pm — Reply

    LMAO Don Cornelius made u wanna take an extended blink huh? I concur.

  20. Luvvie
    June 29, 2009 at 4:19 pm — Reply

    LoL! Glad you see where I'm coming from. Foolishness abounded at that show. WOMP and F their lives

  21. circa1908
    June 29, 2009 at 4:45 pm — Reply

    "BET trying to keep up appearances and what not"
    with last nights show I don't understand what appearances they trying to keep up… Don Cornelius was there why not add Chris Breezy… I mean tow domestic violaters is always better than one….

    And where was Usher and Mariah? I mean I am not necessarily a fan but they would have done it justice

  22. Ms. Miranda
    June 29, 2009 at 4:46 pm — Reply

    I understand any concern people may have had in terms of Chris Brown performing given the situation with Rhianna. But so many ppl sitting in that audience have been accused of so many things. So yeah, BET politics and the other hollyhood celebs may have gasped…BUT…if it's ok for Tiny and Toya to have their daughters up on the stage dancing to "Every Girl In The World" …how dare them deny us of a good tribute via Chris Brown. And while I'm at it…Justin and Usher should've come through. Perhaps, MTV will get something grand together.

  23. ChiChi
    June 29, 2009 at 4:50 pm — Reply

    You forgot the group of 10 year olds on stage when Drake and Weezy were talking about "fucking every girl in the world." SMH

  24. Cheekie
    June 29, 2009 at 4:56 pm — Reply

    "What in the bedazzled, embroidered & glittered Dereoned Hades was she wearing? "

    For REAL. I mean, Beyonce is a pretty chick, but why must she make these "choices" or more aptly, why are these choices being made for her? She looked like a middle-age lady going to the The (15 members of ) Temptations Revival. Blind.

    Anyhow, this recap was the bestest. I don't know a world where an MJ tribute doesn't include a DANCE TRIBUTE. What the frick. MJ equal to dance just as much as he is equal to music. That ish is an algebra formula. If Mike is X and Dance is y, then X = Y, you BET suckas? WTF, dont give me excuses, you don't even have to make up any choreography just have someone re-enact some of his best choreographed moments….dayum, is that too much to ask. All the work going into Rocsi's pathetic pompadour and Jamie Foxx's silly moonskid coulda went into getting someone to to a dance tribute. BEt fails at decisions.

  25. RiPPa
    June 29, 2009 at 6:11 pm — Reply

    This was soooooo how I felt about this crap last night. I just didn't have the patience to break it down like you did today.

  26. VerbFashion
    June 29, 2009 at 6:13 pm — Reply

    YES! That I really did NOT understand…kids on stage for that song just made no sense.

    Beyonce just blew my life…I think you forgot to mention Tyra…wtf to that weave?! like for real…

    Ciara chose to sing???? and BET allowed it??? At this point in the show i just didn't know what to expect next.

  27. K to the...
    June 29, 2009 at 6:19 pm — Reply

    "Breaking news, 'K to the…' bka Ig Duchess of Juke passed away this afternoon at the tender age of 26. Autopsy shows she died due to an overdoes of ignance by Luvvie. Her last words were 'iLaugh!'"

  28. VerbFashion
    June 29, 2009 at 6:20 pm — Reply

    in terms of shows being handed out…i'm going to have to say I'm a little disturbed that BET continued to plug the Frankie & Neffie show as if The Keyshia Cole show wasn't just THAT…might as well called it season 3 of the Keyshia Cole show (not featuring Keysh…per the norm).

  29. Beez
    June 29, 2009 at 6:32 pm — Reply

    Is it ok if I link to this post in my blog? I honestly don't have the patience to talk about the show that was "ok in the middle, ok at the end, but the 3.75 hours in the middle were f*cked up." Just wanted to clear it with ya! :)

  30. Luvvie
    June 29, 2009 at 6:32 pm — Reply

    EXACTLY! Usher & Mariah woulda to some ish up in that piece! *HEATED*

  31. Luvvie
    June 29, 2009 at 6:33 pm — Reply

    PLEASE say ALL of that!!! BET is the King of hypocrisy. NOW is not the time for them to be getting some values. They need to go saddown somewhere!

  32. Luvvie
    June 29, 2009 at 6:35 pm — Reply

    Shonuff, chick! Link away :-D

  33. Nicole J
    June 29, 2009 at 7:06 pm — Reply

    I could not have said it better myself. Your comments were my exact thoughts of the show. The ENTIRE time I was waiting for a PROPER celebration of MJ. These awards sucked. This was BET's time to shine. It is going to be a sad day whent he AMA's, the Grammy's, and the MTV Awards do a FAR better tribute to Michael than his own people. I expected so much more from BET, especially after all the hype of a show that would celebrate MJ. I've never been so disappointed but I should have known better!

    "What in the bedazzled, embroidered & glittered Dereoned Hades was she wearing? " TOO FUNNY! A friend of mine said Bey looks like she has the body of an old white woman when she's wearing those damn tights.

    I read your blog ALL THE TIME and I don't think I have ever laughed this much. I am at work tryin to keep the chuckles on the low low.

  34. Lite Bread
    June 29, 2009 at 7:51 pm — Reply

    Yer Most Beautiful High Priestess of Awesomelynessis (layin’ it on THICK, right KindredSmile?),

    Well, how ‘bout I do the considerate Lite e-Boo thang here and … call on “White Privilege” an’ just stay the heck outta it (ya know, Librasong style, ie, Knowin’ My Place).

    But, I wooda silently held yer hand and given you the Kleenex through the worst parts of it …
    I do what I could …

  35. Luvvie
    June 29, 2009 at 8:42 pm — Reply

    Yeah Bey's fashion choices leave much to be desired at times.

    LOVE ur BET equation. You know BET is a bunch of belligerent dummies. They dont do simple addition let alone algebra. WOMP

  36. Luvvie
    June 29, 2009 at 8:42 pm — Reply

    Glad to be of service, Rippa.

  37. Luvvie
    June 29, 2009 at 8:42 pm — Reply

    I will give a touching eulogy at ur funegro and then uke afterwards in ur honor

  38. Luvvie
    June 29, 2009 at 8:43 pm — Reply

    AIn't it sad that white folks will be puttin on a better tribute than us coloreds???

    And yayyyy glad to see you de-lurk. Stay awhile, Nicole!

  39. Luvvie
    June 29, 2009 at 8:44 pm — Reply

    Oh, Litest of Breads. Thanks ya for the Kleenex. You so good to me, eBoo! :-D

  40. Cheekie
    June 29, 2009 at 9:03 pm — Reply

    "It is going to be a sad day whent he AMA's, the Grammy's, and the MTV Awards do a FAR better tribute to Michael than his own people. "

    I KNOW! Especially since Jamie Foxx and 'nem made such a big deal of how MJ belongs to US. Really? I can't tell. I thought so…but I can't tell.

  41. flamboyantchiq
    June 30, 2009 at 12:51 am — Reply

    oh my god you are so funny
    every single thing you said i had the exact same thought

    things i tripped off of:

    why did mary mary have queen latifah as the rapper on their song?
    I felt better watching the show, knowing i can be a big ole lesbo and wear super tight shiny pants and still get into heaven

    keri yes she is pretty
    but her dance moves were more elvis presley than michael j
    i didnt like that shaky stuff

    also am i the only one that peeped drake on degrassi?
    can you be like accepted in the hood when you were on a teeny boppy soap opera?

    new edition
    sounded horrible, why cant ralph hit those high notes anymore?
    and bobby out of breath brown he blew it

    beyonce makes it so easy not to like her
    is she doing it on purpose?

  42. STFU
    June 30, 2009 at 8:30 am — Reply

    Yall aint never satisfied. That is the same shit you shake your ass to in the club and now you want to act all uppity. Yall are really a trip!

  43. SimplySona
    June 30, 2009 at 2:39 pm — Reply

    FlamboyantChic, Oh Shit, is that where Drake is from. I never seen that dude b4 the awards show, but I was like dang this dude look familiar… He is the dude from Degrassi the New generation. Din't he get shot and put in a wheelchair… WOW!

  44. Neicy
    June 30, 2009 at 4:56 pm — Reply

    I stopped wathcing the coonery after Zoe was talking about that poor old lasy being in the bathroom….just akward and sad. I wanted to straighten her up and hug her.
    My onliest regret–the ONLIEST–was missing my boy say MJ was, "dancing and sh*t."

  45. kynaa29
    June 30, 2009 at 7:11 pm — Reply

    LOL!!! Ne-yo's head *hand over mouth* irregardless…LOL! Turning gospel hood, Sandman Sam *dead, from laughing too hard*
    I did not watch it (don't eff w/ BET under any circumstance) but just because I read this post I may have to just for plain $hits and giggles!…but I doubt it…

  46. Diana Barry Blythe
    July 1, 2009 at 12:53 pm — Reply

    I had to stop every few lines or so to laugh as I read your post! This is funny! Great job, Luvvie. I feel as if I had watched it with you.

    About the Queen Bee's hairhat collection. . . don't say that too loud or it might give Yawnce ideas for another product line in Dereon Hades that we'll all have to spend time avoiding.

  47. Miss_Mielle
    July 1, 2009 at 5:24 pm — Reply

    LUVVIE!!!!!!!!!!

    Thank you thank you thank YOU!!! Girl, I haven't sat down in front of a computer since Friday thanks to having to do end-o-the-month visits all over Ohio (this culminated in me seeing a gigantic picnic basket building, complete with handles, but I digress). The first thing I did this morning was open up your page so I could see your comments on the overwhelming coonery that was the BET awards and Miss B…I was literally speechless. I had to get off the phone with someone once they put that skirt thing on….She knows we all know she's married now, right? Like , I feel we don't need that happy little fact broadcast anymore.

    Monica, Trey/Tyrese/Johnny, and of course Jamie and Ne-yo at the end, were the highlights of the night…but they don't really make up for the rest of the foolishness. Debra Lee should be SO ashamed. And judging by all the commercials for the upcoming fall line-up…it's not gonna get better anytime soon…

  48. Felicia
    July 2, 2009 at 5:59 am — Reply

    @ Ginuwine’s deacon board special suit. He got rid of the baby hurr just to start looking like sister O’Dell’s 5th husband Ezekiel…

    Oh…oh…my chest is tight from laughing. Call 911!

  49. CocoBeansupreme
    July 3, 2009 at 3:30 pm — Reply

    OOmg !!!!!!! I feel as if we had telekineses (I spelled it like that on purpose he.he) that night. I don't know what the helllll happened but where was the MJ tribute!!! I am pissed and currently on strike banning myself from BET until those negras do a proper tribute. I said it! I loved Neyo and Monica and for some strange reason ]eyonce made me think of animals and my soul all at once I was scared and sad, like the angel get up helped any. Pooooorrrr N.E. they aren't even worth a reunion concert ticket nnooooowayyyyy. BBD however. AAAALLLLLLL day do me baby…..but wait why is there so much swearing at an MJ tribute??? Then people saying their fav MJ moment seem to be mocking him….listen to them, Jamie {oxx needs his ass slapped for being a part of that coonery…..I will still have a trench of jamie foxx's children without a ring on it. J/k. But thank you, I was waiting to see who would tell it straight and gurrrrllllllllllyou are the shyyyttt.

  50. bogart4017
    July 14, 2009 at 8:21 pm — Reply

    Girl you are abs hilarious—and right on point!

  51. [...] BET been in previous years? Well, last year, it was so bad that my recap was in TWO parts. First I flipped tables at the awfulness that was the awards. Then I wrote BET a scathing letter. Either way, I went into [...]

  52. [...] BET been in previous years? Well, last year, it was so bad that my recap was in TWO parts. First I flipped tables at the awfulness that was the awards. Then I wrote BET a scathing letter. Either way, I went into [...]

  53. [...] was “outstanding” enough to be nominated automatically makes them lose ALL credibility. The BET Awards was nothing but FAIL, yet it’s up for an award. Boo, NAACP. Just… [...]

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