My Life

Mama, I Wanna Freak, But I’ont Want God to Frown: The Urban Lit Book

So I was thinking about it. If Zane and Sister Souljah have become millionaires off writing poorly written, trashy novels, why am I still a tens of thousandaire? Especially when I can string together coherent sentences with correct grammar, syntax and sentence structure? Shoot. Well I have a scheme plan. I will write my OWN trashy epic.

With all of that being said, I am here to make an announcement. I’m gonna write a Gospel Erotica called “Mama I wanna freak but I’ont want God to frown”. It’s gon be a bestseller in the hood. Folks are going to love it because it is gonna address both religion and ho-sh*t.

So check it. Here’s the synopsis:

Homegirl lives with her Big Mama in a strict household. She never misses a Sunday at “Christ is King & the Little Light of Mine Will Shine Pentecostal AME COGIC”. She’s in the Qwa (choir) and next in line to be Junior Head Usher (her white gloves are on standby). Her chastity is not an option but a requirement because just like homey the Clown, Big Mama don’t play that.

Well one day, she meets this fellow Christian boy who is also committed to being a virgin till marriage. However, sparks fly and they both get feelings they’ve never had before. Then one day, her Big Mama sees that she’s been distracted, and homegirl tells her “Mama, I wanna freak. But I’ont want God to frown at me.” And she struggles with whether to go the route of Christ or submit to ho-sh*t.

Y’all gon have to read the book to find out when if ho-sh*t wins out, or if she decides to walk in her Air Foot Voyages (Christ’s shoes). MMHMMM!

Mama I Wanna Freak

The Book Cover. YOU SEE IT!!!

Gurl with attitude? CHECK! Hairhat intact? DOUBLE CHECK! Hands on Hips? DID YOU HAVE TO ASK??!! See? I even got a sleazy cover created already. With the PERFECT amount of sluttaciousness yet still good girl. Thanks for designing the cover for me, Mr. Smart Guy! *add cheesy thumbs up here and extra big grin here*

Hmm…I need a book agent. Does BET have a publishing company? Because it’d be a GOOD fit for anything they want to publish. I even have a distribution plan. I’mo sell my Gospel Erotica at every African fest for $8.99, and set up shop right next to the wise African woman that sells the tubs of shea butter for $5. I’ll even autograph it with “Yours in freakdom, Luvvie” for an extra 50cents. And I’ll sell it 4 blocks from the local alternative high school that they send all the pregnant girls. I got a plan!

Then, I’m selling the rights of “Mama I wanna freak” to the Tyler Perry Movie Studios. If Tyler doesn’t want it, I can go the Indie film route. The budget will be $5,000, daily meals from Subway and coupons on Dereon clothing. Sundance Film Festival, here I come!

I see my name in the (Apollo) lights already: “Mama I wanna freak” by Luvvie. Directed by Jojo Simmons. Starring: Monica Calhoun as homegirl, Irma P. Hall as Big Mama, Bokeem Woodbine as the boy, LisaRaye as a sassy nosy neighbor & Morris Chestnut as an extra. Gabrielle Union will make a cameo for no reason. Yes. IT. WILL. ROCK!

The soundtrack will be a double disk. Disk 1 will be called “Ho-Sh*t Chronicles” and Disk 2 will be called “Jesus be…” It’ll be produced by the Pied Piper of Foolery (R.Kelly) because he is good with ho-sh*t & religion switches is a genius (who is borderline insane). I’m hoping to have such talents as: Mary Mary, Kirk Franklin (as long as he leaves them plaid pants behind), Lil Wayne (the roach of ho-sh*t present).

Would yall buy my book? Who else should be on the soundtrack? Who did I leave outta my movie cast?

Edit: Y’all best not steal my idea. Or iSwearfoGAWD and 3 wise white men, frankincense and myrhh… I’mo come for ya with a team of pro-bono law school students lawyers. *glares at blog readers*

BTW, Awesomely Luvvie now has a Facebook page. If you dig my blog, become a fan. Thank ya kindly.

85 Comments

  1. V.E.G.
    August 21, 2009 at 6:01 am — Reply

    Hmph. You gone be REAL mad when I write this book! I will be on the Steve Harvey morning show discussing the plot and character development and you will be seeing red.

    I am gonna spend 3 hours on Saturday knocking the first draft out – it won't take long.

    I'll shout you out in the book credits.

  2. V.E.G.
    August 21, 2009 at 6:03 am — Reply

    Come to think of it, I'll spend an hour and a half on Saturday writing the stage play and another hour knocking out the screen play. Might as well have a package setV ready and waiting for the publishers/movie houses that are sure to snap this out.

    Thanks for the inspiration. I shall call you Muse.

  3. Luvvie
    August 21, 2009 at 6:07 am — Reply

    Don't get roundhouse-kicked in the throat, V! I know where you live! Punk! *glares at V*

    See how my friends try to do me??? *shakes head*

  4. Luvvie
    August 21, 2009 at 6:08 am — Reply

    LOL I'll hire the Qwa director to direct the stage play. Odds are, he'll be rocking a slicky ricky and a pinstripe suit.

  5. Blackberry Molasses
    August 21, 2009 at 11:43 am — Reply

    Edit: Y'all best not steal my idea. Or iSwearfoGAWD and 3 wise white men, frankincense and myrhh… I'mo come for ya with a team of pro-bono law school students lawyers. *glares at blog readers*

    I don't know why I heard "MUR-RUH" for myrrh. *snort*

    Luvvie, you made me cackle and snort this early Friday morning! Can I be the costume designer on the production? I can provide my resume and references from Mama Tina and Kimora "The Queen of Extra-ness"Lee Simmons about my extensive knowledge of 'urban fashion trends'. Cast will be Dereon Emblazoned BabyPhat rockin game PROPER.

    Oh, and Li'l Mama needs to be homegirl's best friend who has a sketchy past going on and is encouraging her h*shit. YES.

  6. maxfab
    August 21, 2009 at 12:51 pm — Reply

    you are effing hilarious and you're in luck because BET does have a publishing company – i've burned out my retinas on a couple of their gems. can't wait for 'mama i wanna freak' the musical!

  7. @SBailey7
    August 21, 2009 at 1:40 pm — Reply

    Hey, y'all!

    "I got a plan!"

    @Luvvie: Plan your work & work your plan! You are out of control. The sad part in all of this is you know you'll have a loyal audience & strong fan base. They will demand sequels. They'll want to know all about Homegirl. They'll buy & support everything Homegirl…dolls, t-shirts, trading cards, etc. LOL at R.Kelly being a genius & borderline insane…funny but so true.

    @MrSmartGuy: I am 'mad' at you for doing the cover art…lol. At least you didn't make her wear a cross instead of the necklace she's wearing. ;-)

    P.S. @Luvvie: Regarding the laptop giveaway…no one will hate you.

  8. amymay117
    August 21, 2009 at 1:43 pm — Reply

    Just nothing to say 'cept you keep killin' me….
    It's a shame really. I know I'm coming here to get kilt, yet I continue. Hmmmm….

  9. @SBailey7
    August 21, 2009 at 1:46 pm — Reply

    @V.E.G.: If you shop this idea around first, make sure you change a few details to avoid the team of law students. Make Homegirl Baptist and instead of the choir she can be on the praise & worship dance team or she can be a Sunday School teacher in the children's church held in the basement.

  10. @myzdevyneone
    August 21, 2009 at 2:35 pm — Reply

    I so concur!
    Luvvie, I heart you! Pardon the groupie-ness, but you GIVE ME LIFE during the workday so dreary! I know my cubicle neighbor think I'm nuts cause you always got me cacklin' bout your blog at random intervals!
    *bows in reverence to your IG-ness*

  11. Luvvie
    August 21, 2009 at 2:51 pm — Reply

    U gon add to her scheme, Shawnta? U aint NO GOOD! HMPH! M law students gon be the ones that are at the top of their class :-p

  12. Luvvie
    August 21, 2009 at 2:53 pm — Reply

    OOO yes, BbMo! U can design the costumes. You hav to make sure they have the right amount of glitter & tackiness otherwise it wont stay true to the characters. If u can guarantee me that, you got the gig. Use Mama Tina as inspiration.

  13. Luvvie
    August 21, 2009 at 2:56 pm — Reply

    BET has a publishing company??? Do they run it from the Viacom basement? Or is it a little cubicle outside Debra Lee's office? I'm intrigued. Tell me more.

  14. Luvvie
    August 21, 2009 at 2:58 pm — Reply

    Gurl you are right. You know people would actually buy this book. I'mo write it for real. Watch. Millions, here I come!

  15. maxfab
    August 21, 2009 at 3:15 pm — Reply

    girl yes they do and their books are filled with gems like
    'he laved her swollen orb [boob] with his hot swollen tongue'
    and my personal favourite:
    "his body clamored to be sheathed inside her. her impatient wildness spurred him and her softness beckoned"

    these books make zane's look like pullitzer prize winners.
    my people! my people!

  16. Luvvie
    August 21, 2009 at 3:18 pm — Reply

    So this is a poltergeist of you commenting?? EEK!!! *runs away*

  17. Tunde
    August 21, 2009 at 3:59 pm — Reply

    lol. i'm dying over here. i'll buy the book though. lol

  18. Neicy
    August 21, 2009 at 4:13 pm — Reply

    If you put some songs IN the actual book with a man in drag, Tyler Perry will make your book a play, a sermon and 2 movies.

    And if you make this a series, I'll give it to KeKe and nem bookclub, "We Supposed to Be Reading Oprah Books, but Keep Getting Side Tracked By Jesus Erotica Novels" You'd make a killing!

  19. Cheekie
    August 21, 2009 at 4:21 pm — Reply

    You is THEE utmost fool, Luvvie. In other news, please let Clifton Powell be the preacha! PLEASE!

    And yes, I've been obsessively checking my gmail account for your Laptop Lolla update. I was THIS close to emailing you with a "what gives?" comment, but uh, you beat me to it with the update. I thought my email got lost in the shuffle and I missed the contest or some mess. I was crazily freaking out on the inside. It was sad. Anyhow…*deep breath*. lol

  20. Tea
    August 21, 2009 at 4:33 pm — Reply

    This is awesome. You know the same people that watch Tyler Perry's show on TBS will buy this book. You'll be a STAR!!!

  21. Blackberry Molasses
    August 21, 2009 at 5:04 pm — Reply

    OMG I snorted, What the HELL does 'laved' mean? Licked? Salivated? Saliva-ed? Shaved? Did double dutch? Inquiring minds what to know.

    I want to read this just so I can cackle.

  22. maxfab
    August 21, 2009 at 5:11 pm — Reply

    LMAO i just spit pear drax all over my screen! i don't know wtf laved means…i'm thinking something along the lines of 'lick clean' since "laver" means 'to wash' in french…but i think i'm giving her waaaaay too much credit. it probably just means 'slobbered all over'.
    these books are hilarious.

  23. NaturallyAlise
    August 21, 2009 at 5:14 pm — Reply

    No Fredro Starr in the cast? Clifton Powell? Keshia Knight Pulliam?

    Otherwise I think you have a hit on your hands. Need a poem or some shit? I got you!

  24. Lite Bread
    August 21, 2009 at 5:33 pm — Reply

    Yer Most (soon to be fab-u-LESS-ly wealthy) Awesomelynessis,
    OK. I get a part. See, ya KNOW there HAS to be at least ONE “Police Arrest” scene in this here “classic hood work”. So, I get to be the totally fool white cop (can they BE anything different?) who shows up to bust someone’s a@@. Ya know it has to be in there. How can ya have any kinda cred without a police incident/record?

    And I work cheap. I just get to “laved her swollen orb …”
    I died right there.

    Luvvie, you gonna make me move some cash in my portfolio to the makers of Depends for Stock value. ‘Cause you makin’ us all really increase their sales, even in this economy. I about went (pun) double layer on this one.
    Classic. Hall of Shame. I smell the BET Awards appearance already.

  25. Jaycee Williams
    August 21, 2009 at 6:12 pm — Reply

    It's Genius! Of course you will need another Alias! Now, the downside is that there's gonna have to be a sequel! But hell, convert it into a "Gospel Play" then a movie like Tyler Perry or take it even sicker, I mean, even more graphic, and do the Lee Daniels thing. But you gonna have to live with it! Faustian deal indeed.
    (Laughter)

    Now, in fairness, Black Experience or Street Lit has it's place. Zane has a place just like Alice Walker and Toni Morrison. Alice Walker has been writing Sad, bitter Women for so long and Zane has been answering the call for the horny and repressed. Cool!

    My Daughter read Zane and Karrine Steffans but I do my best to turn her on to Perry Brown, LA Banks, Octavia Butler and Tanarive Due so that she has a balance.

    Don't get frustrated just do you and that will be enough.

  26. Blackberry Molasses
    August 21, 2009 at 6:44 pm — Reply

    entirely too much credit. You know Bonshiqua McClain never took a French class a DAY in her LIFE.

    Pear Drax… what is thisdelectable sounding item you are consuming?

    Educate a sista. *snicker* I'm sorry. I can't help it.

  27. Luvvie
    August 21, 2009 at 6:53 pm — Reply

    Oh and YES to Lil Mama being Homegirls BFF who enables her to do ho-sh*t. Just… YES!

  28. Luvvie
    August 21, 2009 at 6:54 pm — Reply

    "'he laved her swollen orb [boob] with his hot swollen tongue'
    and my personal favourite:
    "his body clamored to be sheathed inside her. her impatient wildness spurred him and her softness beckoned"

    What in the Dereon H*ll does any of that even MEAN? Alls I kno is that I feel dirty just by reading it. "Swollen orb"? WTF? iCan't.

  29. Luvvie
    August 21, 2009 at 6:55 pm — Reply

    Yeah u're def giving it way more thought than they did. You know they just threw it together and thought it sounded good. Ur theory's great though. Hmm… mayb I'll incorporate "lave" into my book somehow. As in: "Homegirl LAVEDED him". *jots down notes*

  30. Luvvie
    August 21, 2009 at 6:57 pm — Reply

    YES! Give it some Visual Bookshelf love. And WELCOME to blogosphere. Glad u finally got a blog. U know I'mo be stalking it now, right? Just a warning.

  31. Luvvie
    August 21, 2009 at 6:57 pm — Reply

    *Writing Tunde's name down as order #1* I'll be sending u an invoice that'll be written on a napkin shortly.

  32. Nicole J
    August 21, 2009 at 6:58 pm — Reply

    You are HILARIOUS! My office mate is ALWAYS lookin' at me crazy like "WTF are you laughin' at over there?" Too funny! Keep 'em coming. Get your book published by TCP (Triple Crown Publications). I am convinced that this company will publish ANYTHING!

    I like to call Urban Fiction "Shoot-Em-Up Bang Bang" books. The story lines are ridiculous.

  33. Luvvie
    August 21, 2009 at 6:58 pm — Reply

    YES! I could see this book being turned into a Tyler Perry series. Then eventually, a bad sitcom on TBS. I have dreams!

  34. Nicole J
    August 21, 2009 at 7:00 pm — Reply

    Oh yeah, you killed me with the book cover. Too funny! I can see it on the shelves already with a prominent position right in the front of the store. NEW FICTION

  35. Luvvie
    August 21, 2009 at 7:00 pm — Reply

    How did I forget Clifton Powell, the Saint of Random Roles? That man plays the most random parts. Yes… He's SO in.

    And LOL don't worry, u aint miss an email from me.

  36. Luvvie
    August 21, 2009 at 7:00 pm — Reply

    I'm ready for my stardom. I'll walk on the Red Carpet in Faux ur and pleather boots. Folks would be jealous!

  37. Luvvie
    August 21, 2009 at 7:02 pm — Reply

    Fredro Starr can play homeboy's best friend who is a bad influence on him. Him and Lil Mama, homegirl's BFF will get together and tell homegirl and boy how good their ho-sh*t was.

    And um… u can write a poem in the epilogue.

  38. Blackberry Molasses
    August 21, 2009 at 7:04 pm — Reply

    Attention erryones!!! I have had a vision for the costumes for the movie/stage play.

    I'm seeing Dereon. Dereon and BabyPhat. Dereon, BabyPhat and Rocawear…

    Mini dresses.. homegirl is going to have a bedazzled minidress with an H on it…. Big Mama is going to be in Midnight Velvet (google them) chuuuch suits and hats
    Li'l Mama can just bring her own wardrobe. It'll work.

  39. Luvvie
    August 21, 2009 at 7:04 pm — Reply

    Litey, consider urself cast as the cop who "busts a cap in their *SS". Methink u'll be in a scene w/ Fredro Starr. He's bound to get in trouble in the book and u can come 'rrest him.

    Whatcha think?

  40. Luvvie
    August 21, 2009 at 7:06 pm — Reply

    Hmm… another alias you say? Maybe my pen name can be Lolla Luvely. Yes… I think I like it.

    And yes every genre has a place but for the folks that exclusively subscribe to the "Urban Lit" bookshelf in the library, o_O

  41. Luvvie
    August 21, 2009 at 7:08 pm — Reply

    Hmm… another alias you say? Maybe my pen name can be Lola Luvely. Yes… I think I like it.

  42. Luvvie
    August 21, 2009 at 7:16 pm — Reply

    *strokes chin* Yes… yes… I'm feeling this vision of urs. *claps hands together* Let's get'er done! I'll go pick up the supply of glitter and sequins we will need. Lots o' glitter. Oh yes, and glue gun.

  43. Blackberry Molasses
    August 21, 2009 at 7:32 pm — Reply

    u gettin a bargain. i come with my OWN glue gun!!!!

  44. Luvvie
    August 21, 2009 at 7:34 pm — Reply

    See? The key to ur success is to learn the art of the silent cackle. Given, its dangerous cuz u may bust a vein trying to stifle urself. Besides, tell ur coworker to "mind ur bitness, thats all. just mind ur bitness" (c) Ashley in Fresh Prince

  45. Luvvie
    August 21, 2009 at 7:36 pm — Reply

    YES! I need folks to visualize that book in some rinky dink corner bookstore. The cover makes it real. YEs. o_O

  46. Michael
    August 21, 2009 at 7:39 pm — Reply

    Hol' up, wait a minute, STOP! Gospel and erotica do NOT go together! *smh* while LMAO!!!! This post was SO HILARIOUS! The idea probably would actually sell but I'd prefer you find sumthin else to write about. HOWEVER if you should go through with this, I want in on the movie and the soundtrack, lol… I wanna be the QWA director in the movie and I got my own wardrobe already. I got all my casket sharp outfits packed! When do we start filming??? LMAO!!! Luv you, Luvvie!

  47. Beez
    August 21, 2009 at 7:55 pm — Reply

    Ooh! Ooh! Can we get Leon on to play the cousin who went down that track and failed horribly, and somebody who can really sang, like Patti (I mean, if she did Idlewild and didn't sing not. naan. lick., she'll do this, right?)

    I reserve the rights to the live band. I'm like Rickey Minor, without as big of a name, and probably more talent. Plus I'll give you the blogger discount! :)

    I cain't wait!

  48. K to the...
    August 21, 2009 at 3:36 pm — Reply

    I'm buying that book, son! And making sure, on facebook, I add it to the list of books I like…before The Bible! LOL!

    *Side note…I've FINALLY entered the blogosphere…http://andeyewonder.blogspot.com. Check me out! :-D*

  49. K to the...
    August 21, 2009 at 3:36 pm — Reply

    I'm buying that book, son! And making sure, on facebook, I add it to the list of books I like…before The Bible! LOL!

    *Side note…I've FINALLY entered the blogosphere…http://andeyewonder.blogspot.com. Check me out! :-D*

  50. K to the...
    August 21, 2009 at 3:36 pm — Reply

    I'm buying that book, son! And making sure, on facebook, I add it to the list of books I like…before The Bible! LOL!

    *Side note…I've FINALLY entered the blogosphere…http://andeyewonder.blogspot.com. Check me out! :-D*

  51. K to the...
    August 21, 2009 at 3:36 pm — Reply

    I'm buying that book, son! And making sure, on facebook, I add it to the list of books I like…before The Bible! LOL!

    *Side note…I've FINALLY entered the blogosphere…http://andeyewonder.blogspot.com. Check me out! :-D*

  52. mr. nichols
    August 21, 2009 at 9:06 pm — Reply

    Cedric the Entertainment HAS to be the preacher. It's a must.

  53. mr. nichols
    August 21, 2009 at 9:07 pm — Reply

    I guess me writing Entertainment instead of Entertainer means I should be editing the book.

  54. Luvvie
    August 21, 2009 at 9:58 pm — Reply

    U can be the QWA director in the movie as long as u rock ur hair in a greasy slicked-back ponytail. And ur suit MUST be shiny. U must also rock faux gators. U got this in ur wardrobe? Then we in bitness!

    Rehearsal starts at 8am (read: Noon in CP time)

  55. maxfab
    August 21, 2009 at 10:00 pm — Reply

    ah pear drax – it's a trini thing. pear-flavoured soda. sounds yucky but it's soooo delicious. i was actually a little pissed that i wasted a mouthful laughing.

  56. Luvvie
    August 21, 2009 at 10:02 pm — Reply

    How could I forget Leon, ye of the bird-chest and biopics? Oh yes. I will have to find a part for him to play. Maybe he'll be homeboy's jaded uncle. Yes…. He's in.

  57. Luvvie
    August 21, 2009 at 10:03 pm — Reply

    Yes! Ur talent for misspelling is a gift we need on our team. You're editor. No ifs, and or… butts. <– lol

  58. amymay117
    August 22, 2009 at 12:16 am — Reply

    poltergeists are scary @me…. that movie freaked me out for years… especially that damn clown doll….

  59. Lite Bread
    August 22, 2009 at 12:49 am — Reply

    Yer Mostest Be-u-tee-ful Awesomelynessis,
    OK. Now that you blowin up bigger than Beyonce’s frontlace after a swim, you need some Publicity. Nothin’ sells better than the faux sleazy kind. You need some personal Drama to get the Tabloids all a twit-her. Now, ya know how it all goes, some ugly hook-up with a cast member or part of the crew, something’ of that nature. Just before the big release ya know. You gotta get people talking about YOU, not just the “Literary Genius” you are.
    So, my devious plan …
    Con't (Hey! Wouldn't be Litey without that, right? Gotta keep my game up …)

  60. Lite Bread
    August 22, 2009 at 12:50 am — Reply

    Nothin’ storm-waves the “black boat” like a fine, hot ‘hood black-girl talent doin’ the Swirl with some funky/ugly whiteboy. So I volunteer. Ya don’t have to like really touch me or anything; heck with photo-shoppin’ these days, we don’t even have to be in the same State! Just need some “public appearance together” rumors, a few really graining long-range telephoto pic’s, totally photo-shopped to have you and I “together” on a Caribbean beach somewhere (or swimming in Auburn Park Pond, yer pick. But no KindredSmile this time, OK?). Oh the Rumors! The Drama! The “How COULD She?!” “Luvvie Goes IR at the Beach!”

  61. Lite Bread
    August 22, 2009 at 12:50 am — Reply

    You’ll be doing Essence mag interviews before V.dot gets the first Twit-her off! Bein’ a Guest Host on 106th & Park! Introducing Lil Wayne for his Lifetime Achievement Award on BET!
    See, we all HERE for you girl! Your e-group will put this thing down Write! Thank me later …

  62. Faith
    August 22, 2009 at 3:57 pm — Reply

    LMAO….personally I would like to say sorry for that grammatical error of my last comment, don't comment when hungover nuff said. But also I asked a question that was answered by this post.

    On a side note I think this book is on it's way to be a "Hood" best seller. I mean you have the lawd and the street and that's pretty where it starts and ends. I can't wait to not read the tale but see your popularity soar to mountaintop heights.

    Please let the tomfoolery commence!!!

  63. SimplySona
    August 22, 2009 at 11:45 pm — Reply

    Megan Good gonna haveta be somebody girlfriend in the movie…. and if you need a choreographer for the stage play, holla at me….!!! But for real, I was washing today and I thought about u cuz this lady was reading a book called, Drama in the Church… and the character on front was looking real sassy… her hand wasn't quite on her hip but it was resting real close to it… you make me chuckle…

  64. Reggie
    August 23, 2009 at 1:38 am — Reply

    I remember once picking up a Zane novel and reading a paragraph or two and feeling like I needed to wash my hands……….what filth!!!

  65. Luvvie
    August 23, 2009 at 11:44 pm — Reply

    Yes we will need some "Behind the scenes" drama on "Mama i wanna freak". Someone gotta sleep w/ someone's faux-boyfriend that they're "complicated" with on Facebook. Yes, yes… I like how you think, Litey

  66. Luvvie
    August 23, 2009 at 11:46 pm — Reply

    "Nothin’ storm-waves the “black boat” like a fine, hot ‘hood black-girl talent doin’ the Swirl with some funky/ugly whiteboy. So I volunteer. "

    *DEAD AND GONE* at this. You stoopid!

  67. Luvvie
    August 23, 2009 at 11:50 pm — Reply

    *DEAD* iCan't w/ u, Litey. U got me over here cackling.

    Hmm… maybe I'll wear a Dereon jumpsuit for my first guest hosting of 106 & Park. Whatchu thank?

  68. Luvvie
    August 23, 2009 at 11:52 pm — Reply

    LOL I ain't peep the error. TypoCop & GrammarNator must be napping. And your Tyler question got an unexpected answer from me. I actually like Tyler Perry's stuff. They entertain me. I know. There's a bit of urban youth in me.

    YES! It's gon b on the Black Expressions Top 10 "Books Black folks must read". I see it already

  69. Luvvie
    August 23, 2009 at 11:56 pm — Reply

    Hmm… you right. Meagan Good NEEDS to be in the movie. She's D-list. She'd fit right in. And u now u my choreographer! I need u to bring just the right amount of booty popping that can transition into praying. No one else can do it like you.

  70. Luvvie
    August 23, 2009 at 11:56 pm — Reply

    UNCLEAN! UNCLEAN!!!

  71. @Roxy_V
    August 24, 2009 at 12:41 am — Reply

    I don't know if I want to hit on your head for coming up with such foolery that Black folks will eat up or die from laughter at the fact that people will buy this mess & pay extra for the move/musical/off-off-off down the block Broadway stage play adaptation.

    That was a mighty run-on sentence. It had to be done.

  72. S A V V Y Fatty!
    August 24, 2009 at 5:36 am — Reply

    Please ensure that Rev. Liljon (YEEAAAHHH!) is available to precide over my homegoing service. I need Christ is King & the Little Light of Mine Will Shine Pentecostal AME COGIC to send me off to Young Jeezus RIGHT.

    Oh…and did I mention iDied?

  73. bogart4017
    August 24, 2009 at 7:37 pm — Reply

    Your book will sell out on every street corner in Brooklyn!!! You are sikwidit! You need to be hosting your own talk show! Your R. Kelly comment slayed me and your cast is hilarious!

  74. bunny
    August 26, 2009 at 5:45 am — Reply

    Luvvie you's a fool for reals! I love it and you are just a mad genius with words. I think you might have forgotten Me.gan Go.od.e. She'd be perfect in this because OMGosh she totally overacts and badly I might add!!! You need to take this act on stage and quickly!!! Pure foolery but genius all wrapped up in one!

  75. Luvvie
    October 17, 2009 at 3:47 pm — Reply

    So umm… u gon come watch? LOL I'm just asking

  76. Luvvie
    October 17, 2009 at 3:48 pm — Reply

    If Rev. Liljon is busy, can Bro. Franklin administer ur homegoing? He'd stop in the middle of ur eulogy to JIG something se'ous. Yes…

  77. Luvvie
    October 17, 2009 at 3:49 pm — Reply

    I'mo add Brooklyn to the Book distribution marketing plan then LOL. Thanks a bunches! :-)

  78. Luvvie
    October 17, 2009 at 3:50 pm — Reply

    Ok u just made me blush. Us colored folks ain't 'posed to do that. THANKS!!!

    And u know Meagan Goode was born for that role.

  79. [...] *Mama I Wanna Freak – Since Zane an’ em have become millionaires off subpar writing, I decided to come out with a Gospel Erotica (an oxymoron of sorts) called “Mama I Wanna Freak But I’ont Want God to Frown.” I even picked the people I want to star in the low-budget movie version. [...]

  80. [...] People who have spent YEARS writing, and can construct sentences with magic… haven’t even landed on this list. And Snooki kicks the door down in her UGG boots with her first book and is a NYTimes bestseller. THIS is why I’m so touched and butthurt by this. It’s like someone stole my last bowl of rice. My soul is TROUBLED! I’m saying… ain’t nobody published my book idea! Yeah it’s hoodratish but still… [...]

  81. [...] someone stole my last bowl of rice. My soul is TROUBLED! I’m saying… ain’t nobody published my book idea! Yeah it’s hoodratish but still…What does a goon have to do to get this type of love? Oh. I gotta appear on a reality tv show and [...]

  82. nichole
    June 13, 2012 at 5:50 pm — Reply

    The 2 disk soundtrack is brilliant. Bump-n-grind music on one and gospel on the other. I would definitely download that from iTunes!

    Monica Calhoun as homegirl. Fits! She’s always the woman walking the line between good girl and bad. Typcasting.

  83. Marsha S. Haneiph
    June 14, 2012 at 7:31 pm — Reply

    *dead at “sluttaciousness”

  84. June 15, 2012 at 5:49 pm — Reply

    i just laughed so hard i hurt something – when you do your Dallas book signing, i got a couch for you to sleep on – hell, i’ll even kick one of my kids out of their (twin) beds if you want! i see best-sellerness in your future!!!

  85. June 15, 2012 at 5:52 pm — Reply

    i just laughed so hard i hurt something – when you do your Dallas book signing, i got a couch for you to sleep on – hell, i’ll even kick one of my kids out of their (twin) beds if you want! i think we should start a Twitter campaign to get you on OWN with Oprah – if she can interview the Kardashians, surely she can interview a future best seller of Ho-sh*t and ratchetry!!

Leave a reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>