I’m Lemony Snicket
My life these past couple of days has been a series of unfortunate events. This is why I am naming myself Lemony Snicket. It’s been such a mess that it’s been comical. I’m like a walking 1 stooge. So check it.
First of all came yesterday morning. I got to work to find that out internet is down. Say WHAT? We had NO ‘net! Turns out the entire network of our gig in the loop wasn’t working. So I thought, “Well, guess I’ll do some non-internet work while this gets fixed.” Plus, I had my BlackBerry, which meant I could tweet and check my GMail. All wasn’t lost.
Then, I realized I hadn’t had my morning French Vanilla Hot Chocolate (the best ever). I go get a disposable coffee cup and realize we’re out. *whining* Mannnnn… but I need my hot cocoa! So I see by our water fountain thingimajig (one of those Hinkley water things with a hot and cold side) that we have regular plastic cups. I’m sure you all know where this is going already. But hang with me. So I had the bright idea of getting one of the plastic cups and using that for my hot chocolate. O_O I poured my packet of Hot Cocoa in and then poured hot water in it. Before I knew it, the bottom of the cup started shriveling and collapsing within itself. The hot water OF COURSE melted the plastic cup. As I moan and groan, my coworker comes over and sees me.
Coworker: HA! What did you do??
Me: Umm… I seem to have melted the cup with my hot chocolate. We’re out of regular coffee cups.
Coworker: No we’re not. There’s more in the storage room!
Me: O_O *blank stare*. How come no one told me??
Keep in mind, through all of this, I’m still holding the melted plastic cup and it’s still shriveling even more. *Sigh* I’m an idiot. I got the regular cup, threw out the melted plastic cup & the tainted cocoa and made a new one. All seemed well once again.
THEN… I sat in my office and was cleaning up my desk. I had mounds of paper just chilling on there. I get my stapler and I see I’m out of staples. So I stroll to our storage room to re-up. I see some staples on the shelf but they seemed bigger than usual, I noticed. But for some reason, I decided it’d be a good idea to use them anyway, instead of just looking for the regular staples. So I put the staples in and try stapling my paper but my stapler wouldn’t budge more than half way. I heard a “CLICK” that was not quite right. I opened the stapler and saw that because the staple I used was a heavy duty one (for our electrical stapler), it was now stuck in the area where it was supposed to come out. It was half in, half out. Methinks I could just pull the jammed staple out and all will be well. Nope. The staple was stuck and had created a more than average whole in my stapler. After 10 minutes of trying and failing to dislodge this staple, I realized that I broke my stapler. WHO DOES THAT??? Me and only me.
Three strikes and I should have been out. I should have just reset my day and started it over. I REALLY don’t know what I was on. Clearly I was on a foolish spree.
I thought my series of unfortunate events was over. Til this morning…
I wake up and see a text message from my BFF. I decided I’ll answer her after I take my shower. After my shower, I go to text her back and see that my Blackberry trackball was acting funny and playing baldheaded games. It was scrolling left, right and up, but not down. After cleaning it with alcohol and having no luck, I decided to pop it out and clean it that way. I’ve popped it out before. Results weren’t 100% positive but they also weren’t BAD. So sitting on the couch in my towel, acting like I didn’t have to be at work in an hour… I waged a war on my Blackberry trackball. I popped it out and cleaned it a little. Then I tried to put it back in. Here is where it ALL went wrong.
In trying to put the trackball back, I pushed a bit hard and the trackball piece became 2 separate pieces. The trackball and the white plastic around it. Aw crap. So I put the trackball back in the white piece and push down. It was like my trackball was being a gremlin. Everytime I pushed it down, it separated and showed yet another part it was made of. Before I knew it, the trackball section of my trackball had somehow broken into 5 different pieces.
Sidenote: Do you kow that there are like 5 distinct parts to a BlackBerry trackball? The ball itself, white plastic round it, white plastic at the bottom, silver thing that held the ball to the white plastic…. Do you also know that there are 3 tiny magnetic pieces that allow the trackball to scroll? Well I do now. I could probably draw a blueprint of the trackball. “The Physics behind BlackBerry Trackballs” because I saw EACH part. The More You Know! *Shooting star behind G-List celebrity.*
How I managed to break something seemingly simple into 5 parts is really beyond me. So before I knew it, I had no trackball. A blackberry without a trackball is like an iPhone with a broken touchscreen. I couldn’t do NOTHING but press the “call” button or dial numbers. And umm… you already know I have no one’s number memorized. So this meant my phone was useless. I HAD no phone!!! *WALL SLIDE*
I found my old Red Razr and ran to my phone company to help me activate it so I can at least have something to use while I send this one for repair.
*Sigh* Now my thumbs hurt from trying to text folks and it taking 3 times as many buttons to click. Plus I can’t tweet. Or check my email. Or chat from my phone. What is I gon’ DO??? *wall slide* I don passed out and ended up in 2000, where flip phones still rule the world and the Razr was innovative and cutting edge. Talk about an EPIC FAIL.
So to all my BBM folks, don’t message me till Wednesday, when I get my new BlackBerry in the mail. I’ll give you my new PIN then too.
Morals of this story: I’m a Walking ACME Cartoon | I Need Supervision | I need to SADDOWN
Edit: I tried to include a pic of my Blackberry with the hollow center where the trackball used to be. I took it on my Razr but it won’t send picture messages to allow me to upload it. F My reversed technology Life.