I’m still in Boofooville, USA for this conference. The city is small, but my hotel is nice. I could cartwheel, *WALL SLIDE* and do the Bro Franklin all up in my room. That’s how big it is. iDigs it. Plus the free WiFi in my room got a *fist pump* from me. But yeah, y’all know I can’t stay away for too long. So iBlogged.
So here’s the thing. I’ve never had ambitions of fame. As much of a loudmouth that I am, I’ve never wanted to have my grill plastered everywhere. I’m the fool that sees family videos of myself and run out the room in embarrassment. I don’t like watching myself. Shoot, iWince and cover my eyes everytime I see my *WALL SLIDE* video.
BUT… I’m a tad bit offended that ain’t nobody offered me a show yet. Everyone and their mama has a show nowadays and ain’t nobody tried to put me on yet??? This was spurred by me watching Mo’Nique’s show the other night. Mo’Nique’s claim to fame has been hating on us skinty bishes, and being loud for no reason. Well, her talk show was no different. She spent the entire hour shrieking at random octaves. I wanted to jump through the TV and dropkick her in the throat and tell her to SHARRAP!!! On a good note though, her hairhat was looking right. They got her that premium Yaki 45. Methinks most of the show’s budget went into it. Oh, that and her spanx. She was all squozed under something in that dress of hers.
Sidenote: Funny that Mo’Nique has spent all her life saying how skinty bishes are the devil, yet she’s losing weight now. Too bad she’s lost weight but her head is still the size it used to be. The “She more lolly. Got more head than she got body” syndrome is not good on her.
<-- See her hairy legs? This is offensive and RUDE.
But yeah, her show sucked and I just wanted to watch it that one time so I could form an opinion on it. Besides, it was shown on BET so I already expected it to be crap. You already know that Lucifer plays hopscotch in the BET parking lot. GET THEE BEHIND ME, Mama Tina!!!
This just goes to FURTHER prove my point that it is RUDE that no one has offered me a show yet. So I’m outraged. Why? Cause…
- Mo’Nique & her Magila Gorilla legs got a show. I shave reg’lahly & aint nobody featured MY legs on TV (Rudeness)
- Frankie, Neffe, Junebug, Pookie, Man-Man ALL got shows. But aint nobody paid me to ack a fool on TV yet? (Unfair)
- Real, Chance, Kate Gosselin (& her backwards mullet) got shows but my mug aint on the small screen getting paid (No justice, no peace)
- I’m cute as a button & ain’t nobody picked up “Behind the IG”. Yet Tiny’s “Nightmare on Elm St” looking ass is on TV (We Shall Overcome)
- All of my teefs is mine. AND they straight. AND white. Yet Frankie got a visual soapbox. If Frankie’s Dentures get a show next, iQuit everything! (Ish ain’t right if Crack wins)
- My uterus doesn’t echo, yet Neffe got a half hour each week dedicated to her. Where’s MY show? (I call Bullish)
- Khloe Kardashian has her own show. I don’t make folks scream “Godzirra!” when they see me and ain’t nobody featured me yet. (HMPH!)
See? NOT COOL! Well, maybe it’s best I don’t have my own show. I may have to leave all my smarts and couth at the door and I don’t think I could do that. But dang, someone could at least OFFER! HMPH!
Well, maybe I wouldn’t have to shame my mama. I could just have a show that was the video version of this blog, with me roasting folks to pieces in realtime. Yes… yes… excellent. Who would watch? It’d be me just cracking myself up with 1 viewer.
Would y’all watch my show? No??? Fine… I ain’t like you NO way!! *pouts*
Edit: HELL TO THE NAW! Eddie Griffin has his own show too??????? This is officially ridiculous. He ain’t been relevant since… well, ever! How did he pull that? iCan’t.