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Another Laptop Lollapalooza

Hey y’all! I got an email from a firm that represents HP computer, asking me if I wanted to do a laptop giveaway for my blog readers. Of course, I said “Yes! Put me on so I can put them on!” Well, I didn’t use those words. I actually exercised some couth, but I said “Yes.”

LuvPrah is IN THE BUILDING! “You get a laptop! And YOU get a laptop!”

So here’s my 2nd laptop lollapalooza. The first was in August.

I got a picture of the brand new HP Pavilion dm3 laptop and it’s cool features. It’s part of HP’s new thin and light line. Comes with:

 Segzy, ain’t it? Ow Owwww!

*10 hours of battery life
*Super mobile, at just 1” thin and uber sleek
*Windows 7, featuring snazzy stuff like snappinshake, and peak
*HomeGroup to make sharing music, pictures, videos, and document on home networks easy
*Premium Sound and speakers you can connect to your HD TV

The company that represents HP will be shipping the laptop directly to the winner, so it will be coming from them.

Contest:
 
Write a hilarious and foolery-filled 100-word story using my favorite phrases. This story must include proper use of:
  • iRebuke
  • Dereon Hell
  • Creole Magic
  • Hairhats
  • Onesies
  • *WALL SLIDE*
  • “FOOL SADDOWN” Gift basket
  • Ghost of Coon Present
*reads* Hmm… seems I’m having folks write about Beyawnce (but not really. It ain’t bout her. Just seems to be that she has been the muse for a lot of my roast). Iunno how I feel about that. But anyway, have at it. It’s like an IG version of Ad-libs.


Your 100-word story should be left in my comments section under this post. If for some reason, yours happens to be too long (character-wise, because you used 100 big words), leave half here and email me the rest to Luvvieblog (at) gmail (dot) com. The story doesn’t have to be 100 words. If you can get all’adat into a tale without using all 100, then goodie. But it also can’t exceed 100 words (use MS Word to do word count, ya dig). You can even turn in more than one story. Each one will be judged separately. Some one y’all’s cups runneth over with IG so I know this won’t be hard.

 
You have until tomorrow (Saturday) at noon (CST) to have left your story as a comment under this post. The story that makes me cackle the most, will earn the laptop. If y’all need clarification on these rules, leave a comment and I shall respond.

Some folks are still mad at me for not winning the first giveaway in August, but who’da thunk y’all knew me so well? Shoot… Y’all are gonna be even MORE upset at this one because it’s subjective. I actually will be picking the winner purely based on my opinion, and how much they make me cackle. Well, I will get the help of some of my blogger fam (the ones that don’t enter).I will announce the winner on Monday morning. If I have to, I will do a round 2, but by Tuesday, there WILL be a winner of a laptop.

P.S. Also, although one of my readers is getting a laptop, I can also possibly get one if I’m the blog with most posts, comments and tweets about this giveaway. So tweet about this and all’adat good stuff. Y’all make me a winner! Because the better I do, the more giveaways I could have. PUT ME ON!!!

P.P.S. I will be having a *WALL SLIDE* contest in a couple of weeks, so those that are ready to show off their best dramatical (yes, dramatical) slides… don’t fret. It sho’ll is coming.

P.P.P.S. Look below & read the final post from Guest Blogger’s Week: Sarah Palin wears bumpits. Show Thembi some love!

Edit: I’ve only received THREE entries to this giveaway. Y’all don’t want a comp for the free??? I know you do because the last one I had, 60 folks entered. And it went on for 3 rounds. #YouKnowYouWantIt

Edit 2: Laptop contest submission is OVER! Y’all DID want it afterall. You’re just procrastinators. 25 folks have entered. I shall read them all. Check back on Monday for an announcement.

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27 Comments

  1. Lite Bread
    November 20, 2009 at 6:04 pm — Reply

    Yer Mostest Beautifulist High Awesomelynessis,
    I’m think I’ma ‘bout to yell “Foul! Red Card! Red Card! Red Card!”
    See, you done made another totally Culturally Biased Contest!
    This is as bad as unequal schoolin’ and SAT tests.
    Where your cultural Sensitivity an' Awareness at girl?

    How you ‘spect a 2520 (and OLD to boot) like meself to get any of those there gall-dang-golly-gumdrop questions?

    LOL! Really, it’s all good, you knows it.

  2. @Vejurnae
    November 20, 2009 at 6:20 pm — Reply

    Is there anyway I can post my submission in along with a picture???? It really puts my post over the top….

  3. janegoldenarms
    November 20, 2009 at 6:54 pm — Reply

    She never thought this would be her life. Standing in the mirror of the dressing room at Dereon Hell, Kelly felt confused.
    It was all good just a year ago. And then she won that "Fool Saddown" gift basket at the Ghost of Coon Present Busted Awards. It was a speedy fall to hairhats and onesies.

    "iRebuke this place," she said. Doing a wall slide just to maintain some sense of posture, she chanted "Relax, Relate, Release" wishing for a new life. And then a Creole Magic fairy appeared giving her a baby by 50 Cent. Wow, dreams can come true.

  4. lola gets
    November 21, 2009 at 4:22 am — Reply

    I wrote mine with a nod to the upcoming holiday season. Check your inbox and enjoy!

  5. @SBailey7
    November 21, 2009 at 4:34 am — Reply

    STILL thinking…I'll post mine soon!

  6. @DollBabyV
    November 21, 2009 at 5:20 am — Reply

    Apparently someone has placed Creole magic on me (*Wall Slide*) and not even the Shmedium Onesies department in Dereon Hell could be WORSER than the men I been meeting. I’ve been passing out “Fool Saddown” gift basket’s all month! Example: I met a guy with a hairhat bigger than Macy Gray’s who asked me did I wanna go on a date to Wendy’s (SIR you playing bald-headed games?!) When I declined he quoted the Ghost of Coon Present : Gucci Man “girls are like busses…” Before I could say “iRebuke you” MetroPCS cut his phone off! DTEmsg973 sir iHateChu o_O

  7. ListenToLeon
    November 21, 2009 at 5:23 am — Reply

    Yesterday I finished a screenplay, “Kung-Fu N*ggaz.” Next a spirit with a Jermaine Jackson hairhat emerged from smoke. It knew Creole Magic or something. T’was the Ghost of Coon Present, but everyone calls him “Sweets.”

    I slapped the SH*T out Sweets. He did a *WALL SLIDE* and landed in the fetal position. I then yelled “iRebuke thee in the name of Lil’ Baby Jesus & John the Baptist, wearing matching onesies! DAMN YOU TO YEAST INFECTED DEREON HELL!” Next, I sold my script to BET Films for $5,000 and a “FOOL SADDOWN” gift basket. The End.

  8. @AboutABoyJC
    November 21, 2009 at 6:19 am — Reply

    After drinking my “You Ain‘t No Diva” tea, from my ‘Fool Saddown’ gift basket (courtesy of Keri Hilson ‘cause I look better than her in hairhats), I’m reminded of an old Texas tale.

    He was from the small town Dereon Hell, famous for its Creole magic and the world renowned, “Phat Baby Express: House of Cajun Tofu & Waffles”.

    While conjuring the Ghost of Coon Present [by doing the “Single Ladies” mating dance *WALL SLIDE*, in breast platted onesies while chanting, “iRebuke thee in the name of Queen Creole!” fifty’leven times] and like a ghost, he was gone. #TheEnd
    _______________________________________________________________

    —All I could do with 100 words..lol. I tried.

  9. MizzPanda
    November 21, 2009 at 7:14 am — Reply

    Dear Nameless Sir,
    I felt as though I was trapped in Dereon Hell and forced to wear onesies created by Bey, herself; when you said “you’re a glass of water and I’m thirsty.” Looking like the ghost of coon present with your hairhat. The *Wall Slide I did should have been a no. Then I proceeded to hand you the Fool Saddown gift basket including the “Um…No Boo Boo chocolates.” Then I followed it by the “I’m not your type” hot chocolate to soften the blow. But then you tried your Creole Magic to win a date.
    Not the One

    I tried.

  10. los angelista
    November 21, 2009 at 7:15 am — Reply

    Gaga pushed Beyonce. “You made me look ugly in Video Phone, but iRebuke your Creole magic with my poker face.

    “Here’s a “Fool Saddown” gift basket, Gaga,” Beyonce cackled. “Wear more bloody hairhats. You’ll never look hotter in some onesies than me!“

    “But you wear booty pads and your man is the Ghost of Coon Present,” Gaga cried.

    Beyonce began to whirl. A beam of light erupted from her rear. “Sasha Fierce Powers Activate!”

    Her fist connected with Gaga’s nose, sending Gaga into a wall slide. “Do you not know we worship the Devil? I condemn you to Dereon Hell!”

  11. Los Angelista
    November 21, 2009 at 7:32 am — Reply

    “Mama,” Beyonce cried. “Work your Creole magic and make Solange wear some hairhats! When I see those naps on her head, I just about do a wall slide!”

    “You yella, weave-wearing heffa!” Solange screamed. “iRebuke you and your Ghost of Coon Present husband!”

    Mama Tina raised her hand for silence. “Both of y’all gonna get a Fool Saddown gift basket from Santa this year. Solange, go wash your sister’s onesies. Bey, get back to playing Sasha Fierce.”

    Solange gave Bey the evil eye. “This ain’t over. I’ll go to Dereon Hell before I ever wear yaki again!”

  12. los angelista
    November 21, 2009 at 7:52 am — Reply

    “C’mon Bey, work your Creole magic and give me a baby for Christmas.” Jay-Z sighed as he folded a stack of Sasha Fierce onesies. “Don’t let the Ghost of Coon Present visit us again this year."

    Beyonce yawned and adjusted her lacefront. “And wreck this body? iRebuke the idea! I’ll give you a Fool Saddown gift basket instead!"

    “Why? I promise to keep all your hairhats organized.” Jay began to sob.

    “Go on and wall slide if you want,” Beyonce replied. “I know you got like 10 babies already.”

    Jay crumpled to the floor. “My life is Dereon Hell!”

  13. Beez
    November 21, 2009 at 2:35 pm — Reply

    Okay, I'm ready!!! Took me a while, but first, let me set the scene: Sosa Home, Dominican Republic, Thanksgiving.

    Sammy goes home for Thanksgiving. Upon entering, Sammy’s grandmother *WALL SLIDES* “Ay dios mio, Mikey… what in Dereon Hell happened to you?!? iRebuke you!”

    Sammy explains, “I was in New Orleans, feelin’ ugly, and a character in a bedazzled onesie approached me. I was enthralled, and didn’t even see her crooked hairhat- twas like another person on her head! Said “Creole Magic”(bottle) could transform me. I took the bait. Now people are saying I’m the new Ghost of Coon Present!!” He weeps.

    Aunt Rosa, laughing, chimes in, “Did you get that ‘FOOL SADDOWN’ gift basket iSent a couple weeks ago?” o_O

    Fin

  14. Brokey McPoverty
    November 21, 2009 at 4:00 pm — Reply

    i retweeted but i didnt wanna use the retweet button because i freaked out when it asked for permission to access my twitter life. :/

  15. Brokey McPoverty
    November 21, 2009 at 4:28 pm — Reply

    (this is actually a true story)
    ———————-
    Lucille (my current laptop): I HATE YOU BROKEY!

    me: ?

    L: I just got off the phone with Mama Tina, and she gon' whip up some Creole Magic to take care of you! You die! You die and go to Dereon Hell!!

    Me: ??

    L: You’ll be visited by the Ghost of Coon Present tonite and he gon’ take you to the land of velour bedazzled onesies and tri-colored hairhats! You get a complimentary FOOL SADDOWN gift basket though.

    ME: iREBUKE YOU IN THE NAME OF ALL THAT IS TASTEFUL AND FASIONABLE!

    Life’s been one big *WALL SLIDE* ever since.

  16. ListenToLeon
    November 21, 2009 at 4:29 pm — Reply

    I don't blame you. I don't want to be one of those people sending direct messages when I'm offline, talking 'bout "I just saw your stankin' @ss on somerandomscamwebsite.com"

  17. Brokey McPoverty
    November 21, 2009 at 4:31 pm — Reply

    (to the tune of 'single ladies' – cause songs tell stories too, right??)
    ———————-

    I’m doin so well
    In Dereon Hell
    iRebuke all my fashion sense
    I’m wearin onesies
    With the face of Jay-Z
    AKA the Ghost of Coon Present

    My hairline is bare
    Can’t find it anywhere
    Even with mama’s Creole magic
    Thank God they gave me some
    ‘Bish, U Lame!’ Lacefronts™
    In my ‘Fool Saddown’ gift basket!

    I couldn’t grow it so I put a hairhat on it
    Couldn’t grow it so I put a hairhat on it
    I *WALL SLIDE* cause it’s the truth and I know it
    I can’t grow it so I put a hairhat on it

  18. ListenToLeon
    November 21, 2009 at 4:32 pm — Reply

    I kinda wanna do one more, since I want a new laptop for the price of FREE ninety-nine! I'll probably write it while this load of laundry dries…

  19. Brokey McPoverty
    November 21, 2009 at 4:52 pm — Reply

    right!! that's one of 43524806548645639502.53524 reasons i broke up with facebook. that and family finding my page. none of that ends well

  20. brran1
    November 21, 2009 at 4:54 pm — Reply

    As Reverend Williams closed his sermon, the congregation anticipated having to do a collective *WALL SLIDE*.

    “Thank THE FATHER, SON, and HOLY GHOST for today. I wanna thank Sister Johnson for wearing that beautiful hairhat. All types of Creole Magic up in that there.”

    “ iRebuke THE DEMONS OUTTA THIS HEA SANCTUARY! Take em lawd. Take the liars, take the thieves, but leave Brotha Tyrone and his Onesies to direct the choir. Take the rest to Dereon Hell!”

    “That man sure is the Ghost of Coon Present and is long overdue for a ‘FOOL SADDOWN’ Gift Basket” says Granny Ethel.

  21. Brokey McPoverty
    November 21, 2009 at 5:46 pm — Reply

    (to the tune of 'video phone)
    ————–
    iRebuke yo fashion
    You *WALL SLIDE* cause my wardrobe is tragic
    I Tried to work my Creole Magic
    But I got handed a ‘Fool Saddown' gift basket

    In my bedazzled onesiiiies (u know who likes it?)
    It’s my boo Jay-Zeeee (the Ghost of Coon Present)
    He loves my bedazzled onesiiiiies (and my hairhats as well)
    My bedazzled onesiiiiies (come from Dereon Hell)

  22. Brokey McPoverty
    November 21, 2009 at 5:48 pm — Reply

    (to the tune of 'ego')
    ———–
    I know u wish that I would *WALL SLIDE*
    All the way down to Dereon Hell so they can die
    My hairhats from my ‘FOOL SADDOWN’ gift basket
    iRebuke my hairline, been missin since ‘96

    Why? Well, my mama’s Creole magic
    It backfired, hit me in the head & now im cursed
    With the Ghost of Coon Present, aka Jay-Z
    And some denim onesiiiies

    I got a big lace froooont
    Such a huge lace froooont
    I love my huge lace frooont
    It’s too much
    I walk like this cause I cant hold my head up

  23. Brokey McPoverty
    November 21, 2009 at 5:52 pm — Reply

    (to the tune of 'if i were a boy')
    —————-
    If I had some sense
    I’d throw my hands up and say
    ‘iRebuke this Creole Magic!’
    & throw all of my hairhats away

    I’d do a *WALL SLIDE*
    As I looked over my life
    How’d I end up in these ruffles standin at the gates of Dereon Hell
    Wearin satin onesies?

    If you had some sense
    You wouldn’t follow my trends
    You’d step away from the lacefronts
    And gimmie a ‘FOOL SADDOWN’ Gift Basket

    You’d lift up your hands
    And look to the sky and say
    ‘I won’t follow those fashion footsteps!
    I won’t be the Ghost of Coon Present!’

  24. @SBailey7
    November 21, 2009 at 5:54 pm — Reply

    HSN hotline:

    1st (clueless) caller: I ordered the entire Ms. Tina collection for my daughter. She did what the young folks today call a wall slide.; said I deserve a fool saddown gift basket. Not quite sure what that means but I’m guessing it makes me the coolest mom E-V-E-R! The onesies’ removable sleeves & arm warmers? Nice touch. And the Creole Magic included with each order?!?! Honey child…

    2nd (indignant) caller: NEVER ordered from this line. iRebuke it! There’s a special place in Dereon Hell for the makers & wearers of these clothes. The Ghosts of Coon Present (all of the YouTubers, men & women alike, with their hairhats, onesis, & pumps) will meet you there!!!

  25. ERIKA
    November 21, 2009 at 6:03 pm — Reply

    Once upon a time, in the land of Dereon Hell, there lived Cinda'ella.

    Cinda'ella combed hairhats at Creole Magic Beauty Salon, but spent nights dancing in sequinned onesies, dreaming of becoming a supastar.

    "I'ma need a fairy Godmother for this.." she sighed.

    Then… a cloud appeared!

    "Screw her. You get The Ghost of Coon Present!" he said.

    "Aw!" as she *WALL SLIDED*.

    "Well, whadya think?"

    "You suck." and like that, the ghost disappeared… leaving behind a "FOOL SADDOWN" gift basket.

    "iRebuke you inna name of sequins!" as she grabbed a banana from the basket.

    "…but this fruit is on point."

  26. Lite Bread
    November 23, 2009 at 3:28 pm — Reply

    Yer Most High Awesomelynessis,
    SEE?! SEE?!
    What I SAID!
    All those great, funny, “Contest Winnin” Comments above?
    iCant.
    My severe case of 2520’ness does it.

    Has hard as a young, educated A/A man at a Woolworths lunch counter …

  27. […] So y’all had me worried for a second. As of Friday night, only 3 people had entered my Laptop Lollapalooza Part 2, for an HP dm3 laptop. I was like “Wait… people don’t want a laptop????” […]

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