Dear Ricky Martin, I heard water was wet too

[ 42 ] March 30, 2010 |

Disclaimer: Let the record show that iHeart the gays. Read this. Reread it. #NoHate. So SHARRAP.

“He’s not gay. It’s just that when he speaks, rainbow, glitter and purses fall out.” – A friend of mine. iDied THRICE!

So Ricky Martin just went on his official page today to say that he is a proud homosexual man. I am here to tell him… DUH!

Dear Ricky Martin,

How have you been? It’s been a while since your “Living La Vida Loca” days. How have you made your livelihood? I surely haven’t seen you anywhere. Have you resided in 101 J.Lo’s Pool Shack Blvd.? I suspected it. Anyway, I’m glad to see you’re ok.

Now, I see you went to your site today to let us know that you are, in fact, a proud homosexual man. *blinks blinks* Do you hear that, Ricky? That was the inaudible and un-existing collective un-gasps of all of us. That wasn’t news to any of us. We already knew. I pride myself on being a sleuth of sorts. Dick Tracy’s nosy little sister. But umm… I had to do none on this one.

Give. FIERCE.

In fact, you telling us that you’re gay is like having a press conference proclaiming that:

  • Water is wet
  • Rosie O’Donnell likes flannel
  • Rihanna sounds like a choking cat when she sings
  • Them gloves fit OJ
  • Michael Vick doesn’t respect dogs
  • Amy Winehouse is on that crack
  • Papa Knowles’ power is in his moustache

We’d call all of these the “Inspector Obvious and Captain No Sh*t” press conferences and file them under “Things we already knew.”

Ricky, your affinity for low scoop neck tees outted you way before that note on your website. Your penchant for sheer schmedium shirts showing your areola print didn’t keep that secret. Wait… does this mean Aaron Neville is gay too? Naw Aaron (and his mole) is just old and country.

But for real though. I AM pleased to see you publicly step out the closet. I can’t imagine what it’s like having to hide the biggest part of yourself in such a way. Ricky F. Baby, I salute you. That closet was getting musty wasn’t it?

Also, I’m glad to know that today was such a slow news day that this made news (slow news days means a celebrity ain’t die and Gary Coleman didn’t get arrested. This is a good day). Anywho, to commemorate this occasion, I present you with the troop of synchronized leyomi-dropping gays. Giving life, ONE choreographed drop at a time. Get like them.

Photobucket

Sidenote: I’ve watched this GIF nonstop for the past 24 hrs (truly not exagerrating). It’s given me PURE oxygen. Each time I watch it, I find a different dude to focus on. Most obvious is husky dude in purpoh. He is COMMITTED to that twirl and drop. He pirouettes with the best of them. Him so light on his feet. There there’s dude to the left in the blue cardigan. He clearly missed the drop cue and decided to just vogue and pose instead. Then there’s Waldo in the striped sweater and timbs. He is voguing like his life depended on it. All in all, I’m just SO impressed by this. Y’all can hate if you want to. Goddess Leyomi is somewhere PROUD!!!

iLive. uLive. We ALL LIVE for synchronized leyomi dropping!

P.S. Now that one member of NSYNC has come out as gay, and one member of Menudo, I’m starting to think. Does that mean that at least one member of each boy band is un-hetero? Hmm… clearly New Edition had Johnny Gill so… Yes. This must be a scientific fact. Prove me wrong. So… which Backstreet Boy is the token? Howie? *strokes chin*

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Category: Letter, Music

Comments (42)

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  1. carmool says:

    I must say lil Luv in the red hoodie with the fresh air dried perm LIFE but baby with the plaid shirt hat to the back but loses it an exposes his red doo rag DO U SEE THE FEVAH HE IS GIVIN U!!!!! when he gets up from his Leyomi drop?

  2. Lexxaye says:

    OHMAHGAWD @ the one twirling his dreads around, then the one in the back doing toe-touches…. I've been meaning to find this clip, it gives.me.LIFE!

  3. emti says:

    luvvie when i get the pink slip from falling out my chair laughing at work…i'm coming for you LMAO

  4. KindredSmile says:

    ROFL at the comments – they give me something new to look at every time. I, too, plan to watch this gif at least til Thursday. At LEAST.

  5. Ce*Ce says:

    This is day three of a no-carb diet and I didn't think I was going to make it through the day until this… LMAO!

  6. @thepbg says:

    Did the fact that I have a vag make the news too? I'm just sayin'…

    That mass Leyomi-dropping shall sustain me for the rest of my days. Eff Toni Braxton! With these kids around, I don't need to BREATHE AGAIN!

  7. Tafari says:

    Those danging gays are HEE LARE REE US! BTW, I had to Google Leyomi-dropping. You learn something new everyday. WOW!

  8. Sarah says:

    You ain't the only one wondering about the backstreet boys…
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K6O_uVJUGnA

  9. Cheekie says:

    Yeah, Ricky Martin coming out of the trapped closet was a surprise of the century. MmmHmm. Seriously, though, this news brings me right back to high school when we all said he loved men. I mean, come on, no one can hip thrust as fiercely as him.

    Also, that MASS LEYOMI DROP gif turned an otherwise boring Tuesday into a Friday, it was that glorious.

  10. Tiffany says:

    I agree. I was like oh really? Did I or did I not know that he was already gay? Didn't I know when he started shaking his butt all the time and white women were going wild? Wow I am starting to think when white woman start going crazy for a man he turns out to be crazy or gay. Hmmm, I may have something there.

    Tiffany
    http://liferequiresmorechocolate.blogspot.com

  11. amymay117 says:

    I know I haven't been 'round lately, but I see not.a.damn.thang.has.changed!! You still ignant as hell!! The nurse in me, really wants to get some x-rays taken, coz the velocity of these leyomi drops has to be breakin' bones!

  12. NaturallyAlise says:

    Did you say Papa Knowles' power is in his mustache… *Leyomi drop of LIFE*

  13. TheMochaPeach says:

    OMG! I think I choked twice! Papa knowles moustache! LMAOOO! I havent laughed so hard at a blog in AGES! Thank you for this!

  14. Anike Love says:

    LMAO, OMG! I'm sitting in Physics…and can't focus on anything but this video! F=mass x acceleration of Leyomi drop to the floor!

  15. @streetztalk says:

    That GIF made me soo…weakinthekneesicanhardlySPEAK!!!!

    LMAOO!!

  16. you already know says:

    UMMM THIS THE MOST HILARIOUS SHIT I'VE SEEN IN LIFE. THANKS.

  17. legitimate_soul says:

    Miss Luvvie,

    Speaking of this gif, please tell me you saw the video of dude fighting then doing the Leyomi drop: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JNuJMtk37E8

  18. Stephanie says:

    WHY? WHY? WHY?
    I am so dead and gone right now. Luvvie – why did you leave out my luscious lemondrop with the orange hoodie to the left, to the left, that was giving us all the Sasha Fierce?

  19. @hallehberreh says:

    LMAO HOWIE AINT GAY. CHECK YA BOY NICK OR AJ.

  20. Luvvie says:

    LMAO!! Red hoodie's perm is definitely slaying hoes everywhere!

  21. Luvvie says:

    Dude's toe touches were impressive. This clip is EVERYTHING to me!

  22. Luvvie says:

    Sorry but Awesomely Luvvie doesn't pay unemployment. We can send you some Dereon coupons though

  23. Luvvie says:

    It's Friday and I'm STILL watching that gif. I think I'm obsessed

  24. Luvvie says:

    That's my community service for the month

  25. Luvvie says:

    LMAOOOO @ u not needing to breathe again. This clip gave me all the oxygen I could ever need.

  26. Luvvie says:

    Man, Leyomi-dropping is the new Black (amongst the gays, anyway). LOVE IT!

  27. Luvvie says:

    See???? Giving TANG!

  28. Luvvie says:

    "Also, that MASS LEYOMI DROP gif turned an otherwise boring Tuesday into a Friday, it was that glorious. "

    It turned a cloudy day upside down and brought sunshine. It totally did

  29. Luvvie says:

    LOL Amy. How u figure thangs was gon change 'round these parts??? Gurl u know better

  30. Luvvie says:

    iDid. And I'm right. Cut off his moustache and watch his empire crumble.

  31. Luvvie says:

    LOL! U's welcome!! :-D

  32. Luvvie says:

    YESSS @ the physics leyomi drop equation. That leyomi drop took some talent. iCan't do it.

  33. Luvvie says:

    LMAO!!!

  34. Luvvie says:

    Ain't it???

  35. Luvvie says:

    BWAHAHAHA! And it happened in Chicago. Who leyomi drops in victory??? That awesome man, that's who. Best. Fight. End. EVER!!!

  36. Luvvie says:

    There was sooo much fierce being given in that GIF that O was bound to miss some of it.

  37. Luvvie says:

    LOL!!! I could see Nick playing for the other team. AJ was cute. I hope not him. But that prolly means it IS him.

  38. amymay117 says:

    I was just worried you'd rearrange the furniture and I'd stub my pinky toe or somesuch nonsense…

  39. amymay117 says:

    I don't care if Kevin is a father…. Kevin gives the most FIERCE, therefore, I vote Kevin.

  40. udee says:

    So I have spent the better part of my working day today enjoying the pure hilarity of your blog!
    I love this and will be a more regular reader and commenter!!

  41. Silk! says:

    Yeah, I know, it’s a year later….but, THIS GIF!!!!

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