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Old Man on Bus vs. Me

If I wasn’t the person that I am, you probably would have heard a national news story (with accompanying eyewitness YouTube vidjo because you know someone always catches it) about an “angry Black woman who put a beat down on a poor old man.” Yes, I’d be somewhere behind bars with Remy Ma and Da Brat right now. The news story would go: “Co-founder of The Red Pump Project was on TV one week for the good her organization has done. That has all come spiraling down, as she is currently in custody for… how can we say this… Giving an old man a Tugaloo, Mississippi ass whooping.”

So here’s what happened:

Yesterday was one of those days that just sucked. I was the opposite of King Midas. Everything I touched and did turned to ashes, not gold. Superwoman was tired. I just wanted to cuss and rock back and fo’th in a corner in peace. I made a costly mistake at work and kind of felt inadequate. Then Red Pump stuff was stressing me out. our show is in 9 days and pre-show jitters is settling in. I wanna make sure I’ve crossed all my t’s and dotted my i’s. All I wanted was some peace and quiet. The only time I’m ever by myself is on my commute to and from work.

Anywho… when I got on the bus, it wasn’t packed at all. But I sat up front (in the priority seats), like I do sometimes. I was so engrossed in my classic literature book Blackberry that I completely missed that the bus was filling up quickly. Turns out that there was an old man standing in front of me, but I didn’t see him though. Next thing I know, I hear a voice directed at me YELLING that I’m rude for not standing for old people. This guy had to be no less than 80 and was furious! Eyes bulging out. I’m sure his blood pressure was on 1000/400.

Of course this throws me off, but I’m like “He’s old. Let me just offer him this seat and go about my business.” so I say “Wanna seat?”

Him: “No! It’s too late!!! *keeps yelling*
Me: “So… Do you don’t want a seat?”
Him: *getting more and more livid and yelling some more* NO! blah blah blah gooblegook

Sidenote: My mama raised me well. as a Nigerian, our culture is very focused on respect of the elderly. I’m no disrespectful fool. Of course, I stand for old people on the bus.

At this point, he starts sounding like the teacher from Charlie Brown and I tune him out. Until…

Him: “People just have no respect. You see all these older people on the bus and stay seated. You passive-aggressive bitch!”

*SCREECH*

HOLD YOUR GAHTDAMB HORSES!!! WHO THE F*CK ARE YOU TALMTO, YOU DUSTY DEGENERATE??? (Yes, I just explicitly cursed on my blog. Y’all know I don’t do that. THIS sitch calls for it.)

This bastard looks like Christ’s bully. Like his dandruff was the sand in the desert Moses walked through tryna get his people to the promised land!! Homeboy was Jesus’ social studies tutor. I bet his essence smells like Eau de BenGay. BITCH!!! There’s a reason you only got 2 teeth in your mouth. Aging gracefully clearly skipped a generation. Classless ass wonder. Guess I’ll be bitter as hell if I grew up to look like Robin Williams in bad makeup.

If this is your Grandpa, tell him to sat his ornery ass down. Someone else woulda hurt him BAD. Yes, I surely did take his picture. WITH my Blackberry camera which doesn’t have a mute button.

iSweafoLAWD if I had nothing to lose, I’da went ALL THE WAY IN!!! I just didn’t want to be responsible for some old fossil croaking after I cursed him and his ancestors out. BITCH you don’t know me from Adam, Eve, Deuteuronomy OR Meshack. Yes, you may be old enough to have written them but you just don’t KNOW!

Jesus held my mule and my tongue. I knew if I said something, I wouldn’t stop. So I did the next best thing. I stayed seated (petty, I know. Let me be) and stared him down. Not just glances. That piercing stare that he couldn’t even hold. I think I may have turned half his face to stone.

This geriatric coulda been mollywopped from here to his nursing home!!! iCan’t. I just CANNOT. Some old people really do abuse that whole “age” thing. UGH!

P.S. BASTID! CLASSLESS WONDER! NONENTITY! BELLIGERENT DUMMY

P.P.S. Yo MAMA!

Luv Bulletins
——————
* I’m appearing on Santita Jackson’s radio show on WVON (1690 AM in Chicago) this morning at 10:30 CST to talk about The Red Pump Project. Even if you’re not in Chicago, you can listen to it. It streams online at http://www.wvon.com. Tune in!

* Tonight, I’ll be on a BlogTalk Radio with some blogging superstars! It’s OneChele’s show, featuring Thembi, AverageBro, Slim Jackson and MEEEE!!! 8pm CST, 9pm EST. You won’t want to miss this! Just go HERE at that time! It shall be epic.

Oh, and Happy St. Patrick’s Day! Getchu a piece of this segzy, chocolate leprechaun!
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30 Comments

  1. Tunde
    March 17, 2010 at 6:38 am — Reply

    lol. hilarious. sorry to laugh at this but i could just imagine the scenario. i probably would have just lost all couth and just cursed him and his mother in jacob.

  2. tsboddy
    March 17, 2010 at 1:26 pm — Reply

    this right here made my morning!!! and took a picture of homeboy, too!!! pure comedy…

  3. lovli
    March 17, 2010 at 1:43 pm — Reply

    Sorry you had to deal with such a rude person. If you had hit him, no one could blame you. Also "Nonentity" made my day.

  4. Drea823
    March 17, 2010 at 2:05 pm — Reply

    Funny, not funny, and sad at the same time. I'm so glad you kept your cool but I know it was hard because just reading this made my blood boil! So I can't imagine how it felt going through it. Had this been a less tolerant (hood) resident, the crypt keeper would have gotten that check checked a couple of times!

  5. whit
    March 17, 2010 at 2:10 pm — Reply

    LOL. I'm mad and amazed that you took his pic!!

  6. confused
    March 17, 2010 at 2:36 pm — Reply

    I would've cursed his ass straight out!

  7. Cheekie
    March 17, 2010 at 4:09 pm — Reply

    LMFAO, I'm mad you took his pic! AHAHAHA!

    But yeah, I'm definitely a proponent of getting one's arse up for an elder and usually side-eye the teenagers that refuse to do so, but it's a whole 'nother thing if you didn't SEE the mofo. I mean, why he gotta snap like that? Didn't he see your head down looking at your Crackberry? I mean, then again, he was probably thinkin' "What is that strange contraption she is meddling with and get off my lawn blahblahblahprunes"". He MUST have had a mental problem. I can't think of any other reason why he'd up and snap like that. Dayum.

  8. miss t-lee
    March 17, 2010 at 5:47 pm — Reply

    Yeah all bets would a been off once the "b" word came out.
    You bettter than me, I prolly woulda still beeen cussing his ancient azz out.

    I bet he personally knew Alexander Graham Bell.

  9. Lite Bread
    March 17, 2010 at 6:34 pm — Reply

    Yer Most Awesomelynessis,
    Awww.
    Why does this kinda thing have to happen to you on the Worst of days too?
    But you handled it with class.
    Here's my e-hug (xoxoxo).

    Remember, mean, bitter people gotta live with themselves and the “world” they create around themselves. I’m pretty sure that Sucks big-time for them; by their own doing! Payback.

    Now, why you go and make me feel all lonely and whatnot with this:
    “Getchu a piece of this segzy, chocolate leprechaun!” And the segzy avatar …
    In my dreams, LOL!

  10. urbansista
    March 17, 2010 at 9:47 pm — Reply

    You just killed me. Up in the middle of the people's workplace, you just killed me. How you gonna take the old dude's picture so blatant? LOL!!! It was so wrong, but so right.

  11. Kandia
    March 17, 2010 at 11:39 pm — Reply

    WOW…..I can't even imagine how I would have responded. He looked a little "off" maybe it was a good thing you didn't respond….never know what kind of weapon he could have had on him. That's a shame.

  12. a.chigozie
    March 18, 2010 at 2:16 am — Reply

    sometimes old people just be that way lol. in my opinion elderly people should not ride the bus and if they do, they should pretty much deal with what everyone else does. i mean if you walked to that bus stop and stood up long enough for the bus to arrive, a little hang time wouldn't hurt.

    but as for me, if he called me a bitch he would have been ready to meet his maker. elderly people get respect, but rude elderly people have something else coming. old age does not get you "free-curse-everybody-out-pass", at least not in my book.

  13. cee
    March 18, 2010 at 4:23 am — Reply

    Ok, this is my first time on your blog and I must say that I have not laughed so hard in such a lonnnnnnnng time. And, truth be told, I wish I would have had the opportunity to read this during work because this just really made my….well, it's 12:19am. I hate when people (old people included) get you to a place in which you just have to come outside of yourself. I had a moment like that with my boss today – and realized that, if I reacted like I wanted to, I'da loss' mah job! But, sheeeit, this joint was much appreciated.

  14. Ms Sheeba
    March 18, 2010 at 9:19 am — Reply

    LMAO!! Done for the day. TY Luvvie.

  15. ioana
    March 18, 2010 at 8:01 pm — Reply

    Sometimes people react in the stupidest manners. Like yesterday, I was in the bus, which was packed. And I was standing up, near two old ladies, and one of them had a cane. The other one went ballistic when she saw that nobody was offering the cane-lady their seat and started yelling and stuff. Untill the cane-lady said ou-loud that she didn't want to sit, as it's unconfortable for her leg. So there you go..bus justice

  16. @NaturallyAlise
    March 18, 2010 at 8:02 pm — Reply

    Jesus' bully? iCant!!! LOL!

  17. Luvvie
    March 19, 2010 at 4:04 pm — Reply

    LOL don't be sorry. The foolishness of that old man WAS hilarious

  18. Luvvie
    March 19, 2010 at 4:07 pm — Reply

    I surely did!!!

  19. Luvvie
    March 19, 2010 at 4:07 pm — Reply

    I give my mom props for "nonentity." Thats ALL her. lol

  20. Luvvie
    March 19, 2010 at 4:07 pm — Reply

    LOL @ the crypt keeper. He does look like he celebrates halloween 365, doesn't he?

  21. Luvvie
    March 19, 2010 at 4:08 pm — Reply

    I HAD to take his pic. Yall had to see the foolery. Old' fossil face dude

  22. Luvvie
    March 19, 2010 at 4:09 pm — Reply

    I sooo wanted to.

  23. Luvvie
    March 19, 2010 at 4:10 pm — Reply

    Old people are ornery sometimes. He took the cake!

  24. Luvvie
    March 19, 2010 at 4:10 pm — Reply

    "I bet he personally knew Alexander Graham Bell. "

    He was prolly Alexander's first phone call

  25. Luvvie
    March 19, 2010 at 4:11 pm — Reply

    LOL Litey! Thanks for the eHug! Preciamacate it.

  26. Luvvie
    March 19, 2010 at 4:15 pm — Reply

    *performs CPR* Don't GOOOOOOOOO!!! lol

  27. Luvvie
    March 19, 2010 at 4:36 pm — Reply

    Only weapon he looked like he may have had was his lack of teeth. Makes it too easy to spit.

  28. Luvvie
    March 19, 2010 at 5:44 pm — Reply

    old age does not get you "free-curse-everybody-out-pass",

    Some of them REALLY think it does. Bastids

  29. Luvvie
    March 19, 2010 at 7:52 pm — Reply

    U welcome! lol

  30. @thepbg
    March 24, 2010 at 5:43 pm — Reply

    I'm maaaad late, but I wish you had cussed him out right back! How is this evil man just gonna go in on you like that?? I bet he went door-to-door taking the very first census. He was in Ulysseus Grant's presidential cabinet. He helped lay the first railroad tracks. He was one of the guys who dug the Grand Canyon.

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