Famous folksLetter

Dear Chris Brown, The Burnt Sienna Apology Blouse…

I’m overdue for one of my sternly-worded letters. I was pretty perplexed as to who I’d write one to this week. Then Twitter happened. I can ALWAYS blame Twitter. Chris Brown is this week’s addressee.

Dear Chris Brown,

Hey Chris hey. How are you doing? Can we rap for a second? Take a seat. I need to talk to you.

Ok, so you know. Rihanna-gate happened last year. We all know what happened. I shan’t reshash it. People have already talked it into the ground. You gave multiple horrid interviews about it. And wore ill-advised baby blue bowties and burnt sienna apology blouses to make yourself look less threatening. And you never quite owned up to what you did (but that’s neither here nor there). It was just a mess all around. But that’s not what I’m here for. Well, not ALL the way. Since last year’s madness, it seems you haven’t learned a thing.

Chris Brown's Burnt Sienna Apology Blouse

The infamous burnt sienna apology blouse

I mean, I haven’t deleted your music from my iTunes or nothing (because it’s not gon hurt your pocket if I still listen to music I already got. I’m just saying. “Forever” and “Superhuman” still make my ears happy. Wait, I was going somewhere with this).

Anywho… In spite of that, I still haven’t gone hard on you (apart from the time I roasted your bowtie). I’ve left it to the rest of the world to roast you endlessly. But it seems you’re committed to perpetually making bad decisions. A couple of weeks ago, you sang the national anthem at the Mosley-Mayweather boxing match and I just shook my head. I don’t think your publicist gives a damb about you because the jokes wrote themselves. I mean, really. It was just too easy. The LAST place you need to be is anywhere that people people jack up each other in the face. THE ABSOLUTE LAST.

I’ve even ignored the many roast-worthy moments you’ve had where you’ve literally threw public tantrums to whine about the radio stations that weren’t playing your music and the stores that refused to shelf your albums.

Last night, you got on Twitter talmbout a certain blogger who shall not be named. No really. I can’t say her name. She’s like beetlejuice. Say it 3 times and she just may appear at your door. Nope. Not me. Hint: rhymes with: “ninja toes.” *runs away*

Anywho, you catch yourself going in on her and this was the point where I just wanted to tell you to log off. Twitter. Your browser. Your user account. Then your computer. Just press ctrl, alt, delete. You’re going against someone who you know fights dirty. Getting into a fight with her is like fighting with that girl who hides a razor under her tongue at all times. She is not the one. In fact, I don’t care. Say what you’d like about anybody. BUT then you went on to tweet…

“you so black u gotta wear white gloves to eat chocolate” and “when u were little all the kids hated playin hide and seek wit you…. unless u opened your eyes and showed teeth”

REALLY? The dark skin jokes.You just had to go there? They weren’t even GOOD. They weren’t witty, clever or even remotely funny. Plus, what first dozens website did you copy those weak jokes from? Did you learn nothing from last time you had japper jaws on Twitter and shut down your account (which was @mechanicaldummy)? I’m sure some of those fans you’re always touting you love so much are also dark.

You know what? I’ont gibbadamb enough to continue. Chris, you need a mentor, some prayer and a timeout. Someone needs to tell you to go sit in the corner and reassess your lifespace. You’ve just been excelling at bad decision-making. Get some introspection going about yourself. Consider getting a new team around you too, because word on the street is that your publicist is quite rude and ridiculous. Get it together, C.Breezy. Just… get it together.

Yours in extreme side-eyedom,

LuvBug

If y’all wrote a letter to CBreezy, what would you address it as? (i.e. Dear Chris Brown… Log off. Or Dear Chris Brown… Fire your publicist). Or are y’all just sick of him?

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36 Comments

  1. May 19, 2010 at 8:49 am — Reply

    Dear Chris Brown… call RayJ and see can you join his Knockout crew (cause at least their dumb antics are funny).

    At this point, for me, I’d be writing letters to his PR people who ALSO need to saddown.

    The hell is WRONG with the lot of ‘em? Just dumb as all get out.

    • May 19, 2010 at 5:05 pm — Reply

      LAWD!!1 Ray J. That’s another belligerent dummy I can’t e’en deal with.

  2. Maximillian
    May 19, 2010 at 8:57 am — Reply

    Wow. Burnt Sienna; it’s not just for crayons anymore…

    • HighQuality08
      May 19, 2010 at 3:57 pm — Reply

      #dead

    • May 19, 2010 at 5:06 pm — Reply

      LMAO!!!

  3. May 19, 2010 at 9:05 am — Reply

    The fact of the matter is that Chris Brown will not admit his wrong doings and take full responsibility for his actions because he does not believe he did anything wrong. His sense of entitlement is DISGUSTING and quite REPULSIVE.

    One of the biggest issues I have with Chris Brown and his life, his rants, and his tantrums is that his mama is not snatching that ass up and giving him advice that only a mama can give. Since when do publicists trump mamas?

    • KG
      May 19, 2010 at 10:03 am — Reply

      Co-sign on the sense of entitlement shenanigans. He’s long overdue for an ass-whooping if you ask me.

      Oh and Awesomely Luvvie, can I just say you are awesome (pun fully intended) :)

    • MzApril0425
      May 19, 2010 at 12:02 pm — Reply

      I’m pretty sure he has already stated that he accepts full responsibility for his actions. If you don’t like Chris Brown then stop looking at anything with his name in the headliner! Pointblank, period!

      • May 24, 2010 at 5:16 pm — Reply

        First of all, as a free American, I can view what I choose.

        Second of all, upon viewing information of my choice, as an opinionated woman I will comment as I choose.

        Third of all, if you have an issue with it…. #iDONTgiveaDAMB

        #carryon

      • Bria
        June 15, 2011 at 9:29 pm — Reply

        I strongly agree ! just because he got into it with someone else and happened to offend you doesnt really matter. he wasnt talking to her anyway

    • May 19, 2010 at 5:07 pm — Reply

      Yeah I know his mama is somewhere just shaking her head. What can ya do when your son is a complete jackass? AND he’s grown.

  4. May 19, 2010 at 10:43 am — Reply

    The dark skin jokes are erm really mature, well I guess Sandra should count herself lucky that he didnt punch, bite and seisamic toss her ass.

    • May 19, 2010 at 5:09 pm — Reply

      Umm… HE’s lucky that she ain’t come thru the computer & do bad things to him. That chick is NOT the one.

  5. asetdevine
    May 19, 2010 at 10:51 am — Reply

    Great post Luvvie. I think Chris Brown needs to disappear for a while, it was something he should have done when everything happened last year, but it’s apparent the people around him are not advising him well at all. It’s very clear that this guy hasn’t learned anything at all. He’ll keep digging a hole for himself and wonder why he’s in it because he won’t acknowledge that it’s his attitude/behavior that’s put him where he is right now.

    • May 19, 2010 at 5:10 pm — Reply

      Yeah he may need to go saddown somewhere for a lil bit. He STAYS doing something foolish.

  6. Cheekie
    May 19, 2010 at 11:46 am — Reply

    Dear Chris Brown, tie your bowtie a little tighter because obviously you are being loose with the mouth.

    SMH…

  7. May 19, 2010 at 11:58 am — Reply

    I agree with you guys, Chris should disappear. I mean look, when Kanye bodied that poh whaht guhl on stage at the mtv awards, he did a public apology and aint nobody seen him since and Ima go as far to say that I may or may not miss Ye. Dear Chris Brown, Have a little talk with Jesus. <3 the rest of the world.

    • May 19, 2010 at 5:11 pm — Reply

      You’re so right! I kinda do miss Kanyeezy. Laying low does work. Absence makes the heart grow fonder. Someone tap on Chris’ shoulder and slap him w/ it

  8. bogart4017
    May 19, 2010 at 12:42 pm — Reply

    You might as well leave that BOY alone ’cause he ain’t gon’ do right noway. Surrounded by all these knuckleheads and yesmen ain’t heppin’ none and his mama get a side-eye from me for letting him slide with those uncle-tommin’ old-timey ass dark skin remarks

    • May 19, 2010 at 5:34 pm — Reply

      *sigh* U right. It’s like giving the wayward boy in school a lecture about religion.

  9. shutup
    May 19, 2010 at 4:39 pm — Reply

    So do you really think Chris needs to sit down? Maybe you need to sit down and stop worrying about him. Im sure you’re not perfect. He is trying to better himself. Let the kid live! Let me see anyone can talk about him, but you get mad when he say something back. Have a f*cking seat with ur 12 comments.

    • May 19, 2010 at 5:05 pm — Reply

      Bless ur heart for being a stan of Chris Brown, who doesn’t give TWO dambs who you are.

      Oh, and you mad, huh?

      • Bria
        June 15, 2011 at 9:34 pm — Reply

        As a true chris brown fan i will honestly say that I think that you (luvvie) are offended by his dark skinned comments because you are not comfortable with your self physically. Just because you are insecure doesnt mean you have to bash chris brown…your mad cuz he got into it with your friend(if she is your friend)..that is very high school. personally if someone says something about light skinned people I wont care because I know I am a gorgeous young lady.

    • betty boop
      May 19, 2010 at 6:43 pm — Reply

      @shutup – Um, really? You’re really defending this moron? Explain to me what this boy has done for you?

  10. May 19, 2010 at 11:03 pm — Reply

    Dammit! I just wrote a long comment, then my Internet started acting up.

    Anywho, the gist of it is that I co-sign this letter. It’s a well-known fact that this boy has been acting a straight fool since his indiscretion last year. I was one of the few that wasn’t ready to burn him at the stake after Rihanna, but I can’t get with him when he stays doing (and saying) dumb shit.

    He doesn’t have room to “go in” on anyone, because folks are still going in on him.

  11. marise bond
    May 20, 2010 at 1:08 am — Reply

    whoever wrote that letter you don’t fucking have nothing better to do,leave this man alone

  12. udee
    May 20, 2010 at 3:30 am — Reply

    He needs to stop with his apology uniforms. Seriously. Before he begins a movement!

  13. May 20, 2010 at 9:23 am — Reply

    WHAT A PATHETIC SORE-LOSER!! He is disgraced that’s the only reason anyone would try and fire back and make weak attempts to save face. I’m gonna blog this, it’s so funny. Poor guy though! He needs some strong psychiatric assessment.

  14. May 21, 2010 at 8:20 pm — Reply

    LOL, girl you are crazy.

    Peace, Love and Chocolate
    Tiffany

  15. […] In the beginning, you did the right thing. You pled guilty, did your community service, and I’ll even give you credit for your online apology. I’m sure it was genuine; I just couldn’t hear you over your Chico’s clearance rack blouse. […]

  16. June 7, 2010 at 8:55 am — Reply

    […] ‘09 VERY well. And your ex-boo? Well… we just gon leave him be. I already wrote that fool his own letter. Now it’s your turn. So Ri-Ri. I get it. You’re edgy. You can wear a necklace made with bullets […]

  17. […] VERY well. And your ex-boo? Well… we just gon leave him be. I already wrote that fool his own letter. Now it’s your […]

  18. MimiLumpkins
    December 9, 2010 at 12:10 pm — Reply

    I don’t know what is worse:

    Chris Brown’s antic or his stans.

    • December 10, 2010 at 2:49 am — Reply

      His stans. At least Chris is getting paid to be him. They ain’t getting none of his dereon dollars so…

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