Whose cousin is this?

[ 67 ] May 17, 2010 |

Parents, hug your kids

*blinks twice*

*sighs*

Who’s ratchet ol’ cousin is this?!? I saw this picture and wanted to go kick every trashcan in a 5-mile radius. There’s sooo much tomfoolery in this picture that I don’t even know where to start. Fine, I guess we’ll work our way down from the top.

First, this mess got on colored contacts. iHate them with the virility of Weezy’s marching soldiers. People, please let’s give up the colored contacts. Everyone isn’t meant to have hazel and green eyes. The Lawd knew what He was doing when He didn’t give us all light-colored eyes. Take your baby browns and rejoice in them. Revel in the fact that when your pupils dilate, people don’t have to know. Just STOP with the colored contacts!

Then, this fool put jolly ranchers in his braids as beads. *deep sigh* iBlame the parents. I feel like a good solid upbringing would keep one from doing such a thing. Jolly Ranchers + Braids + Beads = EPIC fail ALL around. Nothing about those 3 nouns should have anything to do with a man. For starters, he’s too grown to still be rocking braids. TOO. GROWN. Then, he decided he wanted adornment for said braids. Double WOMP. And for the cherry (rancher), he wove jolly ranchers around each one.

iCan’t. iWon’t. iRebuke it.

So someone tell me? Is this your cousin? No really. You can admit. We won’t judge you completely. We may just give your lineage the side-eye. We’re family here on AweLuvv. Well unless that IS your cousin. Then, we may not claim you.

Whatcha’ll think about homeboy & his sweets?

P.S. AND he’s biting his lip like he’s segzy?!? LAWD… somebody don told HIM wrong!

P.P.S. Getcho cousin!

————–

If y’all find pictures of foolery you’d like me to roast, feel free to drop them on the wall of my Facebook Page. I’ll be picking the most foolish to roast weekly. Kthxbai!

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Comments (67)

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  1. whit says:

    I mean… on the bright side…dude has snax 24/7.

  2. whit says:

    I mean… on the bright side…dude has snax ON DECK 24/7.

  3. CEE says:

    So….no, he’s not my cousin. He looks like he could be related to Bow Wow though. For fear of offending folk, I’ll just say that I just hope that he doesn’t run with a crew that does this collectively. The fact that he’s biting his lip tells me that someone made him feel confident about his look at some time or another. Someone needs to bust that bubble though.

    • Luvvie says:

      Even Bow Wow cut off his braids. But the sad part is that I bet he does run w/ an equally foolish crew. Ratchet fools of a feather usually flock together.

  4. Monk says:

    I blame the lack of his father’s presence in his life. One may say that I’m wrong for making such an assumption, but fugg it, I KNOW that this young dude does not have a father in his household. No responsible father would allow this. Fathers may let some trendy shyt slide but this isn’t even trendy. I hope this young lad don’t have girls gassing him up with shyt like this cause that will only perpetuate it. *smh*

    • Lite Bread says:

      Monk?
      I do know Exactly what you mean! My son EVA’ come out his room lookin’ like that, the police will shortly be involved, with his siblings callin’ 911 … “Daddy’s gone OFF! He’s got Sissors!!! (screams in background)”.
      Family pride would render me innocent.

    • Luvvie says:

      Yeah… iBlame his upbringing. Children need boundaries otherwise they turn into adults that think it’s ok to put candy in their hair as beads. Let’s pray for him.

  5. (in my riley voice) that nigga gay.

  6. MyzDevyneOne says:

    What in the PANK GLITTAH’D HAYLE!?!
    *blinks hard*
    *SMDH*
    My people, my people…

  7. amymay says:

    *sigh*
    I…
    but..naw…
    *sigh*

    Bye.

  8. Cheekie says:

    Aiight so anyone who knows me knows I LOVE me some candy.

    But this dude right ‘chere?

    Wins in the contest of “Who Loves Candy Da Mostest.” He doesn’t win at life however. Because Jolly Rancher ain’t givin’ him n’an dime for this follicle advertisement. I bet he go to Job Corps.

    Bottom line: NO ONE should love candy this much. It’s unhealthy. And not just for your teeth, weight, and blood sugar.

  9. Tiffany says:

    Oh no, please no, my mind is playing tricks on me. The percocet is making me see things. Does he really have jolly ranchers in his hair. I can see folks yanking their off, one by one talking about they are hungry and need a snack. Ewwww, it might have a hair stuck to it.

    Peace, Love and Chocolate
    Tiffany

  10. Caspercutie says:

    Not only is this a lack of parental guidance, but a lack of true friendship as well.

  11. Why do I have “Candy Girl” in my head right now?
    iCant, iWont, iShant…

  12. Margaret says:

    If anyone ‘fesses up to being his cousin, they are guilty by association. This is that ONE cousin everyone has that’s always DOING THE MOST. I’ll add him to the prayer list at church.

  13. Skye Blue says:

    There’s no way he actually went outside like that and he can’t really think he’s sexy can he? SMH

  14. asetdevine says:

    0_0….the Jolly Ranchers in the hair…I can’t….just…. 0_0

  15. Tee says:

    But wait….the colored contacts as well? This fool is quite zesty.

    (now wanting a watermelon jolly rancher)

  16. SimplisElegance says:

    You know what? I hope he has kids.
    Not grown ass kids but little babies or toddlers. Let him get near a little kid and he’ll regret that sh!t QUICK

    • Luvvie says:

      “You know what? I hope he has kids.”

      No. I hope quite the opposite. Spreading his genes around may not be his smartest decision. Until he learns not to put candy in his head

  17. limah says:

    He looks like what you call around my way…..a “HOMOTHUG”….and his friends are NOT real friends.

  18. Kesha Monk says:

    Posts like this complete my day. You are officially my favorite blogger. And you are a fool. I don’t think I’ve laughed this hard in a minute. Thanks girl. (whew!)

  19. i WAS NOT prepared for that! iDied.

  20. Miss Reese says:

    This ish is beyond triflin’ but oh so great. I’m forwarding this to all my homies. I mean, even they need a break between studying for boards. This negro is just done.

    Lawd! I just can’t!

  21. Dee Dee says:

    This is just a straight up hot mess! You are the only person I know that properly roast him Luvvs lol!

  22. Cheekie says:

    Aside: I’m mad you got this mofo as your Twitter background right nah. lol

  23. bogart4017 says:

    Da’ain’t no cu’un of mine!
    Jolly ranchers cost money chile!
    Seriously–tell me this cat is from another country. I don’t see him walking down Main St, Hood, USA without getting clowned (or stoned)

  24. hey, lay off! i was just tryin to give him some self esteem.
    kids love candy. this negro got candy *IN HIS HAIR*
    by default, kids will love him and he’ll finally have some friends.

    or they’ll just beat him up and take his candy & leave his hair f#cked up. i clearly didn’t think this through.

  25. PBG says:

    This angers me. I LOVE JollyRancher Candy. ESPECIALLY the cherry ones. That’s like the best candy on the entire Earth and this genetic anomaly is stilling up there with an entire pack in his braids!! I could’ve been eating those!!

  26. rainebeaux says:

    Luvvie, I know it’s been a while since I’ve passed through here, so uh, here goes….

    _____

    *Abe Vigoda face*

    also, O_o

    aaaand >_<

    DAMMIT, MAN! C'MON, SON!!! UGGGGGH! Effin' gadzooks.

    woo, chile, if this jive emu ain't more dense than a brick wall made of stale granola and frozen marshmallows…just who…how…what…*sputtering Crazy Howard McGee style* the HAYLE!?

    (also, not my cousin.)

    • Luvvie says:

      WHATUP Rainebeaux!!! LMAO @ all them faces you made. I feel you. I made worse. You sure that ain’t Ty-Ty from down the way? Well, aight.

  27. Sub-rosa says:

    I’m laughing even harder thinking about him gently tucking each braid into a shower cap because he CANNOT get that mess wet! LOL

  28. Star Carlton says:

    Maybe he’s a sugar daddy

  29. Caroline says:

    I dont think that it is right to criticize his individuality like that. He IS grown, like you yourself said, and if he wants to put candy in his hair, then why should you care, and don’t criticize someones upbringing, its downright wrong. And maybe he does have hazel eyes, who are you (the one who just doesn’t know this guy or his situation) to tell him what is and is not part of his anatomy. You should stop and check yourself before you talk like this about other people, because it will come back to haunt you, and you will not be able to keep nice respectable people in your life

  30. ariel says:

    Luvvie, I’m new to your site but I’ve been reading your posts for the past 20 minutes while i should be working on some homework. (I’m currently in my college’s library) but instead I’m rollin…gotta try and stay quiet.

    okkkayyyy, what in everything that is sensible????!!!! ohhh HEELLLLAAA NAWWWW man. straight up, he THOUGHT this was a GOOD idea???? somebody test his IQ cuz clearly???? too much..someone get some scissors.

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