Dear Aretha, Same Dress Two Days in a Row?
I was first gonna post about something completely different but this took precedence so I had to. Thank to Claire Sulmers of The Fashion Bomb for bringing this to my attention. She wrote a post over at AOL Black Voices and I HAD to write Aretha Franklin a sternly-worded letter for her foolishness.
Dear Auntie Retha,
Hey Aretha, gurl. How you doing? Whatchu been up to? Yeah… that’s nice.
Anyway… what I came here for is important. Remember when all the world HAILED you for that HAT you wore at President Obama’s Inauguration? Yes gurl. You SLAYED at LEAST 1,342 hoes on sight. You STOLE that there show right up from under the Beloved One. Good times, I say. Good times.
Well, you’ve never been the most fashionable person, ‘Retha. With your penchant for spaghetti strap dresses (when they are CLEARLY not made for your body type since they dig into your shoulder. Bra burn ain’t cute. I mean, come on! Why do you love spaghetti strap dresses so? They don’t do anything to flatter your body. And honestly, the straps always look like they’re struggling under the weight of your mammaries. But that’s besides the point)… Oh. This was supposed to be a list. I’ll let the spaghetti strap guilt stand on its own. Anyway, where was I?
Ah yes. So we know you’re not a fashion maven but this is a fail even for you.
Wearing THE SAME DRESS? Two nights in a row? Now, some things just say “I don’t gibbadamb.” This is one of them. Re-Re, did you think you were gon see completely different people on those 2 nights? Was that it? Or did you REALLY like the dress and wanted folks to get a 2nd look at it? When you decided to put on the same dress back-to-back, did you just figure folks won’t notice because you switched your hairhat?
Sidenote: What in the deuce is that hairhat you had on to the left? Barbie’s hair looks more real. It reminds me of the hair on my old “Pretty Penny Chatterbox” doll from when I was little. All plasticky and shiny. And the color? COME the heck on! You ain’t even TRY to act like it ain’t a hat made of hair (hence “hairhat”). The Korean beauty supply store got WAY better hairs (yes, hairs) you coulda picked. You’re not e’en trying.
But yes, kudos for AT LEAST switching your wigs. I just hope you got that dress dry-cleaned or something between them days. Otherwise, it probably smelled like a combination of Essence of Last Night, Must and Estée Lauder Pleasures (to mask the other 2). I just can’t. You’re too rich for this ‘Refah. Even if you ain’t got monies. You coulda dug up some old outfit you didn’t wear THE NIGHT BEFORE and went to the Apollo.
I’m just saying…
Yours in O___o,