Dear Rihanna, About this Hair of Yours…
I don’t even need to say why this sternly-worded letter is necessary. It just is…
Hey girl hey. I see you taking Europe by storm. You’ve recovered from MMhmm-gate ’09 VERY well. And your ex-boo? Well… we just gon leave him be. I already wrote that fool his own letter. Now it’s your turn.
So Ri-Ri. I get it. You’re edgy. You can wear a necklace made with bullets to cover your nipples. You can shun pants for the rest of your life and instead dedicate your craft to wearing onesies. You can refuse to smile because you’re too segzy to show teeth. I get it, girl. You’re so edgy you smirk at yourself for smirking and then scowl at life for smirking back at you. Gurl, you got EDGE. The only way you could be edgier is if you wore a suit made with knives and “Najiramba’ed” on a bed of nails. Wait… I mustn’t give you any more ideas. You’re liable to do it.
BUT I gotta ask you. What in all that is good and sanctified have you done to that hair ours? Is this edge, because you missed that exit and ended up in the “Tacky” rest stop. You got the SAME haircut Jim Carrey had in “Dumb & Dumber” and then dyed it with red Kool-Aid. What hairdresser agreed to doing your hair like this??? If someone came to my shop asking for that, I’d throw my scissors and close shop for the rest of the day on account of being disrespected.
If your motive was to get people talking about you, well congrats. The Foghorn Leghorn haircut actually did get my attention in a major way. I realize you ain’t the best dancer. Or singer. Or performer.But your looks ARE DOPE and your stylist is doper.
But this? This is “Doing the Most.” You’re typically fierce but now… doing THE MOST. Just stop. And get a new hairdresser.
Yours in extreme side-eye,
What do yall think about her hair?