Dear Rihanna, About this Hair of Yours…

[ 31 ] June 7, 2010 |

I don’t even need to say why this sternly-worded letter is necessary. It just is…

Dear Rihanna,

Hey girl hey. I see you taking Europe by storm. You’ve recovered from MMhmm-gate ’09 VERY well. And your ex-boo? Well… we just gon leave him be. I already wrote that fool his own letter. Now it’s your turn.

Rihanna's Red Hair

So Ri-Ri. I get it. You’re edgy. You can wear a necklace made with bullets to cover your nipples. You can shun pants for the rest of your life and instead dedicate your craft to wearing onesies. You can refuse to smile because you’re too segzy to show teeth. I get it, girl. You’re so edgy you smirk at yourself for smirking and then scowl at life for smirking back at you. Gurl, you got EDGE. The only way you could be edgier is if you wore a suit made with knives and “Najiramba’ed” on a bed of nails. Wait… I mustn’t give you any more ideas. You’re liable to do it.

Jim Carrey bowlcut from "Dumb & Dumber"

Methinks Jim rocked it better.

BUT I gotta ask you. What in all that is good and sanctified have you done to that hair ours? Is this edge, because you missed that exit and ended up in the “Tacky” rest stop. You got the SAME haircut Jim Carrey had in “Dumb & Dumber” and then dyed it with red Kool-Aid. What hairdresser agreed to doing your hair like this??? If someone came to my shop asking for that, I’d throw my scissors and close shop for the rest of the day on account of being disrespected.

If your motive was to get people talking about you, well congrats. The Foghorn Leghorn haircut actually did get my attention in a major way. I realize you ain’t the best dancer. Or singer. Or performer.But your looks ARE DOPE and your stylist is doper.

But this? This is “Doing the Most.” You’re typically fierce but now… doing THE MOST. Just stop. And get a new hairdresser.

Yours in extreme side-eye,


What do yall think about her hair?

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Category: Famous folks, Letter

Comments (31)

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  1. HighQuality08 says:

    *deep sigh*

    I just don’t undersrand Rih-Rih. I think Edgy as far as she’s concerned is synonymous with “utterly ridiculous.”

  2. I agree. She went too far this time. I’m not feeling the bowl cut. At.All.

  3. Tiffany says:

    That is too funny. You are so hilarious with this one.

    Peace, Love and Chocolate

  4. She looks like a cracked out hoodrat Anita Baker circa 1980-sumfin’

  5. Cheekie says:

    Yeah, the Dumb & Dumber comparison is on point. And I DIED when someone said she had Simple Jack’s haircut.

    Yeah, she looks like she killed Elmo’s cousin to get that hair. Edgy shouldn’t = absolutely bonkers.

  6. Ladycakes says:

    Hilarious! For someone reason I feel like this a hairstyle Ursula from the Little Mermaid would wear. Wait isn’t that her stylist’s name? Hmmm…interesting. Anyway her hair is a complete and utter mess. She looks like that mute muppet. iCant with this hair.

    • Luvvie says:

      “For someone reason I feel like this a hairstyle Ursula from the Little Mermaid would wear.”

      Rihanna is a poor unfortunate soul for this haircut.

  7. Tan says:

    The color isn’t that bad. It’s okay for me, but the cut….killing me softly.

  8. Shelia says:

    Omg, she is so washed up. We will be seeing her on Dancing with the Stars next season. Ugh, sit down already!

    • Luvvie says:

      “Dancing with the Stars” is like the curtains falling on your relevance. I wonder why Kelly Rowland hasn’t been on there yet.

  9. Lite Bread says:

    Yer Most Hilarious Awesomelynessis,
    I had to go an’ wait one whole day before I could quit laughing so hard at this to be able to type out a (semi) coherent comment.
    Every daum time I looked at her pic and the Jimmy one, thinking of the Sternly Written, I had funny flashbacks to my yougin’- man days, when …
    every one of us poor whitey-boys had them god-awful “Bowl” hair-cuts, just like …
    Rihanna!!! LOL!
    If I dug out my ol’ (OK, honestly, Ancient) Grade School Class Pictures, half us honky-boy’s had to , uh, … er, “rock” that bad hair-cut.
    In the famous words of The Ramones …
    “I wanta be Sedated!”
    Now, THAT, … right there, is some Ginuwine- Real Honky Sh*t!!! I Luvvie it

  10. Kesha says:

    Bwwwwwwwwwwwaaaaaaahhhhhh! Classic! I swear….Everytime I’m feeling down, I come here ’cause I’m GUA-RON-TEED a few laughs. Girl….you is so crazy.

  11. Miss Fizzy says:

    Awesome. Now when are you gonna do Nikki Minaj? Girl can’t rap or dance. And why does she randomly say asbestos in the bed rock song? (As for Ri Ri, she’s just off my radar.)

  12. Kandia says:

    The color is kinda cute to me but that “chilli-bowl”(yeah I’m from the South) hair cut is not cute.

  13. bogart4017 says:

    Fire the stylist. This ain’t edgy its uuugly. Tone it down and change your style some or your 15 minutes will rapidly tick away

  14. elbie says:

    it’s just funny that what was once taboo, underground, and alternative- NOW is so appealing to the (once conservative) mainstream. it’s annoying. just be yourSELF people.

  15. CherrybombPk says:

    “yup! yah kno dis”!!!

    Sincerely- Pon Da Forehead..

  16. DivaKattGurl says:

    As always you hit the nail on the head (so to speak) I think she is beautiful but that is it. I mean really? What does she do besides get fly ass clothes, tatts and papparazzied all the time…. she should go back to school then I will feel better about her earning millions to do… well…nothing!

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