Whose Aunty is This With the Windshield Wiper Brows?

[ 43 ] June 17, 2010 |

I was on MissJia.com when I saw this picture below. And I was forced to save it and make it my Twitter background. I think at least once an hour, someone tweets me talmbout “WHAT IS THAT?!?”

What in the hot hell?!?

I don’t even… I just… *facepalm* WHAT (not who) is this? Where do I start? I’ma make a list. Lists are always awesome.

Eyebrows – This woman thought it’d be a good idea to shave off her eyebrows and draw on new ones that make her look like a cartoon villain. They look like windshield wipers on her face, going opposite directions. Your eyebrows aren’t supposed to be this errant. They are reminiscent of some wishbones that broke. Fact that she was serious when she drew them on to lay at a perfect 75 degree angle FURTHER lets me know she ain’t on sh*t.

Hair – Her hair has been FRIED and DYED within an inch of its life! I can smell the “Pump It Up” spray through the computer! Her twiggy follicles look like one bad move and they’d just crumble to the floor in a mosaic of strands. The perm AND the bleach combo can’t be good. Oh and let’s not forget the swoop strand in the front. She KNOWS she is Killing. the. game.

Contacts – iSweafoLAWD. Behind 85% of ratchetness lies some colored contacts. Miss Ma’am. Them ain’t your eyes. Light brown eyes ain’t FAH you. Please let your dark browns be great. Kthx.

Mouth – Not only is your aunty using black lipliner and lipgloss like it’s ok. But she got oversized grills on her teef too. And I bet they’re not real silver. Let’s hope they don’t rust in her mouth.

This is that aunty everyone has who doesn’t know how to act. She’s the one that be at family reunions tryna dance with the young’uns, talmbout how they’ont “know nothing bout that raht there.” Naw, scratch that. THIS is the aunty that insists on clubbing with her kids and wearing something shorter than them. Oh, I bet she’s gonna end up on Your Mom is Clubbing Tumblr. She must be related to Frankie and Neffe.

So I ask.

Whose aunty is this?!?

CLAIM your Aunty Ella. Otherwise, she ain’t gon bring her world famous ‘tato salad to the next family reunion. And you know she puts her FOOT in it. O___o

P.S. I just noticed the background on the picture. Aunt Ella’s in somebody non-colored’s house taking pics. Look at the pictures on the table behind her. She has white friends? Well, white people. Please know that most of US have sense. We don’t endorse this message. LOL.

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Comments (43)

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  1. Tiffany says:

    WTH, seriously, seriously? This has got to be photoshops doing. If not then why? Is that suppose to be a beauty ark or just a big azz mole? And her “eyebrows” aren’t centered right. If you look one is farther over then the other.

    Peace, Love and Chocolate
    Tiffany

  2. bgyrl7 says:

    LMAO at the white folk in the background!!! That is thee most hilarious part of this ratchetness – the fact she took this pic (and I am sure a whole collection of them for FB posts) while lil madison and brayden were in the baby pool in the backyard.smh

  3. J.Nicole says:

    Can we put out an APB for her hairline? Because it’s just… *sigh* You know what? Bump it. I’ma just need her to not pass Go or collect $200, go straight to a cosmetology college & let them “fix” her.

  4. SaneN85 says:

    I now have it in my mind that the white folks whose house she is at were doing something like in that Paul Rudd/Michael Scott (I know that’s not his real name) movie, Dinner for Schmucks. They invited her over to take pictures of her and put them on the interwebz. This theory greatly amuses me.

  5. i’d beat. j/k

    my cornea feels like its been infected after being exposed to that picture. shame on you luvvie, shame on you.

  6. Ladycakes says:

    *blank stare* Well I guess I know what one of Slick Front Pimp’s hoes looks like.

  7. Lite Bread says:

    Yer Most Awesomelynessis,
    You scarin’ the H-E-double-sticks outta me here!
    Look girl, I might be a bit desperate at times, but, seriously …
    I ain’t takin your un-inherited fourth Cuz’ out on a date!
    I don’t care WHAT she said she’d do for whiteboy …
    I ain’t touchin’ that, not with a full-body condom on, ok? We finally clear on this Ms. Luvvie?
    Don’t ask me again. You ain’t got that many favors with me for this one.

    • Luvvie says:

      “I ain’t takin your un-inherited fourth Cuz’ out on a date!”

      This ratchetness ain’t no kin of mine! I ain’t claiming NO parts of this.

  8. Lez says:

    LUV! I was going to comment on the random people of caucasion descent in the pictures behind her!!!! And her eyebrows look like a random grasshopper’s antennas… I’m mad atchu for not talmbout them earrings… O_O and her lack of a hairline… SMH! JESUS be a beautician and take her to Tyra for an ambush makeover! THIS is NOT ok!

  9. Cheekie says:

    I lost it at the folks in the background. *PERISHED*

    How do these people meet each other?!

  10. jessiemaejacks says:

    Black AVATAR?????

  11. bogart4017 says:

    My six year accidentally caught a glimpse and ran screaming from the room. It’ll be a while before she wanders off into the computer room alone.

    • Luvvie says:

      At least now you’ont have to worry bout ur child sneaking to use the comp. Aunty Ella don scared her straight. Um… I accept PayPal for my services.

  12. yadi says:

    it’s a rare occurrence but i am speechless.

    go hard or go home…i guess

    why, lord, why must i cry?

  13. DivaKattGurl says:

    Yeah I was looking at the folks in the pics… who the hell let her in the house? Clearly she was lost, hair line lost, eyebrows lost, eyes lost, I would hate to see her hands… I just know she is sporting the claw-like I can’t wipe my ass collection with the air-brush loud color design on them! I can’t breathe….

    *iQuit* all of you!! This is major Fuckery and it should be #3 on Top Twenty Fuckery 2010 List!!

    *DOA*

  14. 8th Wonder says:

    I bet you all the donkeys in Prince Akeem’s mama’s dowry that those white people came with the picture frame.

  15. kat says:

    its obvious that she desperately wants to look liek the people in the picture frame, because if you look at her face and the rest of her body closely, its obvious she uses bleaching cream smdh!!!

    FAIL 4 LIFE :)

  16. Marcus says:

    Wow. I just so happened to be looking up jolly rancher hair because of a story in the news when I found this wonderful website. I have never laughed like this. I love this blog

  17. Gavee says:

    She’s a home health care provider. Look at her uniform top. She’s taking care of old folk. Those are their grandchildren’s pics in the background. So while she’s supposed to be looking after someone’s nana she’s profiling in pics for the internet being a poseur in those folks’ home.

  18. Amy says:

    Oh my god what the hell is that thing?

  19. Stoppit says:

    I cannot deal.

    1- IF you are able to ignore the drawn on eyebrows an envision her real ones, and imagine her fronts as real teeth you could see the woman is not bad looking, but someone somewhere in her life failed her and taught her that ratchet was beautiful. It is not. Nope. No.
    2- I imagine she’s a visiting nurse somewhere in Dade county and these are pics from her break at work. Those are her clients grandkids. That’s my theory.
    3- why in the world would she even guess those eyebrows would be ok. At what point do you just forget what your face looks like? Her skills of approximation are horrible.

    I’m disturbed.

  20. dKnighTweets says:

    one of my favorite things in the WORLD is still the framed white kids in the background. idk why it tickles me so.

  21. Deja says:

    Unless you can say that your Jafar-esque eyebrows match your lip liner, you need to leave this girl alone. girl, right? #jurysout

    Jokes. i really cant say much about this photo except that the classic indoor brick/wood panel combination is always a rare delight.

  22. Corndog11 says:

    Maybe she bought picture frames and instead of putting her own relatives in, she just left those stock photos of white people?

  23. Roz R. says:

    Luvvie, “What in the hot hell?” indeed. I just figured those white folks in the background were her psychiatrist’s children…

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