Whose Aunty is This With the Windshield Wiper Brows?
I was on MissJia.com when I saw this picture below. And I was forced to save it and make it my Twitter background. I think at least once an hour, someone tweets me talmbout “WHAT IS THAT?!?”
I don’t even… I just… *facepalm* WHAT (not who) is this? Where do I start? I’ma make a list. Lists are always awesome.
Eyebrows – This woman thought it’d be a good idea to shave off her eyebrows and draw on new ones that make her look like a cartoon villain. They look like windshield wipers on her face, going opposite directions. Your eyebrows aren’t supposed to be this errant. They are reminiscent of some wishbones that broke. Fact that she was serious when she drew them on to lay at a perfect 75 degree angle FURTHER lets me know she ain’t on sh*t.
Hair – Her hair has been FRIED and DYED within an inch of its life! I can smell the “Pump It Up” spray through the computer! Her twiggy follicles look like one bad move and they’d just crumble to the floor in a mosaic of strands. The perm AND the bleach combo can’t be good. Oh and let’s not forget the swoop strand in the front. She KNOWS she is Killing. the. game.
Contacts – iSweafoLAWD. Behind 85% of ratchetness lies some colored contacts. Miss Ma’am. Them ain’t your eyes. Light brown eyes ain’t FAH you. Please let your dark browns be great. Kthx.
Mouth – Not only is your aunty using black lipliner and lipgloss like it’s ok. But she got oversized grills on her teef too. And I bet they’re not real silver. Let’s hope they don’t rust in her mouth.
This is that aunty everyone has who doesn’t know how to act. She’s the one that be at family reunions tryna dance with the young’uns, talmbout how they’ont “know nothing bout that raht there.” Naw, scratch that. THIS is the aunty that insists on clubbing with her kids and wearing something shorter than them. Oh, I bet she’s gonna end up on Your Mom is Clubbing Tumblr. She must be related to Frankie and Neffe.
So I ask.
Whose aunty is this?!?
CLAIM your Aunty Ella. Otherwise, she ain’t gon bring her world famous ‘tato salad to the next family reunion. And you know she puts her FOOT in it. O___o
P.S. I just noticed the background on the picture. Aunt Ella’s in somebody non-colored’s house taking pics. Look at the pictures on the table behind her. She has white friends? Well, white people. Please know that most of US have sense. We don’t endorse this message. LOL.