Whose is this?

Whose Aunty is This With the Windshield Wiper Brows?

I was on MissJia.com when I saw this picture below. And I was forced to save it and make it my Twitter background. I think at least once an hour, someone tweets me talmbout “WHAT IS THAT?!?”

What in the hot hell?!?

I don’t even… I just… *facepalm* WHAT (not who) is this? Where do I start? I’ma make a list. Lists are always awesome.

Eyebrows – This woman thought it’d be a good idea to shave off her eyebrows and draw on new ones that make her look like a cartoon villain. They look like windshield wipers on her face, going opposite directions. Your eyebrows aren’t supposed to be this errant. They are reminiscent of some wishbones that broke. Fact that she was serious when she drew them on to lay at a perfect 75 degree angle FURTHER lets me know she ain’t on sh*t.

Hair – Her hair has been FRIED and DYED within an inch of its life! I can smell the “Pump It Up” spray through the computer! Her twiggy follicles look like one bad move and they’d just crumble to the floor in a mosaic of strands. The perm AND the bleach combo can’t be good. Oh and let’s not forget the swoop strand in the front. She KNOWS she is Killing. the. game.

Contacts – iSweafoLAWD. Behind 85% of ratchetness lies some colored contacts. Miss Ma’am. Them ain’t your eyes. Light brown eyes ain’t FAH you. Please let your dark browns be great. Kthx.

Mouth – Not only is your aunty using black lipliner and lipgloss like it’s ok. But she got oversized grills on her teef too. And I bet they’re not real silver. Let’s hope they don’t rust in her mouth.

This is that aunty everyone has who doesn’t know how to act. She’s the one that be at family reunions tryna dance with the young’uns, talmbout how they’ont “know nothing bout that raht there.” Naw, scratch that. THIS is the aunty that insists on clubbing with her kids and wearing something shorter than them. Oh, I bet she’s gonna end up on Your Mom is Clubbing Tumblr. She must be related to Frankie and Neffe.

So I ask.

Whose aunty is this?!?

CLAIM your Aunty Ella. Otherwise, she ain’t gon bring her world famous ‘tato salad to the next family reunion. And you know she puts her FOOT in it. O___o

P.S. I just noticed the background on the picture. Aunt Ella’s in somebody non-colored’s house taking pics. Look at the pictures on the table behind her. She has white friends? Well, white people. Please know that most of US have sense. We don’t endorse this message. LOL.

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44 Comments

  1. June 17, 2010 at 7:49 am — Reply

    WTH, seriously, seriously? This has got to be photoshops doing. If not then why? Is that suppose to be a beauty ark or just a big azz mole? And her “eyebrows” aren’t centered right. If you look one is farther over then the other.

    Peace, Love and Chocolate
    Tiffany

    • June 23, 2010 at 8:58 pm — Reply

      Unfortunately, I doubt that Photoshop had anything to do with this travesty. Her WHOLE look is a fail.

  2. bgyrl7
    June 17, 2010 at 8:05 am — Reply

    LMAO at the white folk in the background!!! That is thee most hilarious part of this ratchetness – the fact she took this pic (and I am sure a whole collection of them for FB posts) while lil madison and brayden were in the baby pool in the backyard.smh

    • June 23, 2010 at 8:59 pm — Reply

      LMAOOO @ Lil Madison and Brayden. I don’t even know how those 2 worlds could collide. Foolish.

  3. J.Nicole
    June 17, 2010 at 8:33 am — Reply

    Can we put out an APB for her hairline? Because it’s just… *sigh* You know what? Bump it. I’ma just need her to not pass Go or collect $200, go straight to a cosmetology college & let them “fix” her.

    • June 23, 2010 at 9:00 pm — Reply

      Her hairline musta ran away w/ her original eyebrows. You know? The ones NOT drawn on?

  4. […] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Luvvie and Luvvie, June Moses. June Moses said: @luvvieig hahahahaha! Thanks for starting my day off right :) http://bit.ly/aaVgAF […]

  5. SaneN85
    June 17, 2010 at 11:23 am — Reply

    I now have it in my mind that the white folks whose house she is at were doing something like in that Paul Rudd/Michael Scott (I know that’s not his real name) movie, Dinner for Schmucks. They invited her over to take pictures of her and put them on the interwebz. This theory greatly amuses me.

    • June 23, 2010 at 9:00 pm — Reply

      *sigh* unfortunately, you may be right. Hell. i’d befriend her just to take her pic too. And then roast.

  6. June 17, 2010 at 1:38 pm — Reply

    i’d beat. j/k

    my cornea feels like its been infected after being exposed to that picture. shame on you luvvie, shame on you.

    • June 23, 2010 at 9:01 pm — Reply

      iCackled at “i’d beat.” LMAO!

  7. June 17, 2010 at 1:56 pm — Reply

    *blank stare* Well I guess I know what one of Slick Front Pimp’s hoes looks like.

  8. Lite Bread
    June 17, 2010 at 2:17 pm — Reply

    Yer Most Awesomelynessis,
    You scarin’ the H-E-double-sticks outta me here!
    Look girl, I might be a bit desperate at times, but, seriously …
    I ain’t takin your un-inherited fourth Cuz’ out on a date!
    I don’t care WHAT she said she’d do for whiteboy …
    I ain’t touchin’ that, not with a full-body condom on, ok? We finally clear on this Ms. Luvvie?
    Don’t ask me again. You ain’t got that many favors with me for this one.

    • June 23, 2010 at 9:02 pm — Reply

      “I ain’t takin your un-inherited fourth Cuz’ out on a date!”

      This ratchetness ain’t no kin of mine! I ain’t claiming NO parts of this.

  9. Lez
    June 17, 2010 at 3:03 pm — Reply

    LUV! I was going to comment on the random people of caucasion descent in the pictures behind her!!!! And her eyebrows look like a random grasshopper’s antennas… I’m mad atchu for not talmbout them earrings… O_O and her lack of a hairline… SMH! JESUS be a beautician and take her to Tyra for an ambush makeover! THIS is NOT ok!

    • June 23, 2010 at 9:05 pm — Reply

      “And her eyebrows look like a random grasshopper’s antennas”

      AAANNNNDDD I’m done. iQuit u.

  10. Cheekie
    June 17, 2010 at 3:03 pm — Reply

    I lost it at the folks in the background. *PERISHED*

    How do these people meet each other?!

    • June 23, 2010 at 9:05 pm — Reply

      Like I said. i have NO idea how their worlds could collide. This is a conundrum.

  11. […] Luvvie wants to know “Whose Aunty Is This?” […]

  12. […] Awesomely Luvvie: Whose Auntie Is This? […]

  13. June 18, 2010 at 1:27 pm — Reply

    […] Aunt Silvia is STILL actin up. [Awesomely Luvvie] […]

  14. jessiemaejacks
    June 19, 2010 at 3:24 pm — Reply

    Black AVATAR?????

    • June 23, 2010 at 9:04 pm — Reply

      OH NOOOOOOOOOO!!! Not Avatar! LMAOOOOOO!!!! LOG OFF!

  15. bogart4017
    June 22, 2010 at 10:25 am — Reply

    My six year accidentally caught a glimpse and ran screaming from the room. It’ll be a while before she wanders off into the computer room alone.

    • June 23, 2010 at 9:04 pm — Reply

      At least now you’ont have to worry bout ur child sneaking to use the comp. Aunty Ella don scared her straight. Um… I accept PayPal for my services.

  16. yadi
    June 22, 2010 at 10:52 am — Reply

    it’s a rare occurrence but i am speechless.

    go hard or go home…i guess

    why, lord, why must i cry?

    • June 23, 2010 at 9:03 pm — Reply

      Why must we ALL weep??? It ain’t just you.

  17. August 13, 2010 at 2:26 am — Reply

    Yeah I was looking at the folks in the pics… who the hell let her in the house? Clearly she was lost, hair line lost, eyebrows lost, eyes lost, I would hate to see her hands… I just know she is sporting the claw-like I can’t wipe my ass collection with the air-brush loud color design on them! I can’t breathe….

    *iQuit* all of you!! This is major Fuckery and it should be #3 on Top Twenty Fuckery 2010 List!!

    *DOA*

  18. 8th Wonder
    August 24, 2010 at 4:44 pm — Reply

    I bet you all the donkeys in Prince Akeem’s mama’s dowry that those white people came with the picture frame.

    • August 24, 2010 at 11:44 pm — Reply

      GERROUT MY COMMENTS AIF!!! LMAOOOOOOOO!!! Not “all the donkeys in…” Gurll… LMAO!

      • 8th Wonder
        August 25, 2010 at 8:53 am — Reply

        Whatchu got ‘gainst Donkeys???

  19. kat
    September 10, 2010 at 5:40 pm — Reply

    its obvious that she desperately wants to look liek the people in the picture frame, because if you look at her face and the rest of her body closely, its obvious she uses bleaching cream smdh!!!

    FAIL 4 LIFE :)

  20. Marcus
    April 12, 2011 at 6:49 pm — Reply

    Wow. I just so happened to be looking up jolly rancher hair because of a story in the news when I found this wonderful website. I have never laughed like this. I love this blog

  21. Gavee
    October 4, 2011 at 5:44 pm — Reply

    She’s a home health care provider. Look at her uniform top. She’s taking care of old folk. Those are their grandchildren’s pics in the background. So while she’s supposed to be looking after someone’s nana she’s profiling in pics for the internet being a poseur in those folks’ home.

    • October 4, 2011 at 11:25 pm — Reply

      You just might be right.

  22. June 17, 2013 at 8:20 pm — Reply

    Oh my god what the hell is that thing?

  23. Stoppit
    July 10, 2013 at 2:39 pm — Reply

    I cannot deal.

    1- IF you are able to ignore the drawn on eyebrows an envision her real ones, and imagine her fronts as real teeth you could see the woman is not bad looking, but someone somewhere in her life failed her and taught her that ratchet was beautiful. It is not. Nope. No.
    2- I imagine she’s a visiting nurse somewhere in Dade county and these are pics from her break at work. Those are her clients grandkids. That’s my theory.
    3- why in the world would she even guess those eyebrows would be ok. At what point do you just forget what your face looks like? Her skills of approximation are horrible.

    I’m disturbed.

  24. July 10, 2013 at 3:03 pm — Reply

    one of my favorite things in the WORLD is still the framed white kids in the background. idk why it tickles me so.

  25. Deja
    July 10, 2013 at 3:30 pm — Reply

    Unless you can say that your Jafar-esque eyebrows match your lip liner, you need to leave this girl alone. girl, right? #jurysout

    Jokes. i really cant say much about this photo except that the classic indoor brick/wood panel combination is always a rare delight.

  26. Corndog11
    July 27, 2013 at 1:47 pm — Reply

    Maybe she bought picture frames and instead of putting her own relatives in, she just left those stock photos of white people?

  27. Roz R.
    October 30, 2013 at 7:04 pm — Reply

    Luvvie, “What in the hot hell?” indeed. I just figured those white folks in the background were her psychiatrist’s children…

  28. […] finest bodycon dress with varicose veins as accessories. I’m pretty sure a couple of “Whose Aunty is this?” posts will come from this cruise. And I’m lowkey afraid of what this “Wild Wild […]

  29. taymur
    May 23, 2014 at 11:17 am — Reply

    Why is it the eyebrows and the lip the same color. Whatever disease took her eyebrows is now after her lips!

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