So I didn’t give many dambs about Lebron James’ announcement and bazaar and carnival about where he was going. Wherever it was, Lebron was going to get mad loot I ain’t got. He’s going to be ok. He wasn’t giving us the cure to cancer or saying an NBA ball’s rubber would stop the oil spill so I was pretty indifferent. Then he announced he was going to Miami, and folks got their thongs in a bunch. Especially Dan Gilbert, one of the owners of the Cleveland Cavalier. His boyshorts are ALL in a know. Here’s the letter he penned to the Cleveland Fan. Read it and see why he deserves this week’s sternly-worded letter.
Dear Dan Gilbert,
Hey Dan, hey. So Lebron’s leaving Cleveland and you mad huh? You are UP and SET about it. To the point where you wrote a letter to Cavalier fans about it. You threw a legendary b*tchfit not seen in the NBA since Rodman days (Dennis was the hissy fit queen king. No, queen fits).
First of all, you typed up the letter in Comic Sans MS font. O__o Yes Dan. That just SCREAMS “take me seriously! I need my nap right now! I’m cranky!” A font with the word “comic” in it is not the one to use to verbally whip somebody. That font is about as serious as a pie in the face jokes. You coulda easily stuck to the standard Time New Roman that Microsoft Word suggests. Anyway…
So yes, Dan. Clearly, you’re all types of pissed that Lebron is leaving. Understandable, because he’s taking a bunch of dollars with him. But LAWD, Dan! Get some couth about you. You’re saltier than a bowl of ramen noodles. Chill out!
“You simply don’t deserve this kind of cowardly betrayal.”
Umm… did Lebron James snitch on Cleveland in court? What “cowardly betrayal?” Maybe the man wants some more groupies sunlight in his life. Just MAYBE the man wanted access to Uncle Luke’s club whenever. You’ont know his logic and his life! Did Lebron sleep with everyone’s men in Cleveland at their bachelor party? Boy QWEET!
“I PERSONALLY GUARANTEE THAT THE CLEVELAND CAVALIERS WILL WIN AN NBA CHAMPIONSHIP BEFORE THE SELF-TITLED FORMER ‘KING’ WINS ONE”
Whoa who whoa. Turn down the volume, Dan. DAMB! All caps huh? You so tough, Danny. WHY are you hollering? Just WHY?!? And umm… I love how you just wrote a check I’m not sure your mouf can cash. I’unno too murch bout the current state of teams in the NBA but you may want to quit making such grandiose promises.
“The self-declared former “King” will be taking the “curse” with him down south. And until he does “right” by Cleveland and Ohio, James (and the town where he plays) will unfortunately own this dreaded spell and bad karma. “
Did you just *Celie Curse* Lebron?!? LMAOOO! I bet that was typed with two fingers in the air. LAWD… someone don made you watch the Color Purple and now you’ont know how to act. You’re wishing that everything the man THINKS bout gon fail. You. ARE. PISSED.
Dan, please quit acting like Lebron used you for a one night stand and didn’t cuddle. Like y’all just had a great lovemaking session and Lebron put money on the night stand and walked away. The whole lover-scorned angle of that letter was wack. You are REALLY butthurt over this. Please grow some and move on from this. You’re making yourself look bad.
Only thing Lebron James (and any melanin-blessed person) is SUPPOSED to do is stay Black, pay taxes, and follow the drinking gourd to the Lord when our time comes. So please cry yourself a river, build a bridge and get the hell over it.