My LifeRandom

Kids or Shoes? I Pick Shoes.

Before I begin, let me say to the parents reading this blog that many kudos to you. You are awesome. And I’m sure your kids are EVERYTHING. Okay? And I’m in no way making some judgment on those who have kids. These are just my thoughts as a selfish twenty-something. No shade AT ALL. With that being said, let the good shade times ROLL!

So I have a question. What is in the water nowadays?!? Everywhere I turn is a baby shower. I’ma stick to lemonade. No thank you. Folks are popping out chilrun like it’s nothing. I’m just saying. I love kids. Don’t get me wrong. They smell like baby powder, freshness and Heaven. There is nothing as comforting as “New Baby Smell.” It’s definitely way better than “New Car Smell.” It is the purest thing one can have to Heaven on Earth BUT…

Kids are EXPENSIVE. It’s a recession. Folks can barely keep jobs. Having children all willy nilly is just not financially sound. They want you to do stuff like ya know, FEED them and CLOTHE them. Like HUH? They actually NEED stuff? NAW SON! O__o

Kids or Shoes?

The absolute cuteness to the left or the fierceness to the right?

Shoo… besides. I got shoes to buy, hoes to slay and streets to run. Y’all know how much I love shoes. I love shoes so much that I have a blog dedicated to shoes (oh you ain’t know? Well now you know). Kids cut into your shoe budget and make too much noise. I mean… let’s talk bout it yall. All kids are good for is looking cute. Showing you all the love in the world. Melting your heart. Carrying on your family name. Accepting inheritance. Being such awesome little people who are delightful and adorable. Giving the greatest hugs and kisses. Holding our future in their hands. Keeping the human race un-extinct. Besides that, I’ont see how they’re useful. O___O

Anyway, methinks shoes are cooler than kids. Why?

* Shoes don’t cry - Yes, some of them make my feet weep but that’s nothing a foot soak and massage can’t cure.

* Shoes don’t have to be fed – Unless the occasional shoe spray counts as food.

* Shoes can run the streets with you – In fact, a prerequisite to running the streets well is a pair of fierce shoes. Kids gotta be in bed by 8pm. My shoes don’t come out the closet until 9pm. See where the dilemma lies?

* Shoes don’t make noise – They are quiet beings. Only noise they make is when the heel hits hardwood. And that’s a glorious noise.

* Shoes don’t demand attention – Well, the RIGHT shoes will demand others’ attention because they don’t have a choice but to look at your feet.

* Shoes don’t grow up to be angst-ridden and emo teenagers. - They won’t talk back to you or make you a grandparent before your time.

* Shoes don’t destroy things – Apart from bank account balances. Unlike kids. If you haven’t seen the site Shit My Kids Ruined, take a gander. If this isn’t visual evidence as to why shoes should be picked over kids, I’m not sure what is.

My kids are my shoes. I love them dearly. All they do is make me look fierce. And slay hoes in my honor.

Besides, you babysit newborns to toddlers and see if you won’t choose shoes over procreating. I’ve told my sister a coupla times that I was gonna put my niece up on Craigslist with an ad saying “Will deliver. Toys & clothes included. No cash needed. Just take her.” But everytime I threaten that, she goes and does something cute. Like singing “Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star.” Or coming up to me and saying “HAPPY!!!” and cheesing like a cheshire cat. Gosh she’s so darn cute! She totally foils my plan to buy new shoes because I’ll end up on the Children’s Place website buying her stuff.

Just when I'm ready to sell her to the highest bidder, she goes and falls asleep all cute.

Scratch this whole post. Who am I kidding? I’d pick my Cupcake over my shoes anyday. UGH! She’s just so cute! It’s part of her plot to take over the world. Starting with my shoe closet. I just KNOWED it. Children are so adorabo just so we can’t resist them. Yes. THAT is the only reason they are that cute.

Give me a couple of more years of selfish indulgence and running the streets, then I may be ready for a Mini Luvvie. Until then, the kiddies around me (and my love for shoes) are my form of birth control. What’s yours?

*reads post* I’m about as shallow as a drool spot. LAWD.

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34 Comments

  1. July 26, 2010 at 8:22 am — Reply

    I have long said that I am too selfish for children. Besides, i grew up in a poor, dual income household. I was mom for a LONG time to my brothers. I done raised my kids! It’s ME TIME!

    In all seriousness, I wouldn’t want to regret that little one. That’s why I am the best auntie ever but I leave the baby making to my bros.

    • July 27, 2010 at 12:43 pm — Reply

      Yesss! Being an aunty rocks because you can babysit them and just hand them right back.

  2. July 26, 2010 at 8:43 am — Reply

    drool spot? iCan’t with you this early…
    If you’re determined to stay childless, quit making me flatline… I’m tellin’ you, the boy in a FedEx box, headed your way…

    • July 27, 2010 at 12:43 pm — Reply

      LOL! Eli gon cut into my shoe budget. I’ll drop him off w/ my mama.

  3. July 26, 2010 at 8:45 am — Reply

    lol! awww, she’s a cutie. I have a thing for handbags, but if I had the choice between the soft, supple leather divinely crafted beauty of a fly bag or my lil munchkin (see exhibit A here: http://twitpic.com/1prjym ) i’d pick her beautiful, hilarious, diva-licious, spunky, smart self every time :D (she’s my little cousin, no babies of my own yet, whew)

    http://socialitedreams.wordpress.com/

    • July 29, 2010 at 1:50 am — Reply

      Sorry for this late response, Vonnie, but your comment was accidentally marked as spam. Akismet FAIL. Anywho… your little cousin is SOOOO cute!! Look at those eyes! *swoons* Yeah, I could see why you’d pick her over the purse. I’d pick my cupcake over the shoes too. After I fussed, of course.

  4. July 26, 2010 at 9:08 am — Reply

    I have a baby shower AND 1-year-old birthday party to attend this Saturday. That is why I drink Gatorade, not water.

    “New Baby Smell” would smell splendiferous in my car. Doubt if it’s in Wal-mart. I’ll check out ebay! lol

    • July 27, 2010 at 12:49 pm — Reply

      Right! The water’s clearly contaminated w/ “extra fertility.” No ma’am. I’ll drink kool-aid instead.

  5. July 26, 2010 at 9:43 am — Reply

    I diverted from this post so many times to look at many shoes. I bought two pair this weekend and thanks to that Piperlime code… another pair today. FOR SHAME!!

    • July 27, 2010 at 12:50 pm — Reply

      Woo hooo!!! Glad you used that code. I’ma keep ‘em coming.

  6. Lez
    July 26, 2010 at 12:24 pm — Reply

    HILARIOUS!!!! You forgot all the pain that is involved with pushing those big head suckers out! Well at least my little Buddha… him so fat! smh… I’d say that after two kids, and an INCREDIBLE love for shoes (YES, I’m a Mommy, I still get the shoes I want, and my kids are well fed, and thats something I’m SO proud of!) I’ve learned that there’s no better cardio/ muscle training workout than wearing a bad ass 3 inch stilleto while carrying a 20 lb baby in one arm, and having a bourgeois 7 year old hanging off your other arm! The money saved on an expensive gym membership goes towards my shoe obsession!

    • July 27, 2010 at 12:50 pm — Reply

      YESSSS @ Buddha. Him so cute, I’d choose him over shoes. But yes, way to kill 3 birds w/ one stone, Mama Lez.

  7. Jasmine
    July 26, 2010 at 1:39 pm — Reply

    This post made me scrabble out of my lurker mode. Your foolishness is so ridiculous, I pray after reading your posts. Jeebus really does love you, cause no one else can get away with this ratchedness.

    • July 27, 2010 at 12:51 pm — Reply

      Hey Jasmine! Don’t be no stranger! Take off your coat and stay awhile. But gurl, yes Jesus loves me. For the bible tells me so.

  8. Lite Bread
    July 26, 2010 at 1:52 pm — Reply

    Yer Most Motherly Awesomelynessis,
    “Birth Control”?! Did you ask us about “Birth Control”?!

    It’s called havin’ No Woman. No Sex.
    Seems to work pretty good too,’cause I haven’t added any more kiddie’s to the ones I got now …

    (But, that Lil’ Girl in the digital image is SO cute … I want two more now …
    and shoes fer me are either sneakers or Running shoes/Racing Flats)

    • July 27, 2010 at 1:04 pm — Reply

      Yes. Celibacy is great birth control. Except it makes folks cranky and evil. So the rest of the world will suffer. That lil girl is my niece.

      • Lite Bread
        July 27, 2010 at 6:40 pm — Reply

        I’m never evil!
        Cranky … now …. sometimes …

  9. July 26, 2010 at 3:55 pm — Reply

    I’m not too eager to have kids either. I love hearing moms say, “oh kids are the best thing ever” to a woman, and as SOON as she gets pregnant, now the story is, “man, I had non-stop diarrhea when I was pregnant, Junior weighed eleven’teen pounds and all he did was cry until his 3rd birthday.” *side eyes all you moms* We know you’re trying to get us to join your miser- um, undeniable happiness :-)

    • July 27, 2010 at 1:05 pm — Reply

      LMAO!! Right.

  10. July 26, 2010 at 4:56 pm — Reply

    I am your people, since I have diarrhea now, can i go ahead and get pregnant?

    And I want to have both, yes, I am wishy washy!

  11. July 26, 2010 at 8:30 pm — Reply

    Trust there are moments I look at my kids and then something I really want and slap myself to get a grip because I that shoes are shoes and my kids are my kids, but dayum some shoes are hard to resist.

    Peace, Love and Chocolate
    Tiffany

    • July 27, 2010 at 1:06 pm — Reply

      Mmhmmm! That’s all I’m tryna say. Shoes aren’t naughty. Unless they’re THAT type of shoe and then…

  12. Cheekie
    July 27, 2010 at 10:38 am — Reply

    I LOVE kids. I am quite famously a big kid myself. I even used to work with them at a non-profit theater company before I sold my soul to corporate America. My motto for kids? “I love me some kids, especially since I get to return them to their owners.” o_O That is so rude…yet true.

    As for my birth control (other than seeing kids when they NOT sleeping?) I guess it’ll be handbags for me. *swoons at just the thought of this Chanel one I know I can’t e’en afford*

  13. July 27, 2010 at 7:34 pm — Reply

    Kids would cut into my internet gooning time… No mama, no girl!

    • July 28, 2010 at 1:58 am — Reply

      RIGHT! I can’t goon online b/c I’d have to goon on them. No thanks.

  14. July 28, 2010 at 1:05 am — Reply

    My birth control: SLEEP! ….and school. As an undergrad Elementary Education major & aunt to two, I’m around enough kids on a daily basis.

    I’ve always said that I will have children either by the grace of God or if my HUSBAND wants kids.

    I wipe enough noses & eyes, fix enough accidents, deal with enough sad stories to know I am NOT ready to start a family.

  15. July 28, 2010 at 4:17 am — Reply

    HAHAHAH Loved this post!

  16. yadi
    July 28, 2010 at 1:55 pm — Reply

    hmmm, my childless cousin and i were talking about this very topic the other day. she credited the fact that she’s self-centered, not selfish, as the reason she doesn’t want any children. conversely, i seek validation thru my child-rearing skills. smh..always something.

    • July 28, 2010 at 2:25 pm — Reply

      I understand. I’ll admit my selfishness. Which is why i ain’t ready.

      • yadi
        July 28, 2010 at 6:51 pm — Reply

        oh, i thought this post was about not wanting kids at all in lieu of shoes, lol… it’s actually pretty ridiculous but i entertained it anyway. not saying your kids will look out for u when you’re old, decrepit but the shoe guys (manolo, louboutin, etc) damn sure won’t. their kids, however, will be basking in the proceeds from such over-priced ‘gems’.

        needless to say, everyone has their priorities and, of course, they have a tendency to change over time.

        • July 28, 2010 at 9:07 pm — Reply

          But shoes are just so beautiful. And they don’t need diaper changes. LOL

  17. Shelby
    July 29, 2010 at 4:54 pm — Reply

    I love this post, and you are so right about it all! My sister has a kid and she tells me all the time how nice it would be to go shopping for something for her self and not for the kid, that is part of the reason right there that I do not want kids.

  18. Kaitlyn
    November 15, 2011 at 5:17 pm — Reply

    I’m not gonna lie, babies are expensive. My bot and I can’t afford to pay some bills and rent most of the time. And two weeks out of the month we don’t eat(she nurses so she doesn’t really go hungry). But to me I love just knowing that I’m not so infertile as I was told I was. She’s our miracle baby. Been still having unprotected sex for the last year and I’m pretty sure I’m not having more kids after this. And looking at her beautiful smiling face just makes our day so much better.
    I wouldn’t suggest having kids in this economy. It’s hard and people now are just doing it for the free money they get from the county making it hard for people like us who need it to get our money or a job. People are still selfish enough to have their welfare babies. They don’t even take care of their kids. They use the counties money and child support to but their ratchet ass clothes and their Prada.

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