Red Velvet Fried Chicken. My Soul Says YES!

[ 71 ] August 13, 2010 |

Y’all KNOW I don’t typically blog midday but when things of such importance arise, I must ring the alarm! I have been alerted to the existence of RED VELVET FRIED CHICKEN by THIS!

Red Velvet Fried Chicken

Proof that God loves us.

RED.

VELVET.

FRIED.

CHICKEN.

Yes, I must type that in all caps each time because it is just that astounding and awesome. My spirit is moved. My soul is uplifted.

I LOVE red velvet anything. Cupcakes, cheesecake, batter… You name it. And fried chicken makes the world go round. This is fact. Like really. The Earth’s axis are greased with fried chicken oil. That’s what makes it rotate so smoothly. Look it up.

So to COMBINE THEM??? Jesus hold my mule and my heart! Here’s the recipe as listed by the restaurant that came up with this delicious evil:

“At first glance, it’ll look like a heaping plate of leg, thigh and breast. But upon further inspection, you’ll see that the chicken has taken on a slight reddish hue. That’s because your precious fried bird has been pre-soaked in AC’s signature red velvet cake batter, then dredged in toasted, crumbled bits of red velvet cupcake before being dipped in a frying pan.”

So now I have some pertinent questions.

Is it served by unicorns on phoenix feathers? (I’m apt to believe it is. And comes with a side of eye of newt.)

Are my taste buds going to do the WOP upon first taste or will they go into overdrive? (My taste buds are already doing the cabbage patch in anticipation.)

Why didn’t I think of this first? (I don’t use my creative juices for the right things.)

Will my arteries clog up upon first bite? (Probably.)

Is this the epitome of the diabeetus? (I’m sure of it.)

Do I even care? (I’m pretty sure I don’t.)

Why don’t they deliver cross-country? (They’re in California. I’m in Illinois.)

Whose chef hat do I have to steal to get some of this? (Maybe Chef Julius’. Although I’m sure he is NOT in support of this.)

I NEED SOME OF THIS RED VELVET FRIED CHICKEN!!!

Won’t you join me in a group *leyomi drop* session at the thought of this RED VELVET FRIED CHICKEN?

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YEEESSSS! iLIVE!

My soul says yes. My arteries say no. What say you? Am I the only one looking at my screen really hard hoping to channel some magical scratch and sniff power of the interwebs?

Edit: So I called American Cupcake, the bakery that makes the RED VELVET FRIED CHICKEN. They’re located in San Francisco, CA. And I asked them if they deliver it cross country. They broke my heart and said no. Allow me to now go throw myself off a step stool unto soft carpet. HEART BROKEN! WHY WON’T THEY GIVE PEACE A CHANCE??? *wall slide*

Who lives in San Francisco and wants to pick me up some, freeze and ship it? WHO I SAY?!? I shall commence “Operation Get Some RED VELVET FRIED CHICKEN” and will not rest until I get some.

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Comments (71)

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  1. Tyler says:

    Wow…that just seems…i might need to try me some

  2. DWJ says:

    WOW. I mean WOW. I need to try this.

  3. afrobella says:

    Ahem. From your blog post today: “…fried chicken makes the world go round. This is fact. Like really. The Earth’s axis are greased with fried chicken oil. That’s what makes it rotate so smoothly. Look it up.”

    You are so dumb. You are really dumb. FOR REAL

    OMG this post made me ROFLMAO, IRL

  4. Brittany says:

    Sounds absolutely disgusting…

  5. AJ says:

    *side-eye*

    WhosoEVA concocted this monstrosity must have a side gig with the dye-a-beet-us people!!! And cream cheese mashed potatoes on the side?

    That’s why the terrorists hate us, Luvvie. They hate us for our cake coated yardbird type freedoms.

  6. *adjusts Aretha Franklin Inauguration hat* Oh HELL YES! My favorite things in the world combined? I’m going on a month-long celery juice fast before trying it.

  7. SweetTee says:

    Just looking at that picture of red velvet fried chicken just gave me diabetes, high blood pressure and raised my bad cholesterol by 40 pts,- all at the same time. But I won’t lie, that looks good.

    My personal trainer nor nutritionist would not approve.

    BTW, I’m a first time poster. I’m a little late to your blog party (just discovered it two weeks ago), but now that I know, I visit frequently.

    Keep up the good work.

  8. I want some and I want some know. *straps Zoey in her carseat and heads to Cali.

  9. Maximillian says:

    Six million ways to die. That’s one.

    A good one tho.

  10. Ladycakes says:

    *in a my best Sophia voice* I’se feelin mighty down I’se feeling mighty low and then I seent yo article and I kno there was a God and he goin to cure of my hypertension after I get some of this chicken cause he love me all. #PraiseJesusinthenameofJesus

  11. max says:

    I curse the gods of bad digestion that render me unable to eat chicken or cake. I was dealing with it okay until I read this and discovered that I have been condemned to a life without Red Velvet Fried Chicken! I’ve never had a WALL SLIDE moment before but this is surely worthy….

    Luvvie you must eat this and live tweet (including twitpics) the entire experience so that I and all your other colonically-challenged readers can live vicariously through you!

  12. Antonio says:

    Hell Yes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    ROFLMAO @ “Jesus hold my mule and my heart!”

  13. Shana says:

    I am done with your blog posts and commenters. This post had me melting out of my chair with laughter, and the group leiomy drop just put the icing on the cake.

  14. La Lionne says:

    I’ve just discovered this blog and it is amazing!

  15. Star says:

    I was laughing my ass off at this post, eyeballs drooling at the screen and err’thang, until you said that this place was located in San Fran- F*cking-Cisco (s’cuse my language, but im pretty heated rah’t bout nah)! The very place I lived in for the last 9 months! The very place I just RELOCATED from due to a promotion! I am now sitting here, holding myself, rocking to and fro. I am unsuccessfully trying to calm the shakes that are taking over my Red.Velvet.Fried.Chicken-LESS. body. As soon as I regain control of my facilities, I will be making a call to the airline and booking a flight. I will report back to you upon recovering from the epic case of the ‘itus that is sure to follow the meal. Unitl then, pray for me, cuz dis ish aint cute.

    Thank you, and good day.

    *shakes*
    *logs the hell off*

  16. Margaret W says:

    You MUST attempt to make this…and blog about it. *as my arteries clog just thinking about it*

  17. Dr. Kiti says:

    I live just across the water from SF. I almost lost my shit when you said the bakery was in Cali, then I started praying it was at least somewhere near me (a lot of the good shit’s in SoCal but LA ad that area down there is a world away from us here). When you said it’s in SF, I made a mental note to head over there ASAP. If you need me to FedEx you some fried chicken, hit me up ;)

    • Capricorn says:

      I need you to FedEx me some. I”ll reimburse you and all.

      And iLive for Luvvie and her posts. :) I started using iLive, iDied, iCant IRL, like out loud. People look at me like this: o.0, but i’on even care!! Lemme call my soror in SF and see if she can get me some.

    • @gmail.com says:

      Yeah, I’m being punished, but please believe I am on the phone with my girlfriends who will be going and getting this meal for me and shipping it down south this weekend. Which still doesn’t help, as I will be in Chi-raq this weekend. I cant win for loosing… at least I can wear some red pumps, stand on Michaigan Ave and hope to run into you… *oh well*

  18. Vina May says:

    WHOA! Im in Cali but im in the land of Los Scandalous so its still a million miles away. I might have to become a Baydestrian just for the red velvet cake batter fried chicken. Shout out the the East Bay im coming to see you soon, Red Velvet Chicken for everyone!!!

  19. Lisa says:

    Yes, I need it! (Chaneling Monica) Red Velvet is everything to meeeeeee!

  20. Lisa says:

    Damn only in SF?(I read the whole entry.) Well at least they don’t got to worry about people jumping off that damn bridge with the joy of RED VELVET FRIED CHICKEN around…

  21. Capricorn says:

    Best believe that lil shop got a LOT of phone calls asking if they ship. B/c they need to. Period.com

  22. designdiva says:

    hheeeyy! there aint no recipe when u click on the link! guess i’ll have to make it myself…

  23. playing catch up luvs…and I, um, well, I, uh, hmm, i mean….

    GOOD GOD!!! no, really he is a GOOD GOD for making that plate right thurrrr. i will be in San Fran soon and I will be airlifting this american cupcake place out. No more San Francisco treat, that bad boy is gonna be heading to NYC…thank you me later. (no need, we all know the tag on that last line)

  24. I’m sorry…i forgot to mention the CREAM CHEESE MASHED POTATOESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS…zzzzzzz (passed out)

  25. All it needs is a theme song for the commercial…
    [Ponders... Pauses. EUREKA!]
    “Yes!”
    (Even better if I can get a gospel choir to remake it…)

    http://new.music.yahoo.com/klymaxx/tracks/id-still-say-yes–1136421

  26. bogart4017 says:

    I don’t know about this one….but then again i didnt think i would like fried oreos….

  27. krocka says:

    did anyone ever try this?!

  28. trinity says:

    just 4 you luvvie! happy belated chrimmuhs/new years/hannakah/birthday

    http://www.examiner.com/budget-living-in-national/red-velvet-fried-chicken-recipe

  29. SanTara says:

    I had never heard of this before. The Four Seasons Hotel in Boston makes Red Velvet Pancakes and it’s a hit.

  30. QueenBee says:

    My mouth is ACTUALLY watering while Im reading here *Homer Simpson Drool* Arteries be DAMNED!! I want some!!
    Not only was I hoping for a sniff via the interweb I was honestly hoping that if I wished hard enough some would appear in front of me 0_-

  31. Evelyn says:

    My soul says yes, my cardiologist says no. Cardiologist wins.

  32. Shay says:

    Sooo did you try it yet???! ©,© I’ve lived i SF for 10yrs and never heard of such a thing :-/

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