Dear Antoine Dodson, I’m Not Mad At You But…
I realized that I had not written a sternly-worded letter in far too long. In fact, the last one I wrote was to Laurence Fishburne about his wayward daughter, Tana. 2 months ago. FAR TOO LONG! Today’s recipient is someone I was (and still am) cheering for, but may need to have a little seat.
Dear Antoine Dodson,
How you dewin? It seems pretty doggone great. I see that good things have happened to you since that unfortunate night when someone tried to rape your sister, Kelly. You were an urban superstar, saving her from the hands of a rapist and I STILL say kudos for your actions because they were brave. Then you told your story with such emotion and animation on the news, which then brought the world the “Bed Intruder Song” which I may or may not have downloaded as a ringtone. I even wrote this post about how I got Dodson Fever (because I did). I might have hit a coupla dougies from that song too. It went HARD. Still kinda does. I’m a fan of your Facebook page. Yeah… I’m a sucker for great stories.
You made enough money to move your family OUT the projects and into a safer place. And ended up on the BET Awards. Chile… I’m happy for you. Don’t e’em get me wrong not ONE bit. You’re a true rags-to-riches story. You seem genuinely nice and happy. However, I’m afraid you might be doing the most. Why do I say so?
Wells first of all, you have an Antoine Dodson Halloween costume, complete with a ratty wig, red bandanna and ashy black tank top. I didn’t raise my brows TOO much at it at first. Then I thought “Damb. People are really about to take this and run with it.” I’m truly afraid of the pics that will come from this Halloween of the thousands of Antoine Dodsons in the world, who will be wearing the costume to laugh AT you, instead of with. Then I saw this status on your Facebook fan page and went *deep sigh.*
Now, you’re the pitchman for a sex offender tracking app for iPhones and Androids? And you’re wearing the red bandana and black tank top still?? *deep sigh* I’m not hating on the fact that you’re the face of a sex offender tracker app. In fact, it makes perfect business and marketing sense. But did you have to put on that tank top and red bandana again? Is your whole persona about to be tied to that getup? Come on, Twan! You’re more than a tank top and raggelly bandana.
They’ve (who THEY is = everybody) turned you into a caricature of yourself, and you’ve let them. It’s something I honestly didn’t think was possible. That’s like turning the Cat in the Hat into more of a cartoon. “They just tryna use you, Almondt!” *Name that reference and get 500 cool points*
Make that money. Twan Twan, I ain’t mad at you for stretching these 15 mins of fame to 16.5. But the less shucking and jiving they make you do, the better. I’m just saying.
Yours in Looking Out,
P.S. Watch your money and getchu a lawyer and accountant to do your taxes. We don’t want the IRS coming to snatch your hairhat in a coupla years. And don’t spend all your money on random stuff. Getchu a financial manager. I want GOOD things for you. OK? *hugs*