Like a month back, I was clubbing with a friend for her birthday, and I admit that I’ve become a bit of a bore. I don’t dance until I can’t dance anymore when I go clubbing. What I do is sit down and people watch. This is fun for me. So I’m sitting there and then decided to start imagining if someone really proper sang these songs. So I started tweeting the proper version of the songs the DJ played. Below is the foolishness that ensued.
* Refrainth from commencing sh*t and there shalst be an absence of sh*t.
* So I am on the outside of the clubbing establishment and methinks I’m a thug. I told those momboinkers. Never afraid am I. #ProperBonecrusher
* Oh let’s get it done. #ProperWaka
* My lady is un-good. My lady is unrefined. My lady does things that your lady has not nerve or capability to accomplish. #ProperLuda
* It’s your birthday celebration and I am aware that you’re parched. Open up your mouth and say “Aaaahhhh.” #ProperYupppp
* There are instances where I believe I’m Humongous Meech or Lawrence Hoover. Hard at employment. Praise the Lord. #ProperRawse
* I am going to get sexy and I will return it to its rightful place. Those other folks don’t know how to behave. #ProperJT
* She possesses jeans for those with apple bottoms. Boots with fur lining. Entire club turned their attention to her. Then she dropped to ground. #ProperTPain
* This is how we get it accomplished. Friday night is here. I feel pretty good. The shindig is happening on the westside. #ProperMontellJordan
* You can execute this. Just put some effort into it with your back. I can do it if I put my gluteus into it. But don’t cease. Do get it. #ProperLL
* It is getting quite steamy in this place so please get nude. I am indeed getting quite heated. I definitely want to undress. #ProperNelly
* 369. My goodness woman you are attractive! But get close to the ground. From the shutters to the wallpaper. Til sweat falls down my nethers. #ProperLilJon
* If I informed you once, I’ve repeated myself. I observe it in your iris. I’m out of tears. You oughta notice that your heart is mine #ProperKeisha
* The only thing I do is be victorious regardless of anything else. And when I enter the lounge, hands go up and remain up for a while. #ProperDJKhaled
* They observe me driving but send hate my way. They are attempting to catch me riding unclean. #ProperChamillionaire
* Daily, I work really hard. Whom do you believe you are trying to perturb? I’m the Chief Executive. #ProperRawse
* This is the reason I’m steamy. I’m steamy because I’m really dressed well while you’re the opposite. THIS is the reason why I’m steamy. #ProperMIMS
* Do a finger snap. Perform a jig. You are allowed to do it alone. Allow me to observe you do it and say “Ay!!!” #ProperLilJon
* New york, pothole streets where your dreams come true. Anything can happen here. You will feel newborn on these streets. #ProperAKeys
* I’m aware that you view me on video. I’m aware you listen to me on radio. Yet you refuse to pay attention to me. He’s a major player tho. #ProperLilCease
* I am not implying that she digs gold for a living. But I will say she doesn’t bother with fellows that lack funds. #ProperKanye
Then, members of my RATCHET Twitfam joined in and I was MURKED!
RT @veronicamarche: I would like to have intercourse with you in an ascending manner. #propercolormebadd
RT @mantoinedodson: I enjoy hearing you refer to me as gigantic father. Raise your hands boisterously if you are an authentic whore mongerer #ProperBiggie
RT @BeezHunny: Sucrose laden fantasies consist of this. What puts one in a position to say the contrary? #ProperEurhythmics
RT @naturallyalise Gyrate you gluteus maximus, but take a self inventory. Display what it is you have to work with. #ProperMystikal
RT @naturallyalise I apologize Ms. Jackson. I am absolutely being truthful. I had no intention of making your offspring shed tears. #ProperOutkast
RT @kiarri Satchel woman, you are going to cause spinal injury lugging around those rucksacks in such a manner. #ProperErykah
RT @NaturallyAlise: I am currently dealing with 99 difficulties and unruly whores are not currently on the list. #ProperJayZ
RT @faithspeaks: If you appear akin to a pimp, remove particles from your shoulders. Ladies are akin too, thus removing more particles. #ProperJayZ
RT @MisterMcFly: hideth thou kids, hideth thou wife, and thou must hideth thy husband as rape may occur upon thee #ProperAntoineDodson
Foolishness, thy name is ALL of us. Feel free to share your own proper lyrics. This made me cackle to no end.