Four Seasons of Angst and Linen
So y’all know me and Kindred love a good roast. A coupla weeks ago, we were in the mood to listen to some douchebaggery music (note: we call ultra sappy songs douchebag music because you can just picture some douche on YouTube playing it on an acoustic guitar. We LOVE douchebag music).
We decided to watch Boyz II Men’s “4 Seasons of Loneliness” vidjo, and this is what ensued on GChat.
Luvvie: You see that linen! and the all white. and the breeze
Kindred: they were some classy folks
Luvvie: and the flash of light. Is this heaven???
Kindred: I see you by the vent, shawn. heyyy OWW OWW
Luvvie: shawn’s shirt is blowing JUST right
Kindred: lmao where the hell they at?
Luvvie: see them in a room lookin like the 4 archangels
Kindred: inside and outside?!
Luvvie: hahaha @ wanya sittin on the floor indian style
Kindred: why he still need glasses? ain’t NO sun
Luvvie: this HAS to be heaven. all them clouds and swaying clothes
Kindred: look at that mist, g. they too emollient. EEEE they in the future!
Luvvie: lmaooooo at the season transition
Kindred: spaceship R&B
Luvvie: bwaahahah he’s sittin on yulelog
Luvvie: indian style. they’re so vulnerable.
Kindred: they ain’t change nothing but the colors of they linens
Luvvie: the tweenager in me jus swooned
Kindred: look at them SKI GOGGLES
Luvvie: they STILL rocking linen in winter and sh*t. and using one extra button on they shirts
Kindred: bam! they in space on yo ass
Luvvie: they are SO open and vulnerable
Kindred: green screen game proper
Luvvie: see them leaves fall like their emotional walls?
Kindred: is that a geisha in the forest?
Luvvie: she wrote her memoirs right under that tree
Kindred: maroon linens. lmao a DOVE
Luvvie: hahahaha omg and the scenes come outta wanya’s eye?
Kindred: eeeee they just flew out his EYE g
Luvvie: GOMH! (get outta my head)
Kindred: bwhhahahahaa lmao EPIC. how come i never noticed this?!
Luvvie: this ish is soooo gahtdamn angsty and emotional
Kindred: was this ok in the 90s?
Luvvie: i cried and i wasnt even sad. tears jus came from my eyes
Kindred: is that what we was on?
Luvvie: yes. yes it was. the 90s wasn’t shit for this. how did we approve of this cheesyness??
Kindred: i’m ashamed to tell people this was my fav music scene. now, i’ll have to pretend to say it ironically
Luvvie: their linen game was TIGHT tho! just flowing w/ every movement of their hearts. i think the flow matched their heart beats
Kindred: it was TIMED
Luvvie: it WAS. and they showed just the right about of chesticles
Kindred: where’s Pop up Video when you need them? i wanna know bout them breezes
Luvvie: not too much. just a taste. Pop up video: “17 fans were used during this shoot to get the wind velocity JUST right”
Kindred: “48 Air Conditioners were tested before the group found one they could all agree upon”
Luvvie: “Wanya practiced the perfect indian style sitting pose for a week before the shoot. he may have crushed his scrotum in the time, but he is just THAT dedicated.”
“shawn personally picked out his favorite yulelog in the forest ‘fo he sat on it. it felt right. he knew THAT was the one”
Kindred: “The Linen in the ‘Fall’ Season was actually knitted by Shawn’s hairdresser at the time”
Luvvie: lmaooo!! “the boyz asked a psychic what heaven was like and tried to recreate it w/ this video. she told them they succeeded.”
Kindred: “The snow in the ‘Winter’ season is actually baking powder and yeast. When the shoot was over, the director’s wife made Four Seasons Matzoh balls from the leftovers”
Luvvie: bwahahahaaha “after this shoot, the boyz demanded they be referred to as matthew, mark, luke & john”
Kindred: BWHAHAHHAHA “The Geisha in the forest during the ‘Fall’ season was actually the producer’s niece. The original choice suffered from an allergic reaction to the 100% Egyptian Yak of the Boyz’ linens”
Luvvie: bwahahahahahahahahahah oh nooooooo “the iceberg that wanya & his super goggles were on was an extra from the movie “titanic.” it melted from the heat pulsating from wanya’s emotions. people were sad.”
Kindred: lmao @ super goggles and raw emotion “The couch used in the opening scene is actually from Shawn’s personal collection. It can be purchased from Value City for $899.”
Luvvie: Nope. I heard he got that couch from IKEA and its named “Heidi”. $399 if you choose to put it together yourself but I aint the one to gossip so you ain’t heard that from me.
Kindred: LMAO you know Ikea ain’t got no simple names. Heidi no? Plufjrtstagen? Prolly
Luvvie: yeah they do. i own their bookcase named “Billy”
Kindred: that’s an EXCEPTION
Luvvie: and they got a chair named “chloe”
Kindred: everybody got Billy
Luvvie: they are partial to dutch names lol
Kindred: we might even have Billy in the office *looks around*
Luvvie: and maybe the couch’s last name heighhbfug
Kindred: Billl-ayyyy lmao ikea the only place where a piece of furniture got a first AND last name
Luvvie: *sigh* i love ikea. it’s an adult’s playground
Kindred: it IS. have you seen their latest catalog? Lovely. omg talk about digressing
Luvvie: i HAVE. i love it sooo much. all them goodies
Kindred: short attention span FTW
Luvvie: btw, i aint see spring in they 4 seasons. did spring miss the casting call?
Kindred: we were BAMBOOZLED
Luvvie: spring was late and shit
Kindred: they spent all of the monies on geishas and goggles
Luvvie: and winter was like “whatever. i’ll do his part”
Kindred: winter did have major play
Luvvie: mayb the 4 seasons were winter, summer, fall and space *shrugs*
Kindred: mmhmm or, there’s no spring in heaven. just fans and air conditioning
Luvvie: hmm… *strokes chin* you just may be right
Kindred: and EMOTION
Luvvie: yes! heaven is FULL of emotion. and it has you vulnerable. and the only attire allowed is linen. Heaven is the caribbeans!!!
Kindred: *hugs self*
Luvvie: *dead* *sits indian style on office floor*
The 90s. *shakes my head*
It is clear that we lack any types of sense. And attention span for our Ikea sidebar. Foolishness. But for real though. How many people are lowkey embarrassed that they used to fall out at this video?