My Life

Heroine Helen Takes a Nap On the Bus

I was on the bus the other day minding my own business (as I always do O__o) when a woman sits next to me. Within 5 seconds of her sitting, she had fallen asleep and was leaning to the right until her head was almost on my damb shoulder. So I huff and she wakes up and slurred a raspy “sorry.” This is when I realized that there was a crack-ish quality to her.

I keep doing what I was doing (read: tweeting) and I see her inching too close to me once AGAIN. So I just decide to get up and go to the sit across the way.

Best. decision. EVER.

For the rest of my bus ride, I got to watch the woman sleep and do her gangsta lean over and over again in different positions. Each one more entertaining than the last.

Heroine Helen

Here she is leaning forward. Notice the red cup in her hand. It had liquid in it before but that's been spilled.

Somebody come get their aunty. This sleep was on a SERIOUS steeze! So I twitpiced it. It was then determined by @SteenFox that she had a bit of a “heroine lean” to her. I agreed.

She was in this position for at least 4 minutes. If the bus had jerked even a little bit, she #MightDontMakeIt.

And notice that red cup still holding on. I’m not even sure WHERE she got the paper she was holding here. This pic was right after the one up top.

Lawd!!! This woman is on some matrix nap lean steeze. That phone aint fell yet tho. The cup, however, is a wrap.

WHY does she have a new item in her arsenal with every new picture? Y’all see how she wasn’t holding the phone in either of the first 2 pics? All of a sudden, she had a phone in her hand. And the red cup finally lost its battle and said “I’m sicka this sh*t.” Yeah…

She sat up for a quick second and rest the phone loosely on her bosom.

Peep her eyeshadow too. Aunt Heroine Helen got her face BEAT. By beat, I mean glittered. And of course, the ever-present lean. We ain’t e’em gon talmbout how that phone is prolly black and white screen.

I was standing here because it was almost my stop. But what in the world???

Helen almost tipped over at this point. But she held this position for a coupla minutes. And the phone is open now. WHO is she calling? She can’t e’em stay awake enough to put the phone somewhere secure. Chile… and LOL at the defeated red cup. Just laying there all pitiful.

Lmaoooooo!!! Look at the way this old lady is looking at her. *tears* I needed to get off the bus at this point because I started cackling!

And yes, she was also asleep here. It seemed she kept trying to move so she wouldn’t sleep but in mid-motion, she’d be on lean again. The old lady’s face though. LMAOOO!

And finally one last pic of the Leaning TowerWoman of Chicago

ANNNNDDDD She's OUTTA THERE!

Mouth open and EVERYTHING! I took this last pic right before I got off the bus. I was CRYING laughing at this point! Praise Elohim that my stop was then. I was bout to lose it on that bus watching Heroine Helen & her nap gangsta lean. LAWD! That was just…

But yeah, this is my ghetto flipbook. Heroine Helen made me GUFFAW. Ladies and gentlemen, go getcho aunty.

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Awesomely Luvvie

Awesomely Luvvie

Wacky Wordsmith. Renowned Ranter. Pop Culture PrimaDonna. Side-Eye Sorceress. Shade Samurai. Foolery Fanatic. Dynamic Digerati with a Superior Shoe Game. Follow her everywhere:

44 Comments

  1. November 12, 2010 at 8:44 am — Reply

    Ah, no you didn’t. Priceless. This is the stuff camera phones were made for. I would have been on the floor dying laughing. I look the woman looking at her like WTF.

    Peace, Love and Chocolate
    Tiffany

    • November 15, 2010 at 5:00 am — Reply

      What did we do before camera phones? Imagine me trying to explain this to y’all w/o pics. Wouldn’t do it justice at all.

  2. CurlyKye
    November 12, 2010 at 8:49 am — Reply

    Lawd have mercy!!!!!! Reason #534,756,891,698 why I miss my hometown & don’t miss it all in the same breathe. People get “too familiar” with you on the bus!

    Ahhhhh good ol Chicago!

    • November 15, 2010 at 5:00 am — Reply

      LOL you know how Chitown gets down.

  3. theINTELLECT
    November 12, 2010 at 9:15 am — Reply

    This is just what I needed this Friday morning. I am at this good desk just cackling, but I am glad you reminded me why I have never taken the bus.

    • November 15, 2010 at 5:01 am — Reply

      I STAY on the bus since I can’t drive and all (O__o) so I’m always seeing foolery. ALWAYS.

  4. Yoles
    November 12, 2010 at 10:46 am — Reply

    I can’t believe you got a complete breakdown of heroin helen dope fiend lean… i remember all the days watching ppl in the train, bus and sidewalk in awe because THEY NEVER FALL… ahh those were the days

    • November 15, 2010 at 5:02 am — Reply

      LOL I sure did get errthang. People watching is so fun sometimes

  5. […] This post was mentioned on Twitter by OluLuvvie AdeRatchet, Danielle Parker. Danielle Parker said: RT Pls read, hilarity ensues. I promise! @luvvieig: New AweLuv post: Heroine Helen Takes a Nap On the Bus http://bit.ly/9vAF36 […]

  6. Lioness
    November 12, 2010 at 10:27 am — Reply

    Thank you for the laughter, PSA and cellphone pic promo!

    • November 15, 2010 at 5:02 am — Reply

      And you is welcome! *curtsies*

    • November 15, 2010 at 5:02 am — Reply

      And you is welcome! *curtsies*

  7. Adwoa
    November 12, 2010 at 1:25 pm — Reply

    Luvvie, if I get fired, I’m blaming you! I just got the best laugh all year!! I don’t even know how you were able to take those pics. I would have been laughing so hard… i just can’t with this…

    • November 15, 2010 at 5:03 am — Reply

      You can’t be blaming me for any firings. I can’t pay unemployment insurance. And I learned to cackle silently as I took the pics. However, towards the end, I was bout to lose it and just fall out!

  8. Kay
    November 12, 2010 at 1:37 pm — Reply

    Bay Bay!! Reminds me of the times when my aunt would sit up on our sofa and do that crack/herione lean…a marching band could run thru our den and she wouldn’t move a muscule!!

    • November 15, 2010 at 5:04 am — Reply

      LMAO!!! Aw naw!

  9. BlackBerry Molasses
    November 12, 2010 at 1:39 pm — Reply

    You ain’t shit for this one Luvvie!!!1
    iCackled so loudly while reading and viewing these pics.
    But I can’t hate on your game. I’m known as HGM (Hot Ghetto Mess) Paparazzi : Philadelphia. If I sees HGM rest assured its going to be recorded for posterity. I even do it while driving. NO ONE IS SAFE.

    • November 15, 2010 at 5:04 am — Reply

      I’m saying though. This was too good not to capture. TOO good.

  10. krocka
    November 12, 2010 at 1:55 pm — Reply

    iCan’t with CTA! THIS DOES NOT HAPPEN ON THE METRA!!

    • November 15, 2010 at 5:04 am — Reply

      Yeah Metra’s fancy. CTA’s like the local clinic. Everyone’s welcome.

  11. Capricorn
    November 12, 2010 at 2:27 pm — Reply

    I so needed to see this today!! lol!!!
    I am SO MAD you got all those pictures though!! lol

    • November 15, 2010 at 5:04 am — Reply

      Glad I could provide you with what you need. 😀

  12. chici
    November 12, 2010 at 2:49 pm — Reply

    Am I the only one that thinks this is Cold. I luvs a good laugh but this is messed up to film someone at one of their lowest points. If this had been posted on some white dude’s site/blog with those comments i wonder what our reactions would be. I pray this isn’t someone’s mom.

    I’m a little surprised at this post. SMH

    I know… probably not gonna like that I said it but I did.

    • November 13, 2010 at 10:45 pm — Reply

      It is life honey like I said most of the time it is methodone that these people are on and if you don’t laugh you will cry….

    • November 15, 2010 at 5:06 am — Reply

      Sorry you feel that way. I’m not sure she was at her lowest point. And all of this was really speculation. Maybe she wasn’t on heroine. She coulda just needed a nap on a bed. Who knows? But it amused me.

  13. lana_j23
    November 12, 2010 at 5:53 pm — Reply

    When you were tweeting these photos I too was on the bus, and I was laughing out loud. People were looking at me funny.lol

    But the fact that you took multiple pictures is just…

    • November 15, 2010 at 5:06 am — Reply

      I really could make a flipbook from these.

  14. November 12, 2010 at 8:35 pm — Reply

    Giirrl, you are a hot mess! I’m laughing so hard I’m crying. Following you on twitter
    twitter.com/Full_of_Sass/

    • November 15, 2010 at 5:07 am — Reply

      LOL!!! Welcome to my twitfam! 😀

  15. November 13, 2010 at 12:06 am — Reply

    I’m amazed she didn’t fall, tho.
    As for you, young lady… ignant.as.hell.

    @Chici, no I don’t think this would have been acceptable on a white person’s blog (being a white person myself, it’s really not my place to say, tho.) On the other hand, if a white person posted pics of my drunked up redneck uncle in various states of passed out, I’d laugh my ass off at it. And for real, my uncle needs some AA in his lifespace. Sometimes it takes an outside perspective, recognition of how the world sees you, to tip the balance and push someone towards getting help.

    • November 15, 2010 at 5:07 am — Reply

      As always, you’re the bestest Amy.

  16. likeramona
    November 13, 2010 at 12:37 am — Reply

    po thang! LMAO i sees this on the regular & it gets no better than seein’em doin the lean/matrix while standing. they percolate to no music at all oooweeee luvvie my sides ache!

    • November 15, 2010 at 5:08 am — Reply

      LMAOOOOO while standing??? Does heroine and crack make your body immune to the laws of gravity? How do they not fall? Chile…

  17. November 13, 2010 at 3:58 pm — Reply

    OMG! You almost made me wake my dude up laughing so hard! This is right on time. ROFL

    • November 15, 2010 at 5:09 am — Reply

      LOL your dude’s gon mean mug you! Learn to cackle silently! lololol But I’ll admit that sometimes when you try that is when the laugh comes out even louder.

  18. November 13, 2010 at 10:42 pm — Reply

    You ain’t shit Luvvie!!!! OMG rotfl welcome to our (New Yorker’s) world! Chile … they everywhere pullin’ MJs! On the subways, buses, sidewalks, diners, alleys…. love how you captured it! I am over crying from laughing so hard. We just laugh when we see them…. *shrugs*

    • November 15, 2010 at 5:09 am — Reply

      I’m sure every major city has this.

  19. bronxgirl1
    November 14, 2010 at 11:54 pm — Reply

    I have seen these sort of poses all the time. It is what finally led me to proclaim that we should hire heroin addicts as yoga instructors. Can you imagine meditating and becoming limber enough to even do some of these poses? I feel like they already have the advantage of being out of this galaxy mind completely blown high…so why not have them teach yoga. Just imagine the mantras they would chant just before they drifted away on a cloud of opiate bliss. It will be a challenge for the students who aren’t high to hold these gravity defying poses.So they will benefit from advanced classes given by heroin addicts. When the addicts/instructors finally get themselves cleaned up, they can can continue their careers as yoga gurus. But maybe this is why I am not in a position of power…LOL

    • likeramona
      November 15, 2010 at 12:29 am — Reply

      just pissed my pants @this comment! i’m done buhbye!!!!!!!!!!!!

    • November 15, 2010 at 5:10 am — Reply

      *faints* BronxGirl, you stoopih. LMAOOOOOOOO!!! But you do make good points. They ARE extra limber and whatnot. Gon have people doing the Smooth Criminal lean without the special shoes.

  20. November 19, 2010 at 8:55 pm — Reply

    Damn, you got me homesick like a Big Dog. Seriously she was some on some Matrix shit, used to see folks like that on the el late at night but never on a bus during daylight hours.

    Moments like this I wish I was back living as a BlackgirlinChicago instead of being like the only Blackgirlinmaine.

  21. November 20, 2010 at 8:58 am — Reply

    you will NOT just “Praise Elohim” all in my face like that. i was attempting to control my laughter at Heroine Helen & her fantastic sleep stylings, but then you had to go & casually throw that isht around. now i’m flashing back to For Colored Girls & siggaboudit!!

  22. bogart4017
    December 3, 2010 at 4:50 pm — Reply

    I’m telling you….after working for years in Brooklyn near a methadone clinic i can tell you these people never ever hit the ground!

    • December 7, 2010 at 5:02 am — Reply

      LMAO!!! They just lean forever? That’s tragic and comical at the same time.

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