So I was on Twitter last night, and Miss Jia was talmbout how she wants to play Spades, but since people know she doesn’t really know how, they won’t let her play with them. At which I had to let her know that if she can’t play spades, she best not try it before she ends valuable friendships. People lose cousins, shoes, couth, husbands, wives over Spades. Why? Because Spades is NOT a game! It’s LIFE!
For those people who don’t know what Spades is I’m judging you, it’s a card game that’s pretty much like “Hearts” backwards. I’d explain more but I don’t feel like it.
Iunno if white folks love Spades as much as we do, but Black folks??? We don’t PLAY with Spades. We’re se’ious about it.
Truer words have never been Tweeted. Spades is SERIOUS BUSINESS. To us, it’s as if our whole reputation, credit score, livelihood and 401(k) depend on our performance in Spades. We form opinions on individuals and their value in our lives based on how good they are in Spades. It’s a sad truth.
Now, everyone who plays Spades doesn’t have to be a whiz at it. Nawl! That ain’t what we’re expecting. HOWEVER, if you get the nerve to sit at a Spades table, there is ONE thing you MUST. NOT. DO.
You must not RENEGE. What’s reneging? That’s when you have a card in your hand that is the suit being played, but you play another suit accidentally. i.e. Hearts are being played. YOU should play a hearts card (if you have it). But you play a card of another suit.) Heart— Hearts—Hearts—SPADE. YOU JUST PLAYED A SPADE. YOU BET’ NOT HAVE A HEART IN YOUR HAND! If you did, you just committed the cardinal sin of Spades and RENEGED!)
Oh and I can hear the newbies say “But how do people know you’ve reneged?” Wells… when you play with spades veterans, they watch EVERY hand. Some are so good that they can count and figure out exactly what cards are in your hand from how you play. Trust. They WILL know. And if they don’t realize you’ve reneged, then everyone playing must have just learned Spades the game before.
Anyway. When someone reneges???? CLEAR THE WAY because THIS is usually when and where ALL hell breaks lose on a spades table. When people realize you’ve reneged, you and your partner lose THREE books. And usually, Beezlebub himself looks like Angel Michael, compared to the reaction of your unfortunate partner. Reneging in spades can result in a flipped over table if your partner is that angry. And nobody blames ‘em. It’s like the 8th deadly sin. If/when your partner flips over the table and goes into a cussing match the OTHER pair usually backs out the way and say “Run US THEM BOOKS!!!”
A tantrum from the partner of the Reneger (HA!) can last a while. Let them. It’s healthy to do this. And sometimes, they may not return to the table. This is also when things like friendships and marriages end. When your significant other reneges, you can’t even LOOK at them the same way.
Spades is NOT a game! It’s LIFE!
I remember the time in college when KrisKarismatic and I were partners in spades. Our friend JD, who must have been a rookie reneged on the first book. THE FIRST BOOK! How the hell do you do THAT? Chile… Kris and I spent the ENTIRE next day telling everyone how JD couldn’t play spades. But FIRST BOOK #doe??? Who reneges on Book 1? We pretty much ruint his Spades rep.
If you’ve EVER renege in Spades, that ONE renegging will follow you for the rest of your playing life. You could be FIVE when it happened. The secret to NOT reneging? Arrange your cards by suit when you get them. And alternate the colors. You’re welcome.
But yes, reneging is the ultimate Spades sin. But there are other ways you can suck at. You can underbid, overbid, cut your partner… So many things. If you play spades, you get what I just said. I you don’t either choose to learn (and learn well) or just stay in the absolute dark. No middle ground. Spades isn’t for the faint of heart.
The people in my Twitfam are awesome, and they get me. So I asked “What is the worst thing your partner has ever done in a game of spades? How did you react? Are they still breathing?” The replies I got were just… in typical ratchet fashion.
“She cut my lil joker with the big joker….ummm, she started back breathing after about 5 mins or so #throatchop” – @atlfoxy
“One hand I throw a K of Diamonds. Partner CUTS me for no reason. Last card that hand? They threw a diamond. We no longer speak.” – @elonjames
“Let’s just say there someone n DC wit a big bald spot that a weave can’t cover! Slinks away” – @findinacure77
“Partner swore they had 2 and I had a solid 9. I said “ARE. YOU. SURE?” “YES!” We got stuck by 2. We no longer speak.” – @elonjames
“I’ve seen a girl get smacked with a sprite bottle because she missed one book to have a bubble!” – @BellaFierce
“I still refer to a best friend of mine, who reneged ONCE two years ago, as a “negligent, reneging bish.” – @BeezHunny
“You ever play with partners of 5+ years? With all kind of non verbal communication? Yea… Someone’s hand got stabbed for that.” – @skuzemewoods
And I MUST highlight:
“I will never forget xmas last year when my sis in law cut ova me wit her big joker! All hell broke loose & liquor was involved! the fact that I can’t stand that bitch I stumbled my ass outside, went to her car & put sugar in her gas tank! it was her damn fault we lost!!! She wanna underbid & shit! I’m like bitch all we need is 7, we made 4! I asked her specifically: r those whitneys & bobbys strong? I call the possible books whitney & bobby for sum damn reason lol I am so serious! I put domino’s sugar in her tank! She still don’t know to this day I did it…” – @LadyFresh85
*DEAD AND GONE* This fool put SUGAR in her sister in law’s gas tank. Over SPADES!!! All sorts of humanity is lost when one sits down and plays spades.
I consider myself a decent Spades player. HOWEVER… I REFUSE to play Spades with anyone over 40. ABSOLUTELY refuse. I enjoy life. And I enjoy having confidence in who I am. Spades with the Over 40 bunch will BREAK YOU DOWN!!! Fraternities and sororities should make that part of their pledge process. For realsies.
LMAO! iCan’t with Elon sometimes.
I don’t play spades with people over 40. NO. MA’AM. Them folks could win a game with 12 hearts in their hand. That voodoo they do??? NOPE! Not just that… older folks playing spades might confuse you and your cousin for each other but see if they’ont know everyone’s hands from just watching the game.
My grandmother is legally blind in one eye… but I bet 3 books in, she knows what everybody got in their hand. – @shehateme
And as you see above, Spades kind of brings out the worst in everybody. Your aunty who you ain’t NEVER heard cuss plays spades and turns into Richard Pryor talmbout “You ain’t GOT SHIT in yo GAHTDAMB HAND!” AUNTIE!
Yeah… Once more I’ll say SPADES IS NOT A GAME. SPADES IS LIFE!
Spades is like co-signing on a loan. Don’t take this shit personal. But know you’re taking a risk. Your name is on the line. Just saying…
*reads post* Lawd! Spades seems to be the precursor for a lot of violent crime.
Am I right? Do y’all have a bad experience with Spades? When was the first time you cried over it? Oh. That was just me that one time? Oh ok. (-__-)
P.S. Shoutout to my Twitfam for being so awesome. I give y’all co-writing credit. And no, I won’t be sharing these 7 cents in AdSense dollars. My riches are mine to keep. O__O I’ll go buy ONE Nahndladuh with it. Not the pack. But ONE.
Sites That Link to this Post
- Tweets that mention Spades is Not A Game. Spades is LIFE. | Awesomely Luvvie -- Topsy.com | November 5, 2010
- Spades Question. Did They Renege? | Awesomely Luvvie | August 23, 2011