Yesterday was Harriet Tubman aka Araminta Ross’ birthday. Considering that I love me some HARRIET for being the ultimate goon before gooning was the new black, I had to dedicate something to her. Below is a convo that happened in a late night Gchat between me and my girls over a year ago. It’s appropriate as we celebrate Harriet, Top Flight Underground Railroad Security of the world.
Z-Baby: I’m pretty sure Harriet Tubman woulda loved to lay up in a hammock reading freedom papers, but again, people have been rude since the dawn of time
VEG: lmao at reading freedom papers. I loved when I read in school how Harriet carried a pistol and threaten to shoot fools who were to too tired to keep going where they stood!
Z-Baby: LMAO @ Harriet!!!!
VEG: and yeah: Harriet was gangsta. “You keep walking to freedom or you die right here!”
Luvvie: and Harriet was the FIRST gangsta.
Z-Baby: mini confession: I used to be kinda intimidated by her (I knew she was dead) but she was antebellum HOOD. like, would she have shot me??
Luvvie: lmao!!! Not antebellum hood
VEG: lmao. She was like “You ain’t gonna stop so you can get caught and mess this up.” Harriet got you to freedom whether you were serious about it or not. She LEFT her two brothers who were late to show up at the meeting spot. They weren’t about freedom. How you gone be late to the escape?
Luvvie: hahahaha Harriet: “Bish, is you down for freedom or what??? Cuz I aint got NO time to play these bald-headed shackled games with you. You in, or out? WassUp??”
VEG: Harriet: “I’m bout this freedom. What you bout?”
Luvvie: hahahaha!! not “I’m bout this freedom. what u bout?” *dead* I imagine Harriet to be an antebellum madea
VEG: bwaaaah at antebellum madea. I try to imagine: would have left my brothers? Answer: yes. Lol
Z-Baby: LMBAO exactly! I have 4, so I know ONE of them would be left
Luvvie: lmao and you KNOW Africans can’t be on time. Underground Railroad is s’posed to be well-oiled machine. Negros gon have you late as hell. Massa woulda BEEN caught up to the plan effing with Africans.
Z-Baby: and I’d hope it was my youngest brother. Mute ass ninja. moody and don’t ever talk, then once a year he wanna fill you in on what he been thinking the whole year. Poof! Vamoose!
VEG: Of all times to be on time, this was most important. I think making sure you make your connection with the freedom train is critical.
Z-Baby: I’d take a nap to prepare for the long trip ahead.
Luvvie: Your youngest bro don’t say jack??
Z-Baby: he is so WEIRD
Luvvie: Well it means he can keep a secret. We can give HIM the code to spread to the others.
Z-Baby: Then he comes up to me twice a year trying CONVERSATE
Luvvie: hahaha conversate
Z-Baby: and everyone cuts their eyes at me like “he done chose u to speak with, speak to him.”
Luvvie: hahahahahaha as they shine a spotlight on you
VEG: Z, I think he’d make the freedom train. lol. Seems to me he’d be on time.
Luvvie: Yup he ain’t gon be behind making convos like the rest of the late coloreds
VEG: He won’t be chit chatting, saying goodbye and ish
Luvvie: Or telling someone they ain’t shit cuz you know we good for that
Z-Baby: oh no, he would have been at the site, RET TO GO
Luvvie: hahahahahaha *dies* “Let me take this opportunity to tell you that your mama ain’t shit. goodbye. see u on the free side.”
VEG: lmao I’d have done that
Z-Baby: girl, so would I. “bish, chicken george be thankin bout me when he out in the field with you”
Luvvie: I’da been late talking shit bout what I was gon do up north and how I was gon rock them “city folks gear” hahahahahahahahaha
VEG: LMAO at Z
Luvvie: NOT chicken george!!!!
Z-Baby: WHAT IS WRONG WITH US?
Luvvie: iCANNOT with us!!
VEG: Nothin. Araminta Ross is a she-ro. She deserves to be celebrated
Z-Baby: I have long been intrigued by george and kizzy. ole kambe bolongo faces. LMBAO @ bell atlantics voice
Z-Baby: that’s what I call him btw
Luvvie: isweahfoVishnu I need to quit u
VEG: my older brother would be late to the freedom train cuz he’d be trying to get these damn kids together. I’d be like ‘hurry up now. we got to move’
Luvvie: I’d be late cuz I’d be draggin my sack of rice I ain’t wanna leave to waste
VEG: LMAO To you. I’d say “negrette. How u gone cook that rice? We can’t start a fire. It’ll attract the dogs! Drop that ish!”
Z-Baby: I’d be late cause Harriet and I were beat on the same day, I’m narcoleptic too. and I KNOW I’d get beat. I just got an attitude with a cop in dc. My girl was talking between her teeth like ”iswearzifyouhaveusherelongerthanweshouldimanevaspeaktoyouagain”
Z-Baby: I was like, get off my seat!
We are dumb and ridiculous! Then as if that wasn’t foolish enough, VEG went and wrote a poem for our she-ro, Harriet. It went a lil something like this:
Ms. Tubman you gave us free.
When we were too tired to keep it movin’.
Your revolver put life in our tired feet.
“Go on or die” you said
While you held the muzzle to our head.
You was ’bout dat freedom
And if a fool was late you’d leave ‘em.
Leading mo fos through the bush,
On a trip that was so far.
Dodging dogs and massa
Following that north star.
Comin’ back again and again
Risking yo own life
To bring others to that freedom light.
Leading armed revolts
Telling white suffragists where they could go.
Yous one badass bish.
Weezy, Jeezy, Dopey and Sneezy…
They ain’t got nuthin on you, a real gangsta.
*DEAD*. iQuit ALL of us. We are RUDE. This is what happens when you don’t go to bed on time.
Oh and since Harriet Tubman was bout that freedom, what YOU bout?