Guest BlogMy Life

Luvvie’s Christmas Sweatah Brings All The Haters To The Yard

Luvvie’s note: It is an annual tradition for me to put my avatar in a *coughs* festive sweater. However, folks be hating on it SUPER hard. I think they’re just jellis of my sweater steeze! Haters, I say!!! Anywho, the supreme hater this time was my eSis, Naturally Alise. Here she is roasting my sweatah to pieces.

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Christmas is a special time for being with your family and for giving and receiving gifts and sh*t. All Yuletide AIRTHANG!!! It is even a special time on Twitter and Facebook. Why, you say? Well personally I think it is quite obvious… Y’all still don’t know? It is the special time when we roast Luvvie’s infamous Christmas Sweater. Excuse me for my proper English, “Luvvie’s Chrimmus Sweatah” . You are not familiar with it? Lucky you. This sweater was woven with the blood, sweat and tears of the world’s most seasoned crackheads. Only the best for our Naija Queen of Foolishness. Here are some interesting funfacts about this sweater. (I use the word sweater loosely)

No people with sense were harmed, bothered, or asked to consult on the construction of this fashion abomination
The snowman DOES reflect the opinions of Jeezy’s tee-shirt snowman (I think they are first kissing cousins.)
I met this sweater in a dark alley and wasn’t scared, but I was concerned about the property value of said alley after the residence of such a lowly garment.

I am pretty sure the thrift store said, “OH HELL NAWL!” when someone with sense and all their mental faculties tried to confiscate this sweater from UnAwesomely Luvvie and donate it. #fact

Luvvie’s Crhimmus Sweatah tried to sell me some bootleg videos of Tyler Perry plays and old 80’s VHS movies. Now I did buy some, but I am gonna need y’all not to judge me, the prices were swell.

I posted this sweater on my Twitter and 10 people unfollowed me and I got 12 angry DM’s. In fact 3 family members disowned me for exposing such ignorance to the world. Yeah, this “sweater” has ruined my life. Yes, my whole life, I only get one of those.

That crooked snowman tried to squeegee my window today while I was trying to go do charity work and kick the truth to the young black youth, he threatened me over $2, I told him I didn’t have any cash. RUDE.

Last night I had discovered the cure to hammer toes, gout, and athlete’s foot. I had typed all my findings on my laptop and Luvvie’s Chrimmus Sweatah put a virus on my laptop, lost it all. How can I face these folks suffering after this. This sweater is trying get me killed.

Don’t quote me but I think that sweater was involved in the “assasinations” *giggles* of 2Pac and Biggie. #shruglife, it could be true.

In conclusion and sh*t I would like to say the state of the free world depends on you to eradicate this unruly sweater. Only you can prevent forest fires, ummm I mean bad fashion… I know you might want to stay out of other folk’s business, but it is your duty as a citizen of the world to do something. If you don’t stand for something, you will fall for anything, and that’s no fun. So stand up in solidarity for the hate crime that is Luvvie’s Chrimmus Sweatah. Peace, goodwill towards women and festive drinks. Merry Chrimmus!

3 Comments

  1. December 28, 2010 at 10:42 pm — Reply

    Yeap that pj top /chrimmus sweatah is haneous!!

  2. December 28, 2010 at 10:43 pm — Reply

    -____-

    *gigglefits*

    Alise, I’mma need you to log ALLA’WAY off the entire Al Gore internets.

  3. December 28, 2010 at 10:44 pm — Reply

    at least you are not wearing matching bottoms or a fig leaf!

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