If Tupac Met Malcolm X, They’d Side-Eye This Painting Together

[ 59 ] January 19, 2011 |

At this point in time, y’all already know I spend WAY too much of my time and days loitering on the Den of Iniquity that is Twitter. Yesterday was no different. I was minding my own business (O__o) when someone posted a link to a twitpic by Tyrese. It was…

Malcolm X baptizing Tupac

Ok I have SO many questions, so few answers and so little time. But I’ma ask them, because this painting is just doing THE most with the least.

First of all, wasn’t Malcolm X muslim? What’s he doing baptizing Tupac? Then he’s rocking some white Qwa (choir) robe, that I KNOW Sister O’Dell did NOT approve of him taking from the Ursher Board room. And then Tupac’s tattoo. TUG LAFE though? What happened to “THUG LIFE?” Oh. The A is actually a bullet? Oh. So TUG L*bullet*FE. Got it. O________O

And who are the 3 random women on the far right side giving praises to the Lawd. Many people on Twitter thought it was SWV. Or 702. I think it’s Neffe, Frankie and Tiny. But that’s just me. Old random bitties. What is THEIR motivation?

Yeah, it’s just doing the most.

And I forgot to mention Tyrese’s caption of this picture:

This came to me in a DREAM it’s MALCOLM-X Baptizing TUPAC and it’s called “WHAT IF” A lot of questions ran through my mind, What if they met? What if they had joined forces to empower black people? What if?? What if??

*deep sigh* SIR… Tyrese… Black TY. This painting was YOUR idea? But methinks I have a BETTER idea of how this painting came to be. Sit down and lemme tell you a story.

Once upon a time, there was a negro behind bars, on lockdown. Then he started pontificating about life. So one day, he was talmto his cellmate on some “Hey Bubba. I was sitting here right? And then I started to think, because you know… I like to do that. WHAT IF MALCOLM X and TUPAC MET?” And Bubba was all “Man… that’s kinda deep, son. You kinda deep like that.” And then he went to the prison library and traded some free weights for some coloring supplies and he created that painting. And all was well.

THEN, when he got outta jail on parole, he came across Tyrese at his cousin twice removed on his mom’s side’s holiday party and was like “Hey man! We gotta look out for the brotha man AND the other man.” And then him and Tyrese started talking. And he was all “Man, I really found God behind bars. And during my journey, I was asking myself so many questions. And one day, I had a vision that Tupac and Malcolm X met. So I made the painting.” And Tyrese was all blown away talmbout “OMG bruh! You’re so intelligents and stuff! That’s kinda deep, yo!”

And THEN Muhammad Al-Shariff St. Cristo (his enlightened name) was all “Lemme show you this painting I did.” And Tyrese went “Aight.” Then they went to the hostel Muhammad (formerly Tyrone Earl Jenkins) was staying at, and Tyrese saw the painting of Malcolm X baptizing Tupac. So what happened was that Tyrese went “My brotha. This shit is COLD. You just opened my eyes to some knowledge, bruh. I must share this!”

So then, Muhammad went “You know, while I was incarcerated, all I could do was pontificate alone with my thoughts and no one to conversate with. Irregardless doe, I wanted to make something that’ll change the world.” And Tyrese was all “My dude, you REALLY got some intelligents.” Then Tyrese took out his TMobile sidekick and took a pic of the painting. And he kept it. Then in 2009, he twitpiced it to the world. The end.

This story has been brought to you by “Luvvie’s Masterpiece Theater,” a production of 1, directed by 1, and written by 1. TAKE THAT, TYLER!

Oh and Muhammad Al Shariff St. Cristo is now back in jail. He had 1 four loko too many last year and stabbed a deacon. The deacon survived. Muhammad’s freedom did not. #WhereAreTheyNow

But yeah, my overactive imagination pays for sometimes. Anywho, turns out my story was far from the truth. Tyrese himself painted it. Apparently, he showed this off on MTV Cribs back in 2005. Oh Tyrese. He be trying. Bless his heart. But since he’s making nonsensical paintings, I have a coupla requests.

I won’t rest til I see a picture of Marvin Gaye giving dap to Elvis! Tyrese needs to find Muhammad and make it happen for postracial america.

I’d also like a pic of Morgan Freeman’s 20th bday. You know? The one where him and Cicely Tyson helped Harriet Tubman drive freedom the train.

I need a painting of Barbara Walters’ 20/20 exclusive as she snitches to God bout Adam & Eve eating that bad fruit.

I need a painting on Kirk Franklin teaching Matthew, Mark, Luke and John the “Stomp” routine.

Can I get a painting of Nicki Minaj and Lil Kim snatching each others’ tracks out? Oh. That’s TOO realistic? Aight then. (-___-)

You know who goes hard in the muthaf*cking paint? Tyrese! His watercolors game is NOT a joke. GET. LIKE. HIM. #TyresePaintings

Whatcha’ll think of the painting? Does he get an E for effort?

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Comments (59)

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  1. PBG says:

    “I’d also like a pic of Morgan Freeman’s 20th bday. You know? The one where him and Cicely Tyson helped Harriet Tubman drive freedom the train.”

    I will never forgive you for this. NEVAH!!!

  2. K. Weezy says:

    I guess it hasn’t gotten to Tyrese yet that he’s stupid. Too many people is cosigning on this guy’s “intelligents” like it’s the “godspell”.
    Ugh. He tries #doe.

  3. Roxy says:

    Miss, this quote “I need a painting on Kirk Franklin teaching Matthew, Mark, Luke and John the “Stomp” routine.” proves you need to sleep more.

    On that note…

    Why is Tupac wearing sweats? He gonna drown them both.

  4. Kourtney says:

    Other that outright refusing to believe Tyrese painted that(I guess I’m being the hater he’s always warning Twitter about) I don’t know what to do with this. It’s just all…so wrong!

    “And then he went to the prison library and traded some free weights for some coloring supplies and he created that painting.” LMAO!!!!!

  5. Alovelydai says:

    I need Jody my Jody to paint one where Kanye tells Sarah Palin to STFU holding a wrap it up B box.

  6. Constance says:

    You will NOT put “incarcerate” and “pontificate” in the same sentence as “conversate”. Poor Muhammad.

    I died though at Tyrese misspelling “thug”. Clearly he needs a ghost writer for more than just the Twitter. How unfortunate.

  7. Capricorn says:

    iCant.

    iTried.

    iFailed.

    iLaughed.

  8. Alana says:

    He gets an E for effort and a S for stupidity!

  9. tyrese fails at life. like he seriously does. i just saw a tweet that said: “Martin Luther King Jr didn’t die so Tyrese could tweet.” i damn near doubled over in laughter. i do believe there is a petition going to get him to delete his twitter account.

  10. emti says:

    HAHAHAHAHA Luvvie I need you to quickly sell the paintings you’ve commissioned for when I get fired at work from laughing too loud and need some cash

  11. Christi Wampler says:

    You had me at SWV.

  12. Ms. Heaven says:

    I’m convinced that man did NOT graduate from the 6th Grade. I’m convinced that the “No Child Left Behind” mess was because someone saw the handwritten version of his autobiography. It went a lil sumfin lyke dis: “Helow. Mah naym be Tie Reese Jenkins. I is uh aktore. I kin druw ril guhd an I drawded a piktchur o Malcum Xx an Too Pack. Da En.”

  13. PhenomenalWoman says:

    Long time lurker Luvvie and I have to say you are one of my blog “sheroes”:) Someone should commission Tyrese’s talents for a Save-a “heaux” portrait collection. I would gladly pay to see a water color rendition of Sojourner Truth, Harriet Tubman and Coretta Scott King thing anointing holy water and having a “come back to Jesus” moment featuring Karrine Steffans, Kat Stacks and Amber Rose. The late great Rosa Parks can offer a benediction in the background.

    • Luvvie says:

      Thanks for delurking to comment! Don’t be a stranger around these parts! *hugs* Also, you made me smile wide by calling me one of your blog sheroes. WHAT AN HONOR!!!

      But LMAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO @ that painting you tryna get made. I’d buy it.

  14. PhenomenalWoman says:

    *my apologies for the typo of the word “thing”

  15. TheBrownBabe says:

    iCant…oh, iCant!!!

    I have to remind myself NOT to check Luvvie’s posts at work (or on the train for that matter, cuz folks look at my like I’ve lost my mind as I try – unsuccessfully – to suppress the fits of laughter).
    I almost fell off my stability ball reading this mess! T’is so, so wrong!

  16. Margaret says:

    Yes, he get an E…not for effort, but for ERROR!!

    I need this painting, but I need the 5 people (including SWV in the water) replaced by Iotas. Since there are ONLY 5 of them (so I’ve heard) this shouldn’t be hard to do. Oh…I also need it on black velvet. Danke.

    Who is taking orders?

  17. I want a painting of Farrakhan and Tyler Perry jumping double dutch. no? well forget you then. All Tyrese AIRTHANG!

  18. lilbit o'luck says:

    THIS is some phsycadelic, puf puff pass,fragganaggle bull.

    *drops mic*

  19. butimserious says:

    I heard he’s releasing a book soon, it better be color by numbers. I imagine him reading books to his daughter at bedtime, ” On-see upon a time…” “Daddy that says once” smh… I know he’s a singer but he just sounds better with his mouth closed.

  20. Cheekie says:

    WATCH we see duplicates of this paintings at malls across the nation (maybe some folks already have!) at a bootleg kiosk set up right next to the infamous picture of “urban” Jesus.

    (-_-)

  21. paintgurl40 says:

    Now as an aspiring artist…I gotta admit that he’s got talent, it’s pretty good…BUT there’s some questions. TUG LAFE?, the three women are really tiny and Malcolm and 2pac are way out, wouldn’t they be like drowning instead of waist deep? Anyway, tyrese is fine. He was one of the first in line when God ws handing out looks, and decided he didn’t need to get in the intelligence line.

  22. paintgurl40 says:

    i guess a painting of martin luther king, biggie, frederick douglass and obama playing sitting at a table playing poker with blunts and 40′s on the table would be his next masterpiece…

  23. F_uitlist says:

    *sigh* I am just so mad at this pic and at Tyrese. He needs to stay up off twitter because the more he speaks the more I shake my head.

    whatever happen to that nice looking boy sangin’ on the bus.

  24. cool dr money says:

    I can’t wait to find this print in my local 5 and 10 store. The same store that bought you the pic of the black Jesus with the dreads. Yall know everyone had that pic…..lol

  25. Leeyah D says:

    Okay, he can draw however the whole concept of this picture is sh*ts to hell, that’s all I have to say about this.

  26. Henry Porter says:

    I love your sense of drama. And the dialog… almost as good as Elmore Leonard, hisself :)

  27. Tee says:

    Looks like he painted that at a sip and stroke…after way too many sips. Jesus be a tutor and a life coach.

  28. Monet Shavonne says:

    “I need a painting on Kirk Franklin teaching Matthew, Mark, Luke and John the “Stomp” routine.” AAAHAHAHAHATBKISDFK!! I can’t!!

  29. Betsy Ice says:

    Messing up monosyllabic words. #Fail
    Painting skills. Better than the average person, so he gets a #Win

  30. Shakira says:

    *grabs shovel and starts digging grave* DYING!!! And because you killed me talmbout Tyrese and his fake deep self, you’re doing my eulogy CTFU

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