If Tupac Met Malcolm X, They’d Side-Eye This Painting Together
At this point in time, y’all already know I spend WAY too much of my time and days loitering on the Den of Iniquity that is Twitter. Yesterday was no different. I was minding my own business (O__o) when someone posted a link to a twitpic by Tyrese. It was…
Ok I have SO many questions, so few answers and so little time. But I’ma ask them, because this painting is just doing THE most with the least.
First of all, wasn’t Malcolm X muslim? What’s he doing baptizing Tupac? Then he’s rocking some white Qwa (choir) robe, that I KNOW Sister O’Dell did NOT approve of him taking from the Ursher Board room. And then Tupac’s tattoo. TUG LAFE though? What happened to “THUG LIFE?” Oh. The A is actually a bullet? Oh. So TUG L*bullet*FE. Got it. O________O
And who are the 3 random women on the far right side giving praises to the Lawd. Many people on Twitter thought it was SWV. Or 702. I think it’s Neffe, Frankie and Tiny. But that’s just me. Old random bitties. What is THEIR motivation?
Yeah, it’s just doing the most.
And I forgot to mention Tyrese’s caption of this picture:
This came to me in a DREAM it’s MALCOLM-X Baptizing TUPAC and it’s called “WHAT IF” A lot of questions ran through my mind, What if they met? What if they had joined forces to empower black people? What if?? What if??
*deep sigh* SIR… Tyrese… Black TY. This painting was YOUR idea? But methinks I have a BETTER idea of how this painting came to be. Sit down and lemme tell you a story.
Once upon a time, there was a negro behind bars, on lockdown. Then he started pontificating about life. So one day, he was talmto his cellmate on some “Hey Bubba. I was sitting here right? And then I started to think, because you know… I like to do that. WHAT IF MALCOLM X and TUPAC MET?” And Bubba was all “Man… that’s kinda deep, son. You kinda deep like that.” And then he went to the prison library and traded some free weights for some coloring supplies and he created that painting. And all was well.
THEN, when he got outta jail on parole, he came across Tyrese at his cousin twice removed on his mom’s side’s holiday party and was like “Hey man! We gotta look out for the brotha man AND the other man.” And then him and Tyrese started talking. And he was all “Man, I really found God behind bars. And during my journey, I was asking myself so many questions. And one day, I had a vision that Tupac and Malcolm X met. So I made the painting.” And Tyrese was all blown away talmbout “OMG bruh! You’re so intelligents and stuff! That’s kinda deep, yo!”
And THEN Muhammad Al-Shariff St. Cristo (his enlightened name) was all “Lemme show you this painting I did.” And Tyrese went “Aight.” Then they went to the hostel Muhammad (formerly Tyrone Earl Jenkins) was staying at, and Tyrese saw the painting of Malcolm X baptizing Tupac. So what happened was that Tyrese went “My brotha. This shit is COLD. You just opened my eyes to some knowledge, bruh. I must share this!”
So then, Muhammad went “You know, while I was incarcerated, all I could do was pontificate alone with my thoughts and no one to conversate with. Irregardless doe, I wanted to make something that’ll change the world.” And Tyrese was all “My dude, you REALLY got some intelligents.” Then Tyrese took out his TMobile sidekick and took a pic of the painting. And he kept it. Then in 2009, he twitpiced it to the world. The end.
This story has been brought to you by “Luvvie’s Masterpiece Theater,” a production of 1, directed by 1, and written by 1. TAKE THAT, TYLER!
Oh and Muhammad Al Shariff St. Cristo is now back in jail. He had 1 four loko too many last year and stabbed a deacon. The deacon survived. Muhammad’s freedom did not. #WhereAreTheyNow
But yeah, my overactive imagination pays for sometimes. Anywho, turns out my story was far from the truth. Tyrese himself painted it. Apparently, he showed this off on MTV Cribs back in 2005.
Oh Tyrese. He be trying. Bless his heart. But since he’s making nonsensical paintings, I have a coupla requests.
I won’t rest til I see a picture of Marvin Gaye giving dap to Elvis! Tyrese needs to find Muhammad and make it happen for postracial america.
I’d also like a pic of Morgan Freeman’s 20th bday. You know? The one where him and Cicely Tyson helped Harriet Tubman drive freedom the train.
I need a painting of Barbara Walters’ 20/20 exclusive as she snitches to God bout Adam & Eve eating that bad fruit.
I need a painting on Kirk Franklin teaching Matthew, Mark, Luke and John the “Stomp” routine.
Can I get a painting of Nicki Minaj and Lil Kim snatching each others’ tracks out? Oh. That’s TOO realistic? Aight then. (-___-)
You know who goes hard in the muthaf*cking paint? Tyrese! His watercolors game is NOT a joke. GET. LIKE. HIM. #TyresePaintings But for real, the dude got skills. The concept is just questionable.
Whatcha’ll think of the painting? Does he get an E for effort?