Skinny Girl Problems Are Real
Skinny girl problems are REAL, and it is not our fault that our metabolisms are faster than Usain Bolt. I’m here to share with you what some of them are.
Before I start, lemme say yes, I am aware that there’s a fat girl problem to counteract each of these. But we ain’t talmbout you #doe so… KEEP YOUR SIDE-EYES TO YOURSELF!
10 Skinny Girl Problems
* We can barely give blood – We want to do good in the world and give back sometimes. So when we go to donate blood, we often get met with side-eyes from workers who don’t think we meet the 110-pound cut off. They make us drink extra juice just so we can get our weight up at the moment and not pass clean out. I mean, yeah sometimes their concern is legit, but I’m saying. I even eat a steak before going to make sure I’m good. You ain’t gotta look at me that hard. You petty. Hmph.
* We’re always cold – ALWAYS. Without much fat on our bones, we’re always left shivering. We can have on a tank top and a long-sleeve under a sweater, a pashmina and an infinity scarf, leggings under our jeans, 2 pairs of socks and our favorite NorthFace jacket and we’d still be freezing. While everyone else is all “It’s just so nice out!” Lookie here… I have no buffer so ignore me while I shiver. This is a REAL struggle. Living in Chicago winter is even tougher when you’re skinty. Needless to say, the amount of our electric bill is directly proportional to how skinny we are. Mine be SKY HIGH.
* We always get reminded that we’re skinny – Folks feel the need to let us know we’re skinny, as if we don’t already know. Like they just HAVE to break the news to us in case we forgot, and they feel no qualms about it. They’re all “Damb you skinny as hell.” REALLY?? You won’t like it if I walked up to you talmbout “Damb G. You fat as shit.” Not ONE bit. So why must you throw my skinty in my face? This is especially true for family members.
And then folks always gotta come up with a plan to “fatten you up.”
* Our pants get baggy midday – So we put on our pants in the morning, and they’re all fitted and cute. We’re feeling ourselves and going “Heyyyyyyy…” But due to the stretching of the fabric, by noon, our pants are looking like wide-leg when they were skinny cut before. And this makes me sad. How’d my jeans get 2 sizes bigger in 6 hrs??? That’s just disrespectful. It’s all saggy in the booty and our segzy is totally compromised. Then we gotta wash the pants in high heat to get them back tight. And the cycle repeats itself.
Science needs to come up with denim that isn’t jeggings and won’t do that. We’ve put a man on the moon. Surely, we can make this happen too.
* We make terrible cuddle buddies – Lack of meat on our bones make certain joints and parts of us sharp, like elbows, knees and chins. Have you ever placed your head on his chest and he goes “OW!”
Him: “Your chin just stabbed me”
You: *cries in tea*
Our #selfofsteam be TOO murked. It just ain’t right, mayne. AND TWO super skinny people together is a health hazard. Cuddling can be so awkward. And uncomfortable. Our joints are TOO sharp for that. This is why I like husky men. Me with a skinty dude would start a forest fire. And who wants that? Certainly not Smokey the bear.
Great segway to…
* Gusts of winds are dangerous – A really windy day is our kryptonite. Have you ever had to battle a strong gust of wind that almost swept you into traffic? That joint is embarrassing. And don’t let it be raining and you have a punk umbrella with you and it turns inside out.
Being petite, we have to strike a delicate balance between an umbrella that has some weight to it without it being one that our arms will get tired from carrying after 5 minutes. The umbrella that is slightly heavy is the one we need, though, so it can stabilize us. Otherwise, it becomes a struggle to stay standing on a rainy windy day. Unless you find a pole or something heavy to hang on to, it might be deuces. Nobody knows the struggles we’ve seen. Besides other skinny people!
* It’s hard to find knee boots that fit our calves without space left – We go shoe-shopping and try on some dope shoes, only to find that we still got a 2-inch gap where the boots don’t touch our calves. TOO disappointing. We look like fishermen in their rubber boots. And then we get sad. This is a REAL struggle. Especially for us shoe heads. I take that personally.
* People pick us up to test their strength – Skinty girls get picked up randomly by people who want to see how strong they are talmbout “Hey lemme pick you up. Bet I could.” Yeah AND? I’m not a toddler! Put me down, fool!
* We have to prove to folks that we eat – We’ve been asked countless times “Do you eat?” Nawl… I get sustenance off oxygen and the occasional cracker. YEAH I EAT!!! So anytime we go to restaurants, we feel pressured to clean our plates and almost lick them. When we don’t, folks be talmbout “See that’s why you’re that skinny now.” Can I be great??? How do you know it ain’t because my metabolism is on crack? HUH??? And let us not pick a super fatty dish…
“Not wanting to eat a salad in public. “Why you eating salad? You’re so thin already” BITCH I LIKE SALAD THO. – @shaydechelle
* We can’t exercise without being judged – We mention to folks that we’re gonna start exercising and they look at us up and down with this look O____o. I am skinny and out of shape. YES, it’s possible. So excuse me for tryna make sure my heart is right. Being skinny fat ain’t bout that life!
And as a bonus…
There are COUNTLESS skinny girl problems! Which ones did I miss?