Snooki is a NYTimes Bestselling Author. *faints*
First of all, I know some people are saying “Who is Snooki?” While others are asking “She wrote a book?” I bet no one is saying “I knew she’d be one.” Let me answer these questions one by one.
Snooki is Nicole Polizzi of MTV’s “Jersey Shore” infamy (and I’m a fan). She’s known best for her ever-present poof hair, her love and addiction to spray tan and her borderline alcoholism (Snooks ain’t never turnt down a drink. And actually got arrested for public drunkenness. At 11am). Basically, she’s a real life 3D oompa loompa who you can’t help but love because she’s so fun. Snooki’s a 4’11, barrel-shaped walking party. A loud and proud guidette til the end.
But yes, Snooki was tapped to write a book, and it was released 2 weeks ago, on January 4th. According to Amazon, it’s “fiction” but it centers around a character who is small, loves to party, and rocks a pouf everywhere. Apparently, Snooki isn’t the most imaginative author. And it’s called “A Shore Thing.” And has her face on it.
Anyway, then yesterday, Snooki took to Twitter to announce that she is now a New York Times Bestselling author.
*read that again*
*blinks twice* O__O
*throws self off 1st floor balcony into soft pile of snow*
*wipes snow off coat*
*jumps off curb unto deserted street*
*wall slides down the side of a parked car*
GAHTDAMB SNOOKI IS A NYTIMES BESTSELLING AUTHOR! But BESTSELLING AUTHOR behind her name is like Academy Award-winner behind Nicki Minaj’s. iCant e’em DEAL.
Y’all… THIS CANNOT BE LIFE! What in the…? Who bought…” HOW????
People who have spent YEARS writing, and can construct sentences with magic… haven’t even landed on this list. And Snooki kicks the door down in her UGG boots with her first book and is a NYTimes bestseller. THIS is why I’m so touched and butthurt by this. It’s like someone stole my last bowl of rice. My soul is TROUBLED! I’m saying… ain’t nobody published my book idea! Yeah it’s hoodratish but still…
What does a goon have to do to get this type of love? Oh. I gotta appear on a reality tv show and show out? Well I’m ready whenever VH1 wants to let me have a show called “For the Love of Luvvie’s Love Pocket.” I mean, I just gotta let certain someone in my life know that it’s all for the cameras. And I gotta notify my Nigerian family, lest they see me acting line a trollop and promptly disown me and erase me from the family tree. Is that what I gotta do to make it??? Am I hustling backwards? Somebody let me know!
Someone get Tyrese to make a painting of Snooki tutoring Maya Angelou in English and classical literature so I can TRULY be murked!
I’m such a hater but sometimes… O__o
Tyrese got a book coming out in April. Snooki’s a NYTimes best-selling author. Lil Kim is an Asian Drag Queen. This is why the birds died.
Lemme quit hating on Snooki’s boogie. I ain’t mad at her hustle #doe. Make that money. Don’t let that spray tan make you. Congrats, girl.