They Got Facebook In Jail? This Inmate’s Profile Says Yes

[ 76 ] January 27, 2011 |

So I was minding my own business (O___O) when I got an email from one of my readers. Lately, y’all have been serving me with RATCHETNESS to the max! This email was no different. She just dropped the link to a Facebook profile and pretty much dropped the mic and walked out my inbox. I clicked the link to find this:

Facebook profile in jail

His About me says: “wat up this jeffery and right now im locked up but if u wanna write me hit me up at jeffery r…”

Wayment. Wait a GAHTDAMB minute, I SAY!!! This negro is LOCKED UP and on Facebook? They got Facebook in jail? FOR REAL? Since when? Isn’t that a but TOO much access to the outside world? What if they chat with someone about getting away? I got so many questions and not enough answers!

LAWD… after I got over that initial shock, then his profile TRULY started to murk me. For so many reasons. His profile picture is his mugshot and his website is his prison number.

*blinks twice*

*falls to the ground*

SIR… you’re proudly on the ‘Book when you ain’t got a pot to piss in right now. AND put up your mugshot as your profile picture??? Shouldn’t you be somewhere finding some religion? Or learning how to now get Adebisi’d (don’t drop that soap, my dude). Or pontificating about life?

I picture him in the prison library talmbout “Hey, I need to update my Facebook page right quick.” How does this make sense? And his brother left a comment on his profile picture, talmbout “free my nigga country black.” I WISH I WAS MAKING THIS UP!!!

Oh and what y’all don’t see are the names of some of his 46 friends. They include (and I promise I’m not making this up):

Quteasha Purnell
Keshawn LuvnherHaters
Sabrinalovinlilheadtodamax Lilheadladi
Mrsshort Tregotmymindndmyheart Iluvhimtodeath
Simone Theanoitedone Toliver
SoGorjus Hateitorluvit
Same’Ole Tee-Tee
Latashabodybangin Melvin

Hay Zeus take the wheel!!! These fools ain’t serious. Are they??? iCan’t. iWon’t. iShan’t.

Bury me in an orange jumpsuit because I MIGHT DON’T MAKE IT!!! I lowkey feel like someone made this profile AND these friends up to be utterly ridiculous. I’m tryna use this as an excuse to make myself feel better because SURELY foolishness like this can’t be real.

But I know better. It IS real. WHO TOLD THE MYSPACERS TO GET FACEBOOK ACCOUNT??? There goes the gahtdamb neighborhood. *packs up Dereon duffle*

Btw, I SEE YOU PROVISO EAST! lol

Am I the only one tickled by this? Whose cousin is this?

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Category: Social Media

Comments (76)

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  1. J.Nicole says:

    The first thing I noticed on this pic was that dude went to Proviso East & then I had a large chuckle bc most of my fam went there as well.

    I absolutely CANNOT w/ this ninja’s pic being his mugshot tho. Welp, I guess it’s betta than him standing in front the commissary in the official jail pose…you know the one; crouched low, legs slightly ajar, throwin’ up either the peace sign or his gang sign.

  2. lana_j23 says:

    I’ve heard of people who are on the outside making profiles for their friends and family that are locked up. So maybe he had a cousin that made it for him. That ain’t it? Oh.

    I’m trying to make since of all of this.
    *looks unsure*

  3. K. Weezy says:

    haha yes, it is very true, they have internet access in prison [learned that from OZ], and since FB is “personal” where you can connect with real family and friends, they don’t block it rotf. Maybe Diabla has one…

    Love the blog, but I must say this as an OZ fan, Adebisi never dropped the soap, but he was always there when another inmate did. It should be “Beecher’d” rotf

  4. MANDA says:

    I found his page off of the simple clues you didn’t blur out. CHILE, this can’t be life.

  5. Ms. Smart says:

    I’m not shocked at all. They have cellphones in jail. Why wouldn’t those cellphones have a data plan and net access?

  6. Monique says:

    So of course I have to go and look up his friends just to make sure I don’t know any of them! If I do. . . DELETE!

  7. youngifted_blk says:

    This is nothing compared to a guy I went to elementary school with who is now in prison for life (murder). This Negro had his family sneak in a Blackberry AND he had uploaded pics of himself in his cell!

    Anyway, that profile up there looks like the work of a family member. Inmate #s and mug shots are readily available on a Department of Corrections website.

  8. Maximillian says:

    Maywood FTW!!!

  9. PhoenixNicole says:

    First time commenting. OMG! I had to comment not only on this mugshot-taking ass Negro, but the straight coonery running rampant in his friends list. I think I died & my casket rolled down a hill when I read those names. Jesus, take the wheel. Heck, take the entire car!

    BTW, love ur site!

  10. Mrs.Tiye says:

    Girl not ONLY do they have the Book in jail, but apparently some folks done snuck in camera phones. I swear a chick I went to school with has her SMILING face in her profile like she ain’t in jail for DOUBLE MURDER. I need her to keep all that lovely 26th and California to herself.

  11. Drew-Shane says:

    This can’t be real! Just can’t-

    I guess they need to be able to communicate. Maybe this cuts down on the costs of letters and facilities to maintain visitation and communication from relatives. Whatever works, right??

  12. I’m just going to hope, assume, and pray to Chipotle that someone made a post w/his info for him. Because this can’t be life. I waited until I was in COLLEGE to get on FB; it was a privelege….and now, everybody and their momma n’em (literally) got a Facebook page. You know what, F*** life.

  13. Shana says:

    LMAO at the GIF.

  14. lilbit o'luck says:

    this cannot be life. Facebook in jail-really?

  15. Ms. Heaven says:

    *sigh* iCan’t do this with you today Luvvie! iCan’t! He is doing the most with the very least. The mugshot should qualify for at least 2 hours in solitary. Not enough? Ok, there needs to be a penalty for this!

  16. K to the... says:

    Quteasha Purnell
    Keshawn LuvnherHaters
    Sabrinalovinlilheadtodamax Lilheadladi
    Mrsshort Tregotmymindndmyheart Iluvhimtodeath
    Simone Theanoitedone Toliver
    SoGorjus Hateitorluvit
    Same’Ole Tee-Tee
    Latashabodybangin Melvin

    $5 says they are all from the west side of Chicago. *runs*

  17. DK says:

    I almost stopped reading cuz I couldn’t take it anymore. Until I saw the gif of a puppet Jesus literally taking the wheel. So thank you. Made my day.

  18. OlaBombShell says:

    so yes, the 1st thing I noticed was that he went to Proviso East…*wall slide* Then His list of friends….#EPICFAIL… I personally don’t believe this is real, someone os mocking the person, or made a fake profile. I refuse to believe our judicial system is this loose. How do y’all find this mess? This is just…

  19. Ms. Heaven says:

    And where in the HAYELL did you get that vidjo of lil’ Jesus taking the wheel? I need that vidjo on my fb page…at least I’m not sitting in jail updating my status. *The Color Purple flashback – Hee Hee Hee sat in that jail, sat in that jail til I near bout done rot to death* Ok, I’m back.

  20. Yawns nothing surprises me anymore, jails in the US and Canada are better than most Red Roof Inns or your average Days Inn. I’m sorry but innanets, tv, library those are a fucking luxury. You in prison to pay your debt to society not Poke mofos on FB. Tweet and participate in TTs..

    MAN WHAT?

  21. Nana says:

    *blank stare* This man has FB in prison!!?? What have we come to? I’m not asking for chain gangs here (well, maybe I am), but if you commit a crime why do you get FB, a gym, and the good cable? You should be doing something good for society while paying your debt. I mean if I had a prison, inmates would be farming. It would be a win-win. They would be raising fresh food for the community and they would be too tired to raise a ruckus. *sucks teeth and rolls eyes at FB and the good cable in prison.*

  22. Capricorn says:

    Luuvie. Eye. Can. NOT. wit. Chu. No. Mo.

  23. That’s like when T.I. said he watched “True Blood” in prison. THEY HAVE HBO IN PRISON? I don’t have HBO!

  24. Scorpiana says:

    iCan’t and no one else should either! No Ma’am, no Sir! *drops mic, exits stage left*

  25. Stacy says:

    THIS is why i Segchual Chocolated FB this year. I just R E F U S E dot.com on it all.

  26. Nono says:

    Oh HAYLE nawl!! People are proclaiming their jailbird status on FB? That’s what’s really hot in the streets?!?

    What, they gone have special groups next? “I Got Shanked in the Yard, Did You?” “Fugg a Bar of Soap, Get With that Shower Gel”

    FB bout to do it’s own wall slide…

  27. KJ says:

    i know someone locked up with FB. After looking through his statuses, curious as to what the hell you have to talk about in jail, i come across a status about a prison yard fight between the black and Mexican inmates.

    what im dyin to know is, who’s payin for these cell phones? cuz if I am, im headin to Canada.

  28. Marcie says:

    The only thing I can say is: WOW!

  29. pt says:

    ALL U MUHFUCKAS ARE DUMB I MADE IT FOR HIM YOU DUMB FUCKS ITS EASY 2 DO AND Y ARE YOU ALL WORRIED ABOUT IT ANYWAY

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