I woke up today and found out something that has just murked me considerably. Apparently, the Earth has changed alignment and something something something relation to the moon blah blah axis womp blah. But somehow this change that happened has affected the zodiac, and has changed it considerably. So now, here’s what the zodiac is supposed to look like.
Capricorn: Jan. 20 – Feb. 16
Aquarius: Feb. 16 – March 11
Pisces: March 11- April 18
Aries: April 18 – May 13
Taurus: May 13 – June 21
Gemini: June 21 – July 20
Cancer: July 20 – Aug. 10
Leo: Aug. 10 – Sept. 16
Virgo: Sept. 16 – Oct. 30
Libra: Oct. 30 – Nov. 23
Scorpio: Nov. 23 – Nov. 29
Ophiuchus: Nov. 29 – Dec. 17
Sagittarius: Dec. 17 – Jan. 20
WAYMENT! You mean to tell me I’m no longer a Capricorn??? I’m supposed to be a Sagittarius now all of a sudden??? ALL MY LIFE, I’VE HAD TO FIGHT (as a Capricorn). ALL MY LIFE. Now I gotta be a raggedy ol’ Sagittarius (no offense. none taken)? I’ont know those Sags’ lives! I mean… they aight and all but…
*deep sigh* I was born 2 weeks late so I was originally S’POSED to be a Sag. It’s all catching up with me now. I SEE WHAT YOU DID THERE, LORD! *falls to the ground*
*rips off Capricorn tshirt*
*walks gingerly to the Sagittariuses*
So umm… where do I register? It seems I’m a newbie. *wall slides again*
There IS a silver lining to this though. At least I wasn’t a Scorpio. They CLEARLY got shafted in this whole debacle. They only got ONE week to be great and then they become something called Ophiuchus. WWHHAAAA? O what now? I’m glad I’m not an Ophihjbfjhdbfb. Whatever the hell that is. Ol’ abandoned ass stepchild with lice zodiac sign.
Sidenote: Ophiuchus sounds like Morgan Freeman’s middle name. “Morgan Ophiuchus Freeman was born to a slave mother and free father in 1805…”
But I gotta give a shourrout to everyone who got their zodiac signs tatted on them. Do you need laser removal coupons now? That ain’t you no more .Tattoo artists are about to be FULLY booked this year. Do you haz sads now?
Another thing to consider too. At the club when that song that asks “WHAT’S YOUR ZODIAC SIGN?” comes on, is everyone gonna be confused? The club might come to a screeching halt as folks stand around thinking what they’re gonna rep. LAWD… what is we gon do?
Y’all KNOW I don’t like change. I’ll be over here throwing myself repeatedly off my couch unto my soft carpet. Kthxbai.
Did your sign change? Are you an Ophikbfkbdfndff now? What are you gonna do about that tatt you got? Share with a goon!
Source: Huffington Post
Category: My Life
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