My Life

What’s Your Zodiac Sign??? I Don’t Know Anymore! *Wall Slide*

I woke up today and found out something that has just murked me considerably. Apparently, the Earth has changed alignment and something something something relation to the moon blah blah axis womp blah. But somehow this change that happened has affected the zodiac, and has changed it considerably. So now, here’s what the zodiac is supposed to look like.

Capricorn: Jan. 20 – Feb. 16
Aquarius: Feb. 16 – March 11
Pisces: March 11- April 18
Aries: April 18 – May 13
Taurus: May 13 – June 21
Gemini: June 21 – July 20
Cancer: July 20 – Aug. 10
Leo: Aug. 10 – Sept. 16
Virgo: Sept. 16 – Oct. 30
Libra: Oct. 30 – Nov. 23
Scorpio: Nov. 23 – Nov. 29
Ophiuchus: Nov. 29 – Dec. 17
Sagittarius: Dec. 17 – Jan. 20

WAYMENT! You mean to tell me I’m no longer a Capricorn??? I’m supposed to be a Sagittarius now all of a sudden??? ALL MY LIFE, I’VE HAD TO FIGHT (as a Capricorn). ALL MY LIFE. Now I gotta be a raggedy ol’ Sagittarius (no offense. none taken)? I’ont know those Sags’ lives! I mean… they aight and all but…

*deep sigh* I was born 2 weeks late so I was originally S’POSED to be a Sag. It’s all catching up with me now. I SEE WHAT YOU DID THERE, LORD! *falls to the ground*

*rips off Capricorn tshirt*
*cries*
*walks gingerly to the Sagittariuses*
*wipes snot*

So umm… where do I register? It seems I’m a newbie. *wall slides again*

There IS a silver lining to this though. At least I wasn’t a Scorpio. They CLEARLY got shafted in this whole debacle. They only got ONE week to be great and then they become something called Ophiuchus. WWHHAAAA? O what now? I’m glad I’m not an Ophihjbfjhdbfb. Whatever the hell that is. Ol’ abandoned ass stepchild with lice zodiac sign.

Sidenote: Ophiuchus sounds like Morgan Freeman’s middle name. “Morgan Ophiuchus Freeman was born to a slave mother and free father in 1805…”

Ophiuchus tweet

But I gotta give a shourrout to everyone who got their zodiac signs tatted on them. Do you need laser removal coupons now? That ain’t you no more :-(.Tattoo artists are about to be FULLY booked this year. Do you haz sads now?

Another thing to consider too. At the club when that song that asks “WHAT’S YOUR ZODIAC SIGN?” comes on, is everyone gonna be confused? The club might come to a screeching halt as folks stand around thinking what they’re gonna rep. LAWD… what is we gon do?

Y’all KNOW I don’t like change. I’ll be over here throwing myself repeatedly off my couch unto my soft carpet. Kthxbai.

Did your sign change? Are you an Ophikbfkbdfndff now? What are you gonna do about that tatt you got? Share with a goon!

Source: Huffington Post

67 Comments

  1. January 13, 2011 at 2:31 pm — Reply

    I reject this change in the name of balance and indecision. I’m a Libra for life. I refuse to be one of those old raggedy moody-ass miserable Virgos. REFUSE!

    • Irene
      January 13, 2011 at 2:40 pm — Reply

      I refuse to change to a Virgo too. I am a Libra Im an air sign free spirited, eventually the Earth will go back to its original alignment. . . . I hope.

      • Feyi
        January 13, 2011 at 3:05 pm — Reply

        I am with you. Not about to change because someone woke up on the wrong side of their wrongly aligned bed…Who comes up with this stuff?!
        How am I supposed to explain my fabulous personality now? I’m Libra to the CORE.

      • January 13, 2011 at 3:12 pm — Reply

        I am a LIBRA for life too.

    • January 13, 2011 at 3:08 pm — Reply

      I must say,…I will still be holding my usual Librafest ac’tibidies all up and through this here Chi.

      • Bridgette
        January 13, 2011 at 3:49 pm — Reply

        I’m a LIBRA til I die!!!!
        Because my tattoo says so damniT!!!!

        *punches a hole in the wall*

      • krocka
        January 15, 2011 at 8:54 am — Reply

        libra for life! and my son will stay a cancer.. i worked hard to hold him in for 3 extra days so he wouldn’t be a gemini…

    • Christina
      January 13, 2011 at 4:38 pm — Reply

      Hey, hey! I happen to be one of those moody miserable Virgos.

      Wait. I WAS until I saw this post. I do not want to be a Leo. Nothing about me says Leo. Are they moody and miserable? Because otherwise, I won’t go.

      I. Will. Not.

    • January 13, 2011 at 6:50 pm — Reply

      I’m with you, Max. I ain’t changing my Twitter names, my blog name, my Tumblr name, nor either of these two very meaningful tattoos I done got! And to make me a Virgo? A Virgo?!?!?! HELL NO I WONT GO! *puts foot down* *pickets the new zodiac*

    • Ken
      December 11, 2011 at 8:55 pm — Reply

      I agree. I’d rather die than be a Virgo

  2. January 13, 2011 at 2:36 pm — Reply

    I’m not big on Astrology, I don’t check my horoscope and I don’t follow the “zodiac” twitter pages (All About Pisces doesn’t count b/c it just tells me what I already know about myself) but, to answer your question

    If my sign did change I don’t care. I was born on March 8 and I will forever be a Pisces. Why? Because more than half the character traits given to that sign describe little ole me.

    • emti
      January 13, 2011 at 3:05 pm — Reply

      Me too! March 5th….PISCES FOREVA

  3. January 13, 2011 at 2:37 pm — Reply

    So we gonna have a whole bunch of friggin Leos huh?

    • Lioness fah Liffffe
      January 13, 2011 at 6:08 pm — Reply

      was born a leo. will die a leo. and we are some kind of awesome, fantastical people and i’se sad for you that you missed what could have the greatest thing to determine your greatness.

      • elli
        January 17, 2011 at 6:49 pm — Reply

        lol. I love how that comment is reminiscent of some of the character traits of the Leo >w<

  4. January 13, 2011 at 2:39 pm — Reply

    They can’t do this! I won’t allow it! It’s like if the government was to add a new month & shift the other ones down. How are you just gonna f*ck up my whole background and life biography? Might as well just go ahead and change my ethnicity while they’re at it. I’m creole now…

  5. January 13, 2011 at 2:39 pm — Reply

    *flips table* i’m still a Capricorn… eff this mess… iRefuse to be a Sagg..

    fuck that Ophioj0808987ykjljl like Kat Stacks at a hip hop d-list (d for dumb) rapper convention and the new mess…

    • January 13, 2011 at 2:44 pm — Reply

      #teamCAPRICORN!!! *kicks the legs off the table*

  6. January 13, 2011 at 2:42 pm — Reply

    I’m a Capricorn too Luvvie! This is MADNESS! How they gon just change folk! I’m a CAPRICORN. I have CAPRICORN qualities…I had to go find a Sagittarius profile to see if I matched…no Sir. They not EMOTIONAL??? Nah…that’s not me. They are ENTERTAINERS? Nah…you won’t get your laughs at my expense. They like CHANGE?? Oh hell to the naw. I’m Team Capricorn all day. Eff astrological changes… (throwing down the mike and walking away)

    Oh, by the way, I LOVE THIS BLOG. You keep me laughing!!! (Didn’t want to end my post with a pout!)

    • MsEvababy!
      January 13, 2011 at 9:41 pm — Reply

      *Co Sign* Capfolife

  7. January 13, 2011 at 2:49 pm — Reply

    I’m a Scorpio turned Libra. But in my head I will always be a Scorpio cuz the description fits me to a T.

    But my question is: whats gonna happen to ALL those books out there that talk about a variety of topics based on the Zodiac signs? They are all just gonna be discontinued?

    Wow man, this is a shocker! Wait til I tell my best friend she isn’t a Sag anymore and she a #Ophiuchus….

  8. January 13, 2011 at 2:50 pm — Reply

    Excuuuuuuuuse me? How am I no longer a Capricorn? What the… Can I opt out of being a Sagittarius? I don’t wanna be a Sagitta–(too lazy to re-type)..it doesn’t even sound pretty. If your personality matches with your former sign, like…WTF. I don’t get it?

  9. Kay
    January 13, 2011 at 2:55 pm — Reply

    Ahhh…I stayed a Cancer….and yes, I have 69 tatted on my wrist and it will forever be there! Sucks for yall though…I’m a true cancer at heart, yeah, i’m hard on the outside and on the inside my thug will melt…yep, i’m moody as the tides change and will forever hold a grudge..Jesus forgives, I dont…07/22..

  10. Nana
    January 13, 2011 at 2:59 pm — Reply

    I rebuke this in the name of Baby Jeebus. I will be an Aries until the day I die.

    • adwoa
      January 19, 2011 at 9:46 am — Reply

      COSIGNED! i’m not fucking around with any kind of pisces mess: your girl is already on the cusp and that’s enough wateriness for me. done!

  11. shadgg02
    January 13, 2011 at 3:02 pm — Reply

    so now imma Leo??? O_o
    i mean, i know i was born the FIRST day of Virgos, so i guess TECHNICALLY i coulda went either way….

    this addition of Ophdwokudnwewkhf…..??? what is that? why they wait till NOW to add it in??

  12. January 13, 2011 at 3:02 pm — Reply

    Runs through with all the dead fish from around the world, dumps in on Luvvie’s door step!!

    WOOOOT FUGGING WOOT I’M STILL A PISCES!!

    -does the worm, then the Running man and moonwalks with my Pisces t-shirt and tattoo still on my back in tact-

    I thought I was gone have to change that shit into a basketball, a can of Planter’s Cheez Balls or my mama’s name…

  13. Nono
    January 13, 2011 at 3:03 pm — Reply

    Oh fugg all’a DAT!

    I reserve the right to be a stubborn, sweet, mercurial-as-all-hell Aquarius! Sorry Luvvie, but I ain’t neva gonna claim Capricorn… that’s my Mama.

    Air signs for LIFE! *makes various incomprehensible gang signs*

    • Nono
      January 13, 2011 at 3:22 pm — Reply

      Oh yeah, AND I was born a month early so I’d be an Aquarius anyway!

      Take that take that… *Harlem shakes*

  14. emti
    January 13, 2011 at 3:03 pm — Reply

    I REBUKE this in the name of all that is pisces…there is no way in hell i’m switching to aquarius…nuh uh

    And i have a pisces tattoo AND a neptune tattoo…what am i supposed to do now? *EPIC WALLL SLIIIIIIDE*

    P.S. Did you watch Modern Family last night…Cameron’s wall slide was purrrrrfect

    • January 13, 2011 at 6:52 pm — Reply

      Cam’s wall slide was the BEEEESSSST!! And eff that. I’m a Pisces too I ain’t changing. *In my Della Reese voice* They can just kiss my a$$ Sugar!

    • January 13, 2011 at 6:52 pm — Reply

      His wall slide kilt me dead….

  15. January 13, 2011 at 3:15 pm — Reply

    Ummmmmm…..wellll……
    At least I’m not a Scorpio. Its only gon’ be lik 4 Scorpio’s left in the world cuz they only get like 2.5 days.

    • Scorpiana
      January 15, 2011 at 1:16 am — Reply

      … and of that 4, born within 2.5 days, I will be the 1st, born on the 6th, whose name IS the sign! THAT will never change. ‘Nuf said.

  16. MsMelissa!
    January 13, 2011 at 3:17 pm — Reply

    *****Scorpio Stings you*****

    Step to me one more time about trying to change my scorpio life and I’ll SHOW you how we REALLY get down LOL.

    Ionno bout this ……

  17. January 13, 2011 at 3:23 pm — Reply

    I guess Imma sandblast my Aries tramp stamp off since apparently now I’m a Pisces. I aint got shat in common with no damn fishes! Damn..it was sexy too. What does the new sign look like? The Prince symbol??

  18. blackladyblue
    January 13, 2011 at 3:23 pm — Reply

    This summer my sister tried to tell me that I’m a Leo instead of a Virgo cause that sign fits my traits better and I wake up today to find out they done switched it all on me?!? I rebuke this in the name of Jesus!

    Joke’s on her though, now she ain’t a Scorpio no more, HA!

  19. January 13, 2011 at 3:45 pm — Reply

    I reject this outright. I am a proud Gemini with all the associated mercurial tendencies and now they wanna make me a slow, dull witted bull? (No offence).

    Sorry, not happening, no suh!

    • January 14, 2011 at 1:43 pm — Reply

      well I beg your pardon!!! I’M A TAURUS, AND YES, I AM LAZY…and okay, maybe at times a little slow witted…and it may even be true that…*SIGH* you know, we’re really cool people, and creative, and I can draw and I will write you a strongly worded RICKY ROMANCE style letter if you ever dare besmirch the majestic beauty that is the bull again *windmills you weakly, ’cause I’m lazy* lol

  20. January 13, 2011 at 4:19 pm — Reply

    So, of course we got the official word that it’s only for folks born after 2009, but um, I BEENT rejected that because they up and changed Barack’s BEST SIGN EVAH (Leo). And we all know Barack woulda had none of that and shut sh*t down anyway.

    So, I’ll continue to roar and whatnot. *Simba laugh*

  21. M. Jones
    January 13, 2011 at 5:21 pm — Reply

    I read that it only applies to those born after 2009, so our signs haven’t changed. Ophiucus, just doesn’t sound right does it? It’s pronounced oh-FEW-cus for anyone who had as much trouble as I and almost cussed while trying.

  22. lilbit o'luck
    January 13, 2011 at 5:25 pm — Reply

    I REJECT this change! *throws mouse across the room*
    Libra for life son!

  23. January 13, 2011 at 8:02 pm — Reply

    Yeah….No Ma’am. I didn’t even fully understand astrology, but I fully understood how EVERY word I’ve ever read related to Pisces relates to EXACTLY who I am. So….#thatisall.

    I’m not familiar with the Aquarians…I don’t know what kinda food they like, what they’re attributes are, what kinda se…uhmmm… Yeah, I’m not gon’ change my whole life because someone else messed up the zodiac. With all this time…they coulda kept that to themselves & hurt no one.

    I choose to treat this like that dude Eric’s # on my cell phone Caller ID–IGNORE

  24. Jess
    January 13, 2011 at 8:55 pm — Reply

    I read somewhere that these changes only apply to those born in 2009 and after…so the rest of us are still what we were before! (Sagittarius fo lyf!) ;)

  25. Dr. Kiti
    January 13, 2011 at 9:22 pm — Reply

    I DO NOT care what they say: I am STILL a sag, tattoo and all. It don’t get no truer than me, except for that whole ‘great outdoors’ thing. I love my upside-down arrow tattoo. When I’m 85 I’ll be an example to my great-grandchildren for why they SHOULD NOT drink before getting a tattoo (even if it IS Las Vegas and the tattoo artist is probably drunk too).

  26. gkusoul
    January 13, 2011 at 9:33 pm — Reply

    What’s with all the Virgo hate?(I blame Beyonce…)I completely refuse to be a Leo…Lions poop,Virgos glistens *packing my sh*t and moving back to Virgo)

  27. lana_j23
    January 14, 2011 at 12:54 am — Reply

    I woke up this morning a Capricorn, came home and I was a Sagittarius. I’ve got Capricorn pens and stuff, and now…I just…

    *begins singing And I Am Telling You*

    I’m not going damn it, I am a Capricorn!

    • January 14, 2011 at 3:57 pm — Reply

      *waving my church fan* SAAAANNNGGG chile! SANG! *falls out*

  28. Mica
    January 14, 2011 at 1:23 am — Reply

    I don’t give a rat’s derriere! I’m a leo! I’ma die a leo cuz I was a leo even before I knew zodiac signs exsisted! So there!

  29. Ashley
    January 14, 2011 at 1:48 am — Reply

    It’s a constellation not a zodiac sign :)
    So you are still a capricorn just like i’m still a cancer lol

  30. LiddyS
    January 14, 2011 at 4:02 am — Reply

    *comes out of lurkdom*

    I am a Pisces. I am Imaginative and Intuitive, Kind and Sensitive, Impractical. I am not an Aquarius, Love the song but that is not me. I’m too flaky to be anything other than a Pisces.

    Love the blog, by the way.

    That is all.

  31. [...] This post was mentioned on Twitter by OluLuvvie AdeRatchet, T. Lavette, klysha, Cheekie, Patrice M and others. Patrice M said: @xsashagirl read this http://www.awesomelyluvvie.com/2011/01/whats-your-zodiac-sign-i-dont-know-anymore-wall-slide.html [...]

  32. January 14, 2011 at 7:35 am — Reply

    The rapture is coming…this is ridiculous! Lol. At least my zodiac sign is the same.

  33. Kishan
    January 14, 2011 at 7:50 am — Reply

    When I read this ish first I was like, ohhhhhh hale NAWL I am NOT about to be no crabby azz crab!!! Then I checked the new list, and…

    WTH, I’m still a Gemini.

    Got all worked up for nothing over here… I’m still that two-faced schizso lol

    I feel sorry for the new ophixbfgdhsjs though. They’re like the new transfer student that nobody understands… :-/

  34. Kenyatta
    January 14, 2011 at 12:53 pm — Reply

    You are all still whatever sign you were before this foolishness. The zodiac in our hemisphere is the tropical zodiac which has not been affected. CNN has an article on it.

  35. January 14, 2011 at 2:24 pm — Reply

    I’ve said it before but I’ll say it again. If you google (under the Images tab) the word “Pisces” you’ll find pictures of fish and then a picture of me. I am a Pisces to the core.

    But, after learning that this applies to people born after 2009, I realize that I will have to CAREFULLY plan out when my kids are born b/c I don’t want them born under that new sign that I not only can I NOT pronounce, I can’t even spell.

    oh and I died yesterday laughing at how my timeline said this sign sounds like the new STD

  36. Stacy
    January 14, 2011 at 2:45 pm — Reply

    I was feeling mighty low when I read this ang then I looked at the list and seent dat I was still Pisces I knew dehs a God. PISCES all DAY EVERYDAY!!!! uhwhooooooo!!

  37. NLightNMe
    January 15, 2011 at 2:08 am — Reply

    What the heck? I’m a LIBRA and will not be any other sign, especially not a Virgo. No offense but I just can’t, I’m a Libra, oh Lawd! I need to google this, sign a petition,boycott or something…

  38. [...] What’s Your Zodiac Sign? ?? I Don’t Know Anymore *wall slide*—-AwesomelyLuvvie [...]

  39. January 15, 2011 at 11:09 am — Reply

    This bull thinks that’s bull.

    I am not and will NEVER been an Aries. NEVA.

    *goes back to creative moodiness*

  40. MimiLumpkins
    January 15, 2011 at 4:05 pm — Reply

    LOL @ the avatar picture and your declaration of fighting!

    I AM STILL A GEMINI! DAGNABIT!
    Like you, Luvvie, I had to fight to beat down those Gemini stereotypes and now I am being told that I am funky-a$$ Taurus?!! What in the hayle!
    I am glad that I am not the only person who was emotionally affected by the new changes in zodiac. Cuz, after all, statistically only 25% of the population are into astrology. Also, I think I’mmabout to catch a case if I hear one mo’ person talk about how they think astrology is stupid.

  41. paintgurl40
    January 17, 2011 at 11:38 am — Reply

    f#@K them astrologists!! i was born a sag, i got the sag traits dammit!!! i am NOTHING like that officius…whatever that is. I’M STAYIN SAG!! (throws a chair out the window and picks up picket sign)

  42. January 17, 2011 at 2:30 pm — Reply

    Not to worry folks!!! There is salvation for us stuck on our signs (or that have our signs stuck to us…no #ZodiacTatFails!!)

    It seems there are 2 types of astrology…the one that changed is the ish we don’t use ova herre in da West. Read more here:
    http://shine.yahoo.com/channel/life/has-your-horoscope-changed-2439951/

    *throws glittah all ova* *does a #TeamScorpio jig*

  43. January 18, 2011 at 3:45 pm — Reply

    When I heard of this Tomfoolery, I IMMEDIATELY started researching.

    Obviously, Ophiuchus is NO WHERE Situated on the Ring of the Original 12. Ophiuchus, AKA Serpentaruis, may be “Considered” the 13th Zodiac, yet I do not Exhibit the Qualities of an Aquarius that this Line Butter is suggesting that I am. I was Born a Pisces, I AM A Pisces, and I WILL DIE as a Pisces.

    My View on this “13th Zodiac Sign”: It doesn’t Exist. It’s just another Constellation that the Sun passes through that HAPPENS to sit between Sagittarius and Scorpio. Honestly, I don’t blame Scorpio for wanting to stab Ophiuchus in the Ankle with her tail for stomping her out…

    http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_MryQii-dvu8/SHX_3NeHbcI/AAAAAAAADGc/67DdV0GuRVA/s400/Opiucus%25252BFoot.jpg

    I would go a bit more deeper into it, but I’ll keep my mouth shut…

  44. January 18, 2011 at 11:34 pm — Reply

    The good thing is that this new horoscope only applies to those that are born 2009 and after. So we all good. But even if they did push this new zodiac on us… Mine didn’t change. Pisces.

  45. carla
    February 10, 2012 at 11:28 pm — Reply

    So much fuss over the Thirteen Zodiacal signs.. people think it new! Lol.. This sign isn’t new… Pope Gregory XIII changed the calendar from 13 months to 12 months, and forced Ophiuchus to be cut out of the zodiac in order to accommodate the new calendar back then. This is the old calendar reinstated, and Ophiuchus being given back the respect his symbol deserves for being a man who healed others, and earned enough recognition from gods to be given his own stars.

  46. LawdOfTheDance
    August 29, 2013 at 2:10 am — Reply

    Guess all of the former Cancers are somewhere quietly sulking at the change and don’t wanna speak up.

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