What’s Your Zodiac Sign??? I Don’t Know Anymore! *Wall Slide*

[ 67 ] January 13, 2011 |

I woke up today and found out something that has just murked me considerably. Apparently, the Earth has changed alignment and something something something relation to the moon blah blah axis womp blah. But somehow this change that happened has affected the zodiac, and has changed it considerably. So now, here’s what the zodiac is supposed to look like.

Capricorn: Jan. 20 – Feb. 16
Aquarius: Feb. 16 – March 11
Pisces: March 11- April 18
Aries: April 18 – May 13
Taurus: May 13 – June 21
Gemini: June 21 – July 20
Cancer: July 20 – Aug. 10
Leo: Aug. 10 – Sept. 16
Virgo: Sept. 16 – Oct. 30
Libra: Oct. 30 – Nov. 23
Scorpio: Nov. 23 – Nov. 29
Ophiuchus: Nov. 29 – Dec. 17
Sagittarius: Dec. 17 – Jan. 20

WAYMENT! You mean to tell me I’m no longer a Capricorn??? I’m supposed to be a Sagittarius now all of a sudden??? ALL MY LIFE, I’VE HAD TO FIGHT (as a Capricorn). ALL MY LIFE. Now I gotta be a raggedy ol’ Sagittarius (no offense. none taken)? I’ont know those Sags’ lives! I mean… they aight and all but…

*deep sigh* I was born 2 weeks late so I was originally S’POSED to be a Sag. It’s all catching up with me now. I SEE WHAT YOU DID THERE, LORD! *falls to the ground*

*rips off Capricorn tshirt*
*cries*
*walks gingerly to the Sagittariuses*
*wipes snot*

So umm… where do I register? It seems I’m a newbie. *wall slides again*

There IS a silver lining to this though. At least I wasn’t a Scorpio. They CLEARLY got shafted in this whole debacle. They only got ONE week to be great and then they become something called Ophiuchus. WWHHAAAA? O what now? I’m glad I’m not an Ophihjbfjhdbfb. Whatever the hell that is. Ol’ abandoned ass stepchild with lice zodiac sign.

Sidenote: Ophiuchus sounds like Morgan Freeman’s middle name. “Morgan Ophiuchus Freeman was born to a slave mother and free father in 1805…”

Ophiuchus tweet

But I gotta give a shourrout to everyone who got their zodiac signs tatted on them. Do you need laser removal coupons now? That ain’t you no more :-(.Tattoo artists are about to be FULLY booked this year. Do you haz sads now?

Another thing to consider too. At the club when that song that asks “WHAT’S YOUR ZODIAC SIGN?” comes on, is everyone gonna be confused? The club might come to a screeching halt as folks stand around thinking what they’re gonna rep. LAWD… what is we gon do?

Y’all KNOW I don’t like change. I’ll be over here throwing myself repeatedly off my couch unto my soft carpet. Kthxbai.

Did your sign change? Are you an Ophikbfkbdfndff now? What are you gonna do about that tatt you got? Share with a goon!

Source: Huffington Post

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Category: My Life

Comments (67)

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  1. max says:

    I reject this change in the name of balance and indecision. I’m a Libra for life. I refuse to be one of those old raggedy moody-ass miserable Virgos. REFUSE!

    • Irene says:

      I refuse to change to a Virgo too. I am a Libra Im an air sign free spirited, eventually the Earth will go back to its original alignment. . . . I hope.

    • Mrs.Tiye says:

      I must say,…I will still be holding my usual Librafest ac’tibidies all up and through this here Chi.

    • Christina says:

      Hey, hey! I happen to be one of those moody miserable Virgos.

      Wait. I WAS until I saw this post. I do not want to be a Leo. Nothing about me says Leo. Are they moody and miserable? Because otherwise, I won’t go.

      I. Will. Not.

    • L Boogie says:

      I’m with you, Max. I ain’t changing my Twitter names, my blog name, my Tumblr name, nor either of these two very meaningful tattoos I done got! And to make me a Virgo? A Virgo?!?!?! HELL NO I WONT GO! *puts foot down* *pickets the new zodiac*

    • Ken says:

      I agree. I’d rather die than be a Virgo

  2. Ashley says:

    I’m not big on Astrology, I don’t check my horoscope and I don’t follow the “zodiac” twitter pages (All About Pisces doesn’t count b/c it just tells me what I already know about myself) but, to answer your question

    If my sign did change I don’t care. I was born on March 8 and I will forever be a Pisces. Why? Because more than half the character traits given to that sign describe little ole me.

  3. Alovelydai says:

    So we gonna have a whole bunch of friggin Leos huh?

    • Lioness fah Liffffe says:

      was born a leo. will die a leo. and we are some kind of awesome, fantastical people and i’se sad for you that you missed what could have the greatest thing to determine your greatness.

  4. NerdyGoon says:

    They can’t do this! I won’t allow it! It’s like if the government was to add a new month & shift the other ones down. How are you just gonna f*ck up my whole background and life biography? Might as well just go ahead and change my ethnicity while they’re at it. I’m creole now…

  5. CherrybombPK says:

    *flips table* i’m still a Capricorn… eff this mess… iRefuse to be a Sagg..

    fuck that Ophioj0808987ykjljl like Kat Stacks at a hip hop d-list (d for dumb) rapper convention and the new mess…

  6. thefabfoodie says:

    I’m a Capricorn too Luvvie! This is MADNESS! How they gon just change folk! I’m a CAPRICORN. I have CAPRICORN qualities…I had to go find a Sagittarius profile to see if I matched…no Sir. They not EMOTIONAL??? Nah…that’s not me. They are ENTERTAINERS? Nah…you won’t get your laughs at my expense. They like CHANGE?? Oh hell to the naw. I’m Team Capricorn all day. Eff astrological changes… (throwing down the mike and walking away)

    Oh, by the way, I LOVE THIS BLOG. You keep me laughing!!! (Didn’t want to end my post with a pout!)

  7. Stacy says:

    I’m a Scorpio turned Libra. But in my head I will always be a Scorpio cuz the description fits me to a T.

    But my question is: whats gonna happen to ALL those books out there that talk about a variety of topics based on the Zodiac signs? They are all just gonna be discontinued?

    Wow man, this is a shocker! Wait til I tell my best friend she isn’t a Sag anymore and she a #Ophiuchus….

  8. Brittany says:

    Excuuuuuuuuse me? How am I no longer a Capricorn? What the… Can I opt out of being a Sagittarius? I don’t wanna be a Sagitta–(too lazy to re-type)..it doesn’t even sound pretty. If your personality matches with your former sign, like…WTF. I don’t get it?

  9. Kay says:

    Ahhh…I stayed a Cancer….and yes, I have 69 tatted on my wrist and it will forever be there! Sucks for yall though…I’m a true cancer at heart, yeah, i’m hard on the outside and on the inside my thug will melt…yep, i’m moody as the tides change and will forever hold a grudge..Jesus forgives, I dont…07/22..

  10. Nana says:

    I rebuke this in the name of Baby Jeebus. I will be an Aries until the day I die.

    • adwoa says:

      COSIGNED! i’m not fucking around with any kind of pisces mess: your girl is already on the cusp and that’s enough wateriness for me. done!

  11. shadgg02 says:

    so now imma Leo??? O_o
    i mean, i know i was born the FIRST day of Virgos, so i guess TECHNICALLY i coulda went either way….

    this addition of Ophdwokudnwewkhf…..??? what is that? why they wait till NOW to add it in??

  12. Runs through with all the dead fish from around the world, dumps in on Luvvie’s door step!!

    WOOOOT FUGGING WOOT I’M STILL A PISCES!!

    -does the worm, then the Running man and moonwalks with my Pisces t-shirt and tattoo still on my back in tact-

    I thought I was gone have to change that shit into a basketball, a can of Planter’s Cheez Balls or my mama’s name…

  13. Nono says:

    Oh fugg all’a DAT!

    I reserve the right to be a stubborn, sweet, mercurial-as-all-hell Aquarius! Sorry Luvvie, but I ain’t neva gonna claim Capricorn… that’s my Mama.

    Air signs for LIFE! *makes various incomprehensible gang signs*

  14. emti says:

    I REBUKE this in the name of all that is pisces…there is no way in hell i’m switching to aquarius…nuh uh

    And i have a pisces tattoo AND a neptune tattoo…what am i supposed to do now? *EPIC WALLL SLIIIIIIDE*

    P.S. Did you watch Modern Family last night…Cameron’s wall slide was purrrrrfect

  15. Ummmmmm…..wellll……
    At least I’m not a Scorpio. Its only gon’ be lik 4 Scorpio’s left in the world cuz they only get like 2.5 days.

    • Scorpiana says:

      … and of that 4, born within 2.5 days, I will be the 1st, born on the 6th, whose name IS the sign! THAT will never change. ‘Nuf said.

  16. MsMelissa! says:

    *****Scorpio Stings you*****

    Step to me one more time about trying to change my scorpio life and I’ll SHOW you how we REALLY get down LOL.

    Ionno bout this ……

  17. I guess Imma sandblast my Aries tramp stamp off since apparently now I’m a Pisces. I aint got shat in common with no damn fishes! Damn..it was sexy too. What does the new sign look like? The Prince symbol??

  18. blackladyblue says:

    This summer my sister tried to tell me that I’m a Leo instead of a Virgo cause that sign fits my traits better and I wake up today to find out they done switched it all on me?!? I rebuke this in the name of Jesus!

    Joke’s on her though, now she ain’t a Scorpio no more, HA!

  19. Eva says:

    I reject this outright. I am a proud Gemini with all the associated mercurial tendencies and now they wanna make me a slow, dull witted bull? (No offence).

    Sorry, not happening, no suh!

    • TERRI! says:

      well I beg your pardon!!! I’M A TAURUS, AND YES, I AM LAZY…and okay, maybe at times a little slow witted…and it may even be true that…*SIGH* you know, we’re really cool people, and creative, and I can draw and I will write you a strongly worded RICKY ROMANCE style letter if you ever dare besmirch the majestic beauty that is the bull again *windmills you weakly, ’cause I’m lazy* lol

  20. Cheekie says:

    So, of course we got the official word that it’s only for folks born after 2009, but um, I BEENT rejected that because they up and changed Barack’s BEST SIGN EVAH (Leo). And we all know Barack woulda had none of that and shut sh*t down anyway.

    So, I’ll continue to roar and whatnot. *Simba laugh*

  21. M. Jones says:

    I read that it only applies to those born after 2009, so our signs haven’t changed. Ophiucus, just doesn’t sound right does it? It’s pronounced oh-FEW-cus for anyone who had as much trouble as I and almost cussed while trying.

  22. lilbit o'luck says:

    I REJECT this change! *throws mouse across the room*
    Libra for life son!

  23. Yeah….No Ma’am. I didn’t even fully understand astrology, but I fully understood how EVERY word I’ve ever read related to Pisces relates to EXACTLY who I am. So….#thatisall.

    I’m not familiar with the Aquarians…I don’t know what kinda food they like, what they’re attributes are, what kinda se…uhmmm… Yeah, I’m not gon’ change my whole life because someone else messed up the zodiac. With all this time…they coulda kept that to themselves & hurt no one.

    I choose to treat this like that dude Eric’s # on my cell phone Caller ID–IGNORE

  24. Jess says:

    I read somewhere that these changes only apply to those born in 2009 and after…so the rest of us are still what we were before! (Sagittarius fo lyf!) ;)

  25. Dr. Kiti says:

    I DO NOT care what they say: I am STILL a sag, tattoo and all. It don’t get no truer than me, except for that whole ‘great outdoors’ thing. I love my upside-down arrow tattoo. When I’m 85 I’ll be an example to my great-grandchildren for why they SHOULD NOT drink before getting a tattoo (even if it IS Las Vegas and the tattoo artist is probably drunk too).

  26. gkusoul says:

    What’s with all the Virgo hate?(I blame Beyonce…)I completely refuse to be a Leo…Lions poop,Virgos glistens *packing my sh*t and moving back to Virgo)

  27. lana_j23 says:

    I woke up this morning a Capricorn, came home and I was a Sagittarius. I’ve got Capricorn pens and stuff, and now…I just…

    *begins singing And I Am Telling You*

    I’m not going damn it, I am a Capricorn!

  28. Mica says:

    I don’t give a rat’s derriere! I’m a leo! I’ma die a leo cuz I was a leo even before I knew zodiac signs exsisted! So there!

  29. Ashley says:

    It’s a constellation not a zodiac sign :)
    So you are still a capricorn just like i’m still a cancer lol

  30. LiddyS says:

    *comes out of lurkdom*

    I am a Pisces. I am Imaginative and Intuitive, Kind and Sensitive, Impractical. I am not an Aquarius, Love the song but that is not me. I’m too flaky to be anything other than a Pisces.

    Love the blog, by the way.

    That is all.

  31. Atiya says:

    The rapture is coming…this is ridiculous! Lol. At least my zodiac sign is the same.

  32. Kishan says:

    When I read this ish first I was like, ohhhhhh hale NAWL I am NOT about to be no crabby azz crab!!! Then I checked the new list, and…

    WTH, I’m still a Gemini.

    Got all worked up for nothing over here… I’m still that two-faced schizso lol

    I feel sorry for the new ophixbfgdhsjs though. They’re like the new transfer student that nobody understands… :-/

  33. Kenyatta says:

    You are all still whatever sign you were before this foolishness. The zodiac in our hemisphere is the tropical zodiac which has not been affected. CNN has an article on it.

  34. Ashley says:

    I’ve said it before but I’ll say it again. If you google (under the Images tab) the word “Pisces” you’ll find pictures of fish and then a picture of me. I am a Pisces to the core.

    But, after learning that this applies to people born after 2009, I realize that I will have to CAREFULLY plan out when my kids are born b/c I don’t want them born under that new sign that I not only can I NOT pronounce, I can’t even spell.

    oh and I died yesterday laughing at how my timeline said this sign sounds like the new STD

  35. Stacy says:

    I was feeling mighty low when I read this ang then I looked at the list and seent dat I was still Pisces I knew dehs a God. PISCES all DAY EVERYDAY!!!! uhwhooooooo!!

  36. NLightNMe says:

    What the heck? I’m a LIBRA and will not be any other sign, especially not a Virgo. No offense but I just can’t, I’m a Libra, oh Lawd! I need to google this, sign a petition,boycott or something…

  37. glamazini says:

    This bull thinks that’s bull.

    I am not and will NEVER been an Aries. NEVA.

    *goes back to creative moodiness*

  38. MimiLumpkins says:

    LOL @ the avatar picture and your declaration of fighting!

    I AM STILL A GEMINI! DAGNABIT!
    Like you, Luvvie, I had to fight to beat down those Gemini stereotypes and now I am being told that I am funky-a$$ Taurus?!! What in the hayle!
    I am glad that I am not the only person who was emotionally affected by the new changes in zodiac. Cuz, after all, statistically only 25% of the population are into astrology. Also, I think I’mmabout to catch a case if I hear one mo’ person talk about how they think astrology is stupid.

  39. paintgurl40 says:

    f#@K them astrologists!! i was born a sag, i got the sag traits dammit!!! i am NOTHING like that officius…whatever that is. I’M STAYIN SAG!! (throws a chair out the window and picks up picket sign)

  40. MyzDevyneOne says:

    Not to worry folks!!! There is salvation for us stuck on our signs (or that have our signs stuck to us…no #ZodiacTatFails!!)

    It seems there are 2 types of astrology…the one that changed is the ish we don’t use ova herre in da West. Read more here:
    http://shine.yahoo.com/channel/life/has-your-horoscope-changed-2439951/

    *throws glittah all ova* *does a #TeamScorpio jig*

  41. Andrew says:

    When I heard of this Tomfoolery, I IMMEDIATELY started researching.

    Obviously, Ophiuchus is NO WHERE Situated on the Ring of the Original 12. Ophiuchus, AKA Serpentaruis, may be “Considered” the 13th Zodiac, yet I do not Exhibit the Qualities of an Aquarius that this Line Butter is suggesting that I am. I was Born a Pisces, I AM A Pisces, and I WILL DIE as a Pisces.

    My View on this “13th Zodiac Sign”: It doesn’t Exist. It’s just another Constellation that the Sun passes through that HAPPENS to sit between Sagittarius and Scorpio. Honestly, I don’t blame Scorpio for wanting to stab Ophiuchus in the Ankle with her tail for stomping her out…

    http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_MryQii-dvu8/SHX_3NeHbcI/AAAAAAAADGc/67DdV0GuRVA/s400/Opiucus%25252BFoot.jpg

    I would go a bit more deeper into it, but I’ll keep my mouth shut…

  42. Whitty Mac says:

    The good thing is that this new horoscope only applies to those that are born 2009 and after. So we all good. But even if they did push this new zodiac on us… Mine didn’t change. Pisces.

  43. carla says:

    So much fuss over the Thirteen Zodiacal signs.. people think it new! Lol.. This sign isn’t new… Pope Gregory XIII changed the calendar from 13 months to 12 months, and forced Ophiuchus to be cut out of the zodiac in order to accommodate the new calendar back then. This is the old calendar reinstated, and Ophiuchus being given back the respect his symbol deserves for being a man who healed others, and earned enough recognition from gods to be given his own stars.

  44. LawdOfTheDance says:

    Guess all of the former Cancers are somewhere quietly sulking at the change and don’t wanna speak up.

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