Random

Black History Month is Here! *Puts On My Dashiki*

Welcome, my *pause* brethren and sisthren! It is Black History Month, 28 days of reminiscing about the colorful past of us melanin-blessed individuals. This is the time where kids get to see Frederick Douglass’ afro side-part in class. The children get to learn about gun-toting Harriet, who told folks to either be free or die. “I have a dream” will be recited to PIECES in these next 4 weeks. Even Martin Luther King be giving the *side-eye* from up above like “Dang! Y’all know how to wear something into the ground.”

In honor of this month of ours, my avatar has decided to pay homage to her ancestor. The one who came before her to pave the way for where we are today. Yes, you got it. Queen Latifah circa UNITY.

Luvvie in a dashiki for Black History Month

Overbusy Dashiki? Check. Oversized kufi? Double check. Distrust of The Establishment? Did you even have to ask? All she’s missing is the leather Africa medallion. Not pictured: ‘Shiki Fierce is wearing the finest hemp birkenstock sandals made in the most remote villages of Korea. #GetJealous

For the rest of the month, I’d like yall to refer to me as ‘Shiki Fierce. Fly. Afro. Kente. is my tagline. *curtsies* *Yells “HARAMBE!”*

Anybody who’s hating on my Avatar’s Dashiki, turban and beaded cornrows is a plain ol’ hater. So what if she looks like she bathes in kente oil and bargain shops for cowrie shells and shea butter at every African fest? She may even have an Ankh tramp stamp tattoo. That don’t mean you gotta judge her. ‘Shiki Fierce probably goes home at night and massages her man’s scalp while listening to Common’s “Like Water for Chocolate.”

My homie Geo told me that my avatar looked like it just finished cleaning Prince Akeem’s royal parts. The old, new, and present me pretty much DAHD instantly! LMAO! My avatar is the Kween of Zamunda. She is the heir to the Jaffy Joffer fortune, which was built on the trading of elephant tusks. *sings* SHEEEZ YO KWEENN TO BEEE! FREEE FROM INFECTIIIIOON TO USE AT YO DISCRETION TO KWENCH YO ROYAL DESIIRRESS.

I’m a terrible African for making these jokes. But I ain’t gon stop so… *shrugs*. Let me quit. But before I do, shoutout to everyone who thinks they’re conscious just because they have an Ankh tattoo, but don’t know the real meaning. Also, shoutout to the fake conscious ppl who don’t wear deodorant, and think Essence of Colored smells anything less than failure and must.

But before I go for real, for real, I am here to let y’all know that Black History ain’t just these 28 days. It is being made EVERY SINGLE DAY. I even have some facts you may not have known. I’m a contemporary historian of sorts. Gather around everyone. Sit by my feet as I break it down for you.
  • DMX: 1st Black man to have a cellblock mattress named after him. Bobby Brown was the 2nd.
  • OJ Simpson: 1st Black person to do something, get away with it and get put in for something dumber. Oh wait… No he ain’t. But, he may have been the 1st Black person to abuse the concept of Double Jeopardy but later get put away for stealing his own shit
  • Flava Flav: 1st Black person to be more roach than human. We don’t know how it happened. We have theories though. Lil Wayne is 2nd. This is FACT.
  • M-I-S-T-E-R: 1st Black person to almost get killed with a blade but get saved by Shug at the last minute
  • The Color Purple: 1st Black classic film directed by a Jewish man but hated on by the Academy Awards for no reason even though it was clearly the best movie ever.
  • Lil Kim: 1st Black woman to turn into a mermaid right before our eyes. Poor unfortunate soul.

I just dropped that KNOWLEDGE on y’all, didn’t I?

*shoutout to Brokey McPoverty for creating this Tumblr blog with a bunch of little gems like this. Little Know Black History Facts

Now that I done pissed off any uber-conscious, kente-oil loving Black folks who read this blog, I’mo go. I will leave you with this. My *pause* brothas and SISTAS! I was walking through the WHITE snow today and I wondered why the ROAD was… BLACK. Is it me *pause* or is it a conspiraCEE??? *squints and nods like what I just said made any sense*

Najiramba, my beautiful nubian kings and queens. What does Black History Month mean to you? To my non-tanned brethren, umoja to you too. I can’t leave you out. I’m curious. What does Black History Month mean to you too, apart from being the month you get paid 3 days earlier.

P.S. *FIST UP*

*Reads this post* I’m stoopid.
*acts like I ain’t just repost this from last year*

Previous post

Join Me and Rock the Red Pump!

Next post

SnowtoriousBIG is Here! Stay Safe, Chitowners!

21 Comments

  1. Eve~
    February 1, 2011 at 8:39 am — Reply

    Lmao! Luvvie, you ain’t got the sense God gave a goat. Too silly!

    What Black History Month means to me is that when anyone from any other race asks me a question, I’m well within my right to respond “I DON’T HAVE TO EXPLAIN MYSELF TO YOU! WE DIDN’T LAND ON PLYMOUTH ROCK PLYMOUTH ROCK LANDED ON US!” and storm off. I’m excited lol.

  2. CurvyJones
    February 1, 2011 at 9:10 am — Reply

    OMG I am CRYING.

    “I was walking through the WHITE snow today and I wondered why the ROAD was… BLACK. Is it me *pause* or is it a conspiraCEE???”

    DEAD.

    • February 1, 2011 at 9:35 am — Reply

      Bwhahahahaha… that sounded just a like a friend of mine, in real life O_O

  3. February 1, 2011 at 9:36 am — Reply

    Well, I’m white. And you know, snow gets dirty really easily and then it melts away. Really, you could do anything with this metaphor.

    What Black History Month means to me? In the days long ago when Little Rita was being educated, it meant all the white people in my almost 100% homogeneous little backwater town in Iowa had to teach the little white children about black history. Honestly, I wouldn’t have learned it otherwise until I was in college.

    There are still plenty of places in America that wouldn’t pay attention to black history without that month, as bizarre as that sounds. So it’s important until it doesn’t need to be there anymore because damn fool white people don’t need to be smacked over the head with a dashiki to teach kids about anyone but white people. Suluhu!

  4. whit
    February 1, 2011 at 9:42 am — Reply

    Why I get made that wasnt a new post tho? Like I was cracking up and then I was like…wait…WHAT??!! LOL THIS AINT NEW-NEW?

    • lilsoulsista
      February 7, 2011 at 12:11 pm — Reply

      Me too! I was like “Bhahahaha, that dog gon’ Luvvie!”…wait…what, *clicks link* “Awwww…man! That dog gon’ Luvvie!”

  5. Sierra
    February 1, 2011 at 10:06 am — Reply

    Black history month to me means that in history class when the teacher talks about slavery and the Civil War and the Civil Rights Movement, all the white people turn around and stare at me as if I’m offended and gonna jump and recite the “I Have A Dream” speech or somethin.

  6. […] This post was mentioned on Twitter by OluLuvvie AdeRatchet, Anna Mae Bullock. Anna Mae Bullock said: RT @luvvieig: New AweLuv post: Black History Month is Here! *Puts On My Dashiki* http://bit.ly/ijzenD […]

  7. February 1, 2011 at 11:04 am — Reply

    Did you refer to Ursula and Lil Kim in the same sentence? Ma’am: I cannot.

  8. MsMelissa!
    February 1, 2011 at 12:23 pm — Reply

    I.QUIT.YOU

    Something is wrong with you and I think you are really trying to get me fired for laughing. “Poor Unfortunate soul” really Luvvie ????? ROFL

  9. MsMelissa!
    February 1, 2011 at 12:24 pm — Reply

    ….And waita minute! What is going on with those eyebrows

    • MimiLumpkins
      February 1, 2011 at 3:47 pm — Reply

      It’s her “Skeptical of the White Man” look.

  10. MimiLumpkins
    February 1, 2011 at 1:08 pm — Reply

    I wish every one of my melanin-filled people a happy and informative Black History Month.
    Or, as I like to call it, “Make a White Person Feel Uncomfortable” month.

  11. Ms. Heaven
    February 1, 2011 at 2:27 pm — Reply

    Loved it last year, love it this year too. Although I’d like to add a few people to the list of greats, like Antoine Dodson. He worked hard to be…whatever it is that he is, and he should be recognized forever during Shallow White Folks Be Skerred Of February month.

    • February 2, 2011 at 11:10 am — Reply

      I second this motion!!

  12. February 1, 2011 at 5:24 pm — Reply

    Your avi made me think of Queen Latifah before I even read the mention of her. and her U.N.I.T.Y. song is one of my faves.

    What does black history month mean to me?
    First, I get a tad bit upset that one day (hopefully) in the chapter or two of history books dedicated to black history my children will one day read of Barack Obama.

    By maybe 4th grade I was tired of reading about MLK Jr., Rosa Parks, Harriet Tubman and the such. I KNEW we had more historical blacks than these few but they were always the ONLY ones mentioned in my school books.

    5th grade rolled around and in Feb. we had to do a black history report on a little known historical black person. Instead of a list of people we could choose to report on, my teacher had a list of people we could NOT use. (all the aforementioned peeps were on said list). I was TOO happy. I did my report on Benjamin Mays.

    This is also when I read the poem that becomes popular ONLY in Feb. about what life would be like if black people never existed.

    Basically now that I’m not in grade school anymore whenever Feb. comes I spend it thinking about the Black History Months of my grade school years

  13. February 1, 2011 at 5:35 pm — Reply

    Please let me clarify WHY I’d get upset about Pres. Obama being in my child’s history book. Because I had to suffer with reading about the same 5 or 6 black people EVERY year.

    I guess “upset” wasn’t the right word. Maybe I should’ve said “jealous”

  14. February 1, 2011 at 10:26 pm — Reply

    Any excuse for Tourrette’s style outbursts of “Harambee!” makes February a mighty fine month if you ask me. Even if you don’t ask.

    HARAMBEE!!!

  15. February 2, 2011 at 1:21 am — Reply

    What Black History Month means to me: As a lil Black girl in honors classes, I spent a month being the class mascot.

  16. February 2, 2011 at 7:53 pm — Reply

    Well, now that I’m a “real writer” it means getting asked to guest post on the topic. It means having to explain “assassination” to my six-year-old, and telling her that no, we will not move onto Martin Luther King Drive, despite its cool name.

Leave a reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>