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SnowtoriousBIG is Here! Stay Safe, Chitowners!

Chicago blizzard. snowtoriousBIG

WHHHAAA??? I don't e'em see a road. Lawd... Shourrout to @Okanta83 for taking this pic

As you all know, we’re in the midst of SnowtoriousBIG, the goon ass blizzard that is coming through Chicago and the Midwest.

Skinny people of Chicago! If you’re going outside today, please wear a heavy backpack so you don’t get blown away by the wind. Kthx! Don’t get Dorothy’ed from the Wizard of Oz, my fellow skinny people. This wind today is apparently on dummy. Wear heavy things. Or walk hand in hand with a thicker friend. Let’s hold each other down in this way. Literally.

Skinny people survival kit in windstorm: heavy backback, bigger friends, ankle weights, stable poles, timberland boots, big jacket. A skinny girl/boy child ain’t safe in no windstorm. This is how mofos come up missing. Then you somehow find them on a rooftop shaking. NAWL.

I walked to Potbelly to get some lunch and for a good 5 minutes I was hanging off a pole horizontally. #ThatWindAintNoJoke – @RenishaRenewed

Also, since everyone’s gonna be trapped indoors tomorrow, I hope they’re behaving themselves. Those of you with boos. If you have children 9 months from now, we’ll know they were conceived during Snowprah 2011. And those of you without boos, if you have chilrun in the next 9 months, we’ll judge you. I’m just saying. Either way, I hope everyone’s stocked up on water, condoms and rice.

*singing* Windy, windy, windy, can’t you see? Sometimes your snow just hypnotize me. And I just hate ur gusty ways… #SnowtoriousBIG

I hope you’re all staying warm and indoors!

P.S. I know this is selfish but I’ma need #SnowdiggitySnowdoubt to clear up before Thursday. I got a flight to catch to Florida and I can’t have it playing these bald-headed games. If my flight gets cancelled, I’ma cuss so hard, I might make up NEW expletives.

P.P.S. The snow hashtags that folks created have had me DYING laughing ALL day. #Snowprah #SnOMG #SnowtoriousBIG #SnowZilla #snowdiggitysnowdoubt #Snowmageddon #OhSnowYouDidnt. HA!

And of course I had to add my own. #SnowWomanSnowCry #SnowMansion #RedemptionSnow #SnowSurf #WindySmalls #Snowvivor #TurnYourLightsDownSnow #SnowIsBlind #MercyMercySnow

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6 Comments

  1. Constance
    February 2, 2011 at 1:05 am — Reply

    Reason #1 I can not leave the South. Me no likey snow that much. I mean sure you might have to sell your first born to pay the light bill cause you tryna beat that 120 degree heat. But I could deal with one less child versus driving over people’s azaleas cause you can’t even see a patch of pavement.

  2. MrsCamp
    February 2, 2011 at 9:00 am — Reply

    Stay warm up there!! You are getting the snow DC had last year. Hopefully you won’t be trapped for two weeks. Ration the rice!!!!

  3. February 2, 2011 at 9:15 am — Reply

    If you’re having snow problems I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but a blizzard ain’t one!!!

    Just glad it’s not us this year!! DC took enough snow last year to last for the next 5 winters.

    • Ryan
      February 12, 2011 at 8:02 pm — Reply

      LMAO

  4. Stacy
    February 2, 2011 at 3:42 pm — Reply

    #SnowBama… YES WE CAN…blow ish down

  5. February 3, 2011 at 12:41 pm — Reply

    okay, Stacy and her SnowBama and PBG with her 99 problems but a blizzard ain’t one just kilt me dead. Please tell my mama I loved her.

    I’m SO glad I live in the South.

    However, the other day I walked to the mailbox and the wind disrespected me summ’ serious. (skinny girl here). I don’t know if I wasn’t walking fast enough for the wind b/c I kind of got blown towards the mailbox and then blown back towards my front door.

    Luvvie, I hope you’re able to fly to Florida and enjoy yourself.

    And to everybody in Chicago, stay warm and safe (in all ways, alive, kid free 9 mos. from now, etc) lol

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