SnowtoriousBIG is Here! Stay Safe, Chitowners!
As you all know, we’re in the midst of SnowtoriousBIG, the goon ass blizzard that is coming through Chicago and the Midwest.
Skinny people of Chicago! If you’re going outside today, please wear a heavy backpack so you don’t get blown away by the wind. Kthx! Don’t get Dorothy’ed from the Wizard of Oz, my fellow skinny people. This wind today is apparently on dummy. Wear heavy things. Or walk hand in hand with a thicker friend. Let’s hold each other down in this way. Literally.
Skinny people survival kit in windstorm: heavy backback, bigger friends, ankle weights, stable poles, timberland boots, big jacket. A skinny girl/boy child ain’t safe in no windstorm. This is how mofos come up missing. Then you somehow find them on a rooftop shaking. NAWL.
I walked to Potbelly to get some lunch and for a good 5 minutes I was hanging off a pole horizontally. #ThatWindAintNoJoke – @RenishaRenewed
Also, since everyone’s gonna be trapped indoors tomorrow, I hope they’re behaving themselves. Those of you with boos. If you have children 9 months from now, we’ll know they were conceived during Snowprah 2011. And those of you without boos, if you have chilrun in the next 9 months, we’ll judge you. I’m just saying. Either way, I hope everyone’s stocked up on water, condoms and rice.
*singing* Windy, windy, windy, can’t you see? Sometimes your snow just hypnotize me. And I just hate ur gusty ways… #SnowtoriousBIG
I hope you’re all staying warm and indoors!
P.S. I know this is selfish but I’ma need #SnowdiggitySnowdoubt to clear up before Thursday. I got a flight to catch to Florida and I can’t have it playing these bald-headed games. If my flight gets cancelled, I’ma cuss so hard, I might make up NEW expletives.
P.P.S. The snow hashtags that folks created have had me DYING laughing ALL day. #Snowprah #SnOMG #SnowtoriousBIG #SnowZilla #snowdiggitysnowdoubt #Snowmageddon #OhSnowYouDidnt. HA!
And of course I had to add my own. #SnowWomanSnowCry #SnowMansion #RedemptionSnow #SnowSurf #WindySmalls #Snowvivor #TurnYourLightsDownSnow #SnowIsBlind #MercyMercySnow