Mannnnnnn listen. I’m secure in my brokeness. If someone was to ever sue me, all they’d get is my collection of 130 pairs of shoes and 2 sacks of long-grained white rice. I got a pot to piss in but the window to throw it out is nailed shut. And I’m alright with that.
Then I saw this story on Gawker, with this picture. And I cried.
This rich bamma got almost $100 million. In his/her CHECKING ACCOUNT!!!
*faints* Just let me lay here for a minute.
How do you have $100 million in your checkings??? How much do you have in your savings? Prolly a gajillion dollars. I can’t even fathom this. If you cover the (99,864…) THEN you might have me on a rich day.
I just… LAWD!!!
And apparently, this receipt was found in the East Hamptons. Shooo… let it be me at the ATM. Whenever it asks me if I want a receipt, I be all “NAWL!” ATMs be plotting to murk my #selfofsteam. For realsies. THIS person was like “Hell yeah! Lemme see how many numbers you can print on paper.” Rich as ALL the dambs.
Lemme find out I need to take a leisurely stroll through the Hamptons. Maybe a thousand dollar bill will float in the air and slap me in my face. I WANNA BE DOWN!!!
*cries in my tea*
Money might not buy happiness but it surely can buy some nice shoes and jewelry for you to wear through your depression. Shiiidddd…
Y’all talk amongst yourselves. I’ll be too busy hopping off a first floor balcony unto soft grass to lament my pauper status. This $100 million ATM receipt just murked me. Am I the only one???
Update: They found out that the receipt belongs to some
rich bastid dude named David Tepper, who does stuff around hedges and money blah blah blah. Excuse me as I go apply to be the person who remembers to always rip up his ATM receipts. lemme go update my LinkedIn.