$100 Million ATM Receipt. *cries*

[ 40 ] June 29, 2011 |

Mannnnnnn listen. I’m secure in my brokeness. If someone was to ever sue me, all they’d get is my collection of 130 pairs of shoes and 2 sacks of long-grained white rice. I got a pot to piss in but the window to throw it out is nailed shut. And I’m alright with that.

Then I saw this story on Gawker, with this picture. And I cried.

$100 Million ATM Receipt

*wall slide* *faints* I can't even count that high.

This rich bamma got almost $100 million. In his/her CHECKING ACCOUNT!!!

*faints* Just let me lay here for a minute.

How do you have $100 million in your checkings??? How much do you have in your savings? Prolly a gajillion dollars. I can’t even fathom this. If you cover the (99,864…) THEN you might have me on a rich day.

I just… LAWD!!!

And apparently, this receipt was found in the East Hamptons. Shooo… let it be me at the ATM. Whenever it asks me if I want a receipt, I be all “NAWL!” ATMs be plotting to murk my #selfofsteam. For realsies. THIS person was like “Hell yeah! Lemme see how many numbers you can print on paper.” Rich as ALL the dambs.

Lemme find out I need to take a leisurely stroll through the Hamptons. Maybe a thousand dollar bill will float in the air and slap me in my face. I WANNA BE DOWN!!!

*cries in my tea*

Money might not buy happiness but it surely can buy some nice shoes and jewelry for you to wear through your depression. Shiiidddd…

Y’all talk amongst yourselves. I’ll be too busy hopping off a first floor balcony unto soft grass to lament my pauper status. This $100 million ATM receipt just murked me. Am I the only one???

*Wall slide*

Update: They found out that the receipt belongs to some rich bastid dude named David Tepper, who does stuff around hedges and money blah blah blah. Excuse me as I go apply to be the person who remembers to always rip up his ATM receipts. lemme go update my LinkedIn.

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Comments (40)

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  1. RoxyWTF says:

    Um…*joins you in the jump*

  2. Orga says:

    What. The. Monkey. Poo. Flinging. Hell. My soul is in mourning, and I don’t even know why. #AllBlackEverything

  3. manda says:

    I thought I was the only one who hit “NO” for the receipt. THIS is how the rich stay rich. These bammas only took out $400 bucks. I guarantee if my bank ever makes a mistake by placing big stakes in my acct., I will move it into an offshore account so fast. Let me go plank at the nearest Buy and Bag.

  4. JusMe says:

    Aw man. Comma, comma, what? I don’t ask for a receipt either. Mine won’t have any commas. But yea, if my numbers looked like this, I’d be printing one too… Then again, let someone (like me) find this and find out exactly whose acct this is… Forgive me for I am about to rob them. I’m about that life… #lies. But I could date them for their money, male or female. I’ll fake it til I make it… #lies?

  5. LuckBALady says:

    One day, Lawd, one day…

  6. B_keps says:

    “Money might not buy happiness but it surely can buy some nice shoes and jewelry for you to wear through your depression.” you dang right Luvvie. don’t make no damn sense. why i need atm receipts for? so my poverty can taunt me? no thanks. but this hooker just got all the numbers on the left side of her decimal point. she better had been smiling too. the hell you got to be sad about? like Bey-own-say said… “money can’t buy happiness, but it can buy comfort” *weeps in my tea with a saved teabag*

  7. amy says:

    Capitalist scum….will you marry me??

  8. Talie C says:

    I always hit NO too at the ATM, and some ATMs wanna be tricky and show you your balance on the screen, so I cover that embarrassing mess with my hand. Don’t remind me that I’m still broke! This receipt right here just upset alll the systems in my body. Lawd. *ugly cry*

  9. QueenBee says:

    I cant even….I just….OMG *faints* #lawdhammercy

  10. Jazz says:

    Shoot, I get excited if there is a few hundred in my account- let alone a number with a comma. That money sure would be nice… Wait a minute. All of that is at ONE bank? They must be breaking all kinds of rules to protect that money.

    In this case I would marry him for his money – so serious right now. Sir I hope you are down with the chocolate thickness…

    • Luvvie says:

      Who you telling??? A few hundred and I bust out into a liturgical jig like no one’s business. This dude got $100 mil in his checkings. Chile…

  11. I’d like to prostitute for this person. Seriously. (LOL)

  12. glamazini says:

    I must’ve dropped that in my rush :-| *heh*

  13. LEXI says:

    shoooot luvvie you aint lied i dang on sure would like to sit on a 1 million and shop my woes away:-p shooot. where he at so he i can introduce him to coffee that needs his cream. mmhmm yessssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss! lol lemme stop but fareeal tho… lol

  14. SnarkyChic says:

    So this brought my day down to zero. And let me tell you I was so high because I’m ‘pose to be getting beverages with my chicas tonight and ish. Now all I can think about is hoarding my fifty cent pieces so one day I can live like a grown up and have fifty eleven dollars in my account. I curse the vaag he came out of a thousand times…yeah I know that’s hate. At the same time does he need a cucubine because I’m available. This hurt my heart!

  15. LB says:

    Yer Most Awesomelynessis?

    A Photoshop special.

    Anybody with that kind of jack isn’t wasting the possible earnings leaving that amount collecting 0.2% in some stupid “Interest Bearing” checking account.
    You make (semi)-wise, (fairly)-secure INVESTMENTS with amounts like that. That kind of cash comes with lawyers, investment accountants and (hopefully) good, solid investment advice.

    Hey, I don’t have income like that, and I don’t leave cash (one years worth of living is IT) un-invested. It’s hard enough to find decent returns with acceptable risks these days, without doing something stupid like leaving large amounts of straight-up liquid assets just sitting there doing nothing.

    I’m not buying this for a NYC Minute.

    L “Don’t waste my Annuities Income” B

    • Luvvie says:

      This actually isn’t a photoshop special. This was on Dealbreaker.com, a site that reports on financial and wall street news. Sooo… believe it. And the dude whose receipt it was has been identified.

      • LB says:

        Yer Most Beautiful Awesomelynessis,
        Nope. Not buying into this.
        Even an idiot like Kanye hasn’t really got jack like that to just sit it in a checking account.

        If it IS real (that’s still a big, huge maybe – remember this is the ‘Net, all things suspect) someone did it On Purpose.
        Lookin’ for the 15 seconds of fame their money couldn’t buy.

        If you’ve worked hard enough to actually earn and keep that kind of money, you don’t generally do Stupid with your money (personal items are another thing in life…). If this Dealbreaker.com has identified who the person is, it’s because the person WANTED to be indented; probably “came forward” lol. Any financial institution that would identify to the public a well-heeled client (or anybody really) off account numbers is gonna get rocked in court (or have to settle with cash before). These aren’t like public record disclosed holdings ya know, lol.

        The only possible exception would be a third generation inheritance type person, someone so spoiled and stupid they really might not know better. But even then, family lawyers are suppose to protect them from themselves (Dad and Mom should have locked most of it up as fairly untouchable without about 18 different approval signatures to insure the generational wealth thing).

        I luv’s ya like you were a Ducati 1098, but Ms. Luvvie, I ain’t buyin’ in to this as legit. It’s too incomprehensible for someone to be this stupid on purpose.

        L “Show me the Money!” B

  16. DivaKattGurl says:

    I am not mad at him at all!! I am mad that he paying $2.75 atm fee tho!!! o___O FOH

    In other news he isn’t good lookin’ so I guess it is a trade off….that and a small penis….

  17. Caress Lepore says:

    I just looked at that receipt and fainted. I looked at it again and fainted some more when I realized that was only his savings account. *planks on the JC Penny’s clearance rack*

    • bpurpleb001 says:

      Girl I’m plankin on the JC Penny’s clearance rack with the Bisou Bisou clothes on it *waves hi*

  18. DF says:

    I don’t buy into this, reason. Why a person with this type of money would put it into an everyday checking/saving acct drawing pennies on the dollar interest and it’s only insured for 50 thousand or maybe 100, on a checking or saving acct…With that kind of wealth you would have your money spread around. Not buying into it. I’m not made at the dollar amount, I could only dream of that type of money.

  19. Alovelydai says:

    But I wonder how much he wastes on ATM fees #doe. Those $2.75 a pop can add up. LOL!!!!!

  20. bpurpleb001 says:

    I believe it. If they got that much to sit in checking just think about the gwap they got spread out elsewhere.

    I wonder if they believe in the mattress safe?

    *pulls black ski-cap over face enters through sliding glass door left unlocked by the maid*

  21. Hmph! I’d like to test whether money can buy ME happiness or not! Hmph!

  22. Erin says:

    Man F that $2.75 ATM fee!! shit! LOL!!!

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