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Beyonce Stans, Come Get Your Peoples

Unless you’re living under a rock (or Debra Lee’s BET Awards dress), you know that Beyonce’s newest album “4” just came out yesterday. That joint is prolly gon go like 8 times platinum soon because she’s a beast and whatnot. Who runs the world? BEY.

Part of the reason that Queen Yawnce runs everything is, of course, her talent and performing prowess. That chile will juke for 3 hours straight in 6 inch heels while singing on key like it ain’t nothing. She’s dope. And she FAHN!

But another reason Bey runs things is because of her legion of stans. Beyonce’s stans are a vast, numerous and dedicated group of people who are ready at ANY moment to snatch wigs and scalps BALD at the thought of people even THINKING about coming at her. They are at attention biding their time until someone comes at Sasha Fierce sideways, or utters a critique.

I recognize and acknowledge Bey’s greatness, but I do think she’s mere mortal. So I am not a stan. However, I am far from a hater. Some Beyonce stans are bearable. Others are downright terrible. They do too much. Like this dude:

Beyonce stan tweet

O____O SERIOUSLY?

This is what I call doing the utter most. Did we have to bring King Miko into alla this? Why can’t you acknowledge Beyonce’s greatness without bringing the THRILLERMAKER into it? And this is creepy. Lemme find out MJ died and really jumped into Bey’s body like he was a cast member in the movie “Ghost.”

Michael Jackson did not do the Smooth Criminal lean and get special shoes patented for y’all to say his spirit now lives in another celebrity. HE AIN’T!

I request that the Legion of Beyonce Stans come get their minion. Just drag him clean out the ring because he is officially hopscotching over the line.

#Ennehweighs…

Whatcha’ll think of ol’ boy up top? What is his drug of choice? And have you listened to “4.” Do you like it? I haven’t and I’m thinking bout buying it off iTunes.

Tell a G.

30 Comments

  1. Raxit
    June 29, 2011 at 8:12 am — Reply

    Just like any other kind of obsessive fan, Beyonce stans seem to take it as a personal insult if her work is critiqued. It’s just the strangest thing to watch… like they’re on her payroll or something.

    Homeboy above needs to seriously consider calming the hell down, though.

    • June 29, 2011 at 10:35 am — Reply

      Bey stans really do act like anytime someone says something idly critical of Bey, they take a pay cut. SMH.

  2. Kay
    June 29, 2011 at 8:30 am — Reply

    *pulls out my spray for the Bee hive* I’m not a fan, nor am I a hater (I so dislike that word)…They seem to think just cause you don’t care for a song, you are some hater that’s jealous of her glitter, wigs and rhinestone appliques…..

    • June 29, 2011 at 10:36 am — Reply

      True story. They are a fascinating group of people.

  3. June 29, 2011 at 9:56 am — Reply

    I’m a fan.. this album isn’t a banger but if you are going to purchase.. don’t get it from itunes. for $1 or 2 more hit Tarjay for the deluxe.. those songs are hotter than the 12 they are offering on itunes.. the run the world remixes are great for exercise/running

    and dude was doing way too much

  4. Tyler
    June 29, 2011 at 10:11 am — Reply

    Luvvie, you know I stans hard for Beyonce. I sure hope she’s not possessed by MJ, that’d be strange, ESPECIALLY for Jay-Z. Anyway we aren’t all crazy. We defend so fiercely ’cause she is awesomeness incarnate. You don’t have to like her music, but to say she isn’t talented makes your judgement seem questionable…like Scientology questionable. And I don’t wanna believe you’re crazy. Plus she’s so sweet and humble. Saying mean things about her seems like hater* behaviour.

    *Hater: Someone who insists on nitpicking and pointing out the negative.

    • June 29, 2011 at 10:33 am — Reply

      Did you READ my post??? Where did I say she wasn’t talented?

      • Uche
        June 29, 2011 at 11:51 am — Reply

        LMAO!!! I was thinking the same thing when I read this comment! I’m pretty sure you gave Bey about 50-11 compliments or something like that…give ‘em a seat Luvvie. \_

    • June 29, 2011 at 5:59 pm — Reply

      Sir…at least have the decency to read the first paragraph if you’re gonna leave a whole lecture. In the words of LUvvie: Have two seats and a sofa.

    • sammie
      January 22, 2013 at 10:11 pm — Reply

      Bro… you read way too fast because nowhere did Ms. Luvvie say your queen was talentless.

  5. June 29, 2011 at 10:23 am — Reply

    I actually haved mixed feeling about the whole “Bey Bey Revolution.” I do think that she is indeed QUITE a performer. Tettering around in those toothpick- type stilettos AND bein’ able to sing AND dance at the same time takes some talent!That being said however, I’m really not feelin’ her whole Shakira steez she’s got goin’ on now. Her make up appears to be WAY lighter. She already has the cross over appeal so I’m not usre what all that is about.She’s WAY too commercialized and her music is now beginning to reflect that. As for the person who tweeted this nonsense, well…if this were indeed true, seems like Bey would be alot smoother when it came to her dance moves cuz Mike GLIDED whne he danced..made it look EFFORTLESS..

  6. Kate
    June 29, 2011 at 12:14 pm — Reply

    Sooo Michael dies and takes up residency in Bey Bey? Like, starts wearing a surgical mask and pretending white children are biologically her’s MJ or just the greatest artist in the last 50 years part? If this fool is right then I promise you that somewhere Kelly Rowlands and Michelle Williams are saying a prayer that Tito and Jermaine don’t drop dead. You know Randy would die and find that other chick they bounced out in the 90’s to try and get a ‘Jackson’s Child’ tour going.

  7. Wanda
    June 29, 2011 at 12:20 pm — Reply

    The fella in the above post needs a heavy dose of calm down. Wow!! Btw: Why do you call the fans of Her Highness, ‘stans’. I’m just curious. :-) I don’t hate her nor her cd, but I still say give me some Adele, Amy Winehouse, Corinne Bailey Rae, etc. That’s just me.

    • June 29, 2011 at 7:52 pm — Reply

      “Stans” derives from the Eminem song “stan” about someone who is unhealthily obsessed with a celebrity or public figure. So yes, stans fits.

  8. Erin
    June 29, 2011 at 12:24 pm — Reply

    I haven’t decided who has the worst stans…Beyonce or Justin Bieber. May just be a tie. But yeah, Bey’s stans are RIDICULOUS! At what point in time did it become unacceptable to dislike a song? Or an outfit she wears? Or her hair? Or even HER if you choose??? It’s called an OPINION!!! And rather than giving Tyler a seat, give him a HAND for TOTALLY making your point about how dumb her stans are!

    • Erin
      June 29, 2011 at 12:25 pm — Reply

      Oh…and I only like a few songs on her new CD. But the ones I like, I REALLY like! Love on Top is currently in HEAVY rotation.

    • June 29, 2011 at 7:50 pm — Reply

      Justin Bieber stans are insane b/c they’re teenyboppers who are REALLY emotionally invested. I think they might be worse than Bey stans. Then again, Bey stans are grown and can cuss out your entire family and livelihood. But yeah… they be ready to attack.

  9. Nikeeta
    June 29, 2011 at 12:30 pm — Reply

    Beyonce stans are indeed nuts. And this “hater” phenomenon is absurd. Heaven fo’ bid da rest ub us don’t bow down to da queen massa B! And actually there might be some truth to the MJ thing. It would certainly explain why she’s looking more and more like a white woman.

    • June 29, 2011 at 7:47 pm — Reply

      They do a lot. And this shade you just threw “And actually there might be some truth to the MJ thing. It would certainly explain why she’s looking more and more like a white woman.” YOU AINT RIGHT!!!!! The stans of the Queen will descend on your car.

  10. Tyler
    June 29, 2011 at 1:39 pm — Reply

    Let me clarify; I didn’t mean YOU specifically. I meant it generically. Replace “you” with “one” for clarity. As for Erin, yo, I don’t think the dumb comment was called for. You don’t know me like that (or at all for that matter). Awesomely Luvvie is all in fun and that was rude.

    • Erin
      June 29, 2011 at 1:55 pm — Reply

      My comment was in response to your comment as originally written. You’ve even realized that it needed to be clarified because it sounded like you were saying that Luvvie said she wasn’t talented…which she clearly didn’t. And unfortunately that’s what her stans do ALL THE TIME. They take any negative opinion of her (which people ARE allowed to have) and turn it into attacks (note your use of the words “crazy” and “hater”). Which is dumb. But again, that’s my OPINION of the stans. Much like your OPINION of those who think Beyonce has no talent.

      • Erin
        June 29, 2011 at 1:56 pm — Reply

        And to further clarify, I didn’t actually say YOU were dumb. I said stans…generically.

    • June 29, 2011 at 7:41 pm — Reply

      Ok I gotcha. All is well.

  11. Tyler
    June 29, 2011 at 1:42 pm — Reply

    Crap, I kept getting error messages saying it didn’t post. Now I really do look dumb. Lol

    • Erin
      June 29, 2011 at 2:00 pm — Reply

      LOL! Now that was funny!

  12. June 29, 2011 at 1:44 pm — Reply

    I don’t know if anybody asked this already…but is that guy related to Chris Brown’s mom? Remember that sheeit she said? SMH

    • June 29, 2011 at 7:44 pm — Reply

      I sure do remember his mama’s crazy tweet. Talmbout MJ died so Chris Brown could be great. But ma’am… O__O

  13. Tyler
    June 29, 2011 at 3:41 pm — Reply

    It’s English. Several words have multiple meanings. Confusion is often just a matter of perception. If you see, I also corrected myself regarding the “dumb” comment. I was joking with the “crazy” comment, I understand people’s rights to their opinions. That doesn’t make your comment any less rude or needlessly negative. But it’s SO not that serious. Enjoy the rest of your day.

  14. Dr. Kiti
    July 1, 2011 at 6:28 pm — Reply

    So, I’m late with this response but I couldn’t resist.

    At first, I downloaded 4 and forced myself to listen to it. I was trying to ween myself off the club music I got addicted to before a Las Vegas trip…tangent…

    Anyway, I needed new music and 4 was the newest thing I downloaded. I listened to it for a day before it started to grow on me. I realize the allure now: this album would my summer soundtrack if I was 14! All that teenage angst and melodramatic love….it takes me back. This is my favorite Beyonce album so far.

  15. Cammy
    July 9, 2011 at 11:14 am — Reply

    I’m well late on this, but I have to say that when I first read that tweet, I thought it was a reference to Beyonce’s seemingly fleeting melanin. Maybe she’s channeling the King of Pop’s skin issues? IDK *shrugs*

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