Handicapped Love Pockets? iCan’t.

[ 88 ] June 13, 2011 |

The internet is the Den of Iniquity. Yes. The ENTIRE interwebs. And it is tryna keep me away from that goal of entering those Golden Gates of Glory that OUR LORDT promised some of us. It sho’ll is! I was perusing Miss Jia’s site when I saw this video. I wanted to cancel my internet. Watch it. With headphones in cuz I already know someone’s gon talk bout how they got side-eyed at work.

“If you’re down for sex, you can’t impregnate me with this tube around my neck.”


I mean…

What I AIN’T gon do it sit up here and talk bout this video. I ain’t bout to lose my VIP pass into Club Cloud 9 up in MY FATHER’S HOUSE!!! No ma’ams. No sirs. Cuz this right here is CLEARLY a set up to ruin all the hard work I’ve done to this point.

This is the look I had on my face the whole time. Well, it's missing the slight screw face that was also present.

I ain’t killed nobody. I’ont steal (music that is readily available online does not count). Nor do I covet my neighbor’s property (Nicole Ari Parker does not live near me. I can lust for Boris Kodjoe ALL I WANT). So see? I stay in the bounds of them 10 Commandments. But ALL THAT could be negated if I talked bout this video. St. Pete aint but to cross me off his list, y’all!!!

Al Gore ain’t invent the innanets so y’all could make youtube vids bout your handicapped love pockets. HE AINT!!!

I’ve already said too much. iCan’t.

Y’all speak for me. I’ll live vicariously through your comments cuz… *shakes head*

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Comments (88)

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  1. Sydney says:

    I give up on this world. Please tell my mama that I love her.

  2. Kim says:

    In her defense, Luvvie, her love pocket is NOT handicapped. lol

  3. Tan says:

    I’m sorry but I couldn’t watch the entire video. Who did this?! Who thought this was cute?! I just can’t!

    BTW: I love your site but rarely comment. Had to come out of lurk mode for this. *backs to lurking*

  4. JMarguerite says:

    I just…I can’t…I won’t…what the….*sigh*

  5. minacakes says:

    another sign that we done missed the rapture b/c this foolywang right here…………Now i have to go and try to scrub that from my brains.

    • minacakes says:

      you know what this has really vexed my soul and i’m a little bit heated at Luvvie for even bringing this into my world.

      Luvvie- you need to go sit in the corner for this! **points finger to corner** GO!

  6. Jess says:

    See I could go smooth off about this right here…but Im wit you Luvvie, I am not bout to purchase a one way coach ticket to the fiery pits of h-e-double hockey sticks! SMH over and over and over….

  7. roxie says:

    I don’t know, I think she’s pretty awesome. People do like to pretend/ignore that handicapped ppl DO have sex lives!

  8. Jazz says:

    Speechless. Like I literally dont know what to say to that

  9. Akua says:

    *slow blink* I have no words for that. None.

  10. Alicia says:

    Baby Jesus take the wheel. Umm. OK… WOW. Yeah… That’s all I got….

  11. MyzDevyneOne says:

    See, this is why we can never rise as a people. My soul is MURKED, ya hear?! Completely SLAIN! This chile up in her WHEELCHAIR talmbout her cooch not being able to qualify for the Special Olympics. iJust…
    Bury me a G ya’ll. Make sure ya’ll have Crown Royal and Jack at my funegro. And tell my mama to put me in my purple pumps and a boss ass hat.

    *Now boarding…out of gate H…Flight 666, non-stop to Hades*

  12. emti says:

    I can’t, I won’t, I shan’t, I will not, I REFUSE

  13. Did she say “stick my meatballs in it”? or something of that nature? Dear God…the Devil don’t want me to live right at all. I mean I know the handicapped need to get they rap and sex on..but I was hoping not simultaneously.

  14. yadi says:

    i lived thru hurricane katrina and the debacle that was recovery but this right here…LAWD, THIS can’t be life!

  15. Ms. Smart says:

    Look, she’s advertising her goods. Is it hilarious and sad at the same time? Sure. But so was K.at St.a.cks. I’m quite sure several people with a fetish for her ‘type’ have contacted her.

  16. Kay says:

    You know what?? The Lawd made me, so he knows I’m all about aintshitness, so with that I have to ask, “Where is this heffa’s nurse at?” Who gave her a Youtube channel and a cam??? I can’t with her on this day….

  17. Gwen (@ashlee1969) says:

    This is just too much. SMH. *logs off to go find something to kick*

  18. K to the.... says:

    Man, get the entire fawk….

    *pushes every damn thing off my desk*

  19. JROC says:

    I tried yall I tried, but in the end it all boils down to me having this conversation with my pastor next Sunday.

    Pastor: Young Lady, if you were to die today, do you know where you would spend eternity?

    Me: Yessir pastor, I do. It’s all beacause of this video I saw last Tuesday that I’m sad to say that them golden gates ain’t even in my grasp no more. I promise I tried but that video…smh.

  20. LB says:

    Yer Most Awesomelynessis,
    At first look I thought this was going to be like a low-budget documentary about physically challenged individuals and … er … the Wild Thang or something of that nature from your post title.

    Then I went an’ hit the Play button like a fool.
    Sweet Baby Norwegian-Pasty Infant Jesus, it’s a … a … a … Song!

    Did she Really say, at 1:10, “I’m jus a fine-azzed nigg@”?!


  21. iodoc2b says:

    Like Tam, in my best Katt Williams voice: This right heeeerrre, brought me outta lurk mode, and I feel compelled to comment, but I JUST CAN’T… I don’t want that free trip to the eternal inferno. The GA heat is more than enough!! My knees hurt from praying to try to avert any thoughts about this video from entering my mind!

    Luvvie, I think you’re still good on the Pearly Gates ticket. The commenters are saying it all. Now, I’m going back into lurk mode because I fear my ticket is slipping from my grasp….

    • Luvvie says:

      I love when folks come outta lurking. But you also sent me this vid. So I lowkey blame YOU for this. Yes. Yes I do.

      • iodoc2b says:

        …Setting a record for coming out of lurk mode..Luvvie, why you gotta put me on blast? I repented before I hit the send button. Since I couldn’t eloquently articulate anything about it, I knew you could! Now, why did Diggame have to mention the “series”? I saw that from my peripheral vision, but was sure it was a hallucination. I refuse to venture into that territory. This has been all too much!

        I feel a record being set for comments on this post and that video. Now going into underground lurk mode.

        • Luvvie says:

          LOL this post is actually not close to being a comment record-breaker but it sho’ll is getting action. So far, the 25 Dumbest Tweets post is the one with the most comments.

          But don’t be no stranger!!! Don’t be lurking. :-D

  22. Citygirl says:

    You crack me the luvv up! seriously.

  23. krocka says:

    This hurt my heart and made me cry tears of pure f*ckery!! SN: I’m sure she could have a career in porn. SSN: I would pay money to see her battle Nicki Minaj and Lil Kim!
    * hops on metro train to hades *

  24. yadi says:

    honestly, if she can have the gall to make a video (a song nonetheless) as such, then we should be able to go in on her…ijs!

  25. RaynaSybelle says:

    Normally, I don’t comment on your posts, but this was too much. Wow. I could not finish this.

  26. Margo_Brown says:

    This was too painful to finish watching. I can’t. I just can’t!!!

  27. J says:

    iTried but iCouldn’t. I made it to the 0:32 before I started screaming make it stop at my computer and threw my speakers at the wall.

    Luvie Ima need $10.62 from you for some new speakers, because I blame you. Thank you and goodbye.

    *returns to the dark shadows to lurk*

  28. Diggame says:

    Yo!! You made me spit out my good ass Mountain Dew watching this video! And why does the chick have a series of videos!! LMFAO!!!

  29. Tiffany says:

    I…I just don’t understand…I want to post this video with others, but if I do, I will go straight to hell. I won’t pass go. I won’t collect $200. I will go directly to hell. LAWD!!!!! This video is so WRONG!!!! I just…I just give up…

  30. L. Michelle says:

    I have died and gone to hell for laughing at the ratchetness. I want to repost this so bad, but I got too many church folk on my FB page!!!!

  31. LB says:

    Think we can get her to do collaboration … a Duet … wit …

    50 Tyson?

    THAT would be … yeah …


  32. phatlips says:

    I was :26 in before the Holy Ghost slammed my laptop down on my fingers and said “NO MA’AM!!!!” Luvvie you now owes me for getting my soul out of innanet purgatory!

    *goes off to rinse my ears out with bleach*

  33. phatlips says:

    I was 0:26 in before the Holy Ghost slammed my laptop down on my fingers and said “NO MA’AM!!!!” Luvvie you now owes me for getting my soul out of innanet purgatory!

    *goes off to rinse my ears out with bleach*

  34. Kate says:

    So…in college I worked with a disabled woman who was dating a disabled dude on a ventilator. Both in wheel chairs, both with feeling in their limbs just unable to walk. They wanted to have sex, and my first reaction was “alright girl, go on and get yours” until I realized that they were telling me this because they needed help. They needed POSITIONING and INSERTION help.

    I stared blankly for 2 minutes and finally said “um, yeah, just…uh…you should find you someone who specializes in that.”. And left, walked clean out. And now Luvvie, this video has brought that moment back and my soul is murked. MURKED!!! I need brain bleach.

  35. paintgurl40 says:

    ((Lawd please forgive me!! i just couldn’t help myself!!)) she got her priorities mixed up. this broad need to make sure that tube has AIR in it rather than SPERM. if she’s paralyzed from the neck down, aint that trapdoor paralyzed too? (just askin’)ma’am go have a “seat”…

    and that’s all i have to say about that…in forest gump voice.

  36. PHATGURLLOVE says:

    I had to come out of hidin! Ok, so I’m catching up and came cross dis hurre…~grabbin da defib~ cuz I cain’t een breeve…chest pains…wrong…______________*dead*

  37. elisabeth says:

    See…I’m Jewish, so no, I don’t believe in Hell, but I might have to reconsider after seeing this fuckery that this lady trying to pass on as innatainment….i tried to make it to the end…but unbeknownst to me, my android is saved, sanctified, and overflowing w tha holy ghost, cos after 45 seconds, it shut the damb DOWN n refused to restart for 7 minutes…chile….*tears and remorse* our Forepeople are CRINGING….we gotta do BETTA!

    • Ronicaone says:

      I went straight to the comments. Skipped the video. If a chosen one’s phone was shut down by the light, I ain’t touching it. I can relate to the tale of a handicapped persons sexuality. One if my co-workers client’s expected the caretaker to clean up after the event. Sleeved her out! They need their own dating site (that comes with attendance for positioning, etc.)

  38. Gemsmom says:

    WAIT!! FLAG ON THE PLAY!!!! DID THIS GIMP JUST SAY “I’M JUST A THUG @$$ N*GGA?!!!!” Now, I just taught Bible Study last night, so I’m filled with the love of Jesus, and in the spirit of speaking truth in love, she needs some of what Solange gave Jay in the elevator. What race are you finishing? Why are you talking like your love pocket is ret ta go when you can’t feel anything below your fraggle rocking neck?!! Why are you a “thug @$$ n*gga?!” (I know I already mentioned that, but I had to ask again.) She readily admits she can’t move her knees, so what is she gonna do? Lie there like the most realistic sex doll in creation? No suh! I shall not have such shennanigans fly past my screen and not address it. I guess you would be able to go all night no matter what IF EVERYTHING DOWN THERE IS CORPSE NUMB. I am mad at her. I think I shall get an old school Super Soaker, fill it with anointing oil and drown her sins and my sorrows in it until she gets her mind right. Luvvie, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to lay down my burdens like this, but I just had to get a few thangs off my chest. I found myself wishing her air would run low so she’d pass out and the Lord would be able to minister to her subconscious mind and she’d get her act together. I’m gonna need these extra services we got this weekend. . . Y’all ain’t praying for me.

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