Videos

Handicapped Love Pockets? iCan’t.

The internet is the Den of Iniquity. Yes. The ENTIRE interwebs. And it is tryna keep me away from that goal of entering those Golden Gates of Glory that OUR LORDT promised some of us. It sho’ll is! I was perusing Miss Jia’s site when I saw this video. I wanted to cancel my internet. Watch it. With headphones in cuz I already know someone’s gon talk bout how they got side-eyed at work.

“If you’re down for sex, you can’t impregnate me with this tube around my neck.”

BUT…

I mean…

What I AIN’T gon do it sit up here and talk bout this video. I ain’t bout to lose my VIP pass into Club Cloud 9 up in MY FATHER’S HOUSE!!! No ma’ams. No sirs. Cuz this right here is CLEARLY a set up to ruin all the hard work I’ve done to this point.

This is the look I had on my face the whole time. Well, it's missing the slight screw face that was also present.

I ain’t killed nobody. I’ont steal (music that is readily available online does not count). Nor do I covet my neighbor’s property (Nicole Ari Parker does not live near me. I can lust for Boris Kodjoe ALL I WANT). So see? I stay in the bounds of them 10 Commandments. But ALL THAT could be negated if I talked bout this video. St. Pete aint but to cross me off his list, y’all!!!

Al Gore ain’t invent the innanets so y’all could make youtube vids bout your handicapped love pockets. HE AINT!!!

I’ve already said too much. iCan’t.

Y’all speak for me. I’ll live vicariously through your comments cuz… *shakes head*

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88 Comments

  1. Sydney
    June 13, 2011 at 10:44 pm — Reply

    I give up on this world. Please tell my mama that I love her.

    • June 13, 2011 at 10:55 pm — Reply

      *calls Sydney’s mama* SHE LOVED YOU!!!!

      See? Done. I’m a saint.

  2. Kim
    June 13, 2011 at 10:51 pm — Reply

    In her defense, Luvvie, her love pocket is NOT handicapped. lol

    • June 13, 2011 at 10:55 pm — Reply

      *sigh* i just… Life confuses me.

  3. Tan
    June 13, 2011 at 11:12 pm — Reply

    I’m sorry but I couldn’t watch the entire video. Who did this?! Who thought this was cute?! I just can’t!

    BTW: I love your site but rarely comment. Had to come out of lurk mode for this. *backs to lurking*

    • June 13, 2011 at 11:17 pm — Reply

      YAYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!! I love when folks come out the shadows. Don’t be a stranger, Tan.

      And I don’t blame you for not watching the whole thing. Foolery.

    • Greg BKLYN USA
      June 20, 2011 at 12:11 pm — Reply

      I concur. Had to stop video at :32 … Okay back into the shadows.

      • June 21, 2011 at 7:36 pm — Reply

        *runs after you* Don’t go!!! Come back!!!

  4. JMarguerite
    June 13, 2011 at 11:15 pm — Reply

    I just…I can’t…I won’t…what the….*sigh*

    • June 13, 2011 at 11:17 pm — Reply

      My thoughts exactly.

  5. minacakes
    June 13, 2011 at 11:32 pm — Reply

    another sign that we done missed the rapture b/c this foolywang right here…………Now i have to go and try to scrub that from my brains.

    • minacakes
      June 14, 2011 at 11:37 am — Reply

      you know what this has really vexed my soul and i’m a little bit heated at Luvvie for even bringing this into my world.

      Luvvie- you need to go sit in the corner for this! **points finger to corner** GO!

      • June 14, 2011 at 6:05 pm — Reply

        *slinks away to the corner* I’ma do better.

  6. Jess
    June 13, 2011 at 11:43 pm — Reply

    See I could go smooth off about this right here…but Im wit you Luvvie, I am not bout to purchase a one way coach ticket to the fiery pits of h-e-double hockey sticks! SMH over and over and over….

    • June 14, 2011 at 6:14 pm — Reply

      Yes, Jess. I want my VIP pass intact. Shoo…

  7. roxie
    June 13, 2011 at 11:51 pm — Reply

    She said “EAT YOUR VEGETABLES”
    I don’t know, I think she’s pretty awesome. People do like to pretend/ignore that handicapped ppl DO have sex lives!

    • Bolaji
      June 14, 2011 at 6:12 am — Reply

      THIS!!!!

    • yadi
      June 14, 2011 at 8:49 am — Reply

      yes, we all are aware that the disabled has sex but good grief… b/t the labored breathing and lines like “cripple with swag” and “you cannot impregnate me with this tube around my neck”…smh i give up!

      • June 14, 2011 at 6:07 pm — Reply

        TRUE STORY!!!

    • June 14, 2011 at 6:14 pm — Reply

      It ain’t bout her having a sex life. But did ya listen to her lyrics??? Chile…

  8. Jazz
    June 14, 2011 at 2:55 am — Reply

    Speechless. Like I literally dont know what to say to that

    • June 14, 2011 at 6:09 pm — Reply

      *pats your back* It’s ok.

  9. Akua
    June 14, 2011 at 4:13 am — Reply

    *slow blink* I have no words for that. None.

    • June 14, 2011 at 6:09 pm — Reply

      I understand. *sighs*

  10. June 14, 2011 at 7:11 am — Reply

    Baby Jesus take the wheel. Umm. OK… WOW. Yeah… That’s all I got….

    • June 14, 2011 at 6:09 pm — Reply

      Baby Jesus aint bout to take this wheel. You better put it on neutral cuz…

  11. June 14, 2011 at 7:33 am — Reply

    LAWDHAFMERCY…
    See, this is why we can never rise as a people. My soul is MURKED, ya hear?! Completely SLAIN! This chile up in her WHEELCHAIR talmbout her cooch not being able to qualify for the Special Olympics. iJust…
    Bury me a G ya’ll. Make sure ya’ll have Crown Royal and Jack at my funegro. And tell my mama to put me in my purple pumps and a boss ass hat.

    *Now boarding…out of gate H…Flight 666, non-stop to Hades*

    • June 14, 2011 at 6:08 pm — Reply

      *throws your gasoline draws at you* You almost forgot these!

      • paintgurl40
        June 20, 2011 at 12:36 pm — Reply

        luvvie you aint shit!!!

        • June 21, 2011 at 7:36 pm — Reply

          I ain’t never claimed to be. lol

  12. emti
    June 14, 2011 at 7:41 am — Reply

    I can’t, I won’t, I shan’t, I will not, I REFUSE

    • June 14, 2011 at 6:08 pm — Reply

      Pretty damb murch.

  13. June 14, 2011 at 7:51 am — Reply

    Did she say “stick my meatballs in it”? or something of that nature? Dear God…the Devil don’t want me to live right at all. I mean I know the handicapped need to get they rap and sex on..but I was hoping not simultaneously.

    • June 14, 2011 at 6:07 pm — Reply

      The devil is hard at work!!!

  14. yadi
    June 14, 2011 at 8:58 am — Reply

    i lived thru hurricane katrina and the debacle that was recovery but this right here…LAWD, THIS can’t be life!

  15. June 14, 2011 at 9:17 am — Reply

    Look, she’s advertising her goods. Is it hilarious and sad at the same time? Sure. But so was K.at St.a.cks. I’m quite sure several people with a fetish for her ‘type’ have contacted her.

    • June 14, 2011 at 5:07 pm — Reply

      Hell, at this point, Kat Stacks ratchet love pocket is probably all types of handicapped. So yeah…same thing.

    • June 14, 2011 at 6:07 pm — Reply

      *wall slide* at you.

  16. Kay
    June 14, 2011 at 9:30 am — Reply

    You know what?? The Lawd made me, so he knows I’m all about aintshitness, so with that I have to ask, “Where is this heffa’s nurse at?” Who gave her a Youtube channel and a cam??? I can’t with her on this day….

    • June 14, 2011 at 6:06 pm — Reply

      LOL at the Lawd knowing you ain’t bout that life since He created you. You might be right. He knows our hearts.

      I also wonder where her nurse is at. Chile…

      • September 7, 2011 at 1:32 am — Reply

        Her nurse, apparently takes shots according to the vid, soooo . . .

  17. Gwen (@ashlee1969)
    June 14, 2011 at 9:31 am — Reply

    This is just too much. SMH. *logs off to go find something to kick*

    • June 14, 2011 at 6:06 pm — Reply

      I advocate for kicking trashcans. You’re welcome.

  18. June 14, 2011 at 10:51 am — Reply

    Man, get the entire fawk….

    *pushes every damn thing off my desk*

    • June 14, 2011 at 10:54 am — Reply

      Wait a gat damn minute…did she call herself an independent woman?

      Ma’am…independent of what?!

      • LB
        June 14, 2011 at 5:03 pm — Reply

        K to the …?
        Certainly not Independent of that big ol’ oxygen feeder tube Rappin’ (pun!!!) around her neck.

        L “On the Highway to Hell” B

    • June 14, 2011 at 6:05 pm — Reply

      LMAO!!! You forgot to also kick a trashcan.

  19. JROC
    June 14, 2011 at 12:41 pm — Reply

    I tried yall I tried, but in the end it all boils down to me having this conversation with my pastor next Sunday.

    Pastor: Young Lady, if you were to die today, do you know where you would spend eternity?

    Me: Yessir pastor, I do. It’s all beacause of this video I saw last Tuesday that I’m sad to say that them golden gates ain’t even in my grasp no more. I promise I tried but that video…smh.

    • June 14, 2011 at 6:03 pm — Reply

      You get an E for effort. At least you tried. Talk to your Passa and let him know you did your best

  20. LB
    June 14, 2011 at 1:39 pm — Reply

    Yer Most Awesomelynessis,
    At first look I thought this was going to be like a low-budget documentary about physically challenged individuals and … er … the Wild Thang or something of that nature from your post title.

    Then I went an’ hit the Play button like a fool.
    Sweet Baby Norwegian-Pasty Infant Jesus, it’s a … a … a … Song!

    Did she Really say, at 1:10, “I’m jus a fine-azzed nigg@”?!

    LB

    • June 14, 2011 at 6:01 pm — Reply

      LOL so my title wasn’t accurate? That’s what you tryna say?

    • Gemsmom
      May 14, 2014 at 11:33 am — Reply

      I messed up and hit play, too.

  21. iodoc2b
    June 14, 2011 at 2:00 pm — Reply

    Like Tam, in my best Katt Williams voice: This right heeeerrre, brought me outta lurk mode, and I feel compelled to comment, but I JUST CAN’T… I don’t want that free trip to the eternal inferno. The GA heat is more than enough!! My knees hurt from praying to try to avert any thoughts about this video from entering my mind!

    Luvvie, I think you’re still good on the Pearly Gates ticket. The commenters are saying it all. Now, I’m going back into lurk mode because I fear my ticket is slipping from my grasp….

    • June 14, 2011 at 6:00 pm — Reply

      I love when folks come outta lurking. But you also sent me this vid. So I lowkey blame YOU for this. Yes. Yes I do.

      • iodoc2b
        June 14, 2011 at 9:19 pm — Reply

        …Setting a record for coming out of lurk mode..Luvvie, why you gotta put me on blast? I repented before I hit the send button. Since I couldn’t eloquently articulate anything about it, I knew you could! Now, why did Diggame have to mention the “series”? I saw that from my peripheral vision, but was sure it was a hallucination. I refuse to venture into that territory. This has been all too much!

        I feel a record being set for comments on this post and that video. Now going into underground lurk mode.

        • June 14, 2011 at 11:15 pm — Reply

          LOL this post is actually not close to being a comment record-breaker but it sho’ll is getting action. So far, the 25 Dumbest Tweets post is the one with the most comments.

          But don’t be no stranger!!! Don’t be lurking. :-D

  22. June 14, 2011 at 4:01 pm — Reply

    You crack me the luvv up! seriously.

    • June 14, 2011 at 5:59 pm — Reply

      I’m saying, Citygirl. This left me looking like this; O____O

  23. krocka
    June 14, 2011 at 4:40 pm — Reply

    This hurt my heart and made me cry tears of pure f*ckery!! SN: I’m sure she could have a career in porn. SSN: I would pay money to see her battle Nicki Minaj and Lil Kim!
    * hops on metro train to hades *

    • June 14, 2011 at 5:59 pm — Reply

      You ain’t right AT ALL!!! lolol

  24. yadi
    June 14, 2011 at 4:42 pm — Reply

    honestly, if she can have the gall to make a video (a song nonetheless) as such, then we should be able to go in on her…ijs!

    • June 14, 2011 at 5:59 pm — Reply

      I ain’t gon be the one to go in on her #doe. NO MA’AM!

  25. RaynaSybelle
    June 14, 2011 at 5:26 pm — Reply

    Normally, I don’t comment on your posts, but this was too much. Wow. I could not finish this.

    • June 14, 2011 at 5:58 pm — Reply

      Aawwww!!! don’t be a stranger! Come back!

  26. Margo_Brown
    June 14, 2011 at 5:50 pm — Reply

    This was too painful to finish watching. I can’t. I just can’t!!!

    • June 14, 2011 at 5:58 pm — Reply

      You and a bunch of other folks can’t. Chile…

  27. J
    June 14, 2011 at 7:30 pm — Reply

    iTried but iCouldn’t. I made it to the 0:32 before I started screaming make it stop at my computer and threw my speakers at the wall.

    Luvie Ima need $10.62 from you for some new speakers, because I blame you. Thank you and goodbye.

    *returns to the dark shadows to lurk*

  28. June 14, 2011 at 8:10 pm — Reply

    Yo!! You made me spit out my good ass Mountain Dew watching this video! And why does the chick have a series of videos!! LMFAO!!!

    • June 14, 2011 at 11:16 pm — Reply

      LMAOOOOOO! I’m afraid to watch any other vids from her. Afraid, I say!

  29. June 14, 2011 at 8:14 pm — Reply

    I…I just don’t understand…I want to post this video with others, but if I do, I will go straight to hell. I won’t pass go. I won’t collect $200. I will go directly to hell. LAWD!!!!! This video is so WRONG!!!! I just…I just give up…

    • June 14, 2011 at 11:16 pm — Reply

      LOLLL chile I’ont blame you.

  30. June 14, 2011 at 10:09 pm — Reply

    I have died and gone to hell for laughing at the ratchetness. I want to repost this so bad, but I got too many church folk on my FB page!!!!

  31. LB
    June 15, 2011 at 10:35 am — Reply

    Think we can get her to do collaboration … a Duet … wit …

    50 Tyson?

    THAT would be … yeah …

    LB

  32. phatlips
    June 15, 2011 at 6:04 pm — Reply

    I was :26 in before the Holy Ghost slammed my laptop down on my fingers and said “NO MA’AM!!!!” Luvvie you now owes me for getting my soul out of innanet purgatory!

    *goes off to rinse my ears out with bleach*

  33. phatlips
    June 15, 2011 at 6:07 pm — Reply

    I was 0:26 in before the Holy Ghost slammed my laptop down on my fingers and said “NO MA’AM!!!!” Luvvie you now owes me for getting my soul out of innanet purgatory!

    *goes off to rinse my ears out with bleach*

  34. Kate
    June 15, 2011 at 7:14 pm — Reply

    So…in college I worked with a disabled woman who was dating a disabled dude on a ventilator. Both in wheel chairs, both with feeling in their limbs just unable to walk. They wanted to have sex, and my first reaction was “alright girl, go on and get yours” until I realized that they were telling me this because they needed help. They needed POSITIONING and INSERTION help.

    I stared blankly for 2 minutes and finally said “um, yeah, just…uh…you should find you someone who specializes in that.”. And left, walked clean out. And now Luvvie, this video has brought that moment back and my soul is murked. MURKED!!! I need brain bleach.

    • Seeya
      June 15, 2011 at 8:47 pm — Reply

      AYE DIOS MIO!!!!!!!!!!

    • paintgurl40
      June 20, 2011 at 12:42 pm — Reply

      NOOOOOOO!!!!

    • JailorMoon
      February 5, 2013 at 2:26 pm — Reply

      No ma’am; that did NOT happen. I rebuke it. My homegirl can’t even ask ME for that kinda help. I’m late as hell getting on this blog, but at this point I could help a response (years later..) Stop spreading these false truths around. I do not approve.

  35. paintgurl40
    June 20, 2011 at 12:52 pm — Reply

    ((Lawd please forgive me!! i just couldn’t help myself!!)) she got her priorities mixed up. this broad need to make sure that tube has AIR in it rather than SPERM. if she’s paralyzed from the neck down, aint that trapdoor paralyzed too? (just askin’)ma’am go have a “seat”…

    and that’s all i have to say about that…in forest gump voice.

    • June 21, 2011 at 7:36 pm — Reply

      WELPPPPP!!!

  36. August 28, 2011 at 3:50 pm — Reply

    I had to come out of hidin! Ok, so I’m catching up and came cross dis hurre…~grabbin da defib~ cuz I cain’t een breeve…chest pains…wrong…______________*dead*

  37. elisabeth
    April 18, 2013 at 6:53 am — Reply

    See…I’m Jewish, so no, I don’t believe in Hell, but I might have to reconsider after seeing this fuckery that this lady trying to pass on as innatainment….i tried to make it to the end…but unbeknownst to me, my android is saved, sanctified, and overflowing w tha holy ghost, cos after 45 seconds, it shut the damb DOWN n refused to restart for 7 minutes…chile….*tears and remorse* our Forepeople are CRINGING….we gotta do BETTA!

    • Ronicaone
      February 17, 2014 at 10:34 am — Reply

      I went straight to the comments. Skipped the video. If a chosen one’s phone was shut down by the light, I ain’t touching it. I can relate to the tale of a handicapped persons sexuality. One if my co-workers client’s expected the caretaker to clean up after the event. Sleeved her out! They need their own dating site (that comes with attendance for positioning, etc.)

      • Ronicaone
        February 17, 2014 at 10:35 am — Reply

        Sorry attendant. Who agrees before the fact that they are comfy with the happenings.

  38. Gemsmom
    May 14, 2014 at 11:30 am — Reply

    WAIT!! FLAG ON THE PLAY!!!! DID THIS GIMP JUST SAY “I’M JUST A THUG @$$ N*GGA?!!!!” Now, I just taught Bible Study last night, so I’m filled with the love of Jesus, and in the spirit of speaking truth in love, she needs some of what Solange gave Jay in the elevator. What race are you finishing? Why are you talking like your love pocket is ret ta go when you can’t feel anything below your fraggle rocking neck?!! Why are you a “thug @$$ n*gga?!” (I know I already mentioned that, but I had to ask again.) She readily admits she can’t move her knees, so what is she gonna do? Lie there like the most realistic sex doll in creation? No suh! I shall not have such shennanigans fly past my screen and not address it. I guess you would be able to go all night no matter what IF EVERYTHING DOWN THERE IS CORPSE NUMB. I am mad at her. I think I shall get an old school Super Soaker, fill it with anointing oil and drown her sins and my sorrows in it until she gets her mind right. Luvvie, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to lay down my burdens like this, but I just had to get a few thangs off my chest. I found myself wishing her air would run low so she’d pass out and the Lord would be able to minister to her subconscious mind and she’d get her act together. I’m gonna need these extra services we got this weekend. . . Y’all ain’t praying for me.

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