So sometimes, stuff is published on major outlets that is just sooo jarring and stupid that I am just convinced it was a mistake. Or written for The Onion. This is one of them.
Vogue Italia published an article on their site featuring hoop earrings. And instead of calling them just that, they decided to go with the title of “Slave Earrings.” THIS is why they’ve earned a sternly-worded letter.
Dear Vogue Italia,
I am here to offer you TWO seats in the upper deck: \__ \__. I need your entire staff (from Editor to intern) to occupy these seats and re-assess your lives. Like really. Have ALLA the seats. Y’all did the most with the entire least.
SLAVE EARRINGS??? In REAL LIFE? In 2011 A.D.?
Y’all actually said “If the name brings to the mind the decorative traditions of the women of colour who were brought to the southern Unites States during the slave trade, the latest interpretation is pure freedom.”
What in THEE ENTAH hell? These earrings are “pure freedom?” Lemme find out that all you needed to be FREE and colored in the 1700 and 1800s was some raggelly hoop earrings.
“Slave and creole” styles? Praytell. WHAT ARE THOSE??? I had no idea that slavery influenced circle earrings. The only things circular bout slavery were the shackles on Black folks’ feet. And the cotton we had to pick. F*CK DOES THAT GOTTA DO WITH ACCESSORIES, DOE?!?
Harriet Tubman ain’t find Sojourner’s Truth, while hitting Frederick’s Douglass for Vogue Italia to relegate hoop earrings to emancipation papers. SHE AIN’T! I didn’t realize hoop earrings were a way to #PayAmish to our shackled up forefathers.
And I am a LOVER of hoop earrings. The fact that y’all have now labeled them as slave chic doesn’t please me not one bit. AND I hope y’all don’t have white folks thinking them wearing hoop earrings means they can oppose affirmative action without guilt or that they can say the n-word since they’re down for the cause. YES I SAID IT! Yes, I’m reaching. SHARRAP! I know.
Ennehweighs, I don’t have time.
This is some ol’ insensitive boolsheet. Who thought this was a good idea? What editor signed off on this story ever seeing the light of day??? How did not ONE person go “you know, this might not be the best story idea?” NOT N’AN PERSON!
Vogue Italia, please stop trying to “honor” us by printing trite and racist ass articles all in the name of “diversity.” Y’all did Vogue Black. *insert applause here* BUT I know there are some Black folks you can hire in Italy to help y’all diversify your stories. And some Black folks can even be paid to let you know when you’re doing too much. Like now.
And to every other company and publication. I know your “Black” and “Urban” initiatives are REALLY trendy right now. But what AIN’T cool is how y’all are offending the hell out of us while tryna do these janky ass campaigns (see: Nivea Ad). STOP FAILING IN THE NAME OF DIVERSITY! Just disrespectful dinnamug!
Seriously. Don’t do us any favors. Especially these kind. We’re good on that. No thanks.
Just saddown. Over there. In the corner.
Yours in side-eye and cliche neck-swerving,
P.S. And the fact that they tagged the story with “slave” and “creole” makes me just wanna cuss. SOMEONE COME GET VOGUE ITALIA OUT THE PAINT!!!