I have owed Wiz Khalifa and Amber Rose a sternly-worded letter for a long time. I never got around to doing it because Amber’s “leaked” nekkid pics distracted me. And then on Sunday on the VMAs Red Carpet, they made sure to gross everyone out by literally tonguing each other down. So I had to finally write this.
Dear Wiz Khalifa and Amber Rose,
Hey y’all, hey. I’ma just say it. Cut this out. Like right now.
First, I’ma address y’all separately. Wiz, pull up a chair. Sat on it and let me tell you about yourself. I have one main question for you. Are you allergic to soap and water? I’ve always wondered this because you got that Jim Jones syndrome going on, where you look like showers make your skin burn. Can you handle that “Black and Yellow” tint you got to you? CAN YOU HANDLE THAT? I mean… listen. Colgate is 3.99 and a bar of Irish spring is like $1.79 or something. You made enough money. Please go soak in a tub and try to wash off whatever grime always seems to linger on you. Ugh.
And Amber… hey girl. I kinda sorta liked you when you were with Kanye. Ok I’m lying. I ain’t like you much then either because you seemed EXTRA hoodratish. Like you can tell Kanye tried to add class to you but no amount of front row fashion shows could bring that. I ain’t e’em talmbout the fact that you were a stripper. Folks gotta do what they gotta do. But you just seem like the epitome of “you can take the girl out the hood…” Well, I did like you a TINY bit because your ass is ginormous, and you know I have booty envy for you junk in the trunkers. HOWEVER, after seeing your 7th nekkid pic, I was over it.
Plus, you keep talmbout Kanye. Ma’am, your bitter is showing. Kindly tuck it in. Your old peen is ruling the Hip Hop world, while your new one is attached to a salamander. I KNOW why you’re salty. BUT can you act like you’re not? You shoulda turned the opportunity to be seen on Kanye’s arms into gold by establishing some typ of business afterwards or something. IDK. I’ont gibbadamb.
But Wiz and Amber, I know you’re both excited that you found another attention whore to use as a beard or to play with when you’re bored. Congratulations. But I’m here to let y’all know that y’all are gross in your extraness.
Trust, we all know you’re together, because you don’t let us forget in interviews. HOWEVER, do you have to act all the way out on red carpets??? As if our eyes aren’t already burning from the glare from Amber’s forehead. Then y’all two want to get on there and snake tongue each other. THE FRENCH AIN’T INVENT THAT SO Y’ALL COULD GROSS US OUT!
That’s nasty. Don’t nobody wanna see that. Not Stevie. Nor Ray. Nor Helen. NOT ONE PERSON WANTS TO SEE THAT! Maybe if y’all had real for real talent, you wouldn’t have to tongue each other down to get press time.
And I hope you both realize that this time next year, you might not be famous still. The Piggly Wiggly is always hiring, so at least you got something to land on. Just in case. I already checked for you. Because I care. You’re welcome! *smize*
Category: Famous folks