Someone Come Get Juanita Bynum And Her Speaking in Tongues on Facebook

[ 111 ] August 22, 2011 |

Some of you may have heard of Evangelist Juanita Bynum. She of the scandal where her husband beat her down in the church parking lot or something wretched like that. AOL Black Voices even wrote a story called “Beat Up From the Feet Up.” And please don’t judge me for laughing at that title. That’s just ratchet as hell. They’re hilarious wrong for that. And no, I don’t think what happened to her was remotely funny. Just that title. SHARRAP ALREADY!

Wells, Juanita wants folks to know she loves the LORDT! And on her Facebook fan page, where 62,000 people are following her, she makes it a point to get this across.

Juanita Bynum Tongues Facebook

But…

SOMEONE COME GET HER!!! Auntie Deaconess Prophetess REVERENTTT Head of Usher Board Juanita Bynum is on the Book of Face acting out and speaking in tongues. HOW IS YOU GON SPEAK IN TONGUES ON YOUR STATUS???

This holy negress actually typed “BFBXFC BVRVBVBBRX” and was ok placing this on Facebook. Honestly, I’d like to think that the Holy Ghost can spell. I don’t know what that’s ‘posed to be but ummm… when I type something similar, it’s cuz I’m cackling too hard for life.

Does she fall out after she presses “enter” on these? Do people have to come pick her up off the floor to place her back on her computer chair? How does this work?

questions gif

Questions. I haz them.

Furthermore, Juanita needs to know that Jesus doesn’t like anger. And all’em CAPS is telling me that she’s upset. Either that or her CAPS LOCK key broke. Or the SHIFT key malfunctioned. Juanita’s hollering for Jesus like He ain’t heard her cry in a long time. And I ain’t got time!

Lemme find out I missed the passage in the Bible where the Holy Ghost Facebooked. Must be in the lost book of SocialMediastes.

I understand fervent prayer but Auntie Juanita Bynum needs to ease off her keyboard. Someone go get her back together so she can stop showing out in these ePews.

I’m just saying…

But bless her heart.

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Comments (111)

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  1. LikeRamona says:

    LMMFAO Luvvie iHate you!

    I knew good and doggone well I shouldn’t have read beyond this post’s title!
    My co-workers are looking at me trynna figure out if they should call for emergency assistance!

  2. Lez says:

    I CAN NOT.

  3. LV says:

    #HESCOMINGINAHONDA

    #SHOULDABOUGHTCHEVY

    Yes Lort, I need Aunt Nita to visit us at Hold My Mule While I Tweet Ecclesiastical Tabernacle of Latter Day Saints and Aints.

  4. Nicole says:

    iCANT!!! LMAO at you!!! Funny Funny Funny! Luvvie you went and done it again. Got my co-workers looking at me all kinds of crazy.

  5. Jaclyn says:

    She’s got a cat that likes to help her praise Jesus by walking across her keyboard.

  6. Kay says:

    I fell ALL THE WAY out when I saw this bullshit this morning!! How you typing in tongues, though??? And did you read the comments??? Lawd, they are giving her ass the sanctified business!! LOL LOL

  7. DeeWms says:

    Oooowe…. after reading this… (((SCREAMING & CRYIN’))) LMBBBO… DKNFDANOCINEWAL… Hay, hay, hay!!! ____^________^____ beep______________________ (flatline) Luvvie, go take a nap!

  8. 20somethingsurvivor says:

    That brought tears to my eyes. Too funny! You’re a mess for that one…but she knows that ain’t right lol

  9. Sierra says:

    I can just picture her shouting in tongues at her computer screen while she’s typing and once she clicks *enter*, she probably falls out and has to have people come over and fan her with them church fans with the picture of MLK on them and then cover her with that white sheet that they use in church.

    • Luvvie says:

      LMAOOOOOO!!! Why did I picture this and fall out myself??? Lawdt, you know Juanita also gets sprayed with holy water after she falls out. And she spritzes her computer with it too.

  10. glamazini says:

    I … uh … wh … iHateu.

  11. DML says:

    I simply cannot. Not after a day with 125 7th graders. But I simply can’t get past “Juanita Bynum II”. Ma’am, who/where is Juanita Bynum I? Help me?

  12. Cheekie says:

    Yes, I definitely fell out when I saw Juanita and her iTongues. I mean, next thing you know folks gone be like:

    Within The Holy Spirit (w/ 574957497 others) http://4sq.com/PrAisEHiM

    SMH…

  13. Anna Renee says:

    Juanita Bynum has officially lost her ever lovin’ mind!!!

    I might can understand a man like Damian Marley driving a woman out her mind for a minute, but Thomas Weeks, the 3rd??? Seriously? She ain’t been the same since she left him, but she was a little teched in the head back then too!

    She’s even self redeemed herself and reborn herself as Juanita Bynum II, but judging by her newfound ability to WRITE IN TONGUES, (BTW, I aint never heard of this “spiritual gift” before)
    she gonna have to reborn herself again because the deck she playin with ain’t full! Plus her tongues spelling check wasn’t on! ;)

    Soon and very soon, we all gonna see Juanita Bynum III floating through walls and shape shifting up in here!

  14. Jazz says:

    SMH. Luvbug , did you hear about the gospel pole dancer?

  15. Margaret says:

    Reading the comments to Profitess Bynum’s ‘typing in tongues’ makes me crack up laughing. Someone called her ‘our mother in the lord’…um, I reject that with the heat of 100 erupting volcanos.

    I agree…I, too, think the holy ghost can spell.

    I hope she’s not at the public library or at the Apple store (w/Miss Charlette) updating her Facebook status. That would be weird.

  16. Kimberly says:

    I’m mad u ain’t eem touch the post where she promotes her MySpace page….on July 30th….

  17. gen321 says:

    Girl, bye! What kinda mess is that?!

  18. Dinasty2.0 says:

    Luvvie,

    The Book of Face though?

    I.
    Can’t.

    And I’on eem much appreciate her typing in all ‘nem caps. Who made her captain of the caps lock button? She needs to be relieved of her duties because these things cannot happen while she is slain in the spirit.

  19. peachesC says:

    i don’t even know you and i don’t like you for this. lmfao!!!!

    >_<

    ****goes back in lurk mode****

  20. NinaFontaine says:

    I LOVE IT – I am in tears – this is A MESS!

  21. Madame says:

    Typing in tongues is just TOO deep for me. She wins the Jesus’ Favorite award.

  22. veronica says:

    LOL at’You sure He ain’t giving her a holy side-eye?’I.Quit.You Luvbug….

  23. Mia says:

    This is when the “anointing” goes terribly wrong. The Bible says in the last days their shall be false prophets. It also says that the Lord God is not to be mocked. She needs to go back behind the veil and have a one on one with Jesus. I am not judging but it is time out for playing church and leading lost souls into a church of confusion. IJS

  24. Mia says:

    This is when the “anointing” goes terribly wrong. The Bible says in the last days there shall be false prophets. It also says that the Lord God is not to be mocked. She needs to go back behind the veil and have a one on one with Jesus. I am not judging but it is time out for playing church and leading lost souls into a church of confusion. IJS

  25. Corey says:

    I am new here and bout died here already…lol. But leave Juanita alone, she was just finger shouting with her fingers running up and down on the keyboard. But I was reading her posts and my phone vibrated and scared the eBooBoo out of me!

    But I was thinking, it’s about time the Holy Spirit caught up with technology and got a Facebook page like everyone else… And though we can’t read tongues, I am sure that there is a spiritual spell checker out there somewhere that only the spiritually mature people like Juanita can download.

    • Luvvie says:

      This whole comment was just ratchet as heck! Corey, you may be new here but I like you already, LOL. Come on, lemme take yo coat. Stay awhile. You want some juice or something?

      I’m just saying. I like to welcome my new guests properly.

  26. Antonio says:

    Luvvie, you are KILLING me with this post!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  27. Stace says:

    Let the Wall say ‘Amen’!

  28. Jamie says:

    I was raised to believe that when someone speaks in tongues, there must be an interpretation of said tongues. Is there an app for that?

  29. Lena says:

    *flatlined….. I laughed so hard, I had to post this as a link on my FB page. Too funny to keep to myself. I’m crying and praying over here, cause this is hilarious. You have outdone yourself today Luvvie.

  30. Gwendella says:

    Ok so as I child me and my cousins nem used to have a hard time believing in “chuch” that some of the shouting was real ok. But good goobly goop the keyboard could not have caught the holy spirit lmaooooo and based on the likes they fall for antythang. When I wanted to look up this story I knew where to come to LMAO. iCant with the Beat up from the feet up lol. I must share this lololol

  31. Sharon says:

    I woke up my baby hollerin at this!

    Girl… YOUS A FOOL FAH REAL! I had show my husband this foolishness! We both DIED!

    I’ve been lurking for a couple of weeks now. I’ll be comment as much as possible…

    *eyes burning from laughing*

  32. Shawn K says:

    LAWDHAMMERCY GEEZUS!!!!

    “This holy negress actually typed “BFBXFC BVRVBVBBRX” and was ok placing this on Facebook. Honestly, I’d like to think that the Holy Ghost can spell. Iunno what that’s ‘posed to be but ummm… when I type something similar, it’s cuz I’m cackling too hard for life.

    Does she fall out after she presses “enter” on these? Do people have to come pick her up off the floor to place her back on her computer chair? How does this work?”

    This the first time that I have commented on your blogs, but I couldn’t hold it in this time. Ms. Bynum WAS a FB friend but after this mess, I had to delete her bcs she was playing toooooo hard with my Jesus. I am giving myself cramps ova hear laughing at you. I have to share this with folks bcs this is some ol’ crazy ish. I was in class when I first read this and was laughing so hard and couldn’t stop that my instructor asked me to leave and every time I read it, it gets funnier and funnier.

    Keep doing you, Boo. You got it!!

  33. Jocy says:

    I am near tears on this right here. If she don’t have a seat with all that mess! And those folks liking that status? No!!!

  34. GWJ2000 says:

    I too was just lurking until I read “the Book of Face”!

    That is made this tale twice as funny.

  35. Trenia says:

    LOL. This is one of the funniest things I’ve read in a long time.

  36. cynthia roscoe says:

    I love yo u juanita bynum you go girl you are bad
    let god use you always

  37. fika says:

    Hi All,

    Some of you have even written vulgar language on this page yet you criticise the woman of God for writting what was in her spirit and you think that makes you better…..plz! Go get the word of God and grow spiritually before you can understand spiritual matters,, for now you are atsuch a low level to comprehend. God blees you all as you grow in your walk with him. for now please leave Juanita Bynum alone.

  38. Diana says:

    Funny read, but regardless, touch not the anointed one of God……..REGARDLESS!
    No need to bring a curse upon yourself.
    #justsaying

  39. kasey says:

    this is some crazy isht!!!!! So funny…. how you type out your tongues????? thats just cray!!!!!!!

  40. HowlingBanshee says:

    No ma’am!
    This is the kind of foolishness I did to amuse myself in those Christian chat rooms back when my parents first got that dial-up AOL. #thoushaltnotjudgeme. Those chat rooms rarely had any real Christian talk in them anyway. It was mostly atheist trolls. So I hopped on the trollercoaster right along with ‘em and wijhdnavnioawdkop GLORAYed whenever someone would be stoopid enough to actually try to feed the Word to the trolls. #pearlsbeforeswine #Biblewordsnotmine

  41. valderene almeida says:

    My people perich for luck of knowledge…

  42. Mark Strange says:

    This is a public prayer for the entire church body with, the beginning only, emphasizing the main church of Mr. Tim’s. In this way one can read the prayer and join in agreement making it a group prayer for the Entire Church body.

    What “bugs” me most is not the ignorant talk about speaking in tongues as only speaking in an understandable language; but, all the talk about what is Biblical or not. Which just puts God in a box. The specifics of Christ’s healing people is not written, just that He would. Nothing in the Old Testament about Him putting His fingers in someone’s ears, or anointing someone’s eyes with spittle. Unfortunately, this is how we treat God which is to choose who and where and how He is supposed to operate. This is why the Church is in the state that it is in.

    You also don’t usually, to my knowledge, get interpretation in a prayer. That is usually just God praying for what you know not.

  43. pup says:

    He said touch not His anointed ones….typing in tongues kinda takes you out of the running for that.

  44. Leathon says:

    This is exactly the kind of material I want to be reading on a Friday afternoon…..except that that my jaw muscles now hurt!!
    Having to laugh that much would cause pain…

  45. Deborah Lane says:

    I’m too through. Get the white sheet y’all. I’m going in.

  46. Omni says:

    ……flat lined on ePhews…… where is my inhaler?

  47. Spike says:

    Shouldn’t these be accompanied by pics of her rolling on the floor or kicking chairs over? Lol she is doing entirely too much

  48. Suebob says:

    Weird that typing in tongues looks exactly like my high school typing exercises. God is a mystery.

  49. Karma says:

    Y’ALL ARE GOING TO MAKE ME HAVE TO DISMANTLE THE INTERNET WITH THIS BAMBOOZLEMENT!!! I WORK AT A LAW OFFICE AND CANNOT BE LAUGHING THIS HARD W/TEARS ROLLING DOWN MY FACE BEHIND THIS FOOL-O-CITY RIGHT NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and ms juanita must know the real secret, she’s typing in tongues but the Lord apparently understands that too…. :)

  50. udee says:

    WHERE ARE THE VOWELS!!!!

  51. Lorna says:

    This is my first time on your page and a friend shared this and I have been laughing for hours. I can not just get myself together after this. Man oh man this is the best thing that I think I have ever seen on the internet and I have seen some things on the net. This has so blessed me. I will be coming back to your blog because this was just HEYYYY.. JSEOIRJASDF LJFEJR JOAMDF (caught a shout real quick)

  52. Jonn The Most says:

    So slayed (in the spirit). Sanctified shade to the max from Luvvie, that blessed, holy child of the Most High. BUT Juanita, get your mind in order, ma’am. No one can and no one will with these outbursts that are in violation of at least 3 or 4 New Testament books…

  53. Britney says:

    This post is HILARIOUS!!!! I agree though, Auntie is trippin’. Maybe she was typing with her eyes closed and speaking this prayer out loud and speaking in tongues and the holy spirit was guiding her fingers. No? Okay. I tried. But seriously, I’m not limiting God. A Facebook prayer though? How about, you get on your knees and really get in prayer mode if it’s that deep. Have you read about the pharisees? I pray that Mrs Bynum isn’t like them.

    BritneyDearest.blogspot.com

  54. Katherine S says:

    I am laughing so hard! I have no idea how I’ve not known about this blog for so long, but I have to follow you. I’m at work…totally lost it at “Honestly, I like to think the Holy Ghost can spell.” HAHAHAHA

    And to the people talking about typing “SLNFKJWHFIHGI” is speaking in tongues, it’s not. It’s jibberish. Speaking in tongues is speaking in a foreign language to which the Apostles said should only be done when there was someone there to interpret. (Acts 10:45-47; 1 Corinthians 12:9-11; 1 Corinthians 14:38-40…verse 40 says it should be done in a fitting and orderly way.)

    English speakers speak in tongue to the ears of non-English speakers. If she was typing “Ich liebe mein Gott” or “Lodare il signore” then yes. “SLNFKJWHFIHGI” isn’t even Pig Latin.

    Thank you for the torrential laughter!!

  55. Spencer says:

    I can see her falling out after she hits enter. One of the social media mammy’s start fanning her and the eDecon tries to wrestle the mouse from her clinched fist.

  56. Sili says:

    You done kilt me with this! Geezus!

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